Worst. Doctor. Ever.

[bunyhuny]

So I am pregnant for the 5th time (with no live births- IVF m/c, IVF ectopic, IVF chemical, natural chemical) after several rounds of IVF. My IVF clinic is overseas, and I've been handed off to my perinatologist and OB for the rest of my pregnancy. However, my OB and peri don't seem to know a lot about the meds I'm on. So a couple days ago I messaged Dr Sher, the head doctor at SIRM, who is "the" immunological IVF guy in the US and will answer questions from people besides his patients, and asked him some questions about what he thinks of my doses and how long he thinks I should stay on the different meds.

His response, instead of saying my meds are good, or telling me to maybe take a higher dose or take a dose for longer, tells me that based on what I've said, he thinks that DH and I have never had the correct testing done for our losses and that he thinks that we have a genetic incompatibility that we are not currently treating for. He pretty much told me that since we aren't treating for the thing he thinks we have, that our baby will likely die in the next month, before the trimester ends, and it is too late now to do anything about it because- even though everything looks totally fine right now, there is likely microscopic damage that was done at implantation that is slowly killing the baby and it is irreversible.

SERIOUSLY???? That's what he says to a woman who tells him she's worried and asks for his advice?



Oh. And he also said that if the baby dies (like he's apparently assuming it will) that I should call his office to set up an intake so that I can do my next IVF with him.

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I am SO sorry you had to hear that!!!!! I'm praying that #1) everything he said is completely unfounded, and #2) you find a supportive, caring doctor who will see you through this pregnancy to a healthy, happy baby.

And when your healthy, happy baby is delivered, I'd be VERY tempted to march into Dr. Sher's office, show him your gorgeous baby...and then punch him in his stupid face.

Big hugs, Mama!!!!!

 

[Peanutt]

Sounds like a doc trying to scare you into being his IVF patient. What a twat. I'd find someone new and perhaps tell your fertility doc that the one they're referring you to is trying to steal their patients.

 

[Jessicahide]

Oh my god, what a charmer. Sorry that you had such a terrible experience with him, unfortunately when people are good at there job, they become so complacent and obnoxious. We you can prove him wrong!

 

[Scout]

What a jerk. A lot of doctors, especially if they are "the" doctor, have lost all compassion and tact and just say what they think, without thinking about how it might impact someone else. It's like, they deal with this kind of thing day in and out and are just matter of fact type people. And how anyone can make any kind of assumption about what will happen is beyond ridiculous. I agree...worst. doctor. ever.! Hope you can put what he said out of your mind.

 

[bunyhuny]

I tried to talk to him to get answers, rather than just fear tactics, and he wouldn't give me any statistics or anything- not even tell me how "at risk" my baby is. After several messages of him refusing to give me any actual information, I wrote him this:


"So at this point you're telling me that the baby is at risk, but you won't tell me how at risk. You won't explain to me how this works and why it would happen this far along. And you're telling me there's nothing I can do anyway.

Well, thanks for destroying any sense of calm I had about this pregnancy. I mean, I was already worried, but now you've put me in a total panic which definitely isn't good for my baby. It's like you're saying, "Hey, your greatest fears might be about to come true, but I'm not going to explain how, why, or give you any options on what to do. Call me if you get a dead baby."

What was the point of telling me that?!? Couldn't you have said something to the effect of, "Congratulation on your pregnancy. It sounds like your doctors have put together a reasonable plan for this stage in the game, but if for some reason it doesn't work, the next step is checking for autoimmune and alloimmune conditions, and moving forwards with intralipid therapy in the future if tests are positive. My clinic specializes in that and I'd be really happy to help. Congratulations again!"

I don't know how you think you're helping anyone when you go around telling pregnant women that there is a high likelihood their baby will die "sometime" in the next month and there's nothing they can do. I don't want to go to a doctor who scares me for no reason at all. Even if what you're saying is true, why would you tell me I have a high risk if there's absolutely nothing I can do about it now? What does that do besides terrify me?

There are other clinics in the US and abroad that will do testing for auto/alloimmune conditions and treat with intralips for them, and will probably do so without putting the fear of god into me first. My husband and I will not me seeking treatment with a doctor who has so little care for another person's well-being (especially at such an already obviously scary time), that he goes about saying things that do much more harm than good.

Thanks, but no thanks."


I'm still really scared, as he does have a very high likelyhood of being right (from the research I have done), but as I told him- there is no reason at all to scare someone about their current pregnancy when there is nothing they can do to possibly change a negative outcome if it is coming.

Hopefully, my baby will be fine.

If not, I sure as hell will NOT be going to see this asshat.

 

[LulaBug]

I really hope everything will be ok x

 

[mhk425]

Terrible! So sorry you've had to deal with such a jerk.

FWIW, when trying to get pregnant with DS, I figured out based on timing of my positive OPKs that I had low progesterone. I was sent to a RE (also considered one of the best) and it was confirmed. My first time meeting him, he told me that it was extremely unlikely that i'd get pregnant without a supplement and that if I did, i'd almost certainly miscarry. He then started talking about starting all this major testing and looking into IUI, etc. What?? Why are we jumping to this when we've seen what the problem likely is?? The very next day I got a BFP, and the baby I was "certain to miscarry" is now almost 19 months old. Unfortunately, it's all about the money for a lot of these people.

All that to say, don't let him scare you. If everything is going well so far, there's no reason to assume anything will change that. Good luck, Hun! I've got my fingers crossed for you.

 

[Marumi]

This is fairly old. It seems you are in the second trimester now? How are you and baby doing?
I would shove the fact that you got so far in his face!