Would this upset you?

[Lady_Bee]

Say you left your baby with someone while you went out for a couple of hours, and he got really hysterical and ended up crying himself to sleep, and then they lied about it and said he was in a great mood, playing games etc. and then just calmly fell asleep?

I don't know for SURE this is what happened but my husband and I suspect it for a number of reasons. It doesn't change the outcome either way (he is fine, and I expected some tears as he had pretty bad separation anxiety at the moment) but it changes my opinion of them that they (potentially) weren't truthful about it to me.

Am I OTT for being annoyed about this? Honest opinions, please!

Trying to figure out how to confront them about it before they leave today.

 

[Sproglet]

It would upset me- if I knew for sure they lied. Maybe they're downplaying it a little so as not to worry you? Or maybe they feel they didn't do a good enough job?

I'd probably say something like 'that really surprises me, when I left LO at my mum's he was hysterical for hours' so they have the chance to backtrack without you outright accusing them of lying.

 

[AP]

I have a friend who lied and said LO wasn't sick (severe reflux) when I left her (I never leave her so it was hard) but later admitted she was. She only lied so I wouldn't worry and enjoyed my night away, so there was good intentions, but perhaps I'd rather have known!

 

[deafgal]

If it is your in-laws or parents, She probably lied out of fear you wouldn't let her watch your lo again.

but some babies do move on to other things...until they get tired or hungry.I don't believe the self soothe story at all unless in a swing or car rides. only once my daughter played quietly to sleep.

 

[missk1989]

It would bother me because I hate lo crying and would want to know so I could help prevent it happening again. For the sake of whoever is looking after lo as much as lo himself.

 

[LDC]

It would bother me if they'd lied about it; we went out last night and LO became upset at around 9:15pm (we left her at 3pm so it was a while later) and MIL text me and said she was getting upset so I could come home and see to her.

It might be that they didn't want you to get upset or worry; my Oh did the same when I first left them together. He had good intentions but I just said next time I'd rather know, I think sometimes they worry that it looks as though they can't care for LO and that they won't be left with them again.

If you can prove that LO was crying then I would just have a chat and say you'd rather have known as you know LO has separation anxiety so gets worked up.

Xx

 

[Larkspur]

I think it would be pretty rough to get mad at someone or punish them in some way for something you suspect mayhave happened but have no actual proof of.

 

[Dragonfly]

I wouldnt let said person baby sit again. I would be worried about the stress level my child was needlessly put under. If you cant trust this person which it sounds like you cant then dont leave your baby. Hate to say but that would make me paranoid about what other lack of care they do.

 

[Tami]

I agree with earlier post, I don't think it's fair to be angry for something you don't know happened, did you specifically ask them to call you if baby couldn't be soothed? At the end of the day if the baby wouldn't be soothed by them, and they couldn't reach you, then it's not really their fault surely?
If I'd thought this would be the case I wouldn't have left baby anyway, or would have come back early.
It's entirely possible that baby was tired out by playing and fell asleep? Unless you have solid proof otherwise I don't think it's fair to punish someone for helping you out and definitely wouldn't confront them about it!
If you really must know perhaps try as someone suggested and mention they don't normally act like that.
At the end of the day isn't the most important thing that baby is fine!


EDIT:

Just to clarify, because I think we're all interpreting this differently. Do you mean they basically just ignored baby and left them to cry themselves to sleep? Because that's definitely not okay.

Or do you mean they were trying, but baby wouldn't be comforted by them? Because that's different surely!

 

[Noodlebear]

I don't really think I would be annoyed. I know this isn't exactly the same but I used to look after my friend's daughter when she was just a yr old and sometimes we'd have lots of tears and tantrums at bedtime, I wouldn't always mention it because often it didn't need to be talked about, she wasn't in danger and it was just because she missed her mummy. I think unless there's a really serious situation you naturally down play any silly moments like that because it's just the territory that comes with young children.

IF they have lied they won't be keeping it from you to be horrible, it's probably with the best intentions. I think if you trust them enough to look after LO and they did a good job taking care of him I would leave it. If they look after him again I would maybe get in touch every so often and ask if he'd calmed down etc and ask them to get hold of me if he got overly upset but I think confronting them now, when they've already told you he was fine, will literally just be you accusing them of lying and I'm not convinced you can approach the subject without it looking like you don't trust what they tell you.

 

[TwilightAgain]

How do you know that he cried himself to sleep?

It depends entirely on how you mean by crying himself to sleep. I think its pretty normal for LOs to get a bit upset because they're missing their Mummy and maybe he was soothed to sleep but remained upset? If he'd been left to cry then thats something entirely different.

If I was babysitting and the baby was having fun playing games and what not and only got upset at bedtime I don't think i'd feel the need to mention it either because its kind of expected?

 

[Dk1234]

I think I would be pretty offended if you accused me of lying and I wasn't. I think you need to have proof of something like that. I mean what even makes you think that. Kinda seems like you may be a little anxious of leaving them and looking for issues.

 

[staralfur]

Why do you think he cried himself to sleep? Aside from having a video monitor or something, I'm not sure how you'd come to that conclusion?

As a PP said, I think it depends on how he cried himself to sleep as well. If she just chucked him in his crib and left him, then lied about it...yeah, I'd be pissed.

But if she just couldn't settle him but was trying, then I'd just let it go. She was probably just worried you'd think she wasn't capable, or felt bad.

 

[bumpbear]

If they were doing you a favour baby sitting him and comforted him the whole time he was crying, then no I wouldn't confront them about it. Especially if he was only crying at bedtime/ because of separation anxiety etc. if they left him to cry without comforting him, I'd still not confront them but silently seethe about it and never use them to baby sit ever again!

 

[Hunbun]

I probably wouldn't confront them about it. They probably just didn't want to worry you.

I personally would rather know if LO was upset rather than someone trying to keep it from me, even if they were doing it so I didn't worry. But like PP have said there really isn't any way to prove either way.

 

[Lady_Bee]

Thank you to all who had genuine advice, rather than unfounded judgement, I appreciate it. It helped, and the situation has now been resolved.

 

[robinator]

Thank you to all who had genuine advice, rather than unfounded judgement, I appreciate it. It helped, and the situation has now been resolved.

I'm glad it was resolved, and perhaps I'm reading this wrong, but are you taking a swipe with the "unfounded judgement" comment? You did ask for honest opinions without offering much background information....?

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding you.

 

[Scottish mum]

How do you know this happend!! It would annoy me a little as long as they tried to comfort him it wouldn't be a huge issue!!

 

[socitycourty]

i would rather hear the truth, there have been times when i had no choice but to leave my LO and my sister told me she fussed....but i expected it TBH

 

[x__amour]

Oh most definitely. I'm not going to judge them, I just want to know what happened.