When your OH is ready to give up.....

[Suze]

.....but you're not, what do you do????

In the last 3 years we've had 4 pregnancies, one ectopic (ruptured), one beautiful baby girl who's 18 months now, one baby boy who I delivered sleeping at 17 weeks and an 11 week mmc treated with erpc 10 days ago.

Of course now I'm ready to try again, don't want to waste any months especially as I have only 1 tube and an in my late 30's. After we lost Joe in august being pregnant again helped with the healing and gave me fresh hope and focus.

BUT OH is against it all, says the last 3 years have been dominated by ttc, pregnancies, babies and losses and he wants it to end and for us to enjoy our daughter...which I wholeheartedly agree with but feel we can do both.

I know why he says no more and I don't want to beg him or get that upset that he caves in, it's his decision. I just feel that this adds a new dimension onto the losses I have already suffered. I also know he might change his mind as it's all very fresh at the moment,....but I'm aware and frightened that he won't.

Anyone else had this and how did it resolve?

 

[mami2karina]

Oh hun I am so sorry for your losses. My DH is the one telling me it's not the end of the world and we can have another baby. I am the who is scared, and he's scared for me because this m/c has been the worst, twins on Christmas Day. He doesn't want to see me go through the pain again. I'm sure your's does not want to see you in pain any longer either. Give him some time, you just m/c. I'm sure he will come around

 

[shelleney]

Hi Hun.
Im so sorry to hear about all your losses.
I know you dont feel as though time is on your side, due to your age, etc, but I think that time is what your OH needs right now.
If you back off slightly, and give him the time he needs to grieve and get some closure, then im sure he will come back to you in X amount of time and be ready to try again.
I hope that you and your OH will be able to start trying again soon.
Take care
xx

 

[Rebaby]

I'm so sorry for your losses what a tough time you have been having, i'm so glad to hear you have your beautiful daughter in your arms to help you through

I feel as though we are slightly in the opposite situation, i do want another baby but i feel terrified of TTC and becoming pregnant again as it was really hard last time. OH understands completely and is happy for me to take as much time as i need and also found it all incredibly stressful and upsetting of course but i think is more eager to TTC again sooner.

I am not sure what the answer is in your situation except to maybe give your OH a little time, but do keep talking and communicating (not just about your losses and TTC, although of course those too) but about anything and everything. Our darkest times recently were leading up to and immediately after the ERPC when we weren't really communicating well about it all, so i think keeping open and honest but making time to talk about and enjoy other things is key.

I really hope you come to a decision that you can both be happy with

 

[babysimpson]

I can see where your OH is coming from. My OH was like that especially when we lost the twins. I lost the second twin at 14 weeks and had to deliver in the scanning room. Unfortunately he saw our baby as it came out and that has stuck in his mind ever since.

It's still very fresh so may be not mention it for a few days and jsut get intimate with him again. Spend some time with the LO and have fun then just let him know you would like to try agian and that you can wait until he feels the same. It's surprising how effective it is saying that.

 

[Suze]

Thanks for all your replies. I had decided not to talk about with OH, acknowledging that it's soon and also not wanting to push him. However it's still very painful and the thought of not ttc ever again means a lot of changing in my thinking processes as it's been part of be for the last 3 years!!

However, OH came home yesterday and said he'd thought about it and feels it's unfair of him to make me wait, say a year when all I'm going to be doing in that year is think about ttc and bring unhappy. He fears that his imposition might drive a big wedge between us and may even split us up and he obviously coulnt bear that. His biggest fear, and mine too is going through another loss but he says he wouldn't want to lose me and our daughter if he put the blocks on ttc.

So, I don't feel 100% comfortable that hes happy with it but I think we're going in the right direction....!

 

[shelleney]

Aww, im glad you might be coming to some sort of mutual decision.
Good luck for the future
xx

 

[GreyGirl]

Sounds like a good turnaround! Maybe you'll feel more at ease with your decision if you let him know you're willing to take it slow, or something at first and give him time to grieve if that's what he needs.
I'm glad things are looking more positive

 

[gueyilla1985]

First of all let me say Im so sorry for your loss.
My hubby wants to give up to he think we are not ready to have another baby after just such a tragic loss of our son. i know how you feel. I think you and him need to come up with a plan. Maybe you can still ttc but not let it take over your life. maybe you should chart and do what makes you feel better and not let him feel overwhelmed not let him know all you do but still let him know you are ttc. I know this is only my opinion but just try.

 

[Suze]

Sorry for your loss too gueyilla, I notice you are ttc, how long did it take for your OH to come round?
Yes I think I have a plan that I will chart on ff as I like doing it and will continue to do opk's but I will not leave them on the windowsill like I used to although he did ask the other day if it was positive so I guess he is interested!! He'll know anyway because he'll wonder why I'm initiating

 

[gueyilla1985]

At first he was on board but then was like maybe we needed to wait and now he want. It has only been about 6 months since our son passed so his emotions are on and off men right?