Why are WE not this fertile?

[Freya]

I'm not going to offer a token post about 'I hope you all get your BFP's soon' - even though I sincerely hope you do. I wanted to post and say yes it often does us good to rant and rave about how unfair life is, we all need an outlet AND each and every one of us walking this earth has our own 'demons' or battles we need to face everyday that just aren't fair.

ALL our problems are 'relative' meaning they are devastating to the indiviual, so in some cases the ability to conceive could be the last thing on someone's mind who has suffered a still born birth, or who has cancer, or who's husband has just died.

I guess all I'm trying to say is, some of these women may gladly swap their situation with you, and you with them.....

Some posts came across of feeling really sorry for themselves - hey, we're all allowed some of that, but just wanted to advise not to let it consume you for longer than this thread - only because it'll be crap for the self AND I include myself in that 'advice'!!!!!

xxx

 

[FJL]

Freya - don't you think we already know these things?!? We know there is always someone else worse off, we wish like christ that this didn't consume us but it does. You telling us that there is always some one worse off and someone wanting to switch places is just dishonouring our feelings and our very hard shitty journey. And the fact this came from the mouth of someone who is pregnant, honestly it just pisses me off because it goes to show that you DON'T understand...even if you think you do...you don't.

If you aren't a LTTTC'er, perhaps its better you stay out of this section so that we don't have to digest comments like yours because frankly, they don't help.

 

[Wobbles]

Ouch! Freya have you ever faced infertility or any long battle of heartache TTC can bring? Just curious because I'd be surprised if you have based on the post above

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I think the old rule of "unless you have something nice to say don't say anything at all" applies here. It would seem she broke that rule. And being pregnant i think she shouldn't have said it really. Isn't fair to you ladies who are going through this.

 

[chefamy1122]

Freya - don't you think we already know these things?!? We know there is always someone else worse off, we wish like christ that this didn't consume us but it does. You telling us that there is always some one worse off and someone wanting to switch places is just dishonouring our feelings and our very hard shitty journey. And the fact this came from the mouth of someone who is pregnant, honestly it just pisses me off because it goes to show that you DON'T understand...even if you think you do...you don't.

If you aren't a LTTTC'er, perhaps its better you stay out of this section so that we don't have to digest comments like yours because frankly, they don't help.

Could not have said it better myself.

 

[Vickie]

I'm not going to offer a token post about 'I hope you all get your BFP's soon' - even though I sincerely hope you do. I wanted to post and say yes it often does us good to rant and rave about how unfair life is, we all need an outlet AND each and every one of us walking this earth has our own 'demons' or battles we need to face everyday that just aren't fair.

ALL our problems are 'relative' meaning they are devastating to the indiviual, so in some cases the ability to conceive could be the last thing on someone's mind who has suffered a still born birth, or who has cancer, or who's husband has just died.

I guess all I'm trying to say is, some of these women may gladly swap their situation with you, and you with them.....

Some posts came across of feeling really sorry for themselves - hey, we're all allowed some of that, but just wanted to advise not to let it consume you for longer than this thread - only because it'll be crap for the self AND I include myself in that 'advice'!!!!!

xxx

Honestly I can't even believe I'm reading this on this forum. It's such a great and supportive place and to see the posted in the LTTC section is heartbreaking. I have several friends on here who have been trying to conceive for a very long time. They would give anything to have a baby, it's what they want more than anything in the world. And yet these same women supported me (I was lucky and fell pregnant very quickly) throughout my pregnancy and the birth of my child. Every time I look at Hannah I realize just how lucky I am that I was able to conceive her, it doesn't happen as easily for everyone.

 

[miel]

Please don't compare everyones pains and suffers and telling us to only express ours feelings only in this thread ...you have no right to do that! Trust me no right!

 

[Arcanegirl]

Im not even going to bother with a thought out response to this

 

[NeyNey]

What the hell.

As I approach 3 years and still TTC our first baby.
I wonder where you get the balls to say something like that to us?

 

[krissi]

I am going to pretend I haven't read that post, you obviously have no idea what you are talking about. Our whole point is that inability to conceive is for a lot of us just as debilitating as a disease where the symptom can clearly been seen by the outside world. Whilst we are NOT comparing LTTC to something like cancer (but thanks for insinuating we were) the effect for us are very life destroying. So in future please think before you post and in fact please don't post here if that is the sort of comments you are going to offer us.

This post was an opportunity for us to rant not have our feelings analysed!

PS all the best with bump x

 

[trickytrouble]

What an amazingly touching and excellent post. I have to admit, I am a lurker, I have not had the guts to post anything ever (this being my first ever post) although I am big a follower of the LTTC-ers section of BNB.

I have been TTC since March 2006 (OMG it will nearly be three years) HOWEVER I was also TTC for three years with my previous partner of seven years with no success (although underwent quite serious cervical problems and was told it may be hard to conceive in the future) so I guess in total that would make 5 1/2 years and its heartbreaking, it really and truly is and I am so glad to have found a place of solace and really hope to get to know some of you. I am severely polycystic and have already had a laparoscopy and ovarian cystectomy to remove a orange sized cyst from my left fallopian tube. Have also had dye tests and have lost 2 1/2 stones so far to try and improve my periods (which were non existent). My partner alas has apparently got a low sperm count and low motility and we are waiting on more tests. I have a follow up gyno appointment in October 08 possibly to discuss ICSI procedures so things are not great.

I, probably like many others in the same boat, have given up on ever being able to naturally have children and where I know it may still happen I sometimes feel that why should I have to pay for treatment (and given my age waiting on a 3year NHS waiting list will make me 36 years old and possibly too old for free treatment) when other people get pregnant very easily and dont have to pay, but hey, thats my bitter conclusion

I dont resent pregnant women, I am more than happy for them, however its heartbreaking month after month to get yet ANOTHER BFN and have people rather tactlessly tell me to "go and adopt" (yeah, its that easy) or take a holiday (yes, of course that will miraculously make me pregnant) or "it will happen eventually (what... in 15 years)..

When does it ever get easy

Neyney, Krissi, FJL, Curlysue, Genkigemini and anyone who i have failed to mention, I admire you, i really do and really hope that things get better for all of us !!

TT xxx

 

[Freya]

Despite appearances to the opposite I really didn't mean to cause offence in my post. I wrote my post quickly and without reading it or expressing myself properly at all!

Just wanted to say that problems are 'relative' and deperately important to each of us an indivduals - or something like that anyway.

Having read through other posts I appreciate your comments and want to apologise to all those offended.

Life is there for living and learning and I have learnt something I'll take away with with me and hopefully it will make me a better person for it (at least more educated!)

 

[krissi]

Post deleted as can't be bothered!

Good luck with the baby Freya, but i think we will have to agree to disagree x All the best x

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

I'm not going to offer a token post about 'I hope you all get your BFP's soon' - even though I sincerely hope you do. I wanted to post and say yes it often does us good to rant and rave about how unfair life is, we all need an outlet AND each and every one of us walking this earth has our own 'demons' or battles we need to face everyday that just aren't fair.

ALL our problems are 'relative' meaning they are devastating to the indiviual, so in some cases the ability to conceive could be the last thing on someone's mind who has suffered a still born birth, or who has cancer, or who's husband has just died.

I guess all I'm trying to say is, some of these women may gladly swap their situation with you, and you with them.....

Some posts came across of feeling really sorry for themselves - hey, we're all allowed some of that, but just wanted to advise not to let it consume you for longer than this thread - only because it'll be crap for the self AND I include myself in that 'advice'!!!!!

xxx

i thought id jump in here... if im reading right your saying as much as us ladies hurt there is always sum1 who might be slightly worse off...
me.. iv been trying 2 years.. yes im fertile BUT i cant carry a child. im undergoing tests 2 see whats rong with me. i may never have kids. iv lost 4 babies in a row. im married 2 a squaddie who last year nearly lost his life, instead our best mate died infront of him.
my life is b*llox but i wuddnt swap my life with any1. its my life and i plod threw with the help of the ladies on here.
yes i write rant posts because there are ppl who take life 4 granted, and who r having kids that dnt deserve kids or im feeling low because at 20 im told i might never have a baby.
enless uv lost a baby or had the heartache all us ladies have u cnt rele comment on the suffering n heartache weve endured.
i come on here so i can hear ppl problems and help them. and they can help me.

 

[pixielou]

well, like the rest of you I'm very suprised that this was posted! I do think though that she meant wel, like others do but just really shouldn't have said that! Yes, I can see where the comments came from about trying not to dwell etc.. but as we all know it's easier said than done and telling someone not to worry really dosen't help.

 

[Freya]

Having rushed a reply at work, I wanted to make sure the folk who I upset knew I appreciated their comments and telling me the impact of what I had said and how it was received. I want to take back what was said. Gutted that I have made people upset. Despite appearances - it sooooo wasn't my intention and I was wrong.

I know my apology wont help ease the offence and upset, I know this, but it's the only thing I have to give to you. No excuses, no justifications.

I like to think all make mistakes from time to time, and this is certainly a very errrm ...public one! Want to learn from it though, as said in edited post, and I know I will.

I can do nothing else to ease the upset caused, although wish I could. I daren't write anything else to sign off, in case it's received as patronising or false, but I wish only the very best for all.

 

[Coffee]

Having rushed a reply at work, I wanted to make sure the folk who I upset knew I appreciated their comments and telling me the impact of what I had said and how it was received. I want to take back what was said. Gutted that I have made people upset. Despite appearances - it sooooo wasn't my intention and I was wrong.

I know my apology wont help ease the offence and upset, I know this, but it's the only thing I have to give to you. No excuses, no justifications.

I like to think all make mistakes from time to time, and this is certainly a very errrm ...public one! Want to learn from it though, as said in edited post, and I know I will.

I can do nothing else to ease the upset caused, although wish I could. I daren't write anything else to sign off, in case it's received as patronising or false, but I wish only the very best for all.

aww bless you i say! To be honest, i laughed out loud at your original post! That's exactly why i come on this forum as people on here understand, whereas when i talk to my friends or family about TTC i get those unhelpful comments like "things could be worse, at least you're alive and healthy" or whatever. So to be honest, it made me laugh. I don't think you can ever understand how utterly horrible it can be to be in this situation though, unless you've been through it yourself. I thought i could empathise and understand with other people in this situation... until i went through it myself and got one hell of a shock at how much it affects your daily life.
Unfortunately, emotions can be pretty raw in this section. We all feel very hard done by and like we've been treated unfairly! A post like that is always going to cause upset with all the ladies, but i for one, fully understand that it was never intended that way as i am sure most other's in here do too.

 

[miel]

thank you Freya

 

[Millnsy]

Freya - you are a brave lady to post again given the comments you got. I'm with coffee and wasn't too offended by the original post... A bit of perspective is always needed and when we've all been stuck in a never ending cycle of disappointment and self doubt, I think some of us lose perspective.

Please don't shout at me everyone....

 

[tickledpink]

After reading some of the posts on this forum, and especially the ones in this thread, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one with feelings of 'hate' or 'jealousy' towards those lucky ones who conceive. I know they're horrible words to use but there's no other way to explain it! It's just a natural reaction to something you want to so badly. I can't go in to town sometimes, as I seem to have that dreaded 'pregnant lady' radar... if there's around I'm bound to see her. At work, over the last 7 months, I've had 6 women moved to my department because of the work they usually do... so now they have a sit down job, and I have to look at them everyday, getting bigger and bigger. they must think I'm some kind of weirdo, staring at their stomachs everyday, wondering what it would be like to have your child growing inside you. I can't help wondering what i did in a past life, that was so bad, that I can't conceive now?? Just lately I've been crying at the slightest things and sometimes there doesn't even have to be a reason. I sat down to Sunday dinner this weekend after the OH had cooked it - I took one bite and started crying I'm still not sure why... I read somewhere that when you cry it's like a type of 'grief'.... but how can you grieve for something that you've never had, you've never held and you might never get the chance to??

Me and the OH only started trying in Jan 2007 and only decided to go the Dr's for help in October when things weren't going as we'd hoped - so we definitely don't qualify for LT-TTC! I don't want to sound cheesy or anything, but I admire all of you, for what you've gone through and yet you still carry on determined to get that BFP. I know me and the OH have a long way to go with my irregular cycles and the OH's low sperm count and motility but I hope I have the strength that some of you have shown here I have a feeling I'm going to need it... That's why I've found this forum and one other, to be so helpful. I was beginning to think it was me that had all sorts of embarrassing questions, weird emotions and thinking that my body was the only one that didn't seem to be doing what it should.

Good luck to us all