Would you let finances determine family size?

[Jox]

We will b sticking with our 2 boys at home. Mostly because of finances. We want to enjoy our boys, be able to go on the odd holiday, buy them nice things etc

We said the other day that if we won the lottery we'd happily have another 1 or 2.

Saying that, u could probably say finances weren't great so we couldn't afford to have Logan but we wanted to babies at home so we will manage iykwim?

So we've kinda had the 'minimum' we wanted at home regardless then any 'extras' will depend in finances in the future x

 

[KittyVentura]

Yes and no. It has to be a consideration but you can never really afford to have children. If a baby was unplanned we'd never turn them away - you can always find a way. However, if you know that things will never change/you have a certain lifestyle you want to maintain then you need to give it careful thought. Everyone is different. Personally I really don't care abouta lavish lifestyle so for me, money isn't an important consideration.

I never understand this statement. I appreciate we're in a pretty fortunate situation (husband earns a good enough wage to support us comfortably so I can be a SAHM without our standard of living dropping)... But we certainly can afford to have the children we do, comfortably so. Xx

 

[Vesta]

Absolutely. I can afford 1. So that's what I have. I'd need a bigger house before having a second, which I can not afford at the moment. (I don't think it's fair to make kids share a room.) I'm not even sure I want a second child though to be honest!

 

[lindseymw]

Yes and no. It has to be a consideration but you can never really afford to have children. If a baby was unplanned we'd never turn them away - you can always find a way. However, if you know that things will never change/you have a certain lifestyle you want to maintain then you need to give it careful thought. Everyone is different. Personally I really don't care abouta lavish lifestyle so for me, money isn't an important consideration.

I never understand this statement. I appreciate we're in a pretty fortunate situation (husband earns a good enough wage to support us comfortably so I can be a SAHM without our standard of living dropping)... But we certainly can afford to have the children we do, comfortably so. Xx

I agree with you Kitty, we have a very comfortable lifestyle. We certainly can afford children. We are not stretched financially, we have money left over each month (well DH does!). He earns a decent wage, I go work 3 days a week through choice rather than a financial requirement.

So for us, we can afford our children as well as days out, treats etc Granted we would be minted if we didn't have the outgoings that come with children!

 

[hubblybubbly]

Yes, I think you need to be able to afford housing, clothing, bills and food before you ttc, I feels it's irresponsible to rely on the government to provide the basics...but our benefit system allows exactly that, so there's no incentive to think before you act.

I WANT to be able to give my children nice things, go on holidays, have hobbies and I want to drive good cars and live in a lovely house. But I will sacrifice some things such as private schools, so on balance we'll be able to afford 3 maybe 4 children, but I would limit it to 2 if our financial situation changes.
X

 

[hulahoop09]

Money for us as tight before and is tight now although all bills get paid. If we would of waited until we were a lot better financially it may of never happened and as some people have told me some people would wait forever if they waited til they could afford a baby. We want another 1 and are going to have to wait until lo is possibly 4-5 for that as grandparents watch her while we work and so I cant expect them to watch 2! Lol. Also we want to get into a better financial situation if we can although as I said it my nevr happen. LOl. As long as lo have all they need andany extra is a lovely bonus

xx

 

[LannieDuck]

Sorry if this sounds dumb but why would you have another baby if you can't afford it? Who do you think is going to pay for it?

I probably didn't make my post very clear, I certainly wouldn't expect anyone else to pay for my kids! My Husband and I both work and when I say we couldn't afford another that was probably slightly dramatic. At the minute we are comfortable, we don't lead an extravagant lifestyle and are not well off but we are comfortable. If we had more kids then it would mean tightening the purse strings. I just don't know if that would be fair to my kids to have to do without certain things so we can have a bigger family. When I say do without things, I mean things like holidays and eating out ect.

I haven't read all of the replies, but I wanted to say that I think you're very sensible to be thinking about whether you can afford another.

From your second post I quoted above, I think you need to decide whether a second child is worth enough to you to sacrifice your standard of living. Which do you want more - holidays/meals out, or another child?

Incidentally, if you do decide to have another baby, I don't think your children will suffer from not having exotic holidays. You can still take them to a cottage by the seaside for the week which will be just as exciting for them as going abroad to Spain. They won't know any difference, so it'll really only be you and OH who know what you've given up.

 

[leahsbabybump]

I think finances should defo determine your family size were arent having any more soimply because we wouldnt be able to aford it comfortably
we could probs afford another baby but we may struggle and also then the other kids would have to go without small luxury items like days out to the sea side and things
so no we not having any more
i also doubt our house would comfortably fit someone else in it either we have 3 bedrooms but i wouldnt like the kids to be all cramped up in one room our lounge isnt very big either nor dowe have a dinig room for us all to sit and eat

 

[Buttercup84]

I do agree getting pregnant whilst on benefits other than disability related ones is irresponsible and shouldn't be encouraged but I think if one or both parents are working and can afford to support a child or a second, third etc (even if not to the extent of foreign holidays, paying for uni fees etc) then that's fine. Life is for living after all and putting off starting a family for too long can have it's own problems too. My mum had me and my sister at 36 and 41 and wished she'd done it earlier.

 

[londonangel]

My husband and I would love to have another baby but at the moment we can't afford it. We both work full-time on above national average wages (but live in London, so that doesn't stretch that far). We are currently privately renting and have to pay nursery fees for Eleanor (she's in nursery full-time) and that means that although we are frugal we can't afford another child at present as we can't afford the nursery fees. I know people say about cutting back and so on and we already do all that. We don't go on expensive holidays or buy meals out or anything like that, but by the time we've paid the rent and paid for things Eleanor needs there's just not that much left. I work full-time because I earn the most, rather than by choice. We're hoping that as hubby and I (hopefully!) move up the work ladder we'll have a bit more money and be able to afford another one by the time Eleanor goes to school but of course the biological clock is ticking in the background too.

I guess the answer to your question, from me, is basically a 'yes', in terms of I'd hate to have two and then find we really couldn't afford for them to go on their school trips and so on, but at the same time I can totally relate to the issue of worrying about regretting not having any more. However, I also find myself thinking about how lucky my hubby and I were to get our Eleanor in the first place as I've had issues with borderline PCOS and I end up thinking about all those people who want but aren't able to have children.

It's a tricky question really - we're gonna give it a couple more years and see what our situation is then

 

[chell5544]

I haven read the whole thread I do believe finances should be a factor in certain situations we own a two bed a flat and have two girls and will not be having another one unless we can afford a three bedroom.
But also saying that you never no what the future holds you could be comfortable have another and then split from your OH or he might loose his job and then you wouldn't be comfortable and vide versa you might not be in a very high paid job and struggle to survive then land yourself in a better paid job so to say people shouldn't have kids if they can't afford it isn't really fair
Me and my Oh really struggled when we had out first and needed government help to survive but he got a promotion and pay rise which meant we could buy a place of our own so things always change

 

[Lilmiss1]

Yes. If you are used to a particular lifestyle and you want to maintain that then finance has to play a part. It's not right to expect the taxpayer to bail you out if you haven't been responsible . There are so many families where generations have relied on the state and handouts are just a way of life for them. Surely that's just one generation teaching the next that it's ok to do . I would go so far as to say that some even think that they are entitled to it . it's frustrating enough to drive past council paid homes with all the sky dishes outside when we think it's not worth the cost. But I digress!
I don't want to be in a Situation where I have to worry about how to pay the next bill or be stressed if something breaks. That causes strain on families. My parents have always been responsible with money and it's rubbed off on me.

 

[littlelady012]

of course you do. my little girl has to go into nursery full time for the next three weeks as my parents are going away and i rely on my mum to look after her three days a week. luckily it is my mums nursery so she has given me a reduction in fees to £30 a day (would be £47) but it is still going to cost me £450 for the three weeks! on top of that i have to buy formula, she is growing out of her clothes so she needs new clothes, nappies, wipes and we are going to start weaning soon so need to buy a high chair too- i will probably be close to 700 to 800 pounds on her this month and then with mortgage, car, bills and an assistants salary to pay it isn't going to leave me with much else so i know i certainly couldn't afford another baby right now if i wanted one..i would have to find a boyfriend first of course! lol

 

[pinklizzy]

Yes and no. It has to be a consideration but you can never really afford to have children. If a baby was unplanned we'd never turn them away - you can always find a way. However, if you know that things will never change/you have a certain lifestyle you want to maintain then you need to give it careful thought. Everyone is different. Personally I really don't care abouta lavish lifestyle so for me, money isn't an important consideration.

I never understand this statement. I appreciate we're in a pretty fortunate situation (husband earns a good enough wage to support us comfortably so I can be a SAHM without our standard of living dropping)... But we certainly can afford to have the children we do, comfortably so. Xx

People said this a lot to me when I was pregnant,freaking out because it wasn't planned! If we had sat down beforehand and worked out whether or not we could afford a baby, I think it would have been a 'no' but we made some small sacrifices, put money aside and found bargains by looking for sales etc and we managed.
I can't imagine not having another child but I wouldn't be able to without knowing that we could afford to pay our bills and keep our child/ren fed, clothed and warm but I would happily sacrifice a holiday abroad every year and luxuries for myself etc.

 

[veganmama]

yes! money is huggeee! i dont want to live paycheck to paycheck and have my kids miss out on things because we cant afford it only to fulfill my own selfish wants. i'm def waiting until we can comfortably afford another baby

 

[lau86]

It's a personal choice. Tbh I even think the benefits thing is a tricky one- I don't believe being on benefits should mean you can't have children, it's more complicated than that. I know some brilliant mums on benefits, their children will contribute to society in the future. The government have made it so that it's not financially worth people working, if I was in that situation I'd stay at home with my children too. As it is my earning potential is very good so I'm not worried and plan to have 3 or 4 children. It's not meals out or trips that make a happy home although they are nice.

 

[summer rain]

We have 4 kids and are planning more. We live in a 3 bedroom housing association flat but it's larger than average and 2x as big as most new build 3 bedroom houses/flats in London. So it doesn't feel cramped, also I have all boys and they prefer to share a room, at the moment my eldest has a room to himself and he really doesn't like it. Clothes wise the kids all get new clothes twice a year and the two eldest share a lot of their clothes by choice as they are a similar height and size, second youngest gets their hand me downs too as they are still in great condition. We home educate as well and most museums are either free or cost next to nothing, when there are special exhibits or project days they can cost more but we'll go in a group with other home-edders so it's never more than around £10 per child. I'm a big bargain hunter so for all three boys of school age the home ed materials, furniture and books never cost more than £400 a year in total. Foreign holidays we never went on when I was young and I don't think they're essential to a happy childhood, so it doesn't bother me too much that we can only afford to go abroad every few years. When it comes to feeding them again I'm a bargain hunter and I don't buy junk food or snacks so our shopping is on average, less than £75 a week and we get loads of stuff for that. Xx

ETA: I must stress we are NOT on benefits

 

[Randianne]

It's a personal choice. Tbh I even think the benefits thing is a tricky one- I don't believe being on benefits should mean you can't have children, it's more complicated than that. I know some brilliant mums on benefits, their children will contribute to society in the future. The government have made it so that it's not financially worth people working, if I was in that situation I'd stay at home with my children too. As it is my earning potential is very good so I'm not worried and plan to have 3 or 4 children. It's not meals out or trips that make a happy home although they are nice.

I have to disagree with you on this one. If you are on benefits and actively TTC, then you are planning on bringing a child into the world that you have no intention of supporting yourself. It really makes me angry that I spend forty hours a week away from my baby and then part of my paycheck goes to pay someone who chose to have children while on benefits. It's not a matter of whether or not the child will contribute to society. Its wrong to expect society to hand you money on a platter because you chose to have a child you knew you couldn't support.

I agree that government has made it way too easy for this to happen. But what happened to responsibility? Why do you think that you deserve to have the taxpayer provide for your children? I realize that sometimes you will make more money on benefits than you would from working. But taking the lazy way out is unethical IMO. I know that sometimes things happen, but planning on having the government support your family long term is irresponsible and completely wrong.

 

[CatandKitten]

There is a big difference between money enough for things like food,clothes, house. But things like fancy trips, cars on their 16th, every new toy that comes out are not that important. For me, other factors like time resources, energy, transportation practicality and my age are the most important.

 

[nugget80]

We live in a 3 bed council house and currently have 3 children and ttc #4. My girls have always shared a bedroom so lo had his own room but when we are lucky enough to have another we Will find space... I think alot of young children enjoy sharing anyway as mine always did! We have enough money to be comfortable at mo and we claim nothing. Next year Will be tough as i go back to uni and we Will have to pay fulltime childcare. For us we can't afford another lo at the moment and maintain our current lifestyle so we would have to make cutbacks and budget carefully but it can be done... Imo children don't need foreign holidays, or expensive days out and with regard to paying for them to go to uni they may not even want to go..! If we have another our lives Will change to accommodate...