Wish me luck...

[Helen_26]

It all sounds really positive. I know it's going to take a little longer than you hoped for, but better to be sure as to what needs to be done. Good luck with everything hun.

 

[wannabmum]

Sorry its going to take longer than you thought hun but the good side is with him being so thourgh he can tailer a program that will suit you thus giving a much higher chance of sucess than the ones that just push on without knowing all the facts although I completly understand your frustrasion!! Looks like timing wise we will be able to support each other through the hormone injections etc and hopefulyshare the joys of our own little miricales together

xx

 

[FJL]

Thanks Helen.

Feeling REALLY low tonight. Just so completely over everything. I think not being prepared for having so much testing done with me shocked me and has just made me so emotional tonight. I just feel so weak, like its all too much. I know i'll do whatever it takes, no questions asked, but just questioning my inner strength right now.

I had a big cry on the phone to my Mum tonight about everything. My sister has been so great with everything but she really upset me today. After our appointment, we met up with my Mum, Sister and 10week old niece. We had coffee and then walked around the shops. I decided to buy a bikini as i've been working really hard these last few months to lose weight and tone up, we're going on holidays next month to a coastal/beach area and i've never worn a bikini before and think that in a few weeks my body will be ready for one!

All I did was say 'if i'm not happy by then i'll chuck some boardies on over the bottoms. My sister said 'God, if you aren't happy with your body now, you'll never be. What about me, i've got heaps of weight to lose'. She's just had a baby for christs sake, I would cut off my arm and lose 300kgs to be in her shoes and to have easily conceived 2 beautiful, healthy babies. How dare she compare something like that, and I feel like she took so much away from me with that comment - i've been working so hard because right now it seems that my body/diet/exercise is the only thing I can control in my life right now. Maybe i'm being over emotional but it really hurt me. I basically told her that her weight is due to having babies, and I would LOVE for that to be me.

I've taken the whole TTC forum break thinking after my appointment i'd be all geared up and ready to jump back on this emotional rollercoaster...first day back on and I want off

Even in the Dr's office we sat down and he said 'so you're having trouble getting pregnant?' he was only confirming the reason we were there yet I had to fight so badly to hold back the tears. Something that I deal with EVERY DAY yet those words being spoken by him just felt like I was being kicked while I was down.

I hate this, I hate feeling this way and having to go through this. It is so cruel and unfair and I just never expected it to be this hard emotionally. Absolutely nothing can compare, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. To want and yearn for something so badly that I have to go through hell and back for and may not even get is just too much to bear sometimes.

I read an article in a magazine today *note to self, stay away from pregnancy magazine until pregnant* about this "disgustingly fertile" (as she called herself) lady that is sick of having to tip toe around infertile couples. Saying that IVF is the new black and that couples that have conceived easily don't get the credit they deserve. She went on to say "Just because someone has a nice mercedes that a poor person would love to own and is jealous of, doesn't mean it should be garaged for fear of upsetting them" how this woman can compare a materialistic 'want' such as a car to something like this has made me so upset that I don't even feel angry.

Having a bad day, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Thanks for listening if you made it this far!

 

[FJL]

Sorry its going to take longer than you thought hun but the good side is with him being so thourgh he can tailer a program that will suit you thus giving a much higher chance of sucess than the ones that just push on without knowing all the facts although I completly understand your frustrasion!! Looks like timing wise we will be able to support each other through the hormone injections etc and hopefulyshare the joys of our own little miricales together

xx

Thanks hun And yes, although it sucks that we have to go through this, it would be great to go through it together

 

[Helen_26]

Aww hunny I can only try to imagine what you are going through. People can be so insensitive and usually without realising it. I am only just at the begining of the rocky road and already I'm pulling my hair out. I find myself getting upset and tearful at the smallest thing and worst of all taking ot out on my husband who really doesn't deserve it.
I'm going to ring the hospital today as it's been 2 months since I had my first lot of tests done and I haven't heard a thing from them yet.
Please feel free to pm me at any time if you want a chat or just need to vent.

 

[wannabmum]

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad Fiona I feel like it too at times when I do oh says why don't I just stay positive but I can't help it I'm terrified of beliving to much that it will work as how will I handle it if it doesn't!? I sometimes get so low I can hardly motivate myself it is hard huni but if you EVER need to talk I'm here .

People can be so insensitive couple of months ago I had to hold bk on oh mum he told her we were going for treatment and she turned round and said if you can't concieve naturaly maybe your just not ment to have them this made me sooo angrywell seeing she has had 4 kids without any difficulty!! as u know infertility is difficult enough without the people around you making comments like that especialy as they have no idea how it feels to be in that situation!!

Please Please keep ur chin up hun and as I said anything I can do even if u just need to vent I'm here

xx

 

[Arcanegirl]

FJJL we'll all get through it together.

 

[Samantha675]

Well I am sorry to read that it is going to take more time than you were hoping, but I love how positive your doctor is!! Fingers crossed that all will go smoothly and you will be knocked up before too long!!!

 

[Carolina]

aww i hope your feeling better im glad youve got a good doctor! Im sure the waiting is really getting to you...it would get to me too! hopefully you will get some answers really soon and then youll get your well deserved bfp!

 

[FunnyBunny]

I can totally sympathise with how you feel. I got really tearful at our first appointmemt and felt overwelmed by the information we were given and the further tests that were required before I could get any answers. However I we have our next appointment on Monday and I am feeling alot more positive and ready as I kinda know more what to expect this time round.

I think all girls on here who have found it harder than expected to TTC all have a story to tell about an unsympathetic remark they received. I just try and think that obviously they have never had to deal with something like this and how grateful they should be.

Chin up chuck - it will all be worth it in the end and you'll be all the more grateful for your gift of life.

 

[The Catster]

You know what....your humility is so impressive and you so deserve to be a Mum, you will raise lots of lovely children with great values, I'm sure!!!!

 

[sandy]

Oh fjl. I wish you loads and loads and loads of luck and hope that everything works out just fine for you.

 

[Helen]

Hi

Glad that the doctor was so good and thorough. You go through so much with them that it really helps to like and trust them. It's a bummer having all the "oscopies" but at least you'll have all the information going forward.

I'm sorry to hear what your sister said. Sometimes it's the little things that people say that hurt so bad. She's been pretty good up till now, I'm sure she'd be horrified to know that she'd upset you so.

I remember being at the docs when he referred to us as "infertile" and needing IVF and I was struggling to hold back the tears too. Even though you know the words relate to you, when they're said out loud by someone medical it's like being punched in the stomach.

Keep your chin up. Focus on each small step and time will pass by quicker.

Helen

xx

 

[NeyNey]

Awww sugar Although I know it's hard i'm glad you're getting the tests done. We're going through all that too right now with the Gyno, got to go back next month for some results from the latest ones.

I know it seems forever, but if you rule all this out now you know that you can move on to IVF without any worries (except the obvious) and these tests might work out something more easier to treat!!

I know I'm telling you what you already know...But I just am glad that the ball is rolling for you...

 

[RachieH]

Sorry that you are feeling so low and the road you have to take to achieve your dreams looks like a long one right nowhttps://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/morehugs.gifhttps://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/morehugs.gifhttps://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/morehugs.gif I know how utterly soul destroying infertility is and no, its not fair and it is cruelhttps://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/smilies-34277.png...But you WILL feel better once you have started having the tests and are getting closer to some answers and ultimately beginning treatment....and that road wil look a hell of a lot shorter and less bumpy! (I promise) I know you are questioning your inner strength, but I KNOW that your desire to have a child will ultimately carry you through this.
I'm not going to lie to you and say this won't be the most emotionally testing thing you will put yourself through in your life to date, but when you do finally have your baby in your arms (It will happen) you will forget the pain you went through to get there.

I really hope that your journey through this whole infertility crap (I can say that because I lived it for 5 years!) is a short one...You are in my thoughts.

https://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/rooting.gifhttps://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/rooting.gifhttps://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/rooting.gifhttps://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/rooting.gif
https://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a28/RachieH/Graphics/dreams.gif

 

[MrsF]

I know this is a bit belated, but i'm sending you luck, best wishes and lots of hugs x x x x have just come out of hospital and been unable to follow the threads, am hoping all went well x x x x x x x

 

[diva4180]

I just read through about your appointment, I'm so glad your doctor sounds positive about this. I really really hope everything goes well for you, and there are tons of people here rooting for you and here for you. I can't think of another person more deserving to be a mommy then you hun.

And that article you mentioned about the 'fertile' woman? She sounds like a real you know what!! (I wish I could type what I really think!) - I can't believe the magazine even allowed that to print, some of those comments are absolutely awful.

and to you hun, will be thinkin of you!

 

[Samantha675]

Oh sweetie, I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I completly disagree with the woman in the article, it is couples like yourself who deserve the credit.

 

[poppy]

Hi FJL,

I just read your posts about your appointments. You are being so strong and brave. At least now you are on the road to concieving that lovely baby that you deserve. March is not long now - keep positive!

Poppy
xxx

 

[MrsF]

FJL, have only just gone back through thread and picked up the other bits you'd posted. I'm so so sorry, when i came out of hospital i saw the start of the thread and wanted to post quickly before you went for your appointment.

I'm so sorry you've been feeling down, and the comments from the article and your sister certainly don't help. My sister for years has been asking why i've never had any kids - and now i'm 31 she's very much of the opinon that i'm 'far too old' and it wouldn't be fair on our kids - it makes me so angry. (needless to say we haven't spoken about my current problems)

please don't feel alone, or give up, we're all hear to support and guide where we can,

take care, hopefully speak soon,

x x x x x x x x x