Would love your opinions on having more than 1 child

[Deeper Blue]

Hi everyone,

Spend most of my time in the toddlers forum but thought you guys could give me some insight if you could.

When my little girl was born I went through the phase of wanting another child -immediately- which eventually faded, and since my husband always insisted he only ever wanted one I put the idea on the back burner. Now Isla is reaching the 2 year mark I've occasionally mentioned to OH about having another and the other night he actually said he'd be happy with us having another if its what I wanted... so now the balls in my court I'm wondering if it is actually a good idea.

OH was an only child and said he was perfectly happy, not lonely in the slightest. I've got half brothers but grew up without them and had a great childhood. All of our parents have brothers and/or sisters but none of them get on with each other and some don't even talk at all. My dad said he used to argue with his brothers and sisters all the time. My brother has 3 children, and although he loves them all dearly he does say 3 kids is 3 kids too many and particularly thinks number three may not have been a good idea!

Am I just unlucky to be surrounded by all these negative experiences?!

When we were trying for Isla I was -desperate- for her and I don't have that same feeling for a second... does that mean I shouldn't have another unless I get the feeling again? I know I would love another child if I had one and I don't want Isla to be lonely when she's older, but I'm not sure it's a good idea if it's really just going to be perpetual arguments between them.

*sigh* maybe I'm being too practical.

I know everyone loves their children and wouldn't be without them but I guess my question is: are there more times when your a referee than a mum if you have more than one or is it easier than I think? Is it just my disfunctional family that has all these problems? Could they really get on like Charley and Lola?

Would love your opinions.

x

 

[Deeper Blue]

Oh dear! I guess I'll take the non-response as a bad sign!

 

[3rdtimelucky]

Hi hun.

I grew up with 3 sisters and and when we were gounger of course we fought. Over silly stuff like who had the bigger room and why did we have to share a room, and which one robbed who's makeup.. etc. We drove eachother nuts. But now that we are older, I couldnt imagine life with out them, they are my back bone and I would be lost with out them!

I have 3 children. 2 girls aged 9 and 6 and a 1 yr old son. My girls are the best of pals, and of course they have arguments over toys and the messy bedroom but overall they love eachother dearly. When my eldest goes to her friends for a sleepover my 6 yr old wonders around the house like a little lost sole, she is so bored without her! And also they love their little brother, drown him with affection! We plan to have another baby next yr so hopefully our youngest gets to experience the same kind of bond that our 2 oldest have!

I wish you the very best in whatever you decide!

 

[Deeper Blue]

Awwww... that's so lovely to hear. It's that kind of bond in adulthood that I'd love Isla to have, and as morbid as it sounds I don't want her to be on her own when we're gone.

Thanks for the reply

 

[kierley]

Hi just read your thread and thought I'd write a response. While I am one of three girls there is a very big gap between me and my elder sisters of 13 & 16 years. I grew up more or less like an only child and while I didnt mind as an adult I have never felt close to my sisters or felt included in their lives. That said my OH is one of four boys and though they had their ups and downs growing up they are now all very close and three out of four work together they go cycling with each other and their cousins every sunday.

They have lots of funny stories of growing up and it made me feel like I missed out on that. When I met my OH I was a single parent of one son and vowed he would always be and only child. 6 years into our relationship we decided to try for a baby and my other son is now four baby three is on his way but was a big suprise. Though for my four year old it will be great as the gap between him and my eldest is so big they dont really get on as well as i'd like.

 

[smelly07]

I have two girls age 5 and a half and 18 months and after having my eldest, i didnt feel broody after having her at all and didnt want another child for awhile at least anyway and wasnt ready for ages, there is a 4 year age gap which i think is perfect and what i planned and was lucky enough to get it, i had 4 years with my eldest and loved every minute and had my youngest a few months before my eldest went to school which means i have quality time with my youngest when her sister is at school.... it is SO lovely having two, they get on so well and play beautifully together and i am glad they will have each other (i grew up with 3 brothers and always felt like the odd one out, so its nice having my girls) although after my youngest i was incredibly broody which did go eventually,We dont want anymore though 2 is more than enough. x

 

[N1kki]

well i'm on m 2nd now and this be my last,i honestly couldnt handle anymore then that!hats go off to all mums with more then 2!

 

[Jasiellover]

I grew up in a family of 6 - counting me. My mom was always so busy and stressed (who wouldn't be with 6 kids) but I can honestly tell you we all LOVE being a big family. We do a lot of family things together and it's just really nice to have everyone around. So it's not always bad and negative to have a big family. Having two children will be more work but if you really want one I would say go for it. Woman like me don't even have the option to have a big family. You're a lucky woman Don't force yourself to have one though if your hearts not in it. Good luck!

 

[Gen79]

I've known plenty of families where the siblings are very close and I'd like that for my kids in the future too. Of course I've known families, like yours, where they aren't that close but it doesn't have to be that way. I don't think you can predict how it'll be though, it all depends on all the different personalities involved, including the one who isn't even conceived yet. I think you just have some soul searching to do to decide how you envision your life in the next 5, 10, 20 years and later.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I had my 2 close in age. There is a 21mth age gap. I cant imagine it any other way to be honest. It does have pros and cons but more pros in my opinion. I am only ever having 2 children though x

 

[Mumof42009]

I have 4 children 12,8,4 and 15 months they all have there moments where they fight etc but put it down to the oldest 3 being girls and hormones lol. They are all really close though and the girls all help out with there brother, I would have more if I had the money and knew I wouldnt have another preemie x

 

[pinkie77]

I have 3 kids aged 9 (boy) and girls 11 and 13. I'm also pregnant with no.4 due any time now (hint hint lol)

Yes at times my kids fight like cat and dog, usually my middly with either the oldest or youngest. But they also love each other to bits and woe betide anyone that hurts one of them! They are very very close and I hope that will continue as they grow up.

If anything, the regret that I have is that there's such a big age gap between my 3rd and 4th children and worry that my baby will miss out because of this. So I guess there's always two sides to the coin! Good luck with whatever you choose hun x x

 

[Elli21]

Hi

I love my brothers and sisters
We would argue over everything, they would wind me up something crazy (im the eldest)

What i remember the most, was when i was about 9. My sister was 3, and i used to get bullied at school, and every night i would go to bed scared of what i would have to deal with at school the next day.
My sister at 3, would wake up, climb into my bed, and cuddle me and tell me i was the best. She helped me sleep.

As we grew, so did our patience for eachother, our love for one another and now, i couldnt and wouldnt be without them.

When i had Leigha, i was happy with just her! It was my OH wanting another, and i agreed.
My children get on fantastically, they argue and fight, but they also cuddle up and watch a film, they share, and they look after eachother.
Im now pregnant with number 3 and this one is definately my last.

Im a firm believer in, you KNOW when you are done with having children.

 

[coccyx]

I had 2 then 5 year gap then 2 close together again. four children is great, would never have wanted just one.

 

[A3my]

I was one of three sisters and loved growing up with them. I always wanted more than one child and have daughters aged 10 and 9 and then I had Alex who is 8 months. The girls are really really close and they absolutely adore Alex so its worked out really well for us. I think its a personal choice though, you have to do what suits you and your family best

 

[Tudor Rose]

i have 3 kids 6, 5 and almost 6 months, i said no more. but now i look at my youngest and the close bond between the older 2 and wonder if shes gonna be left out. so baby 4 could be on the cards yet, not that DH knows yet.

i was 1 of 3 and i think more so as you get older having someone there to turn to. Even though i was 1 of 3 and DH was 1 of 2 we only have small extended family so we always said we.d have a few kids.

 

[morri]

Can't say a lot , but I know that in Germany it is more often to be a single child (or only have one sibling) than it is in the UK and the US , The US though has a far higher rate than the UK too... I think if you are happy with one you should be okay, and if you don't have the feeling of being alone than why should your daughter.

 

[LittleLady04]

My 3 girls (5,2 and 1) are the best of friends. Yeah, they fight and fall out all the time, but they Love each other so much. Playing referee is just a small part of my role as a Mum. There is nothing nicer than seeing them play a game together or seeing the older looking after one of the little ones.
xxx

 

[Abz1982]

I would say it is hit or miss. I am one of 2, OH is one of 4. And yes, we all argued as kids - my sister and I really really argued but I think that was due to how close in age we were, 21 months - so not close enough, but a big enough gap that she wanted to copy me but was a pain!
OH and his littlest bro are 11 months and they are close.

We have gotten closer as we get older, but we are totally different personalities - polar opposites.

The is no right or wrong answer as its like a tombola, you do not know what you are going to pull out of the hat! I know when it comes to horses I have seen 2 of thebest horses breed numerous fab foals, and then along comes the bad egg. You never know where it will land though. Or how people will get on.
It will also depend on your temperament - do you like noise, do you mind mess, are you a mediator? My parents are VERY similar in personality - my mum is an only child and my dad is one of 4. She grew up spoilt and my dad grew up with everyone expecting a lot of him, so different environments, but their personalities came out the same.

There are so many variables! I toy with the idea of another, but financially it is not viable for a few years. Emma was the perfect baby, and is a smart kid, but she is also keen to be the centre of attention and does not know how to share - despite going to nursery (well she will only share with one of my mates kids strangely!), and I do wonder if another may help this and she may grow up better, but then would her being demanding make her more sucessful in later life? Who knows!

 

[jakey1]

There's 4 years between me and my brother and we have always had a great relationship - can't imagine what it would have been like growing up without him. I have boy/girl twins and deffo wont be having anymore as I really have my work cut out but had I only had one baby then I definately would have wanted another so that they had a little brother/sister xx