Why are people so anti FF..rant

[mrsf1234]

Firstly this isn't a bf debate. We all know that all things being equal, breast is best.

But if the baby is hungry and you've tried the fennel tea and 100 other things to feed your baby, why would u still insist in BFing. There comes a point when the baby just needs food surely and if that's only available from a bottle then surely that's the most important thing?!

(And re-state this is not a bf debate and I am talking about when bf'ing simply isn't going to work, and everything has been tried but mums still won't switch to formula as 'breast is best!').

Rant over.

 

[PumpkinBump]

Exactly!!! I tried for 10 weeks to breast feed but always did like 60% formula and rest was breast milk. I hate hate hate having to try and explain my decision to do so to people who were just absolutely certain that all women can make enough milk for their babies. Guess what??? I can't. And I won't make my baby suffer trying either. Now after he started refusing my pumped milk I am 100% formula feeding and glad to have my body back to myself

 

[skunkpixie]

I agree.

Aparently only 1-2% of mothers cant produce enough milk to feed thier baby. This statistic gets thrown around all the time. I wonder where this peice of information came from and how many mothers where included in this study. Every woman's breast milk is unique so surely every woman's milk supply is also going to be different? xxx

 

[mrsbeano]

Such a shame you've had people judging you. It seems as though you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

[kat2504]

Most people are not anti-FF. In real life most people aren't all that bothered about how you feed your baby so long as you do actually feed it. It seems to be mostly on the internet that people get their knickers in a twist about it. Given that the majority of babies are formula fed either partially or completely, the majority of mothers must therefore not have a problem with formula feeding seeing as most babies get formula milk at some point. Unfortunately there are some people who can't mind their own business but why bother justifying your choices to them?

 

[Celesse]

I guess it depends where you draw the line and when you consider you've tired "everything". If a woman is breastfeeding her child and not ensuring that child is receiving nutrition they are gonna end up with a sick baby very quickly and if they don't respond to medical advice and continue to let that baby starve social services aren't gonna be too happy. I don't think any woman "insists" on breastfeeding a child when breastfeeding isn't working. Some women, like myself, do continue to breastfeed or make attempts to breastfeed along side supplementing even when breastfeeding appears to be failing.

For me breastfeeding wasn't working with DD. I had no supply, she refused to latch, he 5 day weight loss was 18%. With DS he initially latched but then got sick and was too unwell to get milk from the breast, having to be tube fed initially then bottle fed as he lost weight once I tried to get him on the breast. His 5 day weight loss was 14% and he dipped again when I tired to BF. I also ended up very sick between 2 and 4 weeks pp.

I could quite easily have said when my daughter was 9 days old, "she won't latch, I have no milk therefore I need to FF". But I didn't.
When my son was 4 weeks old I could have easily said "he's been poorly, I've been poorly, therefore breastfeeding hasn't worked out so I'm going to need to FF". But again I didn't.

But in both cases I continued to try and breastfeed in spite of being told it wasn't working. I tried along side supplementation of formula and EBM. Baby never went hungry. My daughter was down to one bottle a day by about 6 weeks and continued being combi fed that one bottle until we finally went exclusive at 4 months. My son was just starting to do well with his feeding when I got took poorly and at 4 weeks was almost exclusively bottle fed. By 8 weeks he was exclusively breast fed. At 16 weeks I introduced a FF at bedtime by choice.

The OP question is "why are people anti FF and would insist on BFing?". For me it was nothing to do with being "anti-formula". It was because I knew that only 2% of women cannot BF and it was statistically unlikely I would be in that 2%. Its not about being anti FF, its about knowing that problems can be solved and that I didn't need to stop BFing to nourish my child. I used formula to keep my babies alive whilst I addressed breastfeeding issues, instead of switching over to formula completely. The majority of my issues where resolved before baby reached 8 weeks old.

Also I never felt "breast is best". I consider breast feeding the biologically normal way to feed a child. Formula is a brilliant invention there to save babies lives when breastfeeding encounters issues, but for me its generally something to use in an emergency rather than through choice. I don't see this as being anti-formula, I just see formula in a different way than some people. But perhaps it was that attitude that made me continue attempting to breastfeed long after many would have drawn the line.

I often feel like I completely missed the newborn stage of both my children. The first few weeks of both their lives where the hardest of my life. If another woman decides not to go through the same thing and to switch to formula it wouldn't even occur to me to judge her. I would completely understand. However the OP appears to make a lot of judgements of women that continue to BF which in my experience as a BFer and a peer supporter are just not true.

 

[sandilion]

You will be amazed that a lot of people are also anti BF. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I have had very few people be respectful of the fact i BF, and sadly more often than not i have received negativity regarding it. I have even lost a friend because even though i never brought it up, questioned why she FF nor went out of my way to flaunt to her, she still after many times of defending her decision to FF, finally just stopped talking to me after our last time of hanging out together as I had to BF my LO on that occasion and it all was just too much for her.

I was treated very often like someone that was trying to prove something by BF, where FF is the more 'independent' thing to do. I was accused of being weak and easily bullied to BF, that surely I wouldn't decide to do such a thing on my own. The list goes on.

Since putting LO on formula, I have had nothing but positivity in real life. The friend still wont speak to me anymore though, but I have found it seems to be more socially accepted to FF than BF. (not the reasons why i weaned LO though, did that due to no longer handling the hormones well and other personal reasons)

And the end of the day I don't give a crap how someone feeds their baby. As long as the baby is being fed, that's all that matters. I BF from the beginning because I am a bit of a hippy at heart and with everything, including my cosmetics i generally go for the 'natural' options.

But yeah don't let people get ya down. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

 

[robinator]

Honestly, I think a lot of people are anti-ff because of websites like this. When my supply wasn't enough and had to supplement with one bottle of formula a day (from the beginning), I felt like a failure. I had read all the threads prior to her birth and saw how hard people came down on those who chose to ff. If it wasn't for those, my choice to supplement would have been logical and rational, not heartbreaking, full of tears and self-condemnation.

 

[cat lover]

I combi feed because a) lo took 3.5 weeks to regain her birth weight when ebf and b) i have a toddler and would frankly be neglecting her if i bf all day. there are many choices and ways a woman can continue to bf but personally i dont care how anyone feeds their baby as long as they do so. i agreewith kat2504, in real life i haveactually never metanyone who givestwo hoots whether you bf or ff, for somereason the internetseems to be where it all kicks off x

 

[dizz]

Because they've been effectively brainwashed by the whole parental guilt industry into a whole ball of wanting to do absolutely the "optimal" thing for every single factor concerning their child and they lose sight of the fact that what is "best" in order to maintain a positive family atmosphere and happy mother AND child might not be what is 100% optimal.

Add in busybodies and internet keyboard warrior bullies who can't keep their nose out of other people's business, and the fact that there's a certain lobby who like to sit in a nice little huddle and basically accuse anyone who is having bf difficulties of lying (and trumpet that effing 1-2% statistic like it's the ONLY reason behind bfing issues... ignoring issues with the baby, issues with latch, issues with anything other than simply being able to produce milk) and you're left with the potential to rapidly sink into a spiral of thinking it's simply a case of you "not trying hard enough" and keep pushing and pushing yourself.

Add in a world we're in now where half the medical bods aren't even allowed to mention the existence of bottles and teats for expressed milk, let alone the existence of formula and you have the potential to fall even further into the "must try harder" trap.

And for me there was an element of the fact that the birth had been so horrific, so utterly and completely against anything I'd "planned" (I don't really mean that word in a birth plan sense - more in the sense of visualised) - and I'd ran through most of the possibilities in my head - c-sections, induction, normal deliveries, the general apocalyptic scenarios of doom my mind's wonderful at coming up with at 4am... it was beyond pretty much all of them - and the first weeks of her early life had been so dominated by the hospital dictating absolutely everything about her life - from when I could touch and hold her, to when she needed to be fed or changed - and I clung to what I hoped I'd be able to control as my last bastion of some form of "choice"... of course now I realise they'd backed me into a situation where I had almost had that element of choice robbed from me by their making formula (and, and this is the bit that makes me cross even now - simply bottles and expressed milk were unspeakable evils) into the unmentionable taboo.

They can sit in their little corner and point at me and call me a shit mother for going the path I went down - no doubt in years to come I'll fall into their shit mother category again if I let my children climb trees, or not climb trees, or eat chocolate, or not eat chocolate - someone somewhere is always going to be pissed off and condemnative of whatever I do, and one day might grow up and learn to mind their own effing business.

 

[socitycourty]

This is not directed toward anyone on this site in particular, but I was bullied off of Mothering forums for being a FF....where they have a board called "child led weaning' of women who are BF 5-6-7 year old kids.

I think that for some women the feeding method is the ultimate goal of parenting. Like if you don't BF you might as well pour drano in your baby's bottle. in the big picture it's such a small thing and if you went to an elementary school, you would never know who was fed what.

I wish I had not been so hard on myself for having to give up. It wasn't my issue but my daughter's. So I guess I don't fit into the 1-2% statistic, therefore my quitting wasn't "acceptable" in the eyes of some people.

IRL I get asked all the time if I'm still BF. It really pisses me off

 

[MrsStutler]

I think Dizz said it perfectly! Some women (Like myself) were brainwashed into believing you were a failure if you FF.

I battled horrible pain, like toe curling, screaming at the top of my lungs, crying through every feeding pain in the beginning but I stuck with it because I wasn't going to be one of those "weak" women (this is brainwashed mind speaking) who quit. We got through the pain but they I had to battle a low supply that was only made worse by my return to school and the inability to pump milk during my 9 hour days there. I was still fighting it though, I took 25 fenugreek pills a day, pumped day and night and did everything in my power not to fail. Right around the time my son turned 9 months I got pregnant and saw a drastic decrease in supply. My son was beginning to refuse to nurse and I couldn't even hand express a few drops anymore. I was limited to what I could try because of the pregnancy but I crammed lactation cookies and pumped like a mad woman all to no avail. My son went three days without any milk at all and lost weight because of it. I knew logically I was fighting a hormonal battle that I wasn't likely to win. Still, I felt unbelievably guilty and horrid about giving him formula. Thanks to being brainwashed by severe BFing enthusiasts I was of the mind set that formula was poison. That I was failing as a mother because only 1-2% (hey...that statistic again!) couldn't actually BF and it was so unlikely I was one of them. I just wasn't doing something right, I wasn't trying hard enough, I wasn't doing a good enough job, I didn't want it bad enough. Those are all things I told myself.

Now, I've FF my son for two and a half weeks and he is back at a healthy weight and is happy as can be. It has taken a lot of work to come to terms with the sudden end to our relationship but I am becoming more and more ok. I've had a lot of support from friends and family who understand that I am upset but it is ok to feel that way, and I am not failing as a mother. I fought valiantly but lost...and it is OK. That is what I think a lot of the BFing pushers forget. Sometimes you just can't...and it's OK!! As long as your baby is being fed, that is what is important. Formula is not the devil, formula will not kill your babies brain cells and make them a moron (yeah I've heard someone say that).

That being said I think a lot of it does come from the few loud and outspoken BFing enthusiasts who saturate the internet with these brainwashing ideals and make it feel as if it is breast milk or poison, no other option. In real life I have never had any negative experiences with either BFing or FFing. lucky I guess. On the internet though...oh I've been ripped to shreds.

 

[Leids]

This is not directed toward anyone on this site in particular, but I was bullied off of Mothering forums for being a FF....where they have a board called "child led weaning' of women who are BF 5-6-7 year old kids.

I think that for some women the feeding method is the ultimate goal of parenting. Like if you don't BF you might as well pour drano in your baby's bottle. in the big picture it's such a small thing and if you went to an elementary school, you would never know who was fed what.

I wish I had not been so hard on myself for having to give up. It wasn't my issue but my daughter's. So I guess I don't fit into the 1-2% statistic, therefore my quitting wasn't "acceptable" in the eyes of some people.

IRL I get asked all the time if I'm still BF. It really pisses me off

I'm so sorry that people are closed-minded and bullied you off of a forum. That's insane.

I've suffered the entire time I've breastfed with illness after illness. The post partum period has not been kind to me at all. I do love breastfeeding, but formula is an amazing invention that can provide me with the ability to get my health back on track. I don't see anyone who formula feeds as a bad mother, you do what's best for your family.

I'm now moving over to formula, and like robinator said, I think part of why I feel so terrible and heartbroken is because of sites like these. At the same time, the women on these forums made me feel amazing when I was heartbroken over transitioning to formula. We can only do so much.

 

[socitycourty]

Lots of the ladies here have helped me. It does still sting when there's threads going around about the benefits of BF, how great it is, the bonding, etc. Even if I was FF by choice I'd probably still feel bad.

IRL I have never met one person who was anti BF. There is definitely more of a judgment on FF moms, even here in my real life neighborhood.

Formula is not the devil. My mom FF my sister and I by choice. No one ever gave her any grief about it. My sister and I are both totally fine. Not even a big deal in the 80's.

 

[ktod]

I combi feed as EBF just wasn't working out but sites like this actually sometimes make me question should I even bother with the breast feeding part of combi feeding since I destroyed all the benefits of bf with formula. Then I remember people talk a load of crap so I continue to combi feed. I must say I do find FF more convenient but that's probably cos I have BF issues.

 

[ericacaca]

Ladies, thanks for this little opportunity to have a rant. I'm still breastfeeding but as going back to work it won't be a doable option in the future. So I ask for advice from HVs and NCT counsellors and all I've heard from them is that I should express and carry on breastfeeding... not one has advised me at all or said to me its ok to FF our little boy. I really feel like I'm a bad mother for even wanting to switch... not because of my emotions towards it all (I love breastfeeding.... even though it does has its rough times) but because of HVs and BF councellors making me feel guilty for not wanting to continue and telling me that my work has an obligation to offer me a room and a fridge to express

But I don't flippin want to go into a room and sorry to sound horrible but feel like a milking cow where I can hear kids that I teach outside in the very few spare bits of time that I have!

Its really upsetting. I'm switching to FF soon and thank you so much ladies in advance for all the advice and support. It just seems like a minefield out there! xxx

 

[aliss]

I think it can work both ways. One part of it is people cannot empathize with those who switch to FF for medical need or respect those who choose to FF for personal choice. The other part (and here me out here) is that a lot of non-bullying/non-attacks are *taken* as personal attacks/insults by those who are still "recovering" (if I can say that) from the feelings they have surrounding their decisions.

When I first started to FF Alex after a variety of medical problems, I felt like a failure, but 2.5 years later I do not. And the reason for that is that I am well removed from the situation and the personal feelings around it - a lot of things I took as insults or bullying really were not, it was my perception of things that made it so. Was I hurt when I read that formula was the *4th* best option to feed an infant, health-wise? Yes. But I can also NOW acknowledge that it is what it is, and that it was the 4th best (for example), and that was life. C'est la vie.

 

[bubbles123]

The whole 4th best thing makes no sense. It's BM then formula. They are the options. So formula is number 2. Seriously, giving baby your own BM in a bottle is second best? Who thinks this stuff up? It's amazing we don't just top ourselves for being so sub optimal! I have very little guilt left over FF but that is because I have 2 very healthy kids so it's a waste of time!

 

[kerrie24]

Not everyone who successfully breastfeeds has it easy and niether do we all depise formula feeding mums.

 

[Dragonfly]

The whole 4th best thing makes no sense. It's BM then formula. They are the options. So formula is number 2. Seriously, giving baby your own BM in a bottle is second best? Who thinks this stuff up? It's amazing we don't just top ourselves for being so sub optimal! I have very little guilt left over FF but that is because I have 2 very healthy kids so it's a waste of time!

Breastmilk
wet nurse
donor milk
formula

to clear that one up.

Just be aware also breastfeeding mums get so much hatred and a hard time to,. This works both ways. I have had plenty of it my way I wouldnt dream of giving it to another mum.