When to tell FOB....

[jocelynmarie]

Hi Ladies,

I know some of you are soon to be mommies and some of you are already mommies, but I'm hoping someone can help me figure out the best time to tell the FOB some things that he's not going to like.

First of all, the news that I think is going to cause the biggest fight, which is that I'm giving the baby my surname. He lives in another country and we are not married nor ever will be married. There is no way that I'm going to have a different last name from my baby... He's coming in next week for the gender scan... should I tell him now? Or should I wait and tell him closer to the time of delivery??

Secondly, breaking the news that I don't want him in the delivery room. Again, not sure if I should tell him now or tell him closer to the time.

He's not a bad guy, but he IS a giant girl and I know that both of these things are going to hit him very hard. I just can't decide the best time to tell him!!

Any advise would be much appreciated! Thanks!

 

[sophieee18]

I went through exactly this when I was expecting Alfie. We split up when I was 30 weeks pregnant and up until then Alfie was going to have his surname and FOB was going to be there whilst I gave birth.

I told him around 35 weeks and it was the most terrifying phonecall I've ever made. I said I don't think it's fair for Alfie to have your surname as we both know we're never going to be together. He was annoyed but dealt with it. I then said I don't want you in the delivery room. This hit hard! We came to a decision that he can wait outside and the second Alfie is born he can meet him! But surprise surprise, he didn't turn up!!

Best of luck x

 

[Rhio92]

Personally, I wouldn't say anything unless he brings it up. Just start how you plan to go on.... But that's just me, I hate confrontation! x

 

[lal]

I told FOB I was thinking of using my own, and we could talk about it later (broke it to him gently, haha). I said that people I had talked to advised me to use my own for practical purposes, and I was sorry that it was not what he wanted but I needed to think of myself and the baby. So I blamed it on school, doctors, everyday things you and the baby should have the same last name for. I had my baby 3 months ago, and he still is trying to get me to change it. But I did at least break it to him before the baby was born, I didn't want to deal with it in the hospital. Also I did offer to use his name as a middle, or let him choose the middle...he chose not to, if he couldn't have his last name he didn't want to choose anything. So I did

 

[angelpkj]

i think theres never gunna be a good time
i just waited for him to ask about it before telling him babys not having his surname

i don't think he has it in his head,think he might think i just said it or it will end up being both our surnames ,i'm due in 3 weeks so i'm thinking about when to mention it cause i don't want it to ruin the birth day

if time is on your side then wait it out till he mentions it,if not your best off saying it as soon as so any negative backlash from FOB will die down in time for babys birth x