When to give up

[traylee01]

Af on her way, im a bit worried as my temp is still high this morning at 11dpo normally it drops to 36.4 or below for AF to arrive,
just went to loo and got some red, my misscarriage was 10th nov this is my first one since then
its been 3 months so a period i guess is better atm , i dont think i will get pregnant again, the only reason i did last sep was cause i took soy iso, i was charting since may 2012 doing everything right nothing worked, took soy iso in sep got a BFP but sadly was a blighted ovum so 10 weeks misscarried naturally
i have 2 girls 10yr old and 3.8yr, im thinking about giving up all together sick of it taking over my time all the time, sounds dumb but i did say when i was 30 i would stop and im about to turn 31 in 2 weeks, only thing is im not allowed on birth control meds due to blood clotting disorders in family and me being high risk cause of that

how do u no when its time to give up and just live life

 

[pandi77]

Maybe you'd feel better to just be ntnp? It's a lot of pressure to be actively ttc with temping and all that goes with it. Unless you truly don't want to have more children at this point perhaps you should just take a "nature's course" approach? I felt the same way after my ectopic so I understand although I was much older and had been trying for years with no babies to show so I can't walk a mile in your shoes per se but, it was hard to keep putting my heart out each month. 3 early losses and then the ectopic I felt I just wasn't meant to have children and strangely 3 cycles later we got pregnant.

I don't think it's a matter of giving up as much as maybe letting go? I cried a river of tears and went through a myriad of emotions before deciding to carry on so my advice is don't rush to make a decision. The 2ww makes us all a bit crazy I think and especially the day af comes (or not) seems to be the pinnacle of stress. Give yourself a few days and then decide what feels good to you hun and know you are not alone.

 

[pink_kitty]

I think the answer to your question is a personal decision. You might just want to take a break for awhile and then see how you feel about it. Maybe you'll still be thinking about it and decide you are not ready to stop trying. Or maybe you'll realize you are content with how things are and not feel the need to ttc again.

I've been pondering this for awhile now too. And it is just like pandi77 said, it is a matter of letting go. You'll know when you are ready. I'm 34 and ttc #1 for well over a year with no luck...not even a bfp. Somedays I do want to stop because it can be all consuming. And I've had some medical setbacks. Somedays it feels like it all just hurts too much that I don't want to keep doing this - I feel like I'm a science experiment and that I'm losing myself. Then I dust myself off, pick myself up and keep going.

I think you will know in your heart when it is time to let go. Take a break, make some time for yourself. And see how you feel.

 

[Lulle]

I'm in a slightly different position than you are; I'm 40 and my hubby is 36. I have an eight year old from a previous relationship. He doesn't have any kids.

We lost a daughter in stillbirth August 2012, so we were THAT close to having a baby - together.

Because of my age and the fact that we have a dead baby, the drive to get a LIVE one is extremely high. Due to blood tests recently taken, I could probably wait a couple of years, as I'm very fertile considering my age - but I also have a syndrome that causes my blood to cloth and problems with my thyroid (just discovered).

But - if we already had a baby that was alive, I think I would give up trying. Or if he didn't want any, I would be greatful with the eight year old that I already have.

I must admit I've never worried too much about my age. I don't care about being 40 or that I'm aging in general. But right now, I wish I was 10 years younger so I could take a rest and enjoy life for a while.

But I'm not you, and I don't know if you've taken any fertility tests either(?). If you're fertile though, I would take a rest for a year or so and enjoy the kids that I already have.

Do you have them with the same man by the way?

At the end of the day it's Your decision to make, but if all this trying is straining you I would seriously consider a break.

 

[traylee01]

yea the onyl problem is i no for as long as i have my insides and bleeding every month i will chart and temp because i just cant let go, and also cause i no temping and charting the day af will arrive cause of the drop in temps so it helps to no when out and about if you have cycles between 30 to 35 days helps to no so i can kinda plan around sailing etc with family.

sometimes i wish i wasnt a female as for as long im bleeding and having periods being normalish i no i wont stop charting

 

[pandi77]

If you do decide to break from ttc there are low hormone bc pills that you can skip af all together for many months if you don't want that hassle. My sister was on that kind of bc between children and said it was pretty awesome not to have to worry about af crashing vacation plans and whatnot. She had to take a break and have a normal cycle every so often but it was well worth it to her. I personally think charting is great (especially if ttc) but again if you want to break from ttc there are solutions for your concerns. Sorry you are having a hard time with this and it is stressful

 

[traylee01]

im not allowed on birth control at all none
i havent been on birth control i 15yrs thats my point lol
been always trying around same time been with same partner all this time to
got 2 kids 10yr old and 3.8yr old

 

[pandi77]

Not even bc without hormones? I have heard of doctors restricting bc with hormones but usually women can use bc w/o hormones then. How come your doctor (if you don't mind me asking) has restricted you from any type of bc? I suppose you could use condoms. Seems like it has put you in a corner if you decided you didn't want to conceive. What would you do if that's the case as charting isn't an iron clad bc in itself? Seems pretty rough that your options are limited for you.

 

[traylee01]

blood clotting thrmobophilia and factor 5 laiden runs in the family, we are all at high risk due to that and birth control contributes to it so its a big no no
i think anything with estrogen in it.
i see any dr dont have a real dr as such, well until now but my aunty had a good one and thats how she found out many lossses later and 1 good dr who did testing
all the women in our family have to be tested.
They didnt say i couldnt exactly just said its better for me not to be on anytyhing due to it running in the family we are all at high risk of developing it and birth control is a big contributing factor to clotting.

hubby wont wear condoms allergy (we can use the non latex ones but its just not the same)
i gues will just try stop charting and msaking it my life and just bd for fun again and when i want and watvea will be, will be
cause now its just not fun anymore cause its all about baby making

 

[pandi77]

Well I wish you the best and hope you fall pregnant if that is what you want hun. I saw your other thread about soy isoflavones so maybe you are considering giving it a go? Vitex worked better for me than soy but everyone has something that works for them ultimately I think. There was a gal who started vitex this cycle on ttc forum and just announced her bfp on 1st tri today so I always want to recommend it if you haven't tried it already. Doesn't work the same for everyone but it was a miracle worker for me and others. Good luck moving forward!

 

[traylee01]

is vitex ok though if you are pretty regular with cycle and can see you ovulate??

 

[pandi77]

is vitex ok though if you are pretty regular with cycle and can see you ovulate??

It's not only for ovulation and regulation of days it balances all your hormones so your ovulation is optimal and your uterine lining is optimal, progesterone kicks in properly and when it should etc. What are you wanting to achieve with the soy isoflavones out of curiosity?

 

[traylee01]

i just think soy helped me actually prodice a egg that was stronger (or maybe not cause it was blighted ovum)

i think i have weak eggs maybe and thats why im not getting pregnant
i been charting since may 12 and i get temp shifts and pos opks so i think im like in a premenopausal state or something with weak eggs, could be something else
i dont think a normal dr can give me clomid so i dont no what else i could do
as drs are pretty useless here and say oh your young dont worry and send you on oyur way, wont do testing for bloods or anything

 

[pandi77]

Well it's up to you but I can't say enough good things about vitex. It balances all hormones responsible for ovulation and after ovulation to keep a sticky bean from my experience. I'm no spring chicken and it got a good egg out of me so I give it a thumbs up lol. A bonus is that it really helps with AF too and it made mine so much less heavy/long and my severe cramping go away. It is still prescribed in Germany primarily for bad period/pms issues. If your not going to get a bfp there should be some silver lining lol.

Anyways you should read up on it and see what you think. There are some ladies it didn't work for but so many that it did. Good luck hun and hope you get your bfp.

 

[dogluvr]

I can tell you it took me years before I gave up. And honestly, I'm not sure I ever truly gave up. Like you, I said I would be done having kids by 30. DH and I ttc #1 for 8 years. It wasn't until I was 31 I got pregnant. I just had our little boy, #1, on November 30. We are already trying for #2 because we have noise a how long it will take this time. However, I am now 130 lbs lighter than I was just over a year ago sor that may help as I didnT get preggo with outline title guy until I was down 100 lbs. and once I was down 100 we got preggo the first month.

Honestly, I think when we give up it is always still there in the back of our minds that we are hopeful. We just finally stop the madness of temping, charting, etc.

Good luck to you, I know the frustration of It taking a long time.

 

[traylee01]

thanks ladies
yea i dont need help with periods as such, already mine has finished from my first misscarriage bleed was only 2 days
mine is normally light and only last 2 days by light i mean not heavy and not many pads needed maybe 3 in 24hrs
i was worried about vitex to cause i read also about misscarriage when you stop
some have just taken it till ovulation then stopped is that what u did

 

[pandi77]

thanks ladies
yea i dont need help with periods as such, already mine has finished from my first misscarriage bleed was only 2 days
mine is normally light and only last 2 days by light i mean not heavy and not many pads needed maybe 3 in 24hrs
i was worried about vitex to cause i read also about misscarriage when you stop
some have just taken it till ovulation then stopped is that what u did

I took it continuously throughout my cycle and when I got my bfp I took it through the first trimester per the guidance of my midwife. I had plenty of miscarriages before vitex and now I have a sticky bean and so for me I cannot say it caused miscarriage but prevented it. That's good you don't have any issues with af and most women on these boards taking it are for fertility reasons and not af.

There are several threads on the boards right now with positive feedback on products containing agnus castus (vitex). Fertile tea, fertile aid, Fertility blend...all these products contain agnus castus which works for a lot of women. Again it's a personal choice but for me I figured at my age and with my losses I had nothing left to lose...so glad I took the chance as my baby girl is due in June

 

[traylee01]

mm ok which ones do you take and how many etc
and how long were you takin them before you got pregnant

 

[pandi77]

mm ok which ones do you take and how many etc
and how long were you takin them before you got pregnant

I took Nature's Way 2 capsules a day 400mg each (1 in am 1 in pm). I started getting bfp's withing a couple of cycles but because of my short luteal phase I had some losses. I threw in progesterone supplements after O and got my first sticky bean Vitex is good for ovulation and it did add a day or so to my luteal phase but since it started at 8 days I needed a bit more help.

 

[traylee01]

did it make your cycles longer kinda likem bleeeding i mean, as i heard women say it makes you bleed longer