Worried for my son & Feel guilty :(

Discussion in 'Toddler & Pre-School' started by MummyNovember, Oct 11, 2013.

  1. MummyNovember

    MummyNovember Hubb,DS & DD =]

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    This is something I need to get off my chest tbh. My little boy is nearly 2 & has never been to a playgroup or anything. We just cant afford it and there are no free groups around. We are going to apply for the 2-3yr old funding and hope he can get it. But I feel really bad and useless like he cant grow as a person and make friends as I cant afford to take him to play sessions (we work &are on a low income. My son loves playing with kids. But he is very shy. I want him to build confidence in time for school. Im so worried about him going into the big wide world and I worry about bullying too as I know kids start young these days. He deserves the world and more, both my kids do but I feel like im failing because I cant give him the world. I know this seems stupid & pointless. I look at my nieces little boy who is 3 months younger and despite her not working and being a single mum she takes him to nursery, playgroups etc an he has a couple of little friends, he learns really quick, he is confident and loves trying new things, he is the opposite to my son & I think to myself if I could do them sorts if things with my son then he would feel the benefits, have friends & socialize. Im sorry for blabbering on. I don't have many ppl to talk to an live in a small village consisting mainly of elderly ppl :/
     
  2. xcharx

    xcharx Well-Known Member

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    Aww babe :hugs:
    My daughter was nearly 2 when we started sending her to nursery.. She only goes 1/2 day a week - it still cost £21 so we cant afford anymore than that!! Like your son shed never been to play group or anything & she did just fine :) we actually started to send her because we were worried about her speech..
    I hope they approve your funding :)
    I wouldn't compare him to his cousin, if hes shy that's just the way he is
     
  3. Zephram

    Zephram Well-Known Member

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    You don't have any free groups in your area at all? If you're feeling proactive you could actually start your own group! Maybe a buggy walking group or something? Anything to get your kids around other kids and it will be nice for you too. Just an idea!
     
  4. Larkspur

    Larkspur Well-Known Member

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    This might be controversial but I honestly don't think kids have "friends" much before two. Before then they're either largely engaged in their own "parallel play" where they just do their own thing, or they are actually working through more confrontational stuff like grabbing/wanting stuff that another kid has. They really don't play together too much as far as I can see. I think it's much more valuable for them to spend time with adults who are engaged with them, or explore on their own.

    Are there any playgrounds at all in your area you could go to?
     
  5. MummyNovember

    MummyNovember Hubb,DS & DD =]

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    I was told of one but its for 2 1/2yr olds or 3yr olds. Only other place is a nursery which is very popular & to send him there even one morning a week would cost us nearly £200 a month. I wish we had a spare car. I admit that my nieces child is constantly hyperactive. He snatches toys and hits children which is apparently what they do at his nursery! Lol xx
     
  6. OmarsMum

    OmarsMum Well-Known Member
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    I dont think what you mentioned has to do with socializing. We've been going to classes since Omar was 14 months, we go out a lot, playareas, beach, playdates etc, we do all sorts of actvities, we travel. But omar is cautious by nature, he doesn't act sponteniously, he doesnt do something he's not 100% sure he can do it, it takes him a while to warm up in social situations, he's an introvert by nature. He has friends now but at your LO's age he wasnt bothered about other kids. He was a quiet kid & preferred adults company.

    Now he's very confident, he's not shy, he plays with kids he doesn't know. It still takes him a while to warm up in new situations, & he's still cautious but he has more confident in his physical abilities & he asks to try new things & activities.

    You can start by arranging play dates, find a local mummy group online / fb, visit relatives/ friends with kids even if their kids are older/younger, take him for walks, to the supermarket to see more people, encourage him to talk to sales people in shops just to say a hi or bye. xx
     
  7. suzib76

    suzib76 Well-Known Member

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    Does your local library offer any reading groups?
     
  8. MummyNovember

    MummyNovember Hubb,DS & DD =]

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    The nearest library is 4 miles from us in the nearest town. I will have to find out. If they do reading groups on a Monday that would be handy as the OH doesn't work Sunday and Monday. I wouldn't know where to start trying to find other local mums and arranging groups etc especially with a newborn as well that wants attention constantly lol would be a slow process
     
  9. Louise88

    Louise88 Dd- ciara and ds- James

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    Have you had a proper look around? I didn't think there was any playgroups or anything in my area but have since found out my local leisure holds a soft play for 0-4 year olds 4 times a week between 1-4, sure start also hold a play time once a week at their centre it's only an hour but still its nice to get out and speak with other mums and I found out only last week my local Methodist church holds a play group in their big hall twice a week you pay £2 for the 2 hours and my daughter loves it.

    Have you got a local sure start centre you can pop into or ring to ask if they hold anything there?
     
  10. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    Personally I really wouldn't worry. The reason I say this is because I'm not the most social of people and have never taken Earl or Eddy to any groups of anything myself. Maybe to play-mornings once in a blue moon but I really dislike them and the kids normally end up ill. Earl has been in childcare since he was 10 months old due to us working, and he got plenty of socialisation there but up until recently was still painfully shy with other children....adults he was fine, but kids were a no-no unless he knew them really well. Eddy is 16 months and will talk/play with anyone at all, despite never having been out of my sight since birth lol.

    He'll get his freebie hours the term after he turns 3. This is intended to prepare him for school and to help him make friends. If he gets the 2yo funding then great, but he's got plenty of time so try not to worry. Are their any neighbours or family members around with kids the same age you could maybe be-friend? Or any other kids at the local park you maybe see regularly?
     
  11. happysaurus

    happysaurus Well-Known Member

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    I too wouldn't worry - he sounds perfectly normal. Perhaps you can find a playgroup in a local church on a Monday. I think it's on Mumsnet that you can search for your area and what groups run. Church run playgroups only cost a pound or so (mine costs £1.20 and I get a cup of tea and LO juice and a biscuit). I think as well that if money's really tight and you can't afford the couple of pounds then if you explained this to the organiser then they would arrange for you to go for nothing/what you can afford. Not very Christian otherwise.
     
  12. Mrs Doddy

    Mrs Doddy 1 pink 1 blue

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    Do you have a sure start centre near you ?
     
  13. lovelylaura

    lovelylaura 3 little girls

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    Try net mums and see if there is someone who lives near you who would want to do play dates? also my area has a really good facebook group and has tonnes of groups that i wouldnt know about unless it was for that. I wouldnt say its that important tho although the reason i'm trying to make friends for poppy is because although she is confident she is shy when it comes to new people or situations and i'd like her to feel more comfortable x
     
  14. BigAl

    BigAl Well-Known Member

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    Def have a look at the local church, and if you have a local playground trying visiting just after schools finish. You may meet other parents, also try the mums net board.

    Hope you find somewhere, it's not always easy. Oh just a thought, have you asked your HV?
     
  15. Aphrodite

    Aphrodite Well-Known Member

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    Have you tried netmums? They have great information on groups in your area. Some are so cheap, as little as 50p. Could you afford maybe £1-2 a week for a group? If its the travel then try netmums again and find people in your local area to try and network and maybe get lifts? Just a thought xx
     
  16. flump1

    flump1 2011 is the year!

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    have you got any children centres near you? They run lots of groups and activities for free or a £1 a session.
    My son is 21 months and I have been taking him to groups and soft play since he was about 8 months and he is still very shy with children and not very confident in new situations. So don't feel its something you have or haven't done, some kids are shy and some just more confident, we all get there in the end it just comes with age.
     
  17. Nat0619

    Nat0619 Mummy :-)

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    I admit to have only visited a baby group once, when Ciara was about 6 months. I'm a naturally shy person and I just didn't like it. Ciara herself didn't interact with the other children at all and got fed up. I do have a few friends with children a similar age who we meet up with every now and again. I too definitely can't afford to put her in a nursery, despite us both working. My mum has her Thursdays and Fridays whilst I work and has found a dance & rhyme group near her that she's going to take her to on Thursdays (they went once earlier in the year but then it closed for school holidays).

    What is the criteria for this 2 year old nursery funding?
     

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