when the "30 yo ttc#1" ladies get their bfp's

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Josie is having a good night and they are weaning her off of the oxygen pretty quickly. The nurses here are great! I finally got more than 1-2 hours of sleep in one shot! If I hadn't woken up feeling totally engorged and needing to pump, I probably would have slept more. I will go back and sleep in a bit. But it's hard to leave her bedside!

Reggie- you asked about her diagnoses, here are some links: https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001084.htm
https://www.chop.edu/conditions-diseases/subglottic-stenosis/about#.VGW0-fnF_w8

As for your question, I agree, let it go right now. It's something to discuss in the future. If you want to, you could talk to him and say "We don't have to make a decision now, but let's talk about how to respond when people ask us this question." This way, you won't feel awkward if/when other people ask. DH and I have agreed to just see where life takes us. Even if we choose to have another child, we both agree we want to wait a while before doing so. We need to adjust to life with 1 child. Besides, I don't think a few years age difference is a bad thing. My brother and I are 6 years apart and while we have our issues, we generally get along well.
 
Good to hear things are progressing well with Josie, MgreenM.


(Just realized this is too long, guess I just needed to vent)
I took a "personal day" from work today and will make up the time probably spread over today and the weekend. I'm trying not to feel guilty about it. I just needed a break, it feels like I've been non stop for two weeks now, with the play running over the weekend I may be a bit burnt out. And there's no where to relax at work if I need to. We have open-style work spaces so there's no privacy even if I just need to put my head on the desk.
My work honors flex time, so they're quite good in you need to work around a schedule. I don't tend to have as much flexibility because people tend to need me in the office for various last minute requests, but really, I'm out doing field work occasionally and staff have to work around that.
I'm usually in early and staying late, and I'll always work until I get their project done by the deadline. But these days, even on the days without the play, I'm ready to clock-out to the minute. I just don't have the energy or ability not to feel sick by 4:30 to stay and power through.
Ah guilt.

Lol, yup, waaay too long.


I hope everyone is having a good day!
 
Congrats on V day MrsK!

PD, I agree. I'd ask for him to not say things like that but that you can save the discussion for later on when things aren't so fresh.

M, thanks for sharing those links. Poor Josie. But it sounds like she's in good hands.

tree, don't feel bad. Time off is a job benefit, just like health insurance, etc. You are entitled to take that time! And 1st tri is intense and exhausting.
 
So, might be a stupid question. What is v-day?
 
Great news! We are going home today! Thank you everyone for all of your support!

Tree- I am sure it was fine that you took a day off. Sometimes you need to do that. Remember, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't do your job and/or take care of others!

I wrote up an article that I want to try to get published about my experience being pregnant and working in a hospital and the way my coworkers treated me. If you ladies are interested, I will post it here and I certainly welcome feedback!
 
Hooray for going home! I think the article sounds interesting!

Tree, it sounds like you really needed the break. I don't think I could even have managed a normal 9-5 job in the first trimester, I was so exhausted. We ate a lot of pizza those months... It gets better, but your stamina may never return to where it was pre-pregnancy, so try to find some workarounds if you can.

LSD, V Day is Viability Day. 24 weeks is the earliest they can potentially save a preemie, though I think that's not so accurate anymore - I'm pretty sure I've heard stories about really good hospitals saving them even earlier, but 24 weeks is the standard "Yeah, we're really going to try!" date. Exciting!

Ladies, my mother is going to drive me insane. We went shopping yesterday, and all I could think when I got home was how much I wish I could have a couple beers :p She's a constant nag, she's still harping on about rust stains in my toilet from a holiday I hosted TWO YEARS AGO, she doesn't get why we aren't enthusiastic about resuming contact with my mentally ill and delusional MIL (she can feed herself and pay the bills, so whats the problem?), SIL finally told her to stop with the damn advice so now she's giving ME advice on how they should raise their child? I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with that. And she thinks it's financially irresponsible to spend money on maternity clothes and that I should get stuff I can wear post pregnancy, because the stuff that looks good at 9 months is totally going to be flattering when I'm not pregnant. Also, I should be careful because when she had us, she only lost one pound more than we weighed when she gave birth, and had to lose all the rest later. Nevermind the amniotic fluid and the placenta and the increased blood and water volume that you lose over the next couple weeks...

And then she finishes up by saying that she doesn't see my nephew enough and she hopes she'll see my baby more. Yeah, sure, you make that prospect sound SO appealing... It never occurs to her that nobody wants to see her because she's a big stinky jerkface and nobody likes her.
 
Tree (and anyone else this applies too), all you ladies that work a normal job, especially during the first trimester, I'm so impressed by y'all! I have a little part time job that I make my own hours. I was able to take naps and rest and work less since I am my own boss and it was so needed! I can't imagine having to go in to work like y'all do and stay concentrated! My first trimester was so tiring for me! If you need a day off I say take it and don't feel guilty! You and your lovely baby cooking in your tummy definitely need rest!

V-day! That makes sense! :) Happy V-day to you Mrsk! :)

Pd, I'd say I agree with everyone. Leave it alone for now. Let all this stuff that has gone on kind of settle down but I would say let's leave the topic open for discussion later! :) Congrats by the way! :)

MgreenM, So glad you get to go home! I would definitely love to read your article! :)
 
Ugh, MrsK. That sounds awful, you poor thing! How frustrating. She sounds a lot like my best friend's MIL. My friend finally got to a point where she started cutting off conversations or leaving outings (if possible) as soon as her MIL started in on things. So like, "Thanks for your opinion but this isn't something I want to discuss." And then if her MIL kept in on it, "I appreciate you have an opinion but as I said, I don't care to discuss this any further." And if she still didn't stop, "Alright, well as I've said twice now I don't want to discuss this I'm going to have to get off the phone now." She said it took some time but did make things way better! I don't know if this is something that would work for you but might be something to consider. I can only imagine how infuriating that is.
 
I think I'm going to have to find a way to do that. It's not easy because usually if we do something, we go out in her car, and it can be a pain to just take off halfway across the city. There was a brief period of time when "I'm not having this conversation with you" was effective, I may have to start pulling that one out again, too.

If she brings up the rust stain one more time, she's just not invited anymore. If she asks about why she didn't get an invite to some event, I'll tell her it's obvious she's not comfortable in my home, so I wasn't go to subject her to it anymore.
 
MrsK, it looks like you got some great advice! Family can be challenging. I am going to post my article below. Keep in mind, I wrote this with fellow OTs as the target audience.


When I first found out I was pregnant, I was both elated and terrified. I have wanted to have children for a long time but was waiting until I was married to do so. With a stable job and newly married, my husband and I decided to let nature take its course. However, I had been casually looking for a new job in order to work towards my long term career goals. I had just turned in my resignation and accepted a new position when I found out that we were going to have a baby. I didn’t know what to do. Should I stay where I was at and not be able to progress towards my career goals and continue to be unhappy or do I embark on the next journey? I decided to take the new position and just hope for the best. As luck would have it, I fell into a department which is very family centered and supportive of all of its employees. I decided to tell them about the pregnancy before I started in order to have an open and honest relationship with my supervisors. During orientation, they even talked to me about working pumping into my workday when I would return to work.

Working as an OT in acute care, there are physical, psychological, and emotional demands. Balancing my health and my work responsibilities was a learning process. There were times during the first trimester where I began to have hot flashes and feel diaphoretic in the middle of a treatment session. I would make sure my patient was in a safe position and then go do whatever I needed to in order to feel better. I would just explain to my patients that I was pregnant and needed to use the bathroom. Once I got past the first trimester, I didn’t have this issue very often and was able to fulfill my work responsibilities fully.

However, as I progressed through the pregnancy, people began to be concerned about how much I was doing at work. My obstetrician knew my occupation and the setting in which I work from the very first visit. I was never told I couldn’t perform my job duties. In fact, I was told to listen to my body know my limits, and ask for help. So, I did exactly that! As I approached my due date, the nurses were increasingly concerned about me performing transfers and my supervisor did her best to give me high level patients, not requiring a lot of lifting. My in-laws came for a visit and wouldn’t let me do anything. I felt like everyone was treating me like an invalid – as if I was a fragile being that couldn’t do things for myself. But the reality is, I could do these things. If I felt it was too much, I asked for help. It upset me that so many people made these assumptions.

As I sit in my daughter’s hospital room writing this, I am reminded of what we think about as OTs when we develop treatment plans for our patients. Participation in my role as an occupational therapist is really important to me. I wanted to do my job to my fullest ability. In my role as a home owner and wife, I wanted to take care of everything that I would normally do. I didn't want anyone telling me what I could and couldn't do when my doctors had not placed any formal restrictions on me. No one would want that. I wanted to participate in these roles and in an environment in which I felt comfortable and supported. My employer provided that environment for me. My husband supported me in just the right way. I adapted and compensated for the changes my body went through during pregnancy in order to fulfill my roles as an occupational therapist, wife, friend, and future mother. With my daughter having just had surgery and being in the hospital, I also have to make sure that I fulfill my role as Mommy and not worry about the clinical piece of this experience. Of course, I use my clinical knowledge to advocate for my daughter. As a fellow OT and great friend has said to me, “It’s time to just wear my mommy hat and not worry about the clinical end of things. That’s what the doctors and nurses are for.”

As therapists, we are often more concerned about others than we are ourselves. We always think about roles, occupations, and participation with our patients. We shouldn't forget about ourselves. If we do, that puts us at risk for illness, social isolation, and potentially depression. It is important to remember that taking care of ourselves is not being selfish. It is just like what I tell family members of my patients: If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t provide care for our families and our patients.
 
Love the article M!

Ohhhhhh MrsK I wish I would have read this the other day. So my belly popped out this week. It's high and super hard so there's no hiding it at all. My dad had seen me for lunch on Wednesday and he noticed. Didn't say much just oh wow you're kind of showing! So then my parents came over for dinner Thursday night and I had just gotten a facial (my skin is crazy right now) so my face was shiny and really smooth but no make up on at all. I don't generally wear makeup really. Most days just some powder and bronzer. So anyway my parents walk in and my dad said look, she's showing a little bit so the baby must be growing! My mother looked at me, my face not my belly, and said ohhh wow look at how huge your face is. WHHHHAAAATTT??? Who says that? My parents live 15 mins from me. Not like she hadn't seen me. I see her once a week probably. And my face is not big. If anything, I've lost weight. What a rude thing to say right? So I saw her today and someone had asked about any baby names I had in mind so I said yeah I like Henry for a boy. My mom said ugh I just hate that name it's so awful. So I looked at her and said well, at the way things are going you might not really get to be around much so I wouldn't worry about it. Evvvvverybody has an opinion I know, it would just be nice if my own mother would shut her trap.
 
Mothers, right?? Henry is a good, solid name! I'm keeping our name a secret from all but a few friends just so I don't hear anything from mom. I don't get it! If your kid is abusing or neglecting your grandchild, or wants to name him Smalldick Asswipe, then by all means, step in. Otherwise, shut your trap unless you're asked for advice!

How did she respond to you threatening to limit contact? My mom still hasn't made to connection between her being a meddling jerk and her not being invited to see my nephew all the time.
 
Thanks for the input everyone. It was what I was thinking but I kind of wanted to make sure I wasn't either going off the chain or just ignoring a problem. I'm mostly over it, and I KNOW that the c-section was incredibly hard on DH. Just being in the hospital for the birth was difficult for him since neither of us has had to be in the hospital in the 10 years we've been together and the last time any one we know has been in the hospital was watching his mother lose her battle to breast cancer. I can only imagine watching my blood pressure drop to 60/30 and the doctors calling for more blood probably did not do wonders for his psyche. But I mean how often does that happen?

M, I'm so gglad Josie's surgery went well and that you are back home. Your article was great and even though it was written with a specific target I can say I knew exactly how you felt.

For the mom problems, I offer no advice. My mom and I normally get along very well. And we do again now that Abigail is finally here. But we had some serious battles while I was pregnant about my boundaries and the fact that this was MY baby not hers. I tried to be as nice as possible, but it definitely required a go f yourself once or twice. Good luck girls.
 
She was so quiet. Later she said well, you're right. It's your baby so you should name it what you want. DUH!!!!!
 
JCM - good for you for standing up to your mother!

I kept the name a secret too. the only one who knew was my cousin because she was pregnant at the same time and we didn't want to pick the same name.

Family is tough. My MIL was trying to be supportive when she told me i shouldnt feel guilty about josie's issues because it's not my fault...my brain hadn't even gone there! sO FOR A BRIEF MOMENT, I GAVE MYSELF A LITTLE GUILT. BUT, SHE WAS SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE AND WAS TRYING TO OFFER SUPPORT.

oh, geez! sorry for the all caps. I am pumping and typing one handed.

reggie and soon - how are you and the babies doing?
 
JCM said:
She was so quiet. Later she said well, you're right. It's your baby so you should name it what you want. DUH!!!!!
Click to expand...

Haha! No sh*t, mom!

M, how are you holding up? How's Josie's recovery going?
 
Great article M!

Sorry for you guys dealing with family nonsense. My biggest annoyance thus far has been my MIL posting it on Facebook without asking but we had given her the go ahead to tell people. And she didn't tag either of us so it was fine. What really bugged me was one of her Facebook friends saying "Oh, yay! You finally get your girl!" (My MIL had 3 boys and everyone knows she always wanted a girl.) Um, wtf. No, pretty sure it's not HER girl!

In better news we met up with a doula yesterday and I LOVED her. Like DH asked if I thought she'd be our friend after this, lol. That's how much we clicked with her. So excited to have her help with this birth.

And we made a list of all the baby stuff we need to research and register for. It feels early but with Xmas/Hanukkah coming up I have a feeling we're getting baby stuff regardless so better to steer them towards things we actually want.
 
I am doing okay, overtired...She has been much fussier than usual because the antibiotics are giving her diarrhea and horrible gas. At least it has only been during the day! She is sleeping well at night! Mom left today. I had a recurrence of the yeast infection, so dealing with that again...ugh!
 
Abigail is doing well. She is rather fussy today. and isn't eating the normal amount so she is waking up more often. not really sure how to fix that except to let her cry for an hour after she wakes up to get her back on a 4 hour schedule but not sure I could take that. Other than that we are doing well. She has her 1 month appointment the day after Thanksgiving so we will see how everything is then. I keep trying to weigh her by weighing myself then weighing both of us. Unfortunately, my scale sucks and every time I do this is it different. Even when it is done right in a row. So she weighs somewhere in the 10 pound range is the best I can average. I hope everyone is feeling well and all the babies are doing well, both in and out of the womb!
 
PDReggie said:
Abigail is doing well. She is rather fussy today. and isn't eating the normal amount so she is waking up more often. not really sure how to fix that except to let her cry for an hour after she wakes up to get her back on a 4 hour schedule but not sure I could take that. Other than that we are doing well. She has her 1 month appointment the day after Thanksgiving so we will see how everything is then. I keep trying to weigh her by weighing myself then weighing both of us. Unfortunately, my scale sucks and every time I do this is it different. Even when it is done right in a row. So she weighs somewhere in the 10 pound range is the best I can average. I hope everyone is feeling well and all the babies are doing well, both in and out of the womb!
Click to expand...

Are you calling her Abigail or Abby? or both? As for the frequency of feedings, they can fluctuate. In my opinion, at her age, the frequency should be determined by the baby. Sometimes Josie will eat more often during the day and then do her usual 6ish hours at night. If you think it is not the hunger issue, you can always try checking her diaper first.

In our county, we have a program called Healthy Families. I showed my article to our family worker today and she had me send it to her boss to see if they would put it in the newsletter! So exciting! Once I get feedback from a couple of OT friends and come up with a good title, I will see where I can get it published. Mom thinks I could write a book. Not sure if I want to do that or not...might just blog about it. We'll see.
 
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