x <3 x New Year, New Me...A Start to A Happier Georgie :) x <3 x

[Georgie90]

Well&#8230;I know this is 4 days late but&#8230;

4th January 2010&#8230;The New Year&#8230;A Fresh Start for Me. I am determined to have a Happier New Year this Year&#8230;I hope that some people will follow me and try to give me some help along the way..because boy I feel like I&#8217;m going to need it&#8230;

This Journal is going to follow my Money Saving, Weight Loss and Depression&#8230;I am really scared I will turn you all against me as I have never told anyone on (apart from Sophie1205) the full truth about me and my life&#8230;and I&#8217;m scared everyone will hate me!

Anyway&#8230;Here Goes&#8230;

Some History

Eating Habits

2005 &#8211; Was 15 years old when my eating disorder started, was with my first serious boyfriend and I thought that I was in &#8216;love&#8217; we were together for 16 months when he got with this 13 year old at a party (slept with her) his brother filmed them and sent me the picture to my phone, we carried on seeing each other and he was pressurising me to sleep with him, or he would go elsewhere for sex. (I didn&#8217;t) Alongside this my parents were arguing which was worrying me as my Dad is a Gambler and had got debts of £32,000 and me and my sister overheard that we were going to lose our house&#8230;They later told us they were getting a divorce in November 2005. Which worried me as my Dad was going to be alone&#8230;

2006 &#8211; Went to Disneyland PARIS with the School, where my OH came&#8230;he was already my best friend and we were in rooms next door to each other, even though I was still with my other boyfriend I forgot all about him while I was away&#8230;current OH text me the first night we were there saying I have feeling for you and I think I love you&#8230;and it all went from there really&#8230;I &#8216;dumped&#8217; my boyfriend when we got back and that&#8217;s where everything got ugly&#8230;bear in mind I already wasn&#8217;t eating at this point so had lost 2 stone in 3 months&#8230;to this day I never forget the things my ex called me&#8230;and they are the things I&#8217;m most insecure about today.. My Nose, My Toes (they are webbed) and the size of me..at this point I started making myself sick and by the time my end of school prom was on in May 06 I had lost 4 ½ stone..and was being sick 3-4 times a day and eating a yoghurt and an apple at the most..

In May was when my Eating Disorder came to head and my current OH dragged me out of the black whole I was in (only way I can describe it) and made me eat and get healthy and I can honestly say 2007 was my greatest year&#8230;I was varying between 9 - 9.7 stone and was happy.

General Life

March 2007 - My Mum and Dad went through a messy divorce and we moved out &#8230;the worst day of my life was the day my dad left...and I&#8217;m not ready to re-live it yet&#8230;

We moved into a smaller house and dad stayed with his parents till he got a flat&#8230;he met somebody else and so did my mum and they couldn&#8217;t be happier&#8230;everything was perfect.

2008 &#8211; 2009 have been the worst years of my life, I suffered several losses, which I&#8217;m not happy to talk about yet and was diagnosed with Depression, throughout this time I have regular counselling but refuse to go on anti-depressants &#8211; I have never been so down as I was at the end of 2009&#8230;I felt everything was against me&#8230;which I have described in great detail in the GS.

Money

My aim is to save £3000 in 2010.

Where I am Now&#8230;

Eating
I am at my heaviest weight of 10 stone 10lbs&#8230;.My aim is to get to 10 stone and then see where we go from there, ideally I want to get to 9 stone, but I need to take baby steps to make sure I don&#8217;t overdo everything..

General Happiness
This morning I woke and feel like I have turned a page&#8230;I am tired as was up on the phone to OH until 3.30am and had to go to work at 6..but I&#8217;m determined to be Happy this year, I have worked things out with OH (ill start a thread in a min) and I&#8217;m determined

Money
I owe £0 and have £170 until January 27th&#8230;plan to save £200-£250 a month.

If you managed to get this far then Thank You..and Here Goes!

Up from Here!

Georgie

xxxx

 

[Donna35]

Don't worry hun you could never turn anyone against you. You're a strong woman who has overcome so much and you're determined to reach your goals which is so admirable. I truly hope you do and if you ever need any help or just someone to talk to just shout xxx

 

[Louisandcoco]

You sound very determined. I wish you all the best hon. Xx

 

[Georgie90]

Thank you ladies
I didn't expect anyone to read this really its just going to be my way of venting..x

I have a a cereal bar for breakfast today and a chicken pitta and yoghurt for lunch...xxx

 

[Georgie90]

Day 2

Good Morning!

Feeling Tired Today!
A bit hungry but still&#8230;Yesterday I Had:

Breakfast: Cereal Bar
Lunch: Pitta with Char grilled Chicken and a Toffee Muller Light Yoghurt
Snack: 4 Wine Gums
Dinner: Jacket Potato with Beans and Char Grilled Chicken

How does that sound?
OH took me out for a meal last night and I was ok as I had some chicken to start while he had mushrooms, but I had to do everything to not order the Gammon and Chips :cries: so I ate my little (and woah it was little) Jacket Potato while he had a huuuge burger and chips with coldsaw, sautae (sp) mushrooms and beans&#8230;then was the most tricky part! Where we went does a fantastic chocolate tart I was so tempted to have it, and I was going to but was so proud of myself when id didn&#8217;t!

I wasn&#8217;t even hungry when I fell asleep

Also, booked X-Factor Tickets today..Im so excited!! 20 March..its at the o2 and me and the girls are going to &#8216;matter&#8217; the club there afterwards! I can&#8217;t wait!

Also, booking the V Festival Soon!!

Georgie

 

[Georgie90]

I&#8217;m hungry this morning&#8230;but maybe because I&#8217;m having a crappy day, I just want to pig out on chocolate, but I know I&#8217;ll be so disappointed if I do..

Yesterday was:

Breakfast: Cereal Bar
Lunch: Chicken in Pitta and a snack a jack
Snack: 6 Wine Gums
Dinner: 2 New Potatoes, Chicken, Peas and Carrots

Was Really Hungry so had a Yoghurt too&#8230;

The awfulness started yesterday, I messed something up in work again for the 100th time&#8230;and I hate it here so so much anyway..its all worse today, I have had about a million thing rejected to me, I know I&#8217;m not right for this job and I know this jobs not right for me, so I just have no interest in being here..

I want so so much to work closer to home too&#8230;it&#8217;s a 90 minute trip on 3 trains to here and that makes it worse. :cry I been looking for new jobs for about 6 months&#8230;with no luck&#8230;I&#8217;m so unhappy here..

On a plus 2 people brought cakes and goodies in yesterday an I resisted all of them&#8230;

 

[ames_x]

Good luck chick You sound very determined!

Are you on any diet or just healthy eating? x

 

[Sophie1205]

I only just seen this
Its really good you have started a journal hun you are farrr more determined and much stronger than me. I couldnt diet
My Georgie WILL be happy this year
I'll be following your journal xxxxx

 

[Georgie90]

Ames_x I'm trying to do a low fat diet but I don't think its going well..like I say I have never dieted before so could do with a bit of help..x

Soph..thanks hun, I wondered if you would pop up on here.

I don't expect anyone to follow me, but its nice to know I have got people there..xxx

 

[ames_x]

I really recommend Weight Watchers hun, as you dont have alot to loose. And from what I've seen, I dont think you need to loose any!

I've always done WW, and always lost weight. If you wanna ask any Q's just PM me or add me on FB x

 

[Georgie90]

I wannt to loose 24lbs... the only thing about weight watchers is I'm embarrassed to go..x

Is it ok to add me on facebook...

Thanks hun, really grateful xxx

 

[ames_x]

You could always do it online chick? Seriously don't be embarressed though!!

Added you x

 

[Georgie90]

Thanks ames_x

I was put off my WW because they wouldn't allow me to go to their meetings with my friend because of my history..I may give it another go though! Xx

 

[Elli21]

Hey hun
Nice to see you started a journal

You know im here, on fb or on text when and if u need me xxx

 

[Georgie90]

Havent had time to update today!

oh yesterday i was a bit of a let down...
Breakfast: Yoghurt with Banna chopped.
Lunch: Mini Pizza, Cereal Bra, Special K Bits
Snack: Wine Gums (really need to cut these out!!)
Dinner: Char grilled chicken pittas

im getting really worried about weigh in tomorro!
I know I have only been dieting 4 days but...i donno, i want everything to happen instantly!

Georgie

 

[Georgie90]

oh and im joining WW tonight!

xxx

 

[Elli21]

Im like that too, i want to drop off me NOW!! Kinda thing.
But try not to worry xxx

 

[ames_x]

Good on you chick!!!

If you got any questions about WW just ask me on FB... I know WW like the back of my hand x

 

[Sophie1205]

Ohhh how did the WW go hun??
xx

 

[Georgie90]

Well WW was cancelled! - due to the snow
So Ill be starting that next week!

Anyway! I lost 7lbs!!
Im quite embarrassed by that as I have only been dieting 5 days...Its quite scary because as soon as I learned that I had lost half a stone, something come back in my head that I Need to lose more&#8230;the same way it did when I was ill, and I&#8217;m starting to like feeling hungry&#8230; I know none of this is good&#8230;I made myself open a yoghurt for breakfast this morning, but only had three spoonfuls before I couldn&#8217;t physically make myself eat anymore.

I&#8217;m going to get a massive jacket potato for lunch..I think I&#8217;m going to try to make myself eat more.

Yesterday I had:

Breakfast: Porridge 1tbsp Honey
Lunch: Chargrilled Chicken Pitta Wrap
Snack: Wine Gums (starting to get sick of them)
Dinner: 1/8th of Chicken Pie&#8230;Peas, Carrots

Georgie