When does it get easier?

[medic9114fun]

I'm struggling trying to figure out how my new life fits with my old life. I ride horses and compete. I'm inly 6 weeks postpartum now but already stuggling to figure out hownto do anything with a baby. I can't clean. I barely cook. How do other moms seem I do everything and with more than one. I only have one.

I feel like I'm failing my husband my pets and my baby.

I know everyone says it gets easier but when? Lol.

 

[m.knight]

Are you breast feeding or bottle? LO is 4 weeks nearly and were approaching something that I think is normality now, but I know it's only down to the fact that were bottle feeding and we can share everything. I still struggle on weekdays when DH is working, not much cleaning gets done, I cook if I can find the time, but again I have a bit of time due to him being on the bottle. I have huge respect for anyone who has breast fed as I don't know quite how they handle it!!

When does it get easier? I'd like to know this too. Most people say after the first 3-6 months depending on the baby. I'm hoping that by September it'll be easier as that's when I return to work.

 

[shanny]

I think 6 - 8 weeks is the worst after that it gets easier slowly............but it will.....and you are not failing

 

[nyaonyaokat]

Not sure if you're breastfeeding or not but we are EBF and damn was it hard. I barely left the house until she was 2 months old and after that it was only like once or twice a week. It honestly didn't get easier for us until 3-4 months. Biggest thing that helped was starting to wear her. I have the Moby Wrap and the Ergo and seriously my life did a 180 after I started wearing her.

It's hard, hun. It's so freaking hard. I've been there and it seemed like life would never feel doable again. It will get better, but not overnight. It will slowly get better and one day you'll just feel like you've got it. Hang in there, doll.

 

[Wugz22]

It was the WOSRTTTTTTT for me between 6 and 8 weeks. OMG I thought it would never get better. Right around 9-10 weeks, I really started to notice a difference in my little guy, and now at 12 weeks, he's like a whole new baby. I can put him down in his seat or swing for 30-45 minutes at a time while I get some cleaning done… I can actually put him in his crib to nap instead of having to hold him the whole time, and that's another 45 minutes of free time. I finally am starting to feel like myself again. I asked this exact same question on this board several weeks ago, not believing that it would ever get better for me, but I promise it does!

 

[medic9114fun]

Thanks everyone. I am bottle feeding. Due to complications post birth I'm still dealing with pain ect. Tons of meds

We are at 6 weeks today.

I guess just having. Bad day here and there still with my emotions. Hubby does what he can to help and it really does by when he is at work I'm lost.

Any wait to feel like me again.

 

[NoodleSnack]

It goes up and down, around 13weeks, I felt so much better, we had a sort of routine, and then around 4.5-6.5m, it got hard again, his sleep was horrendous, and while he was more aware, all he wanted was for me to keep moving. Around 6.5-7m we transitioned to 2naps, sleep got better (though still bad by other people's standard) then he learned to crawl and life was fun again. Just do what you can, it does get better.

 

[Miss_Cellany]

It does get better - 6-8 weeks was the turning point for us. And I think part of the reason it gets better is that it gets more rewarding. My LO is so much more interactive now that it feels less of, shall we say, a chore. Still be prepared for ups and downs as pp said, but they do seem easier to handle.

 

[Bun87]

It does get so much better my lovely, I promise you. I would say from around 6 months I felt like I was starting to feel like my old self. Lo would nap on his own really well, I'd figured out when to put him down to sleep at the right time. He started eating solids this time too so I wouldn't feel bad preparing food as I'd be getting bits ready for him and make myself a quick sandwich at the same time. Now he's almost 1 and we have our own little routine, he's crawling and getting a lot more independent so can go off where he wants and I can Potter and get things done if need be. It will just get easier and easier and then one day you'll realise you've done some washing, cooked tea and the house is fairly tidy and now we're planning ttc #2 so well be right back at the start again.. Haha xx

 

[Marythefairy]

I agree with pp about baby wearing. Dd2 is 5 week's old ebf and has silent reflux. my dh was admitted to hospital when she was 2 weeks old and although he just came home he had major surgery so can't pick her up and needs most things doing for him. Without my Moby wrap nothing would ever get done. I wish somebody would carry me round in one so I could have a sleep!

 

[Brz04]

I cried almost every day for the first 8wks or so...I knew it would be hard but not THAT hard! We were EBF, DS has silent reflux BAD and I had a lot of pain from my csection that took a while to go away. I would cry in the mornings when DH had to leave for work bc LO barely slept during the day or at night and I was SO exhausted. I finally started bonding with LO, understanding when he was getting sleepy and needed to be put down to sleep (that took a while for me to learn bc he's very tricky about sleep!!) and we got a good bedtime routine and better night sleep. This all took until 4mo or so and now at 5mo, we still have our rough nights sometimes with less sleep but I am FINALLY really starting to enjoy being a mother and have fun with him bc he is so much more interactive and playful!! The newborn thing was just very hard for me. Good luck and remember that it WILL get easier very soon!

 

[Yipee]

I felt exactly the same when my baby was 6 weeks. I really think it's the case with most people. That's why you rarely see tiny babies out and about; their moms just don't get out much!

My baby is 5 months old now, and it is waaay easier. I don't know when it happened though; it was gradual. Definitely by 10 weeks she was starting to be a bit more interested in the world, and I could put her down for longer. By 3 months I was cooking dinner every night, and keeping the house relatively tidy.

My life still revolves completely around her though; I think that's just being a mom. But if I wanted to get a sitter, or get my husband to watch her, I could go out and do something else for a few hours at a time right now. If I wanted to pump and get her on a bottle, I could go out for longer. She's so social now, that if there was someone else giving her undivided attention, she'd probably be totally content without me for awhile. Definitely at 6 weeks though, I was the only one that could do much for her; maybe that's not the case with all babies, but it was with mine.

Anyway, it will get easier! Just enjoy your sweet little tiny baby while it lasts. Whenever I think about newborn stage, the phrase always pops into my head "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Haha.

 

[ispeakinsongs]

I know how you feel. You will always have your ups and downs, but it will get easier, the longer you do this, promise! xx

 

[vermeil]

My c section recovery was really rough too. Are you comfortable walking around? Use a baby carrier!! Its a lifesaver. You'll have your hands free, can throw a coat over both of you and leave the house,walk to stores etc. Far easier to take the bus than a big annoying stroller.

My daughter always fussed when I would initially put her in but then quickly fell asleep. Once I was well enough to walk around I could just go about my daily activities while she dozzed. Id take short walks to the grocery store, felt good to leav e the house and nice to hear the awwws from all the old ladies hahaha.She's 3 months old now and more awake during the day; sometimes she's content to sit in her chair and watch me being busy in the house. Just remember to talk to your baby, you might feel silly but their little brain is exploding in development and they need to hear you talk, comforting and familiar to them and vital to their development.

Babies are all different and change quickly but both mine would calm down in the Moby wrap and were content to be carried around and talked to. At 6 weeks they just need to be close to you,feel your warmth, hear your voice etc. In a few weeks they'll become interested in their surroundings; my daughter is 3.5 months now and just starting that as I said. She can stare at my aquarium for 30-45 mins at times

Pretty soon you'll have the beginnings of a routine and feel better again. Make sure your dh helps in the evenings and no heavy lifting!!

 

[medic9114fun]

In would have taken the csection if I had the choice again. He was stuggling and I ended up with a forcepts delivery and a 4th degree tear. Myob said yesterday that it was one of te most extensive repairs he's seen. Yikes. I'm starting to feel a little bit better. It's the stitches in my butt that are giving me the pain now . I'm on so many meds it's crazy. Now on round 3 of keflex due to retained placenta that I thankfully passed on my own.

I always need to be near a bathroom because I'm not allowed to have normal poop and am on stool sode need and a laxative.

I'm sure if I felt better physically it would go a long way.

I did manage a walk on some beautiful weather today here.

 

[MrsNorthman]

Oh wow that sounds like horrendous, no wonder you feel so unlike yourself. I had a normal labour with my first little guy however I did have stiches and I had a pp infection along with low iron. I was totally not prepared for how I would feel after the birth, it was so tough and I really thought I would never feel like myself ever again and my little guy was such a good baby even though he did have reflux. I was expecting to be out and about within a few days showing off my new baby looking great, especially since I had a really easy pregnancy!!!

I was not prepared for the pain afterwards and I took painkillers for weeks along with the antibiotics and iron tablets, it was about a month before I ventured out of the house and about 2 months before I got out off my jogging bottoms and sweats. But it slowly got better, I didn't push myself to do anything until I was totally ready for it and before you know it you are getting into a routine and the pain is slowly getting better.

I wont lie, it did take a while before I started to feel like myself again, but its actually a better version of the person you were before you had a baby and things will return to normal, once you start to feel better physically you start to get back into the swing of things!!

Don't worry about cleaning or cooking, once the place is tidy and your not starving it will be fine

I now have 2 babies with 18 months between them and I have to say I was a lot more prepared this time round as to how I would feel physically and mentally but it wasn't as bad and to be honest I found going from 0 to 1 baby a lot tougher than 1 to 2 This time round I know it wont last forever and I just went with the flow and was a lot more relaxed!!

 

[AC1987]

I find the adjustment after having the 1st baby is huge... its like you expect things to go a way in your head but in reality its so much different!
and its really hard when you're in pain too!

With my DD1 I found things were relatively easy between 3-5 months, but then she started being able to crawl and it got harder again

Sometimes its hard to enjoy the newborn stage when it feels like they are just demanding all your attention, but its passes by so quickly and in a year you'll be looking back and missing it

 

[MrsPear]

It does get better with time, but you have to be very, very patient. One day, two days, three days all seemed like they took forever when I was 6 weeks post-partum. A week seemed a mile away. It was HARD. I felt so disengaged from my previous life, and so stressed that I wouldn't know who 'me' is anymore. I am a long way from that now, and I'm definitely ME. Not exactly the same me, but more like someone who met in the middle with the old me and the new me.

But this is 19 months down the line and I'm sure you can't even comprehend that far ahead right now-

So, in the shorter term, I don't think my hormones even settled down until 12 weeks pp or later. I was up and down like a yo-yo! At 6 weeks it felt like birth should be a lifetime ago, but it all still felt so raw and painful (even more so for you as you've had such a horrid time) and I mistook this to mean that I'd always feel this way. You won't! You'll heal and you'll feel so much stronger. A lot of us (me anyway) have never been knocked about and injured like that when we give birth (I had long failed induction, LO got stuck, and emcs) and I don't think we realise how long it takes to get back on our feet after something like that. An EMCS is major surgery (in my case) and a 4th degree tear in your case is a really nasty complication, and those sorts of things take take to heal- coupled with the fact that you can't just chill out because you have a tiny baby (obviously!), it's going to take you even longer. It's no wonder that after 6 short weeks you aren't 'there' yet. You're so right that if you felt better physically you'd feel a lot better all round. You must feel so, so rough right now!

Life is going to be different with a child. It's okay to mourn your old life, I think most of us have. Having a child is SUCH a huge change. Literally everything is different. Over time, you realise a lot of the differences are good differences (no really, they are- when your LO is a bit older and something simple e.g. you see your child excited to see a horse, it becomes a real, genuine pleasure to be sharing your old life with this new life, even if it is different than before) and occasionally, of course there will be changes where you miss something. I miss being able to go for a drink with friends on a Friday night. It's okay to miss stuff. As 'good' things about having a baby become apparent (it's kind of hard to tell what life is going to be like when you have a 6 week old that doesn't do anything whatsoever- a newborn has its own special joy, but honestly, that's not all there is too it, I promise!), it feels more like you just miss things like any normal human being misses stuff they once enjoyed and don't do anymore, rather than mourning for a whole life lost and never to be recovered.

It's premature to think that the life you have today in this moment is going to be what you're stuck with- with pain, limited ability to get out and about, and a newborn baby that offers nothing 'back' except a dirty nappy every few hours or so. But whilst you're in that place where it's really relentless and 100% baby-related, it's also understandably hard to imagine what else is out there, let alone how the hell you're going to hang on to reach this fun parenting place that everyone keeps harping on about. I completely understand how hard it is to imagine! I feel like there's nothing I can say except trust me. It will happen for you too. xxx

 

[thayet]

Totally agree with previous poster - you are a different person now, and it's okay to be sad about the loss of your pre-baby life. Things are definitely different now, but once the newborn phase is over with, you will find ways to do the things you love and hopefully share those things with your LO.

I found that the "fourth trimester" theory is very true - for the first three months, it's like you're still pregnant. They still need you 24/7 almost and it's really hard to get anything else done. That being said, I found I turned the corner when LO started to laugh and giggle - a little reward for all that thankless work! Up until then he was just someone that needed me, after that point he started to show his own little personality and we started to really bond.

If you feel like you haven't had time to bond with LO yet, don't worry. It will happen, when you are back to feeling well and have had time to sleep. Promise.

So I guess I'm saying hang in there - get well - hire housecleaners - whatever you need to do to stay sane. The first rule of baby club (you're automatically a member once you have a kid) is keep the baby alive and fed. If baby is still alive and fed and so are you, at the end of the day, it's a victory.