This is how I feel too
The difference is it's me that changed my mind, I was an only child and we agreed we would only have one, which we do and I adore being his mum, he makes me happy every single day. But when my now 10 year old turned 3 I began getting broody, and it's come and gone in waves ever since. My DH is adamant no more and although there was a short while a few years back when he started to get on board, it became clear that it was only for my sake and it's really not something he wants to do.
Just recently though my broodiness is back even stronger than ever, I think my age has a large part to do with it. Having recently turned 37 I know time is not on my side and every month I find my heart breaking a little bit more when my period comes. We've been having unprotected sex for years as hormonal contraception doesn't agree with me and we rely on the pull out method. Every month I long for a miracle, that if I were to get pregnant it would be a sign that it's meant to be, but no, nothing and then I wonder well maybe it's not meant to be, maybe I'm wrong!
I don't really know why I'm typing this out other than to try and get some clarity, perhaps one day I'll show my DH this post so he can understand how I'm feeling. I love my DH and our little family dearly but I wish more than anything he would see things the way I do, that even though parenting is challenging, they're only little for such a tiny amount of time and the joy being a parent brings totally outweighs the sacrifices you have to make, and watching your little person grow who's 50% of you and the person you love is magical. That our son would make the most amazing big brother and the pleasure it would bring him having a sibling that he can love and look out for as they grow older, and his family is so important to him. That they'd always have each other, even if they don't get along (which my DH and his brother don't), when times are tough or when we're gone, they've got each other to talk to, to make decisions with, to always be there for each other etc... That being a mum means the world to me, it's been the most rewarding journey I've been on and I'm so proud of our son and being his mum. That when we're older and our children have grown, it will bring us so much happiness watching them starting out their lives, meeting partners, having families, sharing their experiences with us. That this is so much bigger than just about us and what we want to do with our lives right now, and I feel so sad and unfulfilled, almost like there is someone missing from our lives.
I really hope that I don't look back and regret missing the opportunity to have more children. But then what can I do, our son was so wanted by us both and I can't force my husband to change his mind just to please me
Hugs to all of you experiencing similar emotions, it's quite tormenting when your body and mind yearn for something and you can't do anything to change the situation
xx