When to announce?

[Dolly84]

With our ds I got a scan at 9 weeks as we conceived with clomid and we announced directly after the scan ;-) this time we conceived naturally and obviously won't get to see anything until the 12 week scan so will wait until then xxx

 

[Baby Me]

I previously mc'd at 8+5 so I'll be announcing when people notice my belly and not a second earlier. I also don't want to post on fb because there are so many infertile women out there in silent struggle, I don't want to be insensitive. I've so often read in the ltttc forums how upsetting fb posts are, just don't want to do that.

Totally agree with this, people who announce their pregnancy on Facebook are immediately removed from my news feed. I know I should be happy for them but it just makes you feel like they've been invited to a club you can't join.

I'm currently 5+4 and only my DH and the clinic know. Won't say anything to anybody till 12 week scan, as I've had a previous loss and this is the result of 2 years trying and 2 rounds of ivf. Very cautious.

 

[MollyGrue]

We haven't made any sort of formal announcement, but we're not keeping it a secret, either. Several of our close friends know, and both of our close families know. We just decided that we wouldn't tell acquaintances until the 12/13 week mark. I had a scan at 6+4 and everything looked great, so we've been a little more open since then. My next scan is in about 3 weeks, so once we get the good 10 week scan, we will probably tell even more people.

I understand how seeing the Facebook announcements could be upsetting.

 

[Perseids]

My pregnancy was a complete surprise. So, OH and I told our immediate families about a week or so after I had gotten a positive test (I was about 5/6 weeks along). We didn't announce publicly (on Facebook lol) until after my first scan. I was about 9 weeks 4 days along then. Everything was healthy and the heartbeat was very strong so we didn't feel the need to wait.

 

[squirrel.]

Our families know because they spent Christmas with us and it would have been pretty hard for me to keep it a secret as I like the odd glass of wine or five at Christmas time I was also shattered and really ill, so they would have known something was up. To make sure that we had good news to tell we had a private scan at 6+6 weeks on the 23rd of December, so we had good news to share with family.

They're the only ones who know though and we're waiting till I'm 13/14 weeks to tell everyone else. I have a scan at 12+2 and we've arranged for lunch with lots of our friends two weekends later when we plan to tell them. I'll tell work around 16 weeks I think, as long as they don't guess before then! And finally I'll let facebook know after 16 weeks when we've had our gender scan and I can tell people who we're expecting to meet in August - a little girl or another little boy. I was thinking of announcing on facebook with my son wearing the 'I'm going to be a big brother' T-shirt I've got him to wear when we reveal to friends.

I'm actually quite enjoying having this secret, but sometimes I have to bite my tongue We've had a successful scan and I hear the heartbeat regularly on my doppler so everything seems to be going well *touch wood*. We should be able to tell now, but I'm actually enjoying the wait. It's like it's our surprise, just waiting for the right time.

x

 

[Ashley8806]

We announced at Christmas, I was only 5 weeks...the only reason we announced so early is because my work found out (had some work place hazards and they needed to know so I didn't put myself in danger), and I was afraid it would get out on facebook or by spreading of word of mouth, so we decided to just announce. We figured either way we would want family and friend support if something happened. I think it's all personal preference, as we know some who have announced with their first pregnancy test, and some who have waited all the way until knowing the sex of the baby.

 

[celine]

Im going to tell my mom /in laws next week all going well. Facebook announce on feb 4th as i will have been pregnant for 40 weeks straight, i suffered twomlosses and seeing ppl announce as 6/7 weeks on fb was so sore in that stage of my kife. Not to mention the ppl who have to mention oregnancy in EVERY post.

So tell family at 16 weeks, the world at 18/19 weeks.

 

[Baby Me]

It really is sad that all of us ltttc'ers assisted conception'ers and previous loss'ers don't feel like we can shout our pregnancies out from the rooftops, but we know our joy is definitely going to be someone else's pain so we keep it low key and quietly grateful. Facebook show offs are the worst! In fact, the worst is pregnant women who complain. Oh I look so fat, oh I feel so tired, oh I wish I could have a drink! I will take it all please!

 

[ashleyg]

It really is sad that all of us ltttc'ers assisted conception'ers and previous loss'ers don't feel like we can shout our pregnancies out from the rooftops, but we know our joy is definitely going to be someone else's pain so we keep it low key and quietly grateful. Facebook show offs are the worst! In fact, the worst is pregnant women who complain. Oh I look so fat, oh I feel so tired, oh I wish I could have a drink! I will take it all please!

I don't agree with that at all. I plan to announce on Facebook but because I'm excited not to "show off". Of course my heart goes out to those who have been ttc for a long time but i don't think it's fair that I shouldn't be able to be excited about my pregnancy and share it with friends.
Not trying to start an argument but I've seen someone else say something similar and I had to say something.

 

[RaspberryK]

I have to agree with Ashleyg!
Who doesn't announce an engagement or marriage on Facebook just in case someone is going through a divorce or their spouse has died?
You can't be responsible for other people's feelings.
I have at least 1 friend who is ltttc and I'll probably tell her separately but it won't stop me posting my scan photo and maybe a bump pic or two.
Xx

 

[ashleyg]

I have to agree with Ashleyg!
Who doesn't announce an engagement or marriage on Facebook just in case someone is going through a divorce or their spouse has died?
You can't be responsible for other people's feelings.
I have at least 1 friend who is ltttc and I'll probably tell her separately but it won't stop me posting my scan photo and maybe a bump pic or two.
Xx

Exactly how I feel. I feel like it's the same thing as seeing a pregnant woman in public. You can't stop going out just because you might see that and it irritates you.
I for sure plan on posting the U/S picture as well as a few bump photos. I'm excited and I wan to share that!

 

[Unexpected212]

It really is sad that all of us ltttc'ers assisted conception'ers and previous loss'ers don't feel like we can shout our pregnancies out from the rooftops, but we know our joy is definitely going to be someone else's pain so we keep it low key and quietly grateful. Facebook show offs are the worst! In fact, the worst is pregnant women who complain. Oh I look so fat, oh I feel so tired, oh I wish I could have a drink! I will take it all please!

I don't agree with that at all. I plan to announce on Facebook but because I'm excited not to "show off". Of course my heart goes out to those who have been ttc for a long time but i don't think it's fair that I shouldn't be able to be excited about my pregnancy and share it with friends.
Not trying to start an argument but I've seen someone else say something similar and I had to say something.

I agree. I had a loss and as much I was jealous of seeing pregnant people on my Facebook I was still so happy for them

I announced my engagement, my first scan with my son, my wedding and I'll announce this one.

The people on my Facebook are HAPPY for me. I will shout it from the rooftops and I WILL moan when I'm feeling nauseas and tired and sore. Pregnancy is hard work.

 

[2have4kids]

Each to their own I guess. Like pp's said, it's a wonderful fb feature that we can control who's allowed on our newsfeed. When you've been ttc for 3+ Years with only mc's to speak of, you REALLY can't hear of friends who moan of ms on fb. They get zapped immediately.

 

[squirrel.]

I can't imagine what women who are LTTC are going through. Two months was long enough for me and that is a pitiful amount of time compared to women who keep trying for years and years. I have the utmost admiration for women who keep going to one day have that dream for themselves.

I can only imagine how seeing facebook announcements would be very painful, but the option to hide people's updates in your news feed is for times just like that, when you have no wish to hear what someone is up to. Surely using this option, which is there for times exactly like that, would be preferable than pregnant people being asked to stop sharing their joy with their loved ones?

Each member of my family lives in a different country and it's the same with my husband. I grew up an ex-pat and went to an international school, so my friends are all over the world as well. Facebook is the easiest medium for sharing wonderful pictures and news to them. I don't do Facebook status updates generally, I don't feel like sharing what I'm up to every single day, but important milestones in my life get shared. With my son I only put up two scan pictures, one bump picture (after being pestered) and I think I had a light-hearted complain once when he was five days late and I was comparing him to my father and brother who are never on time for anything. These updates were very special to my family and friends who weren't going through the experience with me because they were so far away. I would never consider not doing the same again this time, as it means so much to them and me to share my pregnancy in some way. I would hope that should some of my friends on facebook be struggling with LTTC that they would block my updates rather than keep them and feel devastated by the occasional thing I write. I would hope they would do that for their own peace of mind as I would hate to think I was hurting anyone.

As for pregnant women complaining... is that just on Facebook? Or generally? I find it hard to hear this, as pregnancy can be a very difficult time for some with genuinly awful symptoms and pain. I understand that those who are LTTC would gladly welcome such symptoms if it meant a baby and if I were struggling to conceive I would almost definitely feel the same way. However, our personal struggles surely shouldn't stop a fellow woman who is going through a very difficult time from expressing her pain and from receiving comfort and advice from those dear to her? I would hope that those who have been LTTC and get pregnant feel that they too can complain if they are having a tough time so that they can be comforted and given advice with how to cope.

I'm so sorry that you're going through the pain of LTTC, just like I am so deeply sorry for any woman to has to go through it. I can only imagine the agony of it. And I'm sorry that seeing pregnancy updates hurts you more, but I hope I have tried to show you that when pregnant women share on Facebook and other similar mediums, it's not to be a show off, rather a way of sharing a deeply wonderful thing with those who we love and care about.

All the best.

xx

 

[Unexpected212]

I agree. Like with putting pictures of my son up I actually put a status saying if you don't like it please hide me or delete me.

People annoy me on facebook I just delete them or hide them as well.

I will announce it, and if people don't like my pregnancy updates etc then they can delete me.

I don't think i'm being insensetive. And to be honest most of my friends are quite young and aren't at that stage of their lives anyway.

 

[2have4kids]

My gf at work made a group for all of her pregnancy & child photos. One could opt in or not to see her updates. I thought this was a particularly sensitive way of handling it. I know the intent isn't to harm with pregnancy updates especially when one is struggling with ms but really, once you've experienced depression and wondering if you can go through the horror of another bfn failure whether it be after spending $12,000 for the third time on a failed ivf or it's your 241st cycle of not seeing a bfp, or mc'ing for the 5th time, you start to see fb ladies who sneeze and get pregnant and complain about their symptoms in a whole new light (a little sarcastic yes but you know what I mean). It's all about perspective, i think I've been fairly positive compared to some of my friends. I'm regularly called into a boardroom at work to deal with fb fallout from my 26 year old gf who has the same diagnosis as myself + male factor issues. She's been ttc since she was 22 and it looks like she can't have her own children at this point.

It doesn't mean successes are any less valid and you should stop posting but just understand that there's a silent population out there who can't hear the moaning pregnant woman on fb.

 

[squirrel.]

2have4kids - I totally understand... well I can sympathise, obviously I can't understand as I have never been through it. So my words may mean nothing. I can see why it would be so painful, I guess my point is, the option is there for people to block others from their newsfeeds so they never have to see those sorts of posts. I would hope that anyone (male, female, pregnant, TTC etc.) would use that option to save themselves heartache at seeing updates that would cause them to feel depressed.

xx

 

[2have4kids]

Oh squirrel, don't worry i completely hear what you're saying - you're extremely kind and genuine about it. You're words aren't invalid, and yes you are right, the 'show newsfeed' button is fantastic for this purpose. Most of our family is in Britain and so when my DH and I went to did our DE IVF i posted our adventure to Prague in a secret 'Prauggers' group. I posted a link to a DE IVF explanation so the few that were on the list (moms/sisters/bf's) could understand what we were going through. I thought well, if I mc this time, those people will know about it.they saw the embryos we put back and i haven't posted an update but will call them when we've made it past the 26 week mark, having small chance of stillborn/mc.
I really put all my hopes into this and will really be with my back against the wall if it doesn't work out. That's why it will lol.

 

[Baby Me]

We're all entitled to our opinions. I think you will struggle to find anyone who has dealt with infertility in any form who does not find Facebook announcements insensitive though. People who haven't struggled to conceive can never understand the pain. I think the above responses prove that and it's why so many of us stick to the Assisted Conception boards even after we conceive. We are in the minority so don't expect everyone to agree, like I said its a shame that those of us who eventually get pregnant after struggling feel like we can't shout it from the rooftops. We would love to too, however feel too guilty as we remember how it used to make us feel.

 

[Baby Me]

I can't imagine what women who are LTTC are going through. Two months was long enough for me and that is a pitiful amount of time compared to women who keep trying for years and years. I have the utmost admiration for women who keep going to one day have that dream for themselves.

I can only imagine how seeing facebook announcements would be very painful, but the option to hide people's updates in your news feed is for times just like that, when you have no wish to hear what someone is up to. Surely using this option, which is there for times exactly like that, would be preferable than pregnant people being asked to stop sharing their joy with their loved ones?

Each member of my family lives in a different country and it's the same with my husband. I grew up an ex-pat and went to an international school, so my friends are all over the world as well. Facebook is the easiest medium for sharing wonderful pictures and news to them. I don't do Facebook status updates generally, I don't feel like sharing what I'm up to every single day, but important milestones in my life get shared. With my son I only put up two scan pictures, one bump picture (after being pestered) and I think I had a light-hearted complain once when he was five days late and I was comparing him to my father and brother who are never on time for anything. These updates were very special to my family and friends who weren't going through the experience with me because they were so far away. I would never consider not doing the same again this time, as it means so much to them and me to share my pregnancy in some way. I would hope that should some of my friends on facebook be struggling with LTTC that they would block my updates rather than keep them and feel devastated by the occasional thing I write. I would hope they would do that for their own peace of mind as I would hate to think I was hurting anyone.

As for pregnant women complaining... is that just on Facebook? Or generally? I find it hard to hear this, as pregnancy can be a very difficult time for some with genuinly awful symptoms and pain. I understand that those who are LTTC would gladly welcome such symptoms if it meant a baby and if I were struggling to conceive I would almost definitely feel the same way. However, our personal struggles surely shouldn't stop a fellow woman who is going through a very difficult time from expressing her pain and from receiving comfort and advice from those dear to her? I would hope that those who have been LTTC and get pregnant feel that they too can complain if they are having a tough time so that they can be comforted and given advice with how to cope.

I'm so sorry that you're going through the pain of LTTC, just like I am so deeply sorry for any woman to has to go through it. I can only imagine the agony of it. And I'm sorry that seeing pregnancy updates hurts you more, but I hope I have tried to show you that when pregnant women share on Facebook and other similar mediums, it's not to be a show off, rather a way of sharing a deeply wonderful thing with those who we love and care about.

All the best.

xx

Re the complaining, don't get me wrong, those who are really suffering deserve full sympathy and support. I myself was hospitalised with ms when I was last pregnant (loss), I was on a drip, unable to work, couldn't even drink a sip of water, sick all day and all night. I also had severe pains. But, when I was in this state, the only concern I had was getting better, I was not in any state to update my Facebook status. It's complaining about trivialities that annoys me.