why not me?

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by be_happy, Jan 30, 2011.

  1. be_happy

    be_happy New Member

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    this is my first time in a forum. i have overdone this topic in my household.
    i have the very same problem as some here. i want to have a baby. my husband does not. the sadness a woman feels when that part of her is rejected can only be addressed by other women who are feeling the same thing. im tired of being sad and i want to be me again!
    heres my story-
    i have been married for about 3 1/2 yrs. our marriage is a happy one. we have been together about 8yrs and were high school sweet hearts. we have the same morals and religious views.generally, we are on the same page.
    about a yr and a half ago, i got a twinge of a thought. i looked at my husband one day and thought...i love him so much. i want to make a baby with him. i never wanted to have children before. i was taken off guard by my thoughts. i kept them to myself for awhile.
    there has since, been many talks about children. my husband wanted children in the future more then i did.his job is very seasonal. he works a lot during the summer, and more regular hours during the winter. so my thinking, i want to plan the due date. somewhere in the fall or winter.
    our problems begin. he cannot say "when" we will be financially ready. its been close to 2 yrs i have been going crazy keeping this heartache to myself. we dont have any debt besides one car. we are buying a house within the next few months. he said we might think about it after we get into our new home.
    heres my problem. i know this sounds crazy. i have a choice. if i wait until we move into our new home and wait to get settled in and have a baby, my husband will not be able to attend the birth of his first child. so i can be selfish and get what i want or i am forced to wait yet, another year.
    this was always something i dreamed would be so happy. not hard! i need help pretty please.
     
  2. Heather9603

    Heather9603 Well-Known Member

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    I'm lost, why wouldn't he be able to attend the birth of his child?
     
  3. be_happy

    be_happy New Member

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    sorry! i was rambling a bit. he is a wildland firefighter. during the fire season he travels to the fires, in and out of state. it would be very unlikely that he would be able to make it home anytime during the summer or spring.
     
  4. Heather9603

    Heather9603 Well-Known Member

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    Ohhh gotcha. Well if you are not wanting a summer baby then its either start trying now, or wait another year. If he were to tell you FOR SURE you will be trying in a year, do you think that would ease your mind that you have a date set?

    Thats what I had to do with my husband. I just had to say that I NEED a date so I am not wondering "when" are we going to try, but being able to know "Fall of 10 we are starting to try". We are about to take a few months off though because he works retail and I could not handle having a new born baby around the holidays with a hubby who works retail crazy holiday hours. But I know that in the spring we will resume business again.
     
  5. be_happy

    be_happy New Member

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    i know what you mean. i worked retail for yrs. i know having next yr set as a goal should ease my mind, but i feel overwhelmed by that goal. i always think next january we will be ready to start ttc. life just happens and he thinks we need another yr to save more money. i am at the point where i see the logic of it all but my heart and clock say it would be a personal hell to feel like this for another whole yr. this is the 2nd january he has not wanted to try.
     
  6. Heather9603

    Heather9603 Well-Known Member

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    Honestly you can never be financially prepared for a child. I think the bigger thing is make sure that you have your MAJOR life goals done. Good job, traveled (if thats your thing) and live where you want to raise a child (And buy a home if thats what you want too).

    One thing that eased my husbands mind was that I started doing some SERIOUS research on ways to save money. Cloth diapering, breast feeding and using a pump for when I'm at work, food processors to make our own baby food, and I'm even trying to get a job at a daycare now so we can cut down on child care costs.
     
  7. be_happy

    be_happy New Member

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    thanks for the advice. i have looked into all the things you are talking about to save money. we also just had a niece and a nephew born. so i was hoping to make the best of their old things. as for child care, i work in a salon and can move my hours around to be home for the baby. i think this gets worse when im fertile and i know it. i feel like im wasting time. :) i know all the financial stuff i just dont know how to explain to my husband so he would understand. i also think he is worried about me being on my own when hes gone. i will have a lot of single mom time without him home during summers. im up for the challenge but i know he still worries.
     
  8. overthemoon

    overthemoon Well-Known Member

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    My heart goes out to you. I definitely know how it feels. And I just know when I am fertile because it gets worse around that time, just like you.

    I don't know if anyone else ever felt this way, but when you and your OH are about to :sex: and he takes out a condom, don't you feel disappointed? I don't even want to look at it when that happens. Then when we are finished, and he takes it off (Sorry TMI) I think what a waste. .=/
    Sorry if that's weird.

    Try to come up with little goals and things you'd like to get done in the meantime, to keep yourself busy. I think if he could say that DEFINITELY next year you guys will TTC then it would make you feel a bit better.
     
  9. disneybelle25

    disneybelle25 Mummy to Sam Edward

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    I feel your pain too, my DH thought he was ready this Xmas but changed his mind a week into us TTC so now when he says he will definitely be ready this summer I find it very hard to believe!! I think for you though, if you OH can agree to a date it can give you something to work towards so it's worth talking to him about!!
    overthemoon I will join you on that one, I HATE that feeling of disappointment when the contraceptive gets taken out the draw, I naively live in hope each time that he will forget or change his mind, but no he never does!! To be honest our sex life has gone down hill because of it, because the thought of it puts me straight out the mood!
     
  10. OmiOmen

    OmiOmen Mum of two

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    I do not think anyone is 100% ready to have a baby. As for money matters it is not always as hard as it sounds, we are managing fine and we do not have as much money as a lot of people (and my son does not go without, in fact people are more likely to say he is spoiled) and it really depends on how extravagant you want to go.

    The thing about babies is that you can plan as much as you want but they always have their own ideas. I do understand that it may be hard to get that point across to your partner though. All I can suggest is trying to talk to him about it again. DH really wanted a child but only one however seeing how much I wanted a second has changed his mind.
     
  11. overthemoon

    overthemoon Well-Known Member

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    disneybelle25 glad I'm not alone on that. I'd even hope that when he reached for it, there wouldn't be any, and he'd just shrug and we would do without. But nope that never happened. It would definitely put me out of the mood, and after when he'd ask what was wrong (I am so bad at hiding my expressions) I would say I was just tired, because if I said the truth, it would just end in an argument.
     
  12. odd_socks

    odd_socks Long Term WTT

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    i m exactly the same! :haha: i get disappointed when he reaches for the condoms :dohh:
     

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