Whose responsibility is it for a woman to breatfeed? Please give your opinions...

[2010emma]

Firstly, let me introduce myself...my name is Emma and I am a mum of 4 - Kaitlyn 12, Alexander & Rowan 9 and Freya 5. I used to come on here all the time when pregnant with my youngest but since then I haven't really had the time!

I am now studying for an Access to Higher Education Diploma, to - fingers crossed - go on to study Midwifery in September. As part of my diploma, I have to write an 'Access Project', which is basically a research project into something to do with the degree you which to study.

Although breastfeeding is a widely discussed topic and there are many campaigns out there, there still seems to be a stigma attached to breastfeeding publicly and there are low breastfeeding rates in young mothers and economically deprived areas.

I'm interested in why this is and people's own personal experience of breastfeeding. That's where you all come in!

The title of my project is 'Whose responsibility is it for a woman to breastfeed?'

This may seem really obvious at first, as there is only one person that can breastfeed the infant but what role does family, peers and society play in the woman making her decision? Would she breastfeed but family think it is wrong? Do they feel uncomfortable in public because people stare and feel awkward?

So whose responsibility is it?

A. The woman
B. The father
C. Family
D. Friends
E. Midwives/health visitor
F. All of the above

If you could answer with one of the above and also let me know your own experiences and opinions that would be great - I can't really do this project without you!

If you feel uncomfortable voicing your opinions publicly, please feel free to message me. All information will be treated confidentially as I'm using it to get information from a wide range of people to get an idea of what society thinks the problems faced by women wishing to breastfeed.

Thank you all in advance and please tell your friends about my thread and ask them to take part!

If you have any questions, please contact me and I'll be happy to discuss things with you!

 

[toby1331]

I didn't answer the poll because i believe it is the decision of both the mother and father. I think the rest of the people you listed can influence their decision but that is who ultimately make the decision.

My OH was pro breast feeding because of the health benefits. I'll be honest I hadn't really thought about it. My view was we will see how it goes. The hospital I was delivering at is baby friendly and very pro breast feeding. We took a breast feeding class through them and were given lots of good information. We did skin to skin and she latched within a half hour of birth. My OH was ready to cave the first night because he thought she wasn't getting enough. The nurses were very knowledge about everything and explained what was happening and why. I had also done some research and kind of knew what to expect so we made it through. My family has also been very supportive. Right now our goal is six months and I see us making it. My OH and I will then discuss where we go from there. I know it's my body, but it's our child so I think he gets a say.

 

[Mrs_Random]

I have gone with all of the above as without the support of OH & family & friends and being given advice etc from midwifes and health visitors I don't think I would have BF my first for anything like as long as I did.

I was ready to quit a number of times and my hubby was the one who asked me to keep trying just one more day each time I had enough.

My family made me feel comfortable enough to feed in front of them as otherwise I locked myself away whilst I fed and got really lonely doing it.

My friends weed the same. Making me cups of tea and again comfortable being with them & feeding my son whilst they were there, otherwise I would have been a total hermit!

If it wasn't for all of them I would never have fed my son in a food court of a shopping centre or on a flight going on holiday - or at the airport!

My hubby was very pro breast feeding - for the health benifits for our son & the cost & whilst I was willing to give it go I have to admit I would totally have bottle fed without even giving it a 2nd thought.

Yes ultimately the final desicion is with the women but she needs the support of others to help her do it.

 

[nicki01]

I have voted the women! Whilst everyone else plays an important role I think the final decision is down to the mum, she is the one who has the responsibility of feeding the baby whilst it is breast feeding, no one else can do that! I can see why others have voted all of above but I think the final decision is down to mum.

 

[YoshiPikachu]

I think the mother.

 

[staralfur]

I think ultimately it is the mother's responsibility to choose to breastfeed (or not). No one should "force" her to breastfeed, just as no one should force her to stop.

However, I think that it is both the father's responsibility and health professionals' responsibility to support the mother both before and after the birth. To me, educating women on the benefits of breastfeeding before the baby is born is a form of support that should be given by a midwife/doctor. Once the baby is born there should be constant support to the mother given by nurses in the hospital. And after they are released by the hospital, the support should still be accessible whenever the mother needs it.

Where I am, I think the support is there before the baby and immediately after, but once you leave the hospital it is lacking. A lot of this I think is due to dealing with health professionals who may not deal specifically with breastfeeding (though I think pediatricians SHOULD be knowledgeable on the subject) and not able to give appropriate/sufficient advice.

As I said, though, the decision is and should be made by the mother on her own terms.

My family didn't really play a role at all in my decision to breastfeed and since my mom and MIL both formula fed I didn't get much support from them (though my mom was always supportive in the basic "if you want to do it you can do it" sort of way). My MIL was pushing formula/baby rice and clearly didn't understand why breastfeeding was important to me, but that didn't affect any decisions I made, it was just a minor annoyance.

I think probably the biggest factor for most women when making the decision would be the information available. If she believes formula is just as good as breastmilk she probably won't be so inclined to breastfeed. If breastfeeding is promoted and seen as beneficial and the norm, she will probably at least give it a shot.

 

[kat2504]

It isn't a responsibility it is a choice. And it is a choice that only the woman herself can make - nobody else has responsibility over her body and what she chooses to do with it.

The other people have a role to play none the less. Health professionals have a responsibility to provide adequate support and advice to breastfeeding mothers and to educate pregnant women about successful breastfeeding so they have a higher chance of it working out. The father has a responsibility to support his partner and look after her and the baby so that she can get on with breastfeeding.
Friends and extended family have no responsibility at all but one would hope they would be supportive. Sadly this is not always the case.

 

[doggylover]

While I think that having the support of "all the above" is pretty much essential for breastfeeding to succeed, if the mother is not happy with the decision to breastfeed and does not want to do it, it doesn't matter what the father or anybody else feels. At the end of the day it is the mother who actually has to DO the feeding, and so I think the onus really falls on the mother. Similarly, if the mother wants to bf while the others do not, she can choose to do so. Nobody else in the list has that choice as they are dependent on the mother to actually feed.

I don't think it's right to say that it's all up to the mother, as I feel she definitely needs support from the father, or her nearest family, however at the end of the day without the mother's consent, bf can never occur. I also agree with PP that it is a choice to bf, not necessarily a responsibility. Plenty of babies who are formula fed grow up healthy and happy, so we can't say their parents have shirked their responsibility in my opinion.

Hope that is useful I can't comment personally as my LO hasn't yet arrived! Luckily I have the support of everyone in that list

 

[Bex84]

For us it was me as mum. I didnt even think about not breastfeeding. Only reason i wouldent was if i physically couldent and my dh was fine with whatever i wanted and is pro breast feeding now. Neither mine or dhs family were particularly supportive about it and made me feel uncomfortable feeding lo in front of them. I have very little support now she is 17 months and have been told numerous times its disgusting. I got told by doctor when she was 13 months thst after 6 months you are feeding only for mothers benefits. That seems to be usual opinion where i live there is alot of peer pressure to ff, and alot of judgement if you bf. The children centre wanted to offer support at baby and toddler but they were told no as its forcing it on people. Its a shame as i would have appreciated support when we were going through thrush. Hvs are mixed but most of time dont mention it. I had one give bad advice at 6 months saying lo should only have milk twice a day and i quote she was naughty asking for more when i hadent asked for her opinion. The midwifes were fantastic and very supportive

 

[superfrizbee]

I have voted the women! Whilst everyone else plays an important role I think the final decision is down to the mum, she is the one who has the responsibility of feeding the baby whilst it is breast feeding, no one else can do that! I can see why others have voted all of above but I think the final decision is down to mum.

Exactly! Saves me typing it out too!

 

[xSin]

I have gone with all of the above as without the support of OH & family & friends and being given advice etc from midwifes and health visitors I don't think I would have BF my first for anything like as long as I did.

The poll had options for multiple answers so I checked off two boxes..

I went with "Mother" as well as "All of the Above"
I think its the responsibility of EVERYONE to provide information, education and above all, SUPPORT... but at the same time even all the support and whatnot in the world, sometimes can't make it happen and then the responsibility is with the mother to recognize and make the choice that is best for her little one and for her. (and yes, I do think that in some cases, formula will be the "better" option, depending on circumstances)

I do confess I don't understand why anyone would not want to at least TRY breastfeeding, but I recognize that I'm "not there" and that psychological barriers can be very overwhelming.

 

[km12446]

I kinda think responsibility is the wrong choice of word, I kinda feel that makes it sound as though any other choice; formula, combi etc is irresponsible? If u get what I mean? Anyway in terms of choice it's absolutely down to mum but her decision is hugely influenced by the people around her. My DH is incredibly supportive of breastfeeding and encouraged me from the start making me feel my choice was the best one. The midwives were amazing in the first few days and drummed home the benefits to keep me going when I was ready to give up! My mil fed all her children to 16 weeks and that has always been my personal goal. I don't think any of these people could make me change my method of feeding but they are all ppl who I turn to when I struggle and need some encouragement. Good luck with your course xxx

 

[LegoHouse]

The mum AND dad. I know, over all, the mum is going to have the decider vote, but it's daddies baby too.

 

[BosomBambinos]

The mother will be doing the breastfeeding, however, it is her responsibility along with her partner's (husband's), to take this on together.

 

[AP]

Mum and baby. Sometimes even as a mother you can't make that choice. Some babies can't physically do it down to health issues (like us, extreme prematurity was an issue)

 

[Wobbles]

Thread has been removed to press & research. Please post in the relevant forums in the future.

Thank you.

 

[swissie]

Agree with Legohouse - the mother and father is responsible.

 

[tommyg]

I firmly believe its the mothers decision, her boobs, her body, her who's having to do it.

However I believe for many new mums getting the support from their partners, family and professionals is key to making it happen or not.

I was ill before giving birth so missed my antinatal classes, got little support in hospital don't know how I would had faired if DS wasn't easy or if I was recoving from a c-section, a useless propganda DVD that said how great it was from the comunity midwife that never showed any techniques or how to latch them or how to be discreate.

I did find loads of support on here imparticular from a lady called "Summerrain" and support at my local BFing group. DS is small 9th centile and the scales at the group were great.

My mum kept asking "are you sure he's getting enough is that not why he's waking during the night". MIL was a complete nightmare who was constantly pushing "top-ups" which I remain convinced was all about her wanting a shot feeding and nothing to do with helping me. She made out she BF all 3 of her kids, eventually it came out she never got beyond 6 weeks with any of them. My sister and best friend kept encouraging me along.

MIL was my major driving force making me want to become a "30 something teenage rebel" I made it to 14 months when I gave up in my hope to try and get pregnant with baby 2 - still trying.


DS is now almost 2 and it still very hit or miss if he'll achieve the holy grail of STTN. So I'd be really upset if I'd switched and he didn't magically STTN.

 

[tommyg]

Can I also add that I belive that as many of us are "older mums" that also means we have "older grandparents" which also means the "older grandparents" advice is likely to be 30 or 40 years out of date!

I think it would be an idea to produce a leaflet targeted at new grans / new grans to be explaining what offical advice has changed and why. And some advice on how to support a new mum BFing and why BF is better for mother and baby - those 60's and 70's mums were fed lots of bumf on why FFing was better they believed it and did what they believe was better for their babies, it's hard for them to accept that they were wrong.

I also had issues with MIL putting DS on his side rather than his back, and wrapping him up like we lived in the artic in the living room he would have cooked if I wasn't there we have a central heated house. She also seemed to think it was acceptable to put him outside alone in his pram - "oh the gardens secure" eh what about cats and any other wildlife, what if he's sick????

 

[Michelle80]

Many women who were abused as a child struggle to breastfeed without psycological distress, thus they choose not to from the start.

I once did some study research on this when I was training in psychopherapy.