Why are WE not this fertile?

[CurlySue]

Do you ever just get really, really upset that you're not as fertile as some people?

Do you ever wish that you had even been pregnant, just once, even if it didn't end in a child, just to know that you COULD?

Do you ever find it hard to relate to people who are so fertile that they get pregnant without even having sex? Exaggerating, yes, but you know what I mean. People who only have to be looked upon in order to conceive a child.

At the minute I am just feeling utterly jealous of anyone. There is a woman at work (in our other office) and she has just conceived her fifth (yes, fifth) child. She only started TTC in April and since then she has had 2 chemical pregnancies and now she is pregnant again.

So, in 5 cycles she has got pregnant 3 times...yet in the probably 2 years plus I have been off the pill I have not even seen a second line.

How is SHE so fertile and I'm not?

3 in 5 months, she conceived. NONE in TWENTY PLUS months have I. Not even once. I don't even know if I CAN conceive and, I honestly wish I could because, it might not have been a sticky bean but at least I would have known I could do it!

Something's not really fair in the world there, is it?

She doesn't even appreciate the kids she's got.

 

[Vickie]

You're right it's not fair that some people conceive so quickly (some without even trying) while others struggle and struggle

 

[CurlySue]

It feels utterly shite. Especially when you consider that she palms her kids off on her parents every weekend, moans about what 'a drag' it is to not be able to afford holidays with them.

SHE is the one that wants five kids. How can she blame them for her lack of holidays?

It just really doesn't feel fair. It doesn't feel fair that some people are so sodding fertile when others just fail time and time again.

Because that's what it feels like.

Failure.

 

[Barneyboo]

Just wanted to say you are not a failure by any means I wish I could make it better for ladies like yourself it is so unfair, please belive that one day it will happen x x x x

 

[miel]

honey i was just thinking the same thing...why is this taking me so long when some are announcing the BFP within a month of trying?

i don't have a answer for us... beside it's just my life , my destiny i guess...but let me tell you when i get pregnant i will remember what i went through and i will appreciate every single minute of my pregnancy

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

it is completely unfair. Particularly when you think of the number that get pregnant and then go on to abort for no real reason other than it isn't good timing for them. I'm still WTT but one of my biggest worries is i'll have trouble conceiving when i do start trying

 

[miel]

i wish i have a magic TTC wand ! i really do

 

[FJL]

I wish I held the answers to those questions CS...I really do.

I too would love to know that I can get pregnant but the thought of a m/c absolutely terrifies me and if that were to happen I doubt that during that awful time I would be grateful that I did get pregnant...it would be fucking awful.

I have a friend who has had 4 consecutive m/c's (no child) between 6-14 weeks. The dr's give her no answers but to keep trying and hopefully one will stick around. She is too scared to try again incase she gets pregnant and loses her baby for the 5th time. I don't know which is worse, ours or her situation...either way they both suck and it isn't fair.

We just have to have hope that we will one day become pregnant and have a baby...if we didn't have a teeny bit of hope we wouldn't be here right? Even when it feels like all hope is gone, theres got to be some sort of hope hidden deep down inside us.

You become sick of being devestated instead of happy when someone falls pg. From time to time (no idea why!) I torture myself and go into the BFP secion and 99% of the time I have no idea who that person is, meaning they probably got their BFP straight away. And to think some have the hyde of saying 'finally got my BFP!' when 'finally' to them means a few months...not a few years...I just feel like saying 'NO, YOU DON'T GET TO SAY FINALLY!!!' Right now, the only pregnancies I feel happy about are those that are from LTTC'ers and still then there is always a small amount of jealousy attached.

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Just wanted to give to all you ladies having problems

 

[miel]

do you think it's hard because infertility is kind of phisiacly painless ? what i mean i walk around every day and i feel good right ? and i don't feel like my body have something wrong i am not in pain all day ...but mentally i know something is wrong i just can not fell it ...so it's harder to accept ?

 

[leeanne]

I wish for all of you a BFP and very soon!

 

[FJL]

Definitely Miel...I think infertility is similar to depression in that 1. there is hardly any awareness (though depression awareness is growing) and 2. the emotional pain is far worse than any physical pain and you live it every single day but no one knows because they don't see you wounded up in a cast or see blood pissing out every which way.

I actually wish that IF carried physical attributes so that people could see the pain...someone with a broken leg would get a lot more sympathy than we do and the difference is huge. Their leg will heal but our hearts never will...at least I know mine won't, this traumatic experience will never leave me and I won't ever fully heal from it.

 

[Arcanegirl]

Group hug

 

[AutumnSky]

Do you ever just get really, really upset that you're not as fertile as some people?

Do you ever wish that you had even been pregnant, just once, even if it didn't end in a child, just to know that you COULD?

Do you ever find it hard to relate to people who are so fertile that they get pregnant without even having sex? Exaggerating, yes, but you know what I mean. People who only have to be looked upon in order to conceive a child.

At the minute I am just feeling utterly jealous of anyone. There is a woman at work (in our other office) and she has just conceived her fifth (yes, fifth) child. She only started TTC in April and since then she has had 2 chemical pregnancies and now she is pregnant again.

So, in 5 cycles she has got pregnant 3 times...yet in the probably 2 years plus I have been off the pill I have not even seen a second line.

How is SHE so fertile and I'm not?

3 in 5 months, she conceived. NONE in TWENTY PLUS months have I. Not even once. I don't even know if I CAN conceive and, I honestly wish I could because, it might not have been a sticky bean but at least I would have known I could do it!

Something's not really fair in the world there, is it?

She doesn't even appreciate the kids she's got.

I completely agree with everything you have said. I've been feeling like this a lot lately. It's only been 12 months for me, so I don't know if I qualify as a LT-TTC-er. I guess I do.

xxx

 

[loopylew]

ive been trying 12 months and it the not knowing "if" i can get pg at all which is the worse, i agree that its like a form of depression as you have little control over it, you can try change aspects i.e luteal phase etc but overall what will be will be i think. We've not had any pg's from us lttc's in a while, maybe that'll cheer us up and give us some hope

 

[jacky24]

I know how you feel hun, i have the emotional and physical scars to show for it...

I conceived yes by mistake the first time, and now when i so badly want a baby after our loss i have been trying now for 13months, and last month was my first O....

I know how you feel, as i have a huge scar from hip to hip to look at every single day and strechies looking like the atlas of the world.....

We will get our 's girls... FAITH-HOPE-LOVE, will get us there

 

[CurlySue]

To look at we appear normal, right? Nothing wrong on the outside, so people tell us oh, it will happen. Its not like you have three legs. But, thats not the point, is it? We could be the most physically perfect people ever but, if our egg does not want to play then what can we do? Make it? The power of mind does not work. I have tried it.

And, oh, FJL, I know exactly what you mean. I go in there sometimes and think "Jesus Christ, how come you get to be pregnant for the billionth time with your billionth child when we cannot even get pregnant once?" I know it's nasty but, what I would give for ONE child, let alone six or seven, and I'm not solely talking about this forum, here, but on another one I shall leave nameless there is a woman bitching on about how it is taking her "seven long months and counting" to conceive Baby Number Seven. Yeah? Try waiting three times plus that time trying to conceive baby number ONE!

And the ones who say "FINALLY a bfp" and then you look at their earliest posts and they say "TTC since April 2008" - and they say FINALLY? Oh my God.

I just don't think it's fair. I don't think it's fair that people can conceive two children, perhaps, and we are still waiting. I should have a child by now and another on the way but this is going to be another Christmas without one.

And it's infuriating.

 

[Beckic]

I used to pride myself on being positive and strong - but this is just so dibilitating - i want my old life back - i want the old me back - but then I would have to give up - and I cant - i want a baby too much to stop now after everything.
i'm tired of people telling em to stay positive - I think its an achievement that I get out of bed every morning.

I'm glad we have each other.

Bx x x

 

[Coffee]

Definitely Miel...I think infertility is similar to depression in that 1. there is hardly any awareness (though depression awareness is growing) and 2. the emotional pain is far worse than any physical pain and you live it every single day but no one knows because they don't see you wounded up in a cast or see blood pissing out every which way.

I actually wish that IF carried physical attributes so that people could see the pain...someone with a broken leg would get a lot more sympathy than we do and the difference is huge. Their leg will heal but our hearts never will...at least I know mine won't, this traumatic experience will never leave me and I won't ever fully heal from it.

Completely agree with this (and all the other posts). It's just crap! Noone can see how much it hurts and it feels like noone understands. Occasionally i just look at my friends and wonder how the hell they can not realise how unhappy i am sometimes!
It's the fact that it's all 'out of my control' that i hate the most. 13 months of desperately wanting my life to completely change (which it will with a child), and 13 months of waiting and wishing for that change and nothing. I can't control that at all. All i can do is keep wishing and hoping while i watch what seems to be everyone else around me getting everything they want from life.

Oh and CurlySue- i hear you with the "finally BFP" thing! It's not their fault but it's difficult not to get seriously p***ed off about it! That and the people that seem to join BnB just to announce their BFP in the TTC section. It's like they are taunting me "look at me with a big bfp and i haven't even had time to post in this section yet". I feel like saying "naff off to 1st trimester then and leave us alone in our misery"!!!!

 

[CurlySue]

I feel that way too. "Go away with your sodding two lines!"

I don't know. I am just jealous of these ultra fertile people who will get pregnant the minute they come off the pill. I pity people who miscarry, seriously I do, because that, too, is horrible. They are one step up on us in that they know they can conceive though, especially those who already have four or five children.

I'd love to know I could. It would at least give me hope that I am not thoroughly wasting my time trying each month...

My biggest pet hate though? "Look at this picture. I think it's positive but I'm not sure." Of COURSE you are sure, you soft cow, there are two dark, dark lines on your test.

Not sure my R-se.