When to announce?

[Unexpected212]

We're all entitled to our opinions. I think you will struggle to find anyone who has dealt with infertility in any form who does not find Facebook announcements insensitive though. People who haven't struggled to conceive can never understand the pain. I think the above responses prove that and it's why so many of us stick to the Assisted Conception boards even after we conceive. We are in the minority so don't expect everyone to agree, like I said its a shame that those of us who eventually get pregnant after struggling feel like we can't shout it from the rooftops. We would love to too, however feel too guilty as we remember how it used to make us feel.

Of course you are entitled to your opinion. I think it's great that some people are really sensetive and thoughtful about announcements.

I may not have struggled to conceive but I did have a miscarriage which obviously broke my heart. Announcements made me feel sad but I also felt happy for that person.

I just have close friends and family on mine. I know that nearly all of the people on my facebook either have children or are way off wanting any.

The one lady I do have that was TTC for about 5 years and had successful IVF posts about her pregnancy every single day. That doesn't bother me. I'm happy for her.

I'm not saying anyone is wrong and right. Everyone feels their own way about Facebook. For example I post loads of pics of my son but I know some people who don't post any because they think it's wrong.

With my first pregnancy I never moaned on Facebook about anything really. Just put up a 9 week scan. 12 week scan. Gender scan. 20 week scan and our 3D scan to let everyone know things were going according to plan and pics of the nursery we did and little outfits we'd bought.

I wanted to share my happiness with the family and friends I don't see much.

I guess I never really thought till now just how hurtful it could be to those struggling and I'm sorry if I came across offensive I just personally want to share it on Facebook.

I mean a couple of people I knew chose the moment I told them I'd had a miscarriage to say 'Oh that's a shame, I'm pregnant!' That's insensetive!

 

[Jokerette]

I plan on posting on Facebook. My heart out to my LTTTC friends, but I will do it not to show off, but to share our news. With DS1 I always made sure to never complain about symptoms etc. I felt a little jealous of pregnancy announcements after my miscarriage but I was never bitter or mad at my friends for sharing their news... It's too bad that people assume others are doing it to show off :/

 

[princess_1991]

I have to say I as an ivf conceiver and ltttc dont mind fb announcements in the slightest! I'm happyfor them and I cant wwait until I can announce this pregnancy too!

Although I do wish some people would think about what they post before they post it, fair enough if you want to have a little moan about ms or being kicked in the ribs then it doesnt bather me because pregnancy is hard but I had one woman on my fb complaining every day about how much she hates being pregnant, cant wait to get this baby out of her and at times wished she had never got pregnant, now that really annoyed me and needless to say she was deleted sharpish!

 

[Gizzyy]

I'm waiting until 20 weeks to announce on Facebook and tell OH family. Only a few people know at the moment so I'm keeping it secret until we find out the gender. Then it will be a no fuss announcement.. Not to be boring, it's just I'm quite a quiet person and don't like too many people in my face at once so I'm doing it gradually, plus I'm cautious after my mc last year x

 

[Gizzyy]

I'm personally waiting until 12 weeks because the longer my family doesn't know th easier things will be for me. Last time around we told our parents about a week after we got a positive test and then my MIL went blabbing to people and due to a miscommunication with my mom she went and told just about everyone she knew. It was so stressful because I wasn't able to tell people how I wanted to tell people. Obviously your situation is different so I would say just do whatever you feel is best.

Hun I totally agree with you there! I want to keep this pregnancy as stress free as possible and OH family are nice people but MIL is just so loud and judgemental. I don't blame you for waiting until your 12 week scan so you can relax a bit before lots of people start asking you things x

 

[Tasha]

to you all. I think all the comments show that no purposely hurts anyone when announcing. I am personally not a LTTTC'er, but I have been trying for five and a half years without a bring home baby (14 miscarriages and a stillbirth in that time), so I don't know how it feels for them but I know how it feels for me. It sometimes stings when I see announcements or scan or births, but it isn't because I am not happy for them, I truly am but just sad for myself. Some days my sadness for myself over-shadows my happiness for them and on those days I tend to avoid fb, that coupled with telling myself that I don't know what their story is (many of my RL friends and family have no idea of what we've been through, just little snippets) means I've never had to hide people but if some do that's okay. I blocked baby gaga cos I cant stand those updates, they remind me of the fact my baby didn't grow at the right rate etc.

Any way back to the original question baby one I announced (aside from close family) at about 14 weeks, there was no fb back then so that made that easier. Baby two, about 12 weeks again no fb. Baby three I didn't find out until 22+ weeks, so didn't announce until about thirty weeks (again no fb). Baby four was right after my daughter was stillborn so we didn't announce until very late. Pregnancies five to eleven we never announce (they were all first tri loses). Pregnancy twelve, we announced to my parents and siblings around twelve weeks and no one else (apart from forum friends), she was stillborn at 24+3 and then I wanted the world to know she did exist so had to tell people than instead. Pregnancy thirteen to nineteen we've not really announced. The next (hopefully) sticky pregnancy I think we will announce to my family about 20-24 weeks and then the night before we go to have baby for everyone else.

 

[squirrel.]

Tasha you've been through so much I'm so sorry for all your losses. I so hope that your next baby is a sticky one.

xx

 

[Jokerette]

Tasha , I hope you get a sticky bean really soon... I'm so sorry for all you have been through. You must be an amazing woman to be holding yourself together so well

 

[2have4kids]

to you all. I think all the comments show that no purposely hurts anyone when announcing. I am personally not a LTTTC'er, but I have been trying for five and a half years without a bring home baby (14 miscarriages and a stillbirth in that time), so I don't know how it feels for them but I know how it feels for me. It sometimes stings when I see announcements or scan or births, but it isn't because I am not happy for them, I truly am but just sad for myself. Some days my sadness for myself over-shadows my happiness for them and on those days I tend to avoid fb, that coupled with telling myself that I don't know what their story is (many of my RL friends and family have no idea of what we've been through, just little snippets) means I've never had to hide people but if some do that's okay. I blocked baby gaga cos I cant stand those updates, they remind me of the fact my baby didn't grow at the right rate etc.

Any way back to the original question baby one I announced (aside from close family) at about 14 weeks, there was no fb back then so that made that easier. Baby two, about 12 weeks again no fb. Baby three I didn't find out until 22+ weeks, so didn't announce until about thirty weeks (again no fb). Baby four was right after my daughter was stillborn so we didn't announce until very late. Pregnancies five to eleven we never announce (they were all first tri loses). Pregnancy twelve, we announced to my parents and siblings around twelve weeks and no one else (apart from forum friends), she was stillborn at 24+3 and then I wanted the world to know she did exist so had to tell people than instead. Pregnancy thirteen to nineteen we've not really announced. The next (hopefully) sticky pregnancy I think we will announce to my family about 20-24 weeks and then the night before we go to have baby for everyone else.

Holy crap, you've been through SO much. You're an amazing woman to keep on trying. Try and try again and you will succeed!

 

[MalcolmsMiss]

We are hoping to keep it a complete surprise until our wedding, in which by that point Ill be 20 weeks! We suffered a loss due to Turners syndrome which we found out at the NT scan (nuchal fold was 13mm), so I was SO glad that even after seeing a HB etc at my 8 weeks scan, that we didn't announce it on Facebook. I'd hate to explain the circumstances we were put in on such a public forum, so for that reason, i always recommend waiting until the NT scan (if you are choosing to have it) as you never know whether you will be that statistic.

I don't think announcing a pregnancy on Facebook is showing off, or bragging at all. I know what it feels like to suffer a loss, and how much it hurts to see pregnancy announcements after going through something like that, but at the end of the day, no body is responsible for my feelings but myself. I would never expect ANYBODY to keep their news quiet, and share less of their excitement, just because of my own experiences.

But, I would totally expect people to understand my reasons if I removed them from my friends list or news feed for a while.

 

[Rcx]

I'm planning on telling family after I have an private scan at 9+1 provided all is well. It's my sister's 21st the day after so I will get her an auntie card with a the scan pic, then we will announce to close family at the same time, extended family after 12 weeks and Facebook any time after that, probably about 16-17 weeks

 

[mel28nicole]

I wanted to express my story!

With my first pregnancy, I found out at about 6 weeks (from my LMP) and we told everyone right away. I am 21 and you know, miscarriages just don't seem like something that would even happen. I found out at 14 weeks that the baby stopped growing at 8. I felt horrible having to go back on Facebook to let the whole world know I miscarried. I have mixed feelings about it. Yes, it was nice to have support from everyone, but then I also didn't want anyone to know about my personal issues. My miscarriage came up within an argument I had with someone. We were talking about suicide and they brought it up, saying something tragic like that could cause me to think suicidal thoughts. While yes, I was extremely upset, I didn't think suicide, and I thought it was extremely rude of someone to bring it up like that.

I conceived again 3 months later. I told my close friends, and only my mom and his family. I had a scan at 7+3 with the baby actually measured ahead and having a heart beat of 164. It was beautiful! I really wanted to wait til after 12 weeks but when you see everything going smoothly, we couldn't help but to announce. But I did it a lot differently. I thanked people for praying for us. A lot of people spoke to my fiance and I after we miscarried to tell us their stories and they would keep us in their prayers. It feels like a miracle baby to me. With all the support I had with the MC, I knew people would appreciate us posting about it.

Now don't get me wrong, things did bother me after my MC. One friend of mine announced literally two days after I found out I MC and she was due a week after I was. But I didn't let it get to me. Teen Mom 3 also started up right after I miscarried, and I couldn't watch it at all. I felt like those girls are ungrateful to be mothers and it just made me sick to watch.

Also, since I'm young, Facebook is the thing. Most girls my age are not trying to get pregnant, or already got pregnant in high school. So it's hard to come across anyone who is TTC and are struggling. But I do understand people who would get upset. But it's YOUR facebook. You have the right to post whatever you want. I love looking at tons of pictures of people's kids. I know A LOT of mothers who are better off without their kids because they don't even take care of them and rather be out at the bar (my niece's mother is like that). If someone really has an issue with announcements or baby pictures, they can either unfriend or block their posts online.