why am I afraid to push?

[Perplexed]

I was very disappointed in my birthing experiences both times...not because I had specific expectations that weren't met but because I couldn't/didn't want to/was afraid to push.

With dd I had epidural at the end and was fully dilated shortly after. i was left alone to chill for a while till her head descended. I couldn't figure out how to push and kept getting told not to scream so I could push. I didn't care and screamed anyway (not screaming but like grunting to summon my inner power lol) but was very disappointed that it didn't come naturally. I felt it took forever for dd to be born as I kept trying then being left alone then trying again etc.

With ds I was determined to go without epidural so I could feel the natural urge to push. the attending midwives and dr kept telling me not to push because I wasn't fully dilated yet. they kept calling my dr and telling her she's 9cm but pushing and come quick. when I was at 10 and kept getting told to push...I just didn't want to. I didn't feel relief when I pushed just more pain. the team cheering me on made it worse for some reason and I'd stop. I regretted so much not getting epi because feeling didn't help at all. mentally I was in a panicked state as I couldn't handle anymore contractions and couldn't handle the pain from pushing. it wasn't till they gave me a second dose of pain meds via iv and ignored me for a while (the drs were literally engaged in a conversation about something else) that I finally pushed my baby out.

actually, I don't believe I pushed at all. I felt like I was standing outside of my body and someone else was pushing for me, and it didn't hurt and I saw my son as he was born. the pain meds probably did that.

I'm sorry for the long post but I don't know what's wrong with me. why can't I push? has anyone else gone through similar experiences of having trouble with pushing?

 

[cosmicgirlxxx]

I've had births both with and without an epi and I too didn't feel that overwhelming push feeling or relief. The ONLY time I felt something remotely like the feelings I was expecting was when I tried it standing up and leaning over the bed. I didn't feel it at all when lying on my back and I believe that it was because that is not a natural birthing position for many women.

 

[MindUtopia]

It sounds like maybe the experience of pushing, when you finally could feel it the second time around, was just a pressured and stressful experience. Personally, I don't know how I would feel in a situation where people were telling me not to do something my body felt like it should do and then yelling at me to do something on command. That sounds really unpleasant! I don't think it's you at all. It sounds like it's just the situation you were in and the support system (or lack of it) around you. When I had my daughter, I couldn't not push. My body just did it. No one told me it was time to push or when to do it or how or how long. Everyone just sat back (often they weren't even in the room - I had a home birth and sometimes they were just downstairs having a cup of tea) and left me too it. My body just did it. I didn't have to push and I couldn't have not pushed. But it was very quiet and relaxed and pleasant and I also hadn't had all pain relief (other than a TENS), so I didn't have that out of body experience, which also probably explains a lot of how you felt the second time around. So definitely I wouldn't feel like it's you or there is something your body wasn't doing right. It probably would have done it just fine if it had been a less pressured situation. I think the pp also is probably right about positioning as well. I think it's a lot easier when you're upright, which it doesn't sound like you were. I pushed while standing and squatting and then while kneeling on a chair on the floor, which I think made difference.

 

[Perplexed]

I was upright the second time actually. I was surprised that the bed was changed into a stool type of position. They also did a lot of cervical examinations against my wishes...I feel very traumatized from the experience. I want more children in the future but my disappointment in the experience makes me feel like I can't. The panic I was in at the time didn't help at all.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Not the same but I absolutely hate pushing, I'm really not looking forward to it this tie around. Everyone seems to describe it as a relief to push and less painful than contractions but for me that definitely wasn't the case. With my 2nd it hurt so much when LO's head was crowning and when I was pushing that I stopped, I had to be coaxed to carry on and panic set in. I carried on because I knew that there was no other choice but it felt unnatural and my body was shouting "no!" at me. I'm due in 2 weeks and really not looking forward to pushing. I'm reassuring myself by remembering that subsequent babies tend to take less pushing time (it was the case for me; 2 hours for my 1st, 14 minutes for my 2nd) so hopefully we will have to experience pushing for less time, and it could be different this time around.

 

[Perplexed]

I hope you have an easier time pushing this time. Sounds like we had somewhat similar experiences as I also stopped pushing halfway and just didn't want to anymore.

 

[charliekay]

With my last labour I had the epidural so didn't get the urge to push at all, I really struggled even though I was pushing the midwife accused me of not pushing ( I wanted to push her right out the door) like you I'm hoping not to get the epidural this time so I can experience some kind of pushing urge and I hope I'm not pushing for an hour and 45 minutes again x

 

[BunnyN]

It sounds to me like there is no reason you couldnt have had a pleasant experience the second time but you we under too much stress and pressure. Maybe tell everyoone that you want no internals and no coaching and want to be left alone for at least an hour to do things your way?

I loved pushing but my lovely MW who has 3 children addmitted that she hated it so its different for everyone.

 

[kuntrykutie]

When I had my DD, I told my doctor to not bother telling me when to push, and then when I felt like I needed to push, I would and he was fine with that. From the time my water broke to the time I had my daughter it was 4 hours and 10 mins. I also kept screaming, it's natural to want to be able to feel the urge to push. I hope I get as lucky this time around.

 

[lynnikins]

I only " pushed " out babies 1 and 2, baby 3 was born at home while i was on hands and knees and my body did it all i was focusing on just breathing, baby four i was on hands and knees in the pool at home also didn't push, baby five same as baby 4, i only pushed with baby 1 because i was getting told to by half a dozen people and it was ventouse delivery anyway. and only pushed 2wice with baby 2 because he didnt need more than that and i was on my side when he was born due to SPD making it impossible for me to lie on my back.
I think if women can trust enough in their bodies and not give in to panic and instead keep calm their bodies would surprise them by doing most of the work , and positioning is really key in this. if you had asked this in the Natural birthing section i suspect most of the ladies wouldn't have "pushed" so much as let their body push