Worried about becoming a parent

[xsadiex]

This baby was conceived by accident and I'm only 19 (20) when it's born.
Don't get me wrong, I love babies and I am excited and so is my OH but I can't help but have these niggling feelings....especially when I'm emotional and hormonal.
Now I'm just getting really worried that I won't enjoy being a parent, I'm having a kid too young, no more freedom, can't travel the world, what if I don't love it? Will I be happy? Will mine and OH's relationship work still?

I was on google searching about peoples' feeling on parenting and I came across this site https://www.secret-confessions.com/hate/hate-being-a-mom and I'm going to be honest...it scared me and made me cry, I'm so so scared, I've never seen any one say something like that before.

For those who are already parents, please tell me it will be ok? I hate having these feeling but society/people seem so negative about becoming a young parent and it's really been worrying me.

 

[chubster]

oh hun. i am not yet a parent but just wanted to say... i am supposedly grown up and responsible, this pregnancy was planned etc... but I am still scared about a lot of the same things. I think it's totally normal. Also, on the flip side, I am a bit older and so are lots of my friends and family, and I have lots of friends having problems conceiving and worrying they have left it too late (some having IVF etc). Also, the worries about increased risks of some pregnancy and birth problems. So there's always something to worry about! At least you'll be young and fit running around with loads of energy and when your baby leaves home, you can enjoy your forties or fifties etc. I will be old and haggered by the time mine leaves home I should think!

I just had a quick look at that website and it looks like loads of stressed out people ranting and raving! And if you look, a lot of the comments are people criticising the woman who made the original post, saying yes it's exhausting, stressful, messy and a thankless task, but yet they still feel pure love for their kids and are happy to do this difficult job.

have you got anyone you could talk to? or maybe mention it to the midwife - she will have squillions of people confiding the same worries to her I bet!
take care xx

 

[xxEMZxx]

I felt the same when I was pregnant first time round, I split with OH, had to find somewhere else to live as I couldn't stay with my mum with a baby and was generally just concerned that I didn't want the baby and I wouldn't be able to look after him. You will feel differently when they are here or maybe even sooner when you start feeling them kick etc.

Btw I was 21 when I had Liam so around the same age. x

 

[franbella21]

hey hun im 32 with 5 children i had myfirst at 19 she is now 13 lol i didnt even want kids when i was younger, i dont regret having children young, i still go out every weekend and have a great social life plus youl get called a milf!! what morecould you ask for lol ccc

 

[xsadiex]

Thank you for your replies, makes me feel a lot better. It's such a confusing time, especially when all your friends will have all the freedom in the world and now you're taking on the biggest responsibility in the world.

I found an interesting article on the Guardian: https://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/03/single-mother

I'm not even going to be a single mother but it was nice to see some one in the same situation as me, I'm going to have to take a year off uni you see.
xxx

 

[XxCalxX]

Aww hun, i have had these worries too... i'll be 22 when baby is born,so still quite young.. and it wasnt really planned either. But i wouldnt go by whats been said on that site, i think that is a terrible thing that person has posted, i dont understand how anyone could hate being a parent!

Now im going to be a first time mum,and have been worried sick about things like money,and needing to find a bigger place to live before the baby is born.. its only natural to be worried..especially as its all so unknown to us first time mums! have you got support from your family?or friends to talk too?

I dont think having a baby means no freedom,ok while the baby is really young i spose it might feel like that as it will be completely relying on you, but as it gets older you will be able to do more things and you'll still be young

 

[Saphira]

I'm not a parent (yet) but I want to add a little reply -

The fact that you're worried about making a good parent already says a lot. It shows you care for the well being of that little baby growing inside of you. I believe it's completely normal to have doubts, particularly early in pregnancy when the fact that you're pregnant and will be a mom in some months is still sinking in. Also, age doesn't make a good parent. My husband's mom was 17 when she got pregnant and 18 when she had him and made a great mom! So don't worry about your age, it plays little roll in whether or not you'll be a good parent. Of course you'll get those strange looks when asked how old you are but those on the outside do not matter. Try to be confident and not let others get you down. I think you'll do just fine!

 

[xsadiex]

Luckily I do have lots of support from family, but me and OH live on the other side of the country so I'm quite worried about being alone and would love to move back to Brighton but it's just so expensive!
To be honest most of my friends are back at home and here I don't feel like I've got many friends, everyone I know just wants to take drugs most of the time!!

I guess I'm pretty lucky in some ways e.g. me and OH are in the best relationship, as soon as we found out he managed to get 2 jobs etc etc.

I think parenthood is just a scary prospect and I guess at whatever age I had kids I'd be scared anyway. Just got to be positive.
It didn't help that my stepmother told me to get an 'a' word and told me she was scared for me because having children is so hard, to be honest she seemed to regret having children and has had terrible PND, it's hard to stay positive when people have had bad experiences.

But at the same time I do feel happy and excited, just a mix of feelings really.
Your replies have made me feel much better thanks guys

 

[MammyEvans20]

Thank you for your replies, makes me feel a lot better. It's such a confusing time, especially when all your friends will have all the freedom in the world and now you're taking on the biggest responsibility in the world.

I found an interesting article on the Guardian: https://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/03/single-mother

I'm not even going to be a single mother but it was nice to see some one in the same situation as me, I'm going to have to take a year off uni you see.
xxx

yeah im the same hun dont worry im 20 now and will just have turned 21 when the baby is born, im taking a year out before my third year of uni so i can sort everything out and be there for the baby.
Im an absolute nervous wreck atm, me and the OH are moving into our own place ans that is stressful enough on its own but i worry that im going to forget to get something important or just be useless lol
But i cannot wait fo my little bean to get here so it will all be worth it

 

[xsadiex]

yeah im the same hun dont worry im 20 now and will just have turned 21 when the baby is born, im taking a year out before my third year of uni so i can sort everything out and be there for the baby.
Im an absolute nervous wreck atm, me and the OH are moving into our own place ans that is stressful enough on its own but i worry that im going to forget to get something important or just be useless lol
But i cannot wait fo my little bean to get here so it will all be worth it

Wow, we're exactly the same, I'm also taking a year off before 3rd year and moving in to a flat with OH (instead of this horrible shared student house) in July.
We can do it!

 

[Amethyste]

Hi, i am not a parent but i can tell you, i just found out i was pregnant and i am completely freaked out !! I am 26 and wanted to be pregnant but didn't think i would be on my first cycle . Yesterday i spent the whole day wondering if i haven't made a mistake and i feel terrible thinking that. I feel better now but i think everybody panics about being a first time parent, it doesn't mean that you are gonna be a bad mom

 

[AlyssaA]

My baby wasn't intentionally conceived either...I'm 22 now, going to be 23 when baby comes and recently my mind has been full of questions and worries...about my education, my relationship, my future.. I got my BSc last summer but I'm probably going to put my master's degree on hold for a year or so while my bf and I move in together and get settled. Move in with my bf?? Dude, I had plans of world travel...PhD by 26...lying on the beach every weekend with not a care in the world...

Having my baby now isn't necessarily how I pictured things to go, but that's life - it's crazy and unpredictable, and honestly, we only become stronger when we're able to conquer the challenges that are thrown at us. Trust yourself! So many others before us have done a brilliant job of it and so can you.

 

[jess181989]

I got pregnant unintentionally while taking the pill- my boyfriend dumped me when I refused to terminate. I am facing single motherhood and having to defer my veterinary nursing qualification for a year to have this baby. I am scared out of my wits about money, where I will live, how I Will cope as a parent and whether I will be lonely. Like you, although my family are very supportive I don't live near to them and most of my friends are back home.

I've always wanted to be a mum but didn't anticipate it happening now, and under these circumstances. I am trying to be excited, but worry has overtaken this as I just don't know how things are going to work out. For me, I think it is the fear of the unknown that is most difficult.

It has been a comfort to read through your post and see that I am not alone in feeling this way- thank you.

 

[aymz1983]

you'll be fine hun, i was 19 when i had my son, and it is scary. And yes, there have been times where i've regretted becoming a mother so young...but it IS only a fleeting thought, usually when i hear that some childless friend or another has gone here there and everywhere. But then i realise how silly im being and how lucky i am to have had them young - i have the energy to play with them, and to not feel silly about being silly with them. Ive managed to start work towards a degree via OU so i havent just faded into the unknown.. By the time im 40 they will both have grown up, only this LO will be left, and come 46 they'll have all flown the nest and me and OH are still plenty young enough to do then what we cant do now (nice holidays, nice house, mortgage etc)
Parenthood is scary, at any age not just for us younger ones....but its the best damn job in the world and i wouldnt swap it for anything

 

[xsadiex]

I got pregnant unintentionally while taking the pill- my boyfriend dumped me when I refused to terminate. I am facing single motherhood and having to defer my veterinary nursing qualification for a year to have this baby. I am scared out of my wits about money, where I will live, how I Will cope as a parent and whether I will be lonely. Like you, although my family are very supportive I don't live near to them and most of my friends are back home.

I've always wanted to be a mum but didn't anticipate it happening now, and under these circumstances. I am trying to be excited, but worry has overtaken this as I just don't know how things are going to work out. For me, I think it is the fear of the unknown that is most difficult.

It has been a comfort to read through your post and see that I am not alone in feeling this way- thank you.

I can't believe your boyfriend did that, you sound like you're being so strong! I'm glad this thread has helped you feel better, it's also helped me to

 

[jess181989]

By the way I like the bird in your profile pic- cant see what type it is as on my iphone. Is it yours? I love birds.

 

[xsadiex]

He's my lovely pet cockatiel . You got any pets? I see you're a vet nurse, I really wanted to go in to that as I love animals x

 

[OliveMartini]

I had all those doubts when I fell pregnant with my daughter at 18. I was scared that my life was over, and that I wouldn't love my baby. That I would hate parenthood etc.

Oh how wrong I was.

I wont lie. It wasn't easy. And there were times where it tested me as a person. But it was worth every minute. She has made me into such a better person. And I never knew what love was till I had her. How cliche I know...

I also raised her as a single mother which was hard, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I found love, we are engaged and here I am expecting no.2!

I think you will be just fine hun. You sound like you have an incredibly devoted OH.

 

[xsadiex]

Thank you for your positive story olivemartini i'm feeling much more positive, scared myself with negative stuff and hormonalness earlier.
I am very excited to see my little baby!

 

[OliveMartini]

Yes, hormones can be a bitch lol.

Pregnancy, planned or unplanned, is scary at the best of times. The thought of the unknown. Let alone when you through hormones into the mix!

Seeing your baby on the screen for the first time though. That's mind blowing. The first time I saw my DD at the 12 weeks scan, I remember thinking... 'OMG it looks like a mini person!' I even cried. And I'm not the crying type lol.

It'll be bumpy, but I promise it is worth every minute of it