Why do I let opinions bother me so much?

[sunshine82]

My little one is 5 months old and other than a little bit of mixed feeding at te start he has been EBF.
Right now I'm so tired of having to defend my decision to bf to people.
I have had friends say they don't believe in it and it's no better, another friend say ill cause lo to have my asthma and allergies from bf him. And now when ds going through a growth spurt I have another friend saying that I should start solids as bf isn't enough despite just yesterday my HV saying I should wait til six months.
I thought friends would understand, that I am not comparing ff to bf as I am just try to talk to then about how the feeding demand has increased to 10-15 a day and that I really want to be able to keep bf until I go back to work but I'm worried (when you really confide in a friend like good friends do) but as friends ff i was then told that formula babies don't thrive any less and it come across like I had implied otherwise I honestly hadn't or not knowingly and I just think why does NO ONE get it- when I talk to you about my real desire to be able to continue to bf my precious lo and I am concerned about it not being possible if demand is so high. Just want some reassurance that things will be okay not me then being made to feel bad and the whole defensiveness thing.
I want to feed my baby yes I am tired but I love bf and this time is for him and I want to do so for as long as I can.
So sorry for my pointless post I just needed to get that of my chest. Breathe........

Xxx

 

[Pielette]

You have to learn to brush it off, but yes I know how hard it can be

I think a lot of ff mums believe that I am judging them if I even talk about BFing, which couldn't be further from the truth. I ff my first for goodness sake! But I used to hear it quite often. And if I complained about sleep (which I feel I'm entitled to do if I want to) then it was always put him on formula, or start solids because my breastmilk obviously isn't filling enough

I would also have friends launch into long complicated reasons why they couldn't bf. I'd never even asked. Not my business!

I will say that it has gotten better since we passed the 6 month mark. I think people now accept that he's ebf and will be for a long time to come.

 

[sunshine82]

Thank you pielette! That sums up how I am feeling too exactly!
Like you say I need to brush it off.

I have toughen up a bit! Everyone has opinions now!

It's not like I want the ff/bf debate I judge no one on how they feed their lo everyone has to do whats best in for them and what works.

Just like you say makes you feel awkward even discussing bf tbh!

Lesson learned for me now and I'm steering clear of the subject in future!!!

Xxx

 

[Super G]

It's just really hard when you want to talk about something and turn to the people that would normally be a support, but it doesn't work out.

I learned that there are some things that I couldn't really complain about or discuss as I'd either get unwanted advice, funny looks or defensiveness. I've got used to biting my tongue. Everyone does things differently, but it's hard if you're doing things very differently and can feel isolating.

Try and seek out support elsewhere. Are there any La Leche league meetings near by you?

It's tough, but so so worth it in the end.

 

[seoj]

I just happen across this while scrolling for another thread- hope it's Ok to chime in

TBH- your friends seem a bit, well, silly. I don't mean that to be harsh- but EVERYONE in the medical community and pretty much otherwise will say "breast is best"- especially the first 6mos. Why they would discourage and not encourage your choice is beyond me?! I would never tell someone that exclusively FF they were wrong- there is nothing wrong with FF either. Kids will grow up healthy and happy either way- maybe there are some natural benefits to BF- so go for it! But that's not always possible and formula has made great strides these days Wow- I just said these days.

Personally- I couldn't BF-- I tried for weeks, and in the end, as hard as it was to admit- it just wasn't working for me and my LO and so I pumped for as long as I could stand it. And in reality- not long either- but no one else can possible know how I felt or what I went through to get to that decision... it's very personal.

I'm jealous of woman who can BF more easily-- I wish I had been able to. But I can't beat myself up over it-- and trust me, no matter what decision you make, EVERYONE has an opinion... and I do think, if you voice a different opinion, some people do take that personally (even if that was not at all the intent). I know I've offended people because I just said "this is what works for me and my LO" and suddenly I'm putting their parenting down because I do it differently? Um yea.

In time- it won't bother you so much. You learn that people just say things- and you decide what your Ok sharing (or not) with certain friends cause it's not worth the drama.

 

[rachy01]

I know exactly how you feel. I've been made to feel like im bfing for my own selfish reasons (like im a perv or just like to get my boobies out in public) rather than for my baby's health. My inlaws were all ff and make out like it's just as good as bf - well news flash, it isn't! It's chemicals versus miracle food. I keep getting asked "when are you going to wean him?"...I dont understand how people are so against bfing!

Just stick to your guns.