Worried this will keep happening

[DVCGIRL]

Ok here's my story I'll try to keep it as short as possible. I have endometriosis and we've been trying for 4 years. Did fertility treatments after laparoscopy (1 IVF, 3 IUI's) with only 2 chemical pregnancies as a result. Hubby and I pretty much gave up and started the adoption process. Then before Christmas we got what we thought was our Christmas miracle, I was 3 weeks pregnant. Went on Christmas Eve for ultrasound and saw yolk and gestational sacs. We were so excited. Had ultrasound set up for Jan 25, after our 10 day Disney vacation. Got back from Florida and went to ultrasound and baby only measured 6w and I was 9w6d and no heartbeat. Our whole world stopped. Did cytotec because didn't want to chance scarring with my history. Went yesterday and all signs of pregnancy are gone just thickened lining. So they're monitoring HCG levels and if they drop I won't need d & c but if they don't I'll need one this Friday. I cry everyday and I feel so empty inside. I honestly thought this was our miracle and why would God take it away? I know I have to move on and get on with things but I can't seem to get out of this funk. We're going to a support group tomorrow so I'm hoping it'll help me move on. But what I'm terrified of is that this'll keep happening. Can anyone offer advice or share a similar story? I want so badly to try again, and getting pregnant on our own is a very positive thing, but are we fighting the inevitable? Thanks for listening.

 

[lostmom]

Hi DVCGIRL

I'm so sorry for your loss, Jan 25 for me too what a awful day for both of us, I also thought this was my little Christmas miracle too, life can be so crule, I know exactly how you are feeling, today I did better no tears.. well so far.

Its hard to go back to normal even being back at work sucks and I love my job!! there is no right way or wrong way to deal with what we are going through, you just have to be good to yourself and get as much support and chat with others, i'm finding this very helpful I dont feel so alone and crazy at times. I miss not being pregnant, physically my body is bouncing back, my head and heart have a fair bit of catching up to do. And as for trying again I have the same thoughts I so badly want to be pregnant but I'm worried too.

I've googled “getting pregnant again after a miscarraige” a billion times, I'm supprised google hasn't told me where to get off!! but everything I read seems to be positive and that has also helped and for you both getting pregnant without help can only be a positive thing, talk with your doctor and see what advice they give about when you can try again I know there is conflicting information on that, my Doctor said according to the WHO wait 3 cycles!! but if you cant at least wait one, the nurse said keep taking the folic acid resume normal activities after 2 weeks and boom try agin, I dont have age on my side so its kinda now or never!!

if you ever need to chat I'm here keeping you in my prayers x

 

[DVCGIRL]

Thank you so much for your response. As they say misery loves company and even though I'm so unbelievably sorry for your loss it feels so good knowing I'm not alone....because this is by far the loneliest I've ever felt in my life! Thanks for the tip on the folic acid cause I stopped that on the 25th, so I'll start that again tonight. I know how you feel with the age thing too, I'm 35 and my FSH level is elevated from the endometriosis so I feel the time crunch too. Please keep me posted on how you're doing and I would love to keep chatting with you! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers also.

Xoxo

 

[Serendipity13]

Hi Both,

So sorry to hear of your losses but I just wanted to say that I found your posts really comforting in knowing that I'm not alone.

Found out today that I have lost #2 at 4w5d We have been TTC for 5 months and I'm fairly sure that I had another chemical pregnancy in month 1 but never got around to doing a pregnancy test to confirm (had implantation bleeding and nausea before my period arrived 3 days early, then had a 42day cycle the following month!!).

GP not very helpful but they have at least agreed to do a day 21 blood test to check my levels (after lots of persuasion!).

I'm keen to start trying again straight away as I'm nearly 35 and worry age isn't really on my side, but I'm aware of the guidance on at waiting at least one cycle... Have you decided what you will do? How are you both feeling?

Xx

 

[lostmom]

Hi DVC GIRL & Serendipity13

Its so horrible feeling so alone, but thank goodness for sites like these, I feel I'm not alone and there are others going what we are going through right now and understand and are there for each other x

DVC GIRL how are you doing? Health wise? As I know we lost at the sametime, my body is back on track, I had a small ammount of spotting after for a few days then nothing, I think i'm about to ovulate so I guess AF will be along in 2 weeks!! I took a HPT this morning and got a BFN so my HCG level must be under 25 it was very comforting to know that everything is getting back on track.

Serendipity13 I'm so sorry for your loss, there is nothing worse and especially when your activly TTC, we were for sort of trying/not trying/not preventing/just trying to see if it happened over the last 8/9 months. We have decided that we will TTC again and the sooner the better, my GP is excellent and told me start as soon as you feel ready no need to wait (if your GP isnt helpful my advice would be ask around and find a better one!!) My GP is due to retire soon and he is great, he has seen everything over his career and very old school and tells it as it is. The reasons I'm reading about wait one cycle is about dating purposes and that the body need to build up the lining for a successful implatation, but I've also read you are more fertile after a MC and or D&C so its anyones guess ive read about women having a MC and getting pregnant before AF.

If you girls are going to TTC again soon I'm in, I'm 42 so I'm drinking in the last chance saloon on last orders!! but I'm healthy with no underlying heath issues so fingers crossed for all of us please keep me posted both of you on how you are doing

love and peace to you both xx

 

[DVCGIRL]

Hey serendipity and lost mom

Serendipity- I'm so sorry for your loss. It's such an empty feeling and I'm sorry you're going thru this. I know the feeling on the age issue...I just turned 35 in December.

Both- I'm doing better. Taking it 1 day at a time. I still have my bad days but at least I feel like the good are starting to outweigh the bad. One thing that really helped me was I found out that the butterfly is a symbol of miscarriage. My wonderful hubby bought me a butterfly ring and necklace from Pandora so I always have our baby with me. It's a comforting reminder that he/she is always in our hearts and waiting for us in heaven. I see my Obgyn on Monday for my annual so I have lots of questions cause we definitely want to start trying when we can. I'm still spotting a little and it was 2 weeks ago yesterday that I actually miscarried. I also had blood work done and my HCG is still in the 20's and they're thinking that's why I'm still spotting. so still feeling like it's not quite over.

We just need to try as best we can to focus on the positive. And pray that it will happen in Gods time. I'm here anytime you want to talk. Thank you for your thoughts and concern and please keep in touch.