When to tell?

[Mahoghani]

When did you ladies decide to tell friends and family. With my first and second pregnancies I told right away, as soon as I got my BFP. Espeacially when my first was so average and complication free I didn't see a reason not to. Then I lost my son at 17 weeks and having to call and tell my friends and family just broke my heart over and over. I had decided after my loss in September to wait until the trickiest bit was out of the way but now that I have my BFP I just want to tell everyone! I figure I have another two or three weeks before I start getting nausea and that will make it sort of obvious... at work at least. (I work in an ER.) Most of my family is out of state which makes hiding it from them easier.

At what point should I tell people? Is there really a good reason to keep it a secret til after my 1st tri? Just got a BFP last night. Haven't even had a blood test... Should I be excited yet? I still feel like it's got to be a mistake...

Opinions? Thanks.

 

[Topanga053]

That's such a personal decision to make! Last time we told our family and close friends right away. It WAS difficult to have to go back and tell people after we miscarried, especially because it's hard to keep good news quiet, so A LOT of people knew by the time we miscarried. Thankfully, our parents took on the burden of letting our extended family know.

This time, we didn't tell our parents until after we had an early ultrasound at 7 weeks. We started telling some of our close friends and my co-workers after another healthy ultrasound at 11 weeks. I'm 12+1 today and we plan on making a general announcement soon, although honestly, it still makes me a little bit nervous.

I don't think there's any right way to do it! Untelling people can be really hard, but it's also really nice to have the support of people who know what you've been through.

Good luck w/your pregnancy!! Here's to a H&H 9 months!! xoxo

 

[Mahoghani]

Some of the excitement is evening out now. Although I'm sure it will spike again later. I think like you I want to wait to tell anyone until after I have a healthy early ultrasound. I want to tell my Mom but I think I'm going to wait. Atm I have told 6 people. Two of those are coworkers that I had to tell because I asked them to put in a blood test for me while I was at work. Definitely positive. About 4 weeks. So early, I'm still so scared. I keep taking home tests expecting the line to be lighter but it keeps getting darker every day. So far so good I suppose.

 

[Kath86]

I know how you feel and I'm really sorry for your loss
While I can't really advice you how to proceed I can tell you what I did...
When I found out about my first pregnancy we decided we weren't going to tell anyone before reaching the 12th week, I wasn't being negative at all and me and bf were actually enjoying our "little secret" and starting to buy first things for our little one.
Unfortunately around the 10th week I miscarried and was home alone and after a bit I was also quite in pain so I had to call my in-laws for them to get to the ER. Since they didn't even know I was pregnant they were quite shocked and eventually told other family members who later called me to tell me how sorry they were, how we shouln't lose hope etc...and while I was definitely feeling their love I wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone! After all only me and bf knew about and loved baby, there wasn't really a reason for me to talk it out with the rest of the e family.
This time around, after finding out about my 2. pregnancy, we decided to do the same. The reasons being that it took me some time to actually believe it and also I know that I would still be very sensitive to sentences like "don't worry THIS pregnancy will be fine" but that's just me!
So well only you know what's best for you, I wish you all the best for your pregnancy!

 

[PugLuvAh]

I think its great that you are so excited and already feel ready to talk about this pregnancy! I was so worried after my mc I didn't let myself enjoy being pregnant till I was almost 7 months along. Good for you

Congratulations!!

 

[Kath86]

I know how you feel and I'm really sorry for your loss
While I can't really advice you how to proceed I can tell you what I did...
When I found out about my first pregnancy we decided we weren't going to tell anyone before reaching the 12th week, I wasn't being negative at all and me and bf were actually enjoying our "little secret" and starting to buy first things for our little one.
Unfortunately around the 10th week I miscarried and was home alone and after a bit I was also quite in pain so I had to call my in-laws for them to get to the ER. Since they didn't even know I was pregnant they were quite shocked and eventually told other family members who later called me to tell me how sorry they were, how we shouln't lose hope etc...and while I was definitely feeling their love I wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone! After all only me and bf knew about and loved baby, there wasn't really a reason for me to talk it out with the rest of the e family.
This time around, after finding out about my 2. pregnancy, we decided to do the same. The reasons being that it took me some time to actually believe it and also I know that I would still be very sensitive to sentences like "don't worry THIS pregnancy will be fine" but that's just me!
So well only you know what's best for you, I wish you all the best for your pregnancy!

 

[Twinkl3]

It's fantastic that you are feeling very excited and want to share the news with everyone, I do think that it is a very personal opinion on how and when you tell people.

When we got pregnant the first time we told a lot of people very early on, sadly at 7+5 we then had to tell everyone that we had miscarried which was difficult enough in itself. The 2nd time we told literally no one and went through our 2nd loss just me and OH.

This time however we have told 3 people (My mum, OH mum and my best friend) and plan on only announcing to everyone else after we go for our 12 week scan (presuming everything is okay).

 

[Wendyk07]

After my still birth in December we have decided not to tell anyone until we reach 20 weeks and have the second scan. We don't want out family to go through another loss. We would much rather wait so that we know everything is fine and give them good news.

 

[celine]

Its definatly personal..i havent even dared tell my oh and feel guilty bcos he was so sad (mc 5 weeks ago..by Gods grace am 4 weeks pre) but im scared if anything happenes he will be distraught..so its tough.

We have spoken about when to tell and we will keep it on the quiet til past 20 weeks this time

 

[Mahoghani]

I am now thinking I am not even 5 weeks yet. I wish my cycles were more predictable so I could be sure but... at least I ovulated. lol. I guess half a week shouldn't make much of a difference but I feel the need to control and monitor every little thing. I've know for three days and I'm already having trouble sleeping, researching hospitals and birthing plans. Like if I plan out every detail nothing will go wrong...

I still really want to tell my mother. I think I'm going to wait til 6 weeks. Til after my first appointment at least and then tell her and my sister. Everyone else can wait until we're past the first trimester... maybe even week 16. That's when everything went horribly wrong last time and I know I'll relax a little once that milestone is behind me.

 

[LucyLake]

Congrats on your rainbows everyone, especially the newer April ladies.

I'm waiting until 20 wks with most people....basically anyone who will take me away from taking it one day at a time as I am now. For instance, I can't go there in terms of thinking about jogging strollers, names, gender. So I won't tell anyone I think would start choosing onesies and shipping them over.

We told people at 7 weeks and then MC 2 days later. So many people knew that I announced my MC on FB to 1200 friends. Most were supportive, but we got a lot of "it was God's plan" and "well you wouldn't want a baby with ---insert genetic disorder here---. We were already planning to take it slow and wait this time, but we're high risk and even happier to wait until 5 months now. I have no idea how it will work since we all live in the same city, but suffice it to say, it's how I'm getting through these tough early days right now. A very few people DO know, but most do not.

 

[c.m.c]

It's totally up to u!! With my first and second pregnancies I told close friends and family early on....I figured if something bad happened I'd want them to know anyway. With the loss in May I'm glad my close friends knew....they were a great support to me and I knew that ONLY close people knew as I know they didn't tell anyone.

This time we won't do that.......I don't wanna tell any family till 12 weeks! I work as a radiographer so il have to tell my boss soon for radiation protection. One friend in work knows and that's it...I trust her with my life and I'm also getting HCG done at work so she covers for me when I nip off to clinic


As for Facebook....I will on,y ever do a birth announcement!!! No pregnancy stuff would ever be on it

 

[hilslo]

I'm definitely keeping my pregnancy off facebook. After my ectopic I could barely look on facebook for all the blindly happy people showing scan pictures!

I'm going to keep it quiet for as long as possible this as I starting telling everyone after my 12 week scan and 10 days later having to "untell" was awful. I feel like I can't go through all that pity again. I know everyone meant the best but if things go wrong this time I'd like my grief to be a bit more private.

The only downside to keeping it quiet means that I'm basically having to go into hiding. My friends and I all like a drink so as soon as I'm not drinking they'd figure it out. I feel bad about it. They're my friends but I just don't want them to know.

 

[celine]

Yea im also going to keep it quiet off fb...maybe tell at christmas or on the dd of the last pregnancy

 

[c.m.c]

I'm going to my friends tonight for a party..I just bough non alcoholic wine....I'm swapping it into a wine bottle so no one will know!! Apart from feeling rough I hope they don't notice

 

[hilslo]

Ooh - excellent plan! Good luck! Does non-alcoholic wine taste very different?

 

[hilslo]

Ooh - excellent plan! Good luck! Does non-alcoholic wine taste very different?

 

[KerryGold]

We had hardly told anyone with our loss as my parents had said they didn't like the worry/secrecy for 8 weeks. I then MCd at 11 weeks and telling them "I was pregnant but now I'm losing it" was awful. I also told my group of mummy friends, most of whom had actually had a loss of their own and they were a great.support. I also asked for my.colleagues to be told so they didn't ask about the time.off I had.

I told my parents right then that I wasn't keeping a secret from them again and would need their support. We told them immediately and my grandparents after our 7 week scan.

Our loss was a MMC at 6 weeks so I felt happy to know this one was doing better. Now I've got to 11 weeks I will start telling my special mummy friends and the rest will be after our scan.

xXx

 

[c.m.c]

Ooh - excellent plan! Good luck! Does non-alcoholic wine taste very different?

It's rotten!! just home and cannot believe I had to drink it all night

 

[celine]

Ooh - excellent plan! Good luck! Does non-alcoholic wine taste very different?

It's rotten!! just home and cannot believe I had to drink it all night

Hahahaha it will be worth it im sure