Why are some women so bitchy??

[LulaBug]

I've been trying really hard, not OTT trying, but just putting more of an effort in with trying to make friend's so I can meet up with other mum's and their babies, so it's not just me and Ethan all the time.
Otherwise, Ethan is going to turn up on his first day of Nursery and be like "WTF, there are little people like me here, why was I not informed of this? Are they safe?"

Anyways, I went to a party one of the mums was hosting a couple of weeks back and I thought we got on great, there was mention of a meet the following week in the park, but I'd already said I couldn't make it that day due to an appointment. The majority of the ladies had met each other before hand so they had already had that advantage, whereas I was the newbie.
I got invited to the park, I couldn't go and that was it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we get to BFF status after one meet up but it's made me feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me when they're inviting each other to event's and leaving me out and declining my offer of meeting up when I suggest it.

What has really offended me now is that a few days ago, on facebook I sent a message to 7 of the ladies on my list enquiring about meeting up one day this week with the kids in the park. 2 of the ladies got back to me via the message thread and were up for meeting. The rest of them just totally ignored it.
Facebook has been playing up lately, so I thought it might be down to that. So I wrote a message out and copied and pasted it to each of their walls saying "Not sure if you've been receiving the emails to your inbox RE: meeting this week with the kids at the park, would you be interested at all?" and they all said no they hadn't received the emails and made their excuses as to why they couldn't turn up.

Today one of the mums who IS interested was wishing the other mum who is interested also good luck for her job interview, so the thread has continued.

Then out of nowhere, one of the mums get's all snotty saying she's fed up of the emails, can I untag her because she's getting annoyed, then another one pipes up that she's getting annoyed too.

Why fucking lie to me and tell me, no, they've not got the emails when they blatantly have and are just not wanting to meet up and can't be honest about it and say so? Obviously, me and my child aren't good enough for them. Yet, I was alright when one of them needed extra people to come to her Ann Summers party and maybe boost her commission. I'm so pissed off.

Where is the need to be so bitchy?? I am fed up of mums in their fucking little cliques. It was the same when I went to baby group, I'd go and I'd get ignored, I'd try and make conversation and they'd look at me like I'd just farted in their cup of tea or something.

If this is how it's going to be with getting to know other mums, I'm better off being on my own. It's fucking pathetic. RANT OVER!! *deep breath*

Ps. I'm not sure where to put this thread, if it need's to be moved, of course I won't be offended if it gets moved to the relevant section.

 

[xxembobxx]

How awful for you. It is so hard to get into a clique. I always thought kids were a great way to meet new friends but it seems like other mums don't always feel like that!
I would suggest you keep trying with the mums who responded. They sound like the only people you would want as friends anyway. The snotty ones are probably not liked anyway. It's a shame some women haven't changed from being bitchy teenagers, you kinda think you have left all that behind when you leave school!

 

[GemBaxter]

Totally get where your coming from.

When I had my son I went to a couple of baby and bump groups. I felt really uncomfortable and left out. I felt like it was all about the competition with the children rather than talking to me as a person.

I never went back and always made excuses when the children's centre staff tried to encourage my going to these groups.

I have very few friends and some days I feel really down. I end up indoors all day and I know my son suffers for it. I am terrified of when the next baby comes.

Wish I could offer some advice but I am afriad all I can give is an understanding

xxx

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

Wow, that was a bit harsh of them. I go to quite a few baby groups now and I've made friends with 7 other mums, since having Arf and we get together quite often. We met at BF support group and we all stopped going when we went back to work. I now go again since I've had Violet and I totally feel excluded because I'm pretty much the only one who has two children and it's like they feel we don't have any common ground They're pleasant though and I don't think any of them would behave like that, that's very rude and unneccessary really. Don't be put off meeting new people lovey, have you tried the meets section in here or even netmums perhaps?

 

[mutti]

I really feel for you!!

I have the same situation and sometimes it really upsets me. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me but have recently heard that the women I wanted to be friends with were talking about another woman who was supposedly a really good friend!! I told my husband I'm better off without them!!! I feel bad for my son because he literally doesn't have one friend, but I don't want to get involved with a bunch of women who behave worse than children

 

[LulaBug]

I haven't tried the meets section yet, I might give that a try. The majority of the mums are from netmums, so I'm starting to lose hope with that.

I know I can't go to every event that get's organised but to have been included in a couple so they could get to know me more and let their kids meet Ethan would have been nice, but nope.

Ethan started pulling himself up on furniture and crawling today and I am such a proud mum that I mentioned it on facebook and only a handful of my friends (none of the mums mentioned above) "liked" the status.
One of the mums daughter was able to stand by herself also today and they all flocked to like and comment on her status.

I know I probably sound all pathetic, but it's just....what's wrong with me? I feel like there is something about me that screams off "Don't make friends with HER". This might sound really stupid but could it be because I'm fat and they're all slim and pretty and I maybe just don't fit in with their prettiness and I'm bringing the attractiveness of the group down? It's a thought I've had.

 

[v2007]

And this is why i don't do cliques.

They are full of bitches who think they are it.



V xxx

 

[binxyboo]

Ugh, I hate cliques at the best of times, but cliquey mums seem to be about the worst of them all.
I had a really good friend whose LO was born around the same time I fell pregnant. She was really excited for me and said we could be 'mum friends' as well as real friends. We could take our kids out together etc.
Then during my pregnancy, she was allowed into a mum clique. She turned into a Queen Bitch overnight.
The event that hurt me the most was her birthday. She sent me a FB message asking me to keep the evening free/arrange a babysitter cos she was going to book a restaurant and would let me know the time and place. About 3 or 4 days before her birthday loads of people I don't know started posting on her wall about how much they enjoyed their meal out. When I saw her later that week to give her birthday present to her I asked about the meal out and the fact that she had asked me to keep the date free. She actually said 'Oh, sorry - did I invite you aswell. You should have said. You could have tagged along. I doubt any of my friends would have minded'.
I don't contact her anymore, and she only ever contacts me when she wants me to babysit for her so she can go out with her 'friends'. I'm always busy.

I apologise. This turned into a bit of a rant. I guess what I am trying to say is - They are everywhere, and you are better off leaving them alone to be bitches together.

 

[GemBaxter]

A few of us have turned into a rant during our post

More common than I guess we all thought!

xxx

 

[LulaBug]

Rant away ladies, I honestly don't mind. At least we can then say we're not the only ones to feel this way. xx

 

[Hunkdorey]

.

Then out of nowhere, one of the mums get's all snotty saying she's fed up of the emails, can I untag her because she's getting annoyed, then another one pipes up that she's getting annoyed too.

Why fucking lie to me and tell me, no, they've not got the emails when they blatantly have and are just not wanting to meet up and can't be honest about it and say so?

Have you replied back yet? I would reply saying, "well I didn't feel the need to remove any tags of you as you had stated earlier that you hadn't received any email from me. Sorry, removing you now." Turn the mirror on her - people dont like to be reminded of their bitchiness!

That's terrible what they are being like though - sound like fannys!! And no, don't for A MINUTE think that it could be anything to do with you!! Sounds to me like a case of The Plastics!! xx

 

[LulaBug]

.

Then out of nowhere, one of the mums get's all snotty saying she's fed up of the emails, can I untag her because she's getting annoyed, then another one pipes up that she's getting annoyed too.

Why fucking lie to me and tell me, no, they've not got the emails when they blatantly have and are just not wanting to meet up and can't be honest about it and say so?

Have you replied back yet? I would reply saying, "well I didn't feel the need to remove any tags of you as you had stated earlier that you hadn't received any email from me. Sorry, removing you now." Turn the mirror on her - people dont like to be reminded of their bitchiness!

That's terrible what they are being like though - sound like fannys!! And no, don't for A MINUTE think that it could be anything to do with you!! Sounds to me like a case of The Plastics!! xx

Yep, this was my reply. "When I asked yesterday if you were receiving the emails, you said no, if I'd known you were (still) receiving them, I'd have started up a new conversation box. I do apologise and will untag you from the emails." and then I just closed the whole conversation thing. xxx

 

[leoniebabey]

can relate! although i do go to a couple of group where i seem to have mixed in well but it tends to be more go along have a chat and go home which tbh i dont mind as it cuts out all the drama and i can look forward to having a little catch up once a week,

however i did (just finished) a course for young mums and me being the only one without a babysitter would never get invited to their houses, well i could have went and took LO but that would have been a hassle and when i tried to say do you not want to come to my house they point blank ignored me then when they saw i was quite taken aback said they couldnt be assed to walk. ITS 10 MINS AWAY!!

also found it gets cliquey on here too

sorry for the rant but i'd just not bother with these people (or arrange to meet up with the decent ones only)

 

[Niki]

LulaBug if I lived near you and had a bump or lil one then we could have our own lil meeting lol

 

[LulaBug]

Awww thanks Niki xxx

 

[GemBaxter]

Just noticed Lula you are in Kent - that's where I am originally from. In Hampshire now.

It is hard though because where do we go to meet other people in our situation without the threat of cliques?

xxx

 

[nikkip75]

Aw this sounds horrible hun, they sound like a gang of bitches and you really are better of without them

I've been really lucky that I've found a really lovely group of friends through going to playgroups. And the group just seems to be getting bigger and bigger. If there's a new mum at group we always make her feel welcome and invite them round on the coffee mornings etc. BUT it did take me years to find these friends. I was new to the city when I had my 5 year old and it's only been the last 2 years or so that I've got closer to people and all started meeting up outside of playgroup.

I've come across all the competitive mums and the cliques and have just steered well clear. You will only get bitchy 2 faced people who arent worth the hassle If you get involved with these people.

Keep trying the playgroups hun, you might just find some girls who think the same was as you do. Oh and its got nothing to do with your weight or the way you look!

 

[Lellow]

How absolutely hideous of them - They DO sound like right bitches!

Its not you thats the problem, its them....I bet if you were to meet them one on one they wouldnt dream of behaving this way. I do think theres alot of pack mentality!

Youve had one bad experience, but do not let them put you off making other friends, not all women are queen bitches!

I cant even be arsed trying to make 'mummy friends', i have my best friends who have kids and we were friends way before kids came along and we still are now even with our broods!

 

[Feltzy]

They don't sound like nice women to be around, and please don't think its anything to do with you they're just cowbags!

Personally I'd delete them from my facebook and forget about them, they're not worth it!

I had to laugh at the bit about 'farting in their tea' though Maybe thats what you should do if you meet again, give them a good send off

 

[xSophieBx]

That is absolutely disgusting!! I would delete them off your facebook and start fresh. Try a new baby group in a diff area. I'm put off of going to baby groups because I'm only 20 I'm scared of feeling judged. I've done baby massage though which I loved and everyone was so lovely to me. x