Would you let finances determine family size?

[JASMAK]

Sometimes you just MAKE it happen because you have too. We didn't plan baby #3 and I am a SAHM but we will just make it work

Exactly! Good parents make it work.


I am very fortunate that hubby and I have good careers and the kids are well taken care of, and get 'extras'. But, I think some people attitudes on here are very generalized and judgemental. Its quite sad, tbh.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

When I say SAHM I dont count the voluntary work I do for the council funding panels which some people get paid for!

 

[My_First]

I think there should be more of that. Not necessarily sahm, but those on job seekers and is. I think it should be mandatory to do volunteer work.

 

[Natsku]

Its not exactly volunteer work then is it....

The problem with that is that companies use the forced volunteer work as a way of getting cheap labour so they don't need to hire as many normally paid workers which just ends up with more unemployed anyway. Although I think it would be good if people on benefits were encouraged to do volunteer work for charities (as they tend to operate more on a volunteer basis anyway) but not for big companies.
Here they have a scheme where an employed person can take a year's sabbatical at (I think) 80% pay and the company hires an unemployed person for that year (but I think the person only gets the normal unemployment benefit) - thats a bit of a better idea I think as it doesn't let companies get free labour but it still gets work experience for the unemployed and gives good workers a chance for some time off to travel or study or whatever. My mum's friend is doing it now.

 

[My_First]

I agree it would get abused by companies and it should be for charitable work only.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Its hard work! I only do it because I want the best for my son and the panel is regarding SN needs, if we dont fight then we dont get basicly!

I think you make ends meet if you have too! x

 

[chellebelle8]

I'm pregnant with my third and it means a tighter budget but my oh bless him is also going in for his hgv license to get a better job and looking for a second job as well. I think if you want children then you need to be prepared for doing whatever you can to provide x

 

[summer rain]

I just want to offer my children a choice. When I grew up my brother and I shared a room but we didn't have to, then I think when I was 10 either myself or my mum decided to have my own room and I loved it. I'd be happy for my children to share when they're younger, sharing a room with my brother was one of my fondest memories. But for studying, friends, own space for privacy I needed my own room as a teenager and I wouldn't want to deny my children that even if they were the same sex. If they choose to share a room- fine by me! DH shared a room with his brother who he has always gotten on with really well but he hated it, especially with there being 4 kids he never used to get his own space, we have been together since we were 17 but never stayed at his house (8 years on) he was embarrassed as a teenager and as a result we aren't as close to them as my family as James practically lived with us. Bit of an extreme example, I know lots of people are happy to share but I will want to be in a position to let the children decide not put up with what we have.

Living in London and really when it comes down to it, most places in the UK it's impossible for any normal person to afford more than a 3-4 bedroom though, my husbands line of work is extremely well paid but we just couldn't afford to buy or rent somewhere that allowed each and every one of our children to have their very own room, unless we sacrificed every trip and holiday and lived on virtually nothing which I don't think the kids would like. This is just my opinion but I'd rather my kids shared rooms and yet had everything else they could ever want or need than for them to all have their own rooms and we live in a lovely big house but worry tremendously about money and not be able to enjoy any time with them. Just my personal opinion xx

 

[Foogirl]

I watched this new show called "Secretly Pregnant", where for whatever reasons the mom is scared to share her news.

This week's episode had a woman and her husband who already had 5 boys and were pregnant with number 6. They were afraid to tell her mom because her mom helped them financially and wasn't happy when they told her about baby #5. They were hoping this one would be a girl so that it wouldn't be such a blow, but it turned out to be another boy. Needless to say the grandma was pissed at their lack of responsibility.

I did find it ironic that since they can't even afford the kids they already have, both parents had iPhones......

Gawd, I'd have been pissed off at them too! Sure I know things can happen when you didn't plan them, but really, nowadays, except in exceptional circumstanced, if you don't want a baby you can avoid becoming pregnant. And certainly once you've had 5, becoming pregnant with a 6th is something other than bad luck.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I just want to offer my children a choice. When I grew up my brother and I shared a room but we didn't have to, then I think when I was 10 either myself or my mum decided to have my own room and I loved it. I'd be happy for my children to share when they're younger, sharing a room with my brother was one of my fondest memories. But for studying, friends, own space for privacy I needed my own room as a teenager and I wouldn't want to deny my children that even if they were the same sex. If they choose to share a room- fine by me! DH shared a room with his brother who he has always gotten on with really well but he hated it, especially with there being 4 kids he never used to get his own space, we have been together since we were 17 but never stayed at his house (8 years on) he was embarrassed as a teenager and as a result we aren't as close to them as my family as James practically lived with us. Bit of an extreme example, I know lots of people are happy to share but I will want to be in a position to let the children decide not put up with what we have.

Living in London and really when it comes down to it, most places in the UK it's impossible for any normal person to afford more than a 3-4 bedroom though, my husbands line of work is extremely well paid but we just couldn't afford to buy or rent somewhere that allowed each and every one of our children to have their very own room, unless we sacrificed every trip and holiday and lived on virtually nothing which I don't think the kids would like. This is just my opinion but I'd rather my kids shared rooms and yet had everything else they could ever want or need than for them to all have their own rooms and we live in a lovely big house but worry tremendously about money and not be able to enjoy any time with them. Just my personal opinion xx

Same as. I expect the average UK family has a 3 bedroom property or 4 bedroom. I dont know of many who have bigger just for the sake of catering to more kids. Getting a mortgage is hard and rent is exceptional.
Its also down to how you choose to spend your money. I know friends who both work full time in good jobs but they dont have as much spare as us. Thats because they choose to spend it on nights out etc but that's their choice.

 

[Pearls18]

I understand what you're both saying, and obviously lots (if not most?) of families share, but for me it's one way how finances would determine the size of my family because one reason I wouldn't have more than 3 children is because I doubt we could afford a house that would enable a room each for all of them BUT that is easy for me to say now as I know I probably don't want more than 2 children, and if I did have the calling to want more I am sure I wouldn't not allow myself because we didn't have enough rooms for one each and I would prioritise things just as you guys have.

 

[Pearls18]

And to add I too would go for a cheaper house than what we could technically afford in order to have a better lifestyle like holidays every year, I wouldn't mortgage myself to the eyeballs just for a beautiful home that crippled us in every other way. But I would want a minimum of a 3 bedroom house, not just for the bedrooms but because I find the downstairs space too small in 2 beds (well ours anyways!) so I had better get saving! thankfully the military house you on the number of children you have and with 2 children you get a 3 bed, with 3 children you only get a 4 bed when all 3 children are over 10- or if youre a warrant officer haha....!

 

[JASMAK]

^^^That is a very spiteful thing to ask.

I wasn't trying to be spiteful at all. As mentioned above, I think her childhood sounds very tough and was given the title of the thread and what Liesje felt about her childhood, I was just wondering what her thoughts were.

Liesje - the question was a genuine one.

My parents had good intentions, to them we weren't poor at all. I just know I would never do that to my kids.

Kind of like this woman:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsVxgOjNLbA
I like her lifestyle and think it would be neat to live like that, but when you get to where they ask her kids how they like it (4:20), they don't seem happy at all. They probably want a room just like their friends have.

My kids complain about their house too tho....1750sq ft, on 1/2 acre of land with their own rooms. Kids always want more. But, yeah, I wouldnt choose that. She does seem like a decent mom tho...books and art everywhere. I bet her kids have a wonderful imagination! That house certainly wouldn't work in Canada!! LOL

 

[Liesje]

^^^That is a very spiteful thing to ask.

I wasn't trying to be spiteful at all. As mentioned above, I think her childhood sounds very tough and was given the title of the thread and what Liesje felt about her childhood, I was just wondering what her thoughts were.

Liesje - the question was a genuine one.

My parents had good intentions, to them we weren't poor at all. I just know I would never do that to my kids.

Kind of like this woman:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsVxgOjNLbA
I like her lifestyle and think it would be neat to live like that, but when you get to where they ask her kids how they like it (4:20), they don't seem happy at all. They probably want a room just like their friends have.

My kids complain about their house too tho....1750sq ft, on 1/2 acre of land with their own rooms. Kids always want more. But, yeah, I wouldnt choose that. She does seem like a decent mom tho...books and art everywhere. I bet her kids have a wonderful imagination! That house certainly wouldn't work in Canada!! LOL

I get what you're saying, but having a room they can stand up in isn't that much to ask lol
You're preaching to the choir when talking about living modestly, my OH is the one who is all about having fancy cars and a huge house, I could live in a shipping container, but we both agree that we'd both rather not have kids if we couldn't give them everything we didn't have.