Working moms - questions

[Lirpa11]

Hi!

How many of you are working moms? Are you happy being a working mom? Do you work because you want to, or because you have to? How old were your babies when you returned to work?

I am an accountant, and I work 4 days I week. I had to return to work when DS was 4.5 months old, although I was not ready. DH and I needed the money at the time.

Somehow I managed to snag an amazing job. I was out often when I started because DS had just started daycare and was sick on and off for about 3 months. He hasnt been sick for about 3 months now. Then, a few months after working I was able to reduce my working days from 5 days a week to 4 days a week.

I do enjoy working. DH and I are back in a financial position that I could return to being a SAHM now, but I've thought that DS is doing well at daycare, I only work 4 days a week anyhow, and I have an amazing workplace so I might as well leave things as they are. It means we are getting ahead quicker, will be able to go on more holidays, we will be able to buy a home next year... but then again the guilt of not being a SAHM sometimes strikes.

How do you ladies cope? Are you happy?

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

could you go part time and then you could have the best of both worlds?

 

[jessmke]

I am still on maternity leave but I do plan on going back to work and I am looking forward to it. I will only be going back 3 days a week (but they are 12 hr days). I love my job and am starting to miss it. I also think it will be good for Isla to go to a day home where she will get to play with other kids. We live in the country so there aren't a lot of kids around for her to play with. I could be a SAHM, things would be a bit tight but we could make it work, but I don't want to be one. Nothing against SAHMs but it just isn't for me. I don't feel guilty about that at all, and you shouldn't feel guilty either!

 

[Lirpa11]

I have thought of further reducing my working time - yes. I am about to start studying again to get my CPA, so I may need to cut back to 3 days a week anyhow to fit in study time without being overloaded with work and family. I want to be able to work school hours when our kids start school, while making a substantial income so we have all that we need and then some.

Thanks Jessmke! I don't usually feel guilty, it's just I hear people talk about moms who stay home and how it's the best for the kids etc, and I think well am I giving the best?

 

[krissie328]

I am a working mom. I went back when ds was 6 weeks old. I work because I have to. But I honestly love my job and couldn't imagine not working. Well I can, I have summers off and while I love being at home with ds I wouldn't want to do it all day every day.

But I really like my job. If I didn't I don't think I would cope leaving him. Like a pp said could you go part time? I wanted a 4 day a week schedule but my district couldn't make it work. I feel like working a bit less would help me with home-work balance.

I find communicating with dh about what I need from him helps. I don't pretend I'm super mom and I make sure to take care of me and ds and worry about everything else later. I also allow myself a sick day or two when I need them to spend with ds or take him to my mom's and rest or clean.

 

[SarahBear]

We are a single income household and the US has no paid leave. When Violet was born, I took 2 months off and returned when she was 8 weeks old. I think Leo was 10 weeks when I returned to work.I stopped working a week before my due date with Violet and she was born 2 days before her due date. With Leo, I stopped the morning I went into labor. I was sad going back to work the first time, bet it was fine. With Leo, I was working from home and I went back during a low work-load time (June). I also get July off , so I got some extra time shortly after. It would have been much harder had I needed to use daycare.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

I have thought of further reducing my working time - yes. I am about to start studying again to get my CPA, so I may need to cut back to 3 days a week anyhow to fit in study time without being overloaded with work and family. I want to be able to work school hours when our kids start school, while making a substantial income so we have all that we need and then some.

Thanks Jessmke! I don't usually feel guilty, it's just I hear people talk about moms who stay home and how it's the best for the kids etc, and I think well am I giving the best?

Im a SAHM and its is whats best for my kids but not for all kids. You have to do what works for you and your family. Whether 3 or 4 days a week! Its quality not quantity time!

 

[MemmaJ]

I'm returning to work next month, my baby will be just under 10 months old.
I've fallen out of love with my job so I'm dreading it, but unfortunately I do have to go back for financial reasons. We have really struggled for the last few months when my maternity pay dropped, so for me to have no income at all would be even worse. Although the cost of childcare when I go back is not going to leave much left..!

I personally don't know if I could be a SAHM (hats of to those who are!), and I'm only part time anyway - I'd just rather do it in a job that I really enjoy, and have the best of both worlds!

 

[happynewmom1]

I have thought of further reducing my working time - yes. I am about to start studying again to get my CPA, so I may need to cut back to 3 days a week anyhow to fit in study time without being overloaded with work and family. I want to be able to work school hours when our kids start school, while making a substantial income so we have all that we need and then some.

Thanks Jessmke! I don't usually feel guilty, it's just I hear people talk about moms who stay home and how it's the best for the kids etc, and I think well am I giving the best?

Im a SAHM and its is whats best for my kids but not for all kids. You have to do what works for you and your family. Whether 3 or 4 days a week! Its quality not quantity time!

I agree with this. It's all about what is best for your family. I am a SAHM and have been since our first was born. For us, it doesn't make sense for me to go to work since working part time would just have me paying for daycare basically. I definitely respect those who can work and take care of house.. Being home with the kids is a full time job in itself let alone actually going to work too I do actually want to eventually get a job.. Maybe when more of the kids are in school. Just so I don't go insane lol good luck to you with this decision. I know it can't be easy but follow your gut on this

 

[Left wonderin]

I honestly can say I'd be a terrible mum if I stayed at home full time ! I'm currently at home full time on mat leave and will be till December . I'm looking forward to going back and having the balance . I work 4 day week with wed off . So I'm only ever gone for 2 days at a time . I take my hat off to those who stay at home full time its the toughest job in the world ! I LOVE LOVE being a mum but being a working mum is what works for us

 

[MindUtopia]

Yes, I'm a working mum, and though I do technically have to work (so not working isn't an option anyway), I also absolutely choose it as I love what I do and I feel it gives me the perfect balance of family life and also just doing other things that matter to me. I was at home with my daughter for a full year, so it's a bit different than going back to work earlier on (I wouldn't have wanted to do it sooner than about 9 months and I wouldn't have coped well with that). And then until she was just shy of 3, I worked part-time 3 or 4 days a week, and then for almost the past year I've been back full-time. For me, I find it's the right balance. I enjoy when I do have days at home with her and I do here and there, so we still get to do the things we used to do when I was home more. I'm also lucky because I work from home a lot, and my husband is self-employed and though he doesn't work from home, he's close by and also has a lot of flexibility with his hours. So there's rarely much stress running around doing pick ups or getting things around the house done because we (for the moment at least) don't have long commutes or long, weird, inflexible hours. I also really love what I do. I've put a lot of time and heart into training for my profession and that's because I actually really like it. So I love being a mum and I love working, so it's nice to split my time between the two. I don't feel like I'm missing out and we make the most of our free time. Both of us are home for sit down family breakfasts and dinners nearly every day and we make weekends all about family (we rarely go off and do things separately unless it's something really important).

What I've found is key is - besides just enjoying what you do and finding some value in devoting your time to that in addition to family time - is being really organised. I plan out our meals for the week in advance. I batch cook sometimes. I do a big shop at the weekend and then order more things for mid week (neither of us work anywhere close to a store and the closest one to our house is 30 minutes away, so we just can't make little trips to the store during the week). We also like I said just make a real point of making our mornings and evenings and weekends about family. We don't really have hobbies anymore or get to see friends alone very often. We do things together when we aren't working. We also took a very AP approach to parenting, so especially when our daughter was little, but then also as she was older, we wore her so she had lots of close contact with us both when we were home. We also made an intentional choice to bedshare until she was 3 and made a big family bed. So even when I went back to work and wasn't with her 9-5. I was with her, literally touching her, all night, which I think really helped with that transition back to work.

But I would say, no, I've never felt guilty for working really. I mean, I have to anyway, so you can't feel guilty about something you have to do to survive. But my mum worked full-time, sometimes a full-time job plus a second part-time or weekend job since I was 3 months old. She had to, of course, but I never felt I missed out on anything. We had a wonderful family life. My grandparents had me during the day until I started school and helped when she was away on business trips. But she was also always at every school event, weekend activity, took days off to volunteer on my school trips, came to every school play, and we were and still are very close. Strong family bonds are about quality, not quantity, and you can create them without being physically present every second of the day. She really made me a priority, even if she was working 60 hours in a week, and that's what made the difference.

 

[Starlight32]

I will be going back to work. I would not cope well and would stay home if my mom wasn't watching my baby. Although we could survive without my salary, it's better in the long term for us if I work, especially since we have free childcare with grandma. Paying for daycare wouldn't be worth it and I wouldn't want to send her.

 

[adrie]

I took the full leave here in Canada when my daughter was born, and was off work for 1 year and almost 2 weeks before returning.

I work in crisis intervention and do about 6 shifts a month, during my spouse's days off, and it works well for us. I am in a position that is casual (I submit my availability month to month) and the money I make offsets some household costs, allows for a bit of saving, and keeps my child out of childcare--that was our plan all along. It's good to still feel relevant work wise and also possibly work toward a promotion in the future. I do like my job. It's busy at times but not stressful, and I don't take it home with me. Also, it's SO flexible! I can take a whole month off whenever I want with a little advanced notice, so total bonus.

I guess you could say we *need* the money, but in truth, prior to my daughter's arrival, I worked on average 16-18 shifts per month. We live below our means and have no debt so I don't need to work a lot. I feel very fortunate that when our second child is born, I will take the full leave again (1 year, though they may change it to 18 months in Canada) and then work the same amount of shifts per month to avoid childcare.

 

[caz_hills]

I worked 4 days from 11 months with my son. It got to the point where I had no time with him - literally only breakfast then bath time when I worked and it made me really sad. When he was four I went to 2 days a week and it was the best decision for me. We spent so much quality time together. He then started school last September and I do school hours (huge drop in pay and status but completely worth it).

I have friends who don't work, friends who do full time and I guess I'm in the middle. I agree it's quality over quantity. I also think a mix of day-care/ nursery and mummy time is great and worked well for my son. And everyone is different. I have friends who can't stand the thought of being a stay at home mum and others who love it, it's personal and I've changed in the five years I've had my son.

With this baby - I don't know! I'm off for at least nine months and I will see x

 

[Twag]

I am a working mum I work full time because financially we need me too! I am also an accountant

I went back after my son when he was 11 weeks old and my daughter when she was 6 months old (we were financially in a position I could take the extra time off)

I loved being at home with my babies on my maternity leave and when I have time off and although I feel the mummy guilt I don't think I could be a SAHM I would go mad

I consolidate my hours so I work longer Monday to Thursday and then only 4 hours on a Friday so I get some extra time with them

I have to say the time we spend together is quality time and much better for us

Oh wanted to add only reason I am happy to be working full time is because my babies are looked after by my mum - I think it would be totally different if I had to send them to nursery or childcare

 

[Lirpa11]

Thanks ladies, for all your input.

I said I wanted to stay at home until our babies were at least 6 months, and perhaps even until they were a couple of years old. Due to DH and I getting into financial troubles, I had to go back earlier. My mom lives in another country, and DH's mom lives in another country. My family we have here in the USA all have jobs, so they can't watch our son.

I actually like the daycare that DS goes to. It is ten minutes from my work, and some days I go and have lunch with him and play with him. The daycare also has video cameras so I can see him during the day, and know what he is up to.

There are another 5/6 babies that he regularly plays with, and I like that he gets the social interaction. He doesn't cry when I drop him off, but he is happy when I get there to take him home. Some days when I go for lunch, he is more interested in playing with the babies and teachers than spending time with me, so I know he must enjoy it there.

One thing I find hard here in America, as a SAHM, there were no mothers groups! In Australia, you can join a mothers group and meet up during the week for baby socializing, and to help the mom's get adult interaction and get out of the house. When I was a SAHM and didn't plan on returning to work, I tried to find something like that without any luck.

 

[Twag]

If you are happy and your DS is happy then really that is all that matters