hermanasista
Mother to my sweet son
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2007
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My due date was at the end of May, although I wasn't all that surprised when the 27th came and went with no baby on the way. Because I was planning a home birth, my midwife was incredibly relaxed about dates, so I felt no pressure--only my own frustration with waiting, and anxiousness to finally meet this baby!
We had a prenatal appointment with our mw on June 6th, about 10 days post dates, and I was beginning to wonder if we'd get to the 42-week point the following Tuesday. As irony would have it, I woke up early the next morning, and when I went to the bathroom realized I was spotting a bit and beginning to feel a little crampy. I went back to bed and said to my DH, "I think the baby is coming!"
I tried to sleep some more because I hadn't started to feel contractions yet, and wanted to rest up as much as possible. The rest of the day was kind of a blur as I was basically just trying to get the house and myself ready for what was coming. At one point I decided to try using the TENS unit I had gotten from my chiropractor to see how effective it was. It was definitely a good distraction as the contractions became more evident, so I was glad to have it.
It happened to be an un-seasonally hot day here in Brooklyn (93F), so we had the a/c cranked and I was trying to stay cool, but was feeling a bit pent-up, so DH and I went for a walk around the block in the late afternoon.
By now I was feeling contractions about once every 15 minutes, and they were strong enough that I couldn't walk, but not so strong that I couldn't recover fully afterwards. When we came back to the apartment, I tried to eat a little to keep my strength up. I didn't have much of an appetite, but started to drink Gatorade. We then watched some Radiohead videos to try and keep my mind off the contractions. At this point I was using the exercise ball and trying to find a good position. (It's funny how you can have a whole list of strategies ready to implement...and then when labor comes, half of them seem entirely useless or uncomfortable!) This was also when we decided it was time to fill up the birthing tub, so DH was on that (he had become an expert in the weeks leading up to the big day!)
DH also called our midwife and doula to let them know where things were at. Around 8:00, our doula came over to check on things, but ended up leaving because I was still kind of chatty. She encouraged both of us to try and get some sleep, which I tried to do, but didn't like lying down or being in bed. A couple hours later, things were getting stronger, and I found that the only way to get through a contraction was to squat slightly with my legs apart and sway from one hip to the other, focusing on my breathing and vocalizing through the wave.
DH kept calling our midwife and doula to keep them posted. Around midnight, things began to feel pretty intense, and I wanted to get in the birthing tub. At this point, it was also clear that I was having a lot of pain in my back during contractions, so I was asking DH to do counter pressure to my back every time I felt one coming on. It never occurred to me that I was having back labor because the baby had never been in a posterior position (that I was aware of), and I just thought that this was how contractions were supposed to feel. My midwife gave DH the go-ahead over the phone for me to get in the tub, and then said that she would come over. DH also called the doula, and she said she'd be on her way as well.
I was expecting the tub to alleviate a lot of the pain, but because of my back, it didn't do much, and I was disappointed and frustrated by that. I love water, and so wanted to labor in the tub, but after hours of being in there, things were not moving forward. At one point, my MW said that she needed to do an internal exam to see what was going on. I was not thrilled to hear that...and even less thrilled when she needed to do it during a contraction. That took things to another layer of intensity, and I began to wonder how I was going to get through this.
She learned that I was not fully dilated and said that either she could help me (by doing more of that painful stuff she was doing!), or I could keep helping my body do what it was trying to do. I told her I was scared to let her help me, but I wasn't sure if my body could do what it needed to. She never doubted me. I think it was just a matter of timing, 'cause my body was moving pretty slowly. (Later on after she and I debriefed, I learned that I was dilated at 7cm for six hours...!) At this point, we decided that I needed to get out of the tub and move to the bed and get on all fours.
I was on the bed for awhile before my MW suggested I move to the toilet. My contractions had slowed down a bit, so she told me we needed to do nipple stimulation to get things going...ugh. Things didn't move very quickly in the bathroom either, so it was back to the bed on all fours, and then squatting next to the bed.
Again...so much of this was a blur, but it was around this time I started saying that I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't know how I was going to get through it. I felt exhausted and depleted, they were keeping my hydrated, but I kept throwing it up because of everything my body was going through. And yet, all the while, I kept reminding myself in my head that this was the birth I had chosen, and I was getting the birth that I wanted.
The last three hours were all about pushing. I know some women feel relief from pushing. I, unfortunately, did not turn out to be one of those women. Pushing alone was scary and painful. Pushing during a contraction felt like insanity. DH kept cheering me on, telling me I was doing great, and reminding me that soon I would meet my baby. At one point I looked at him like he was crazy. "What do you mean, baby? What baby?" was how I felt inside. I was completely lost in the process, and couldn't grab onto the reason I was going through this in the first place.
When my sweet boy finally made his way down and began to crown, I turned a corner. I felt like my pushing was a waste of time, like I was going nowhere fast...until my MW told me to reach down in the squatting position and feel the baby's head. At that moment I decided I would only endure two or three contractions, but was determined to get this baby out. And I did. I pushed with all my might, with the last strains of energy I could muster...and out he came.
My MW told me to reach down and take my baby, and I did, and it was the most beautiful moment of my life. I held him close (although we didn't know it was a "he" yet!) and just reveled in his smell and how he felt against my skin, and his sweet little eyes looking up at me. He was so alert and ready for the world. We stayed like that for nearly 45min before cutting the cord. I started having another contraction, and told my MW I wanted to deliver the placenta, but was afraid to push. Luckily the placenta doesn't have a big head.
We soon learned one of the contributing factors to why labor had been so difficult. Xavier was 9lbs and his head was 14.5cm. We were not anticipating such a big baby, but given that he was nearly two weeks post dates, it makes a lot of sense.
So there you have it. I still can't believe we all went through that. It was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever been through. And now I love this little person more than I could have ever imagined.
We had a prenatal appointment with our mw on June 6th, about 10 days post dates, and I was beginning to wonder if we'd get to the 42-week point the following Tuesday. As irony would have it, I woke up early the next morning, and when I went to the bathroom realized I was spotting a bit and beginning to feel a little crampy. I went back to bed and said to my DH, "I think the baby is coming!"
I tried to sleep some more because I hadn't started to feel contractions yet, and wanted to rest up as much as possible. The rest of the day was kind of a blur as I was basically just trying to get the house and myself ready for what was coming. At one point I decided to try using the TENS unit I had gotten from my chiropractor to see how effective it was. It was definitely a good distraction as the contractions became more evident, so I was glad to have it.
It happened to be an un-seasonally hot day here in Brooklyn (93F), so we had the a/c cranked and I was trying to stay cool, but was feeling a bit pent-up, so DH and I went for a walk around the block in the late afternoon.
By now I was feeling contractions about once every 15 minutes, and they were strong enough that I couldn't walk, but not so strong that I couldn't recover fully afterwards. When we came back to the apartment, I tried to eat a little to keep my strength up. I didn't have much of an appetite, but started to drink Gatorade. We then watched some Radiohead videos to try and keep my mind off the contractions. At this point I was using the exercise ball and trying to find a good position. (It's funny how you can have a whole list of strategies ready to implement...and then when labor comes, half of them seem entirely useless or uncomfortable!) This was also when we decided it was time to fill up the birthing tub, so DH was on that (he had become an expert in the weeks leading up to the big day!)
DH also called our midwife and doula to let them know where things were at. Around 8:00, our doula came over to check on things, but ended up leaving because I was still kind of chatty. She encouraged both of us to try and get some sleep, which I tried to do, but didn't like lying down or being in bed. A couple hours later, things were getting stronger, and I found that the only way to get through a contraction was to squat slightly with my legs apart and sway from one hip to the other, focusing on my breathing and vocalizing through the wave.
DH kept calling our midwife and doula to keep them posted. Around midnight, things began to feel pretty intense, and I wanted to get in the birthing tub. At this point, it was also clear that I was having a lot of pain in my back during contractions, so I was asking DH to do counter pressure to my back every time I felt one coming on. It never occurred to me that I was having back labor because the baby had never been in a posterior position (that I was aware of), and I just thought that this was how contractions were supposed to feel. My midwife gave DH the go-ahead over the phone for me to get in the tub, and then said that she would come over. DH also called the doula, and she said she'd be on her way as well.
I was expecting the tub to alleviate a lot of the pain, but because of my back, it didn't do much, and I was disappointed and frustrated by that. I love water, and so wanted to labor in the tub, but after hours of being in there, things were not moving forward. At one point, my MW said that she needed to do an internal exam to see what was going on. I was not thrilled to hear that...and even less thrilled when she needed to do it during a contraction. That took things to another layer of intensity, and I began to wonder how I was going to get through this.
She learned that I was not fully dilated and said that either she could help me (by doing more of that painful stuff she was doing!), or I could keep helping my body do what it was trying to do. I told her I was scared to let her help me, but I wasn't sure if my body could do what it needed to. She never doubted me. I think it was just a matter of timing, 'cause my body was moving pretty slowly. (Later on after she and I debriefed, I learned that I was dilated at 7cm for six hours...!) At this point, we decided that I needed to get out of the tub and move to the bed and get on all fours.
I was on the bed for awhile before my MW suggested I move to the toilet. My contractions had slowed down a bit, so she told me we needed to do nipple stimulation to get things going...ugh. Things didn't move very quickly in the bathroom either, so it was back to the bed on all fours, and then squatting next to the bed.
Again...so much of this was a blur, but it was around this time I started saying that I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't know how I was going to get through it. I felt exhausted and depleted, they were keeping my hydrated, but I kept throwing it up because of everything my body was going through. And yet, all the while, I kept reminding myself in my head that this was the birth I had chosen, and I was getting the birth that I wanted.
The last three hours were all about pushing. I know some women feel relief from pushing. I, unfortunately, did not turn out to be one of those women. Pushing alone was scary and painful. Pushing during a contraction felt like insanity. DH kept cheering me on, telling me I was doing great, and reminding me that soon I would meet my baby. At one point I looked at him like he was crazy. "What do you mean, baby? What baby?" was how I felt inside. I was completely lost in the process, and couldn't grab onto the reason I was going through this in the first place.
When my sweet boy finally made his way down and began to crown, I turned a corner. I felt like my pushing was a waste of time, like I was going nowhere fast...until my MW told me to reach down in the squatting position and feel the baby's head. At that moment I decided I would only endure two or three contractions, but was determined to get this baby out. And I did. I pushed with all my might, with the last strains of energy I could muster...and out he came.
My MW told me to reach down and take my baby, and I did, and it was the most beautiful moment of my life. I held him close (although we didn't know it was a "he" yet!) and just reveled in his smell and how he felt against my skin, and his sweet little eyes looking up at me. He was so alert and ready for the world. We stayed like that for nearly 45min before cutting the cord. I started having another contraction, and told my MW I wanted to deliver the placenta, but was afraid to push. Luckily the placenta doesn't have a big head.
We soon learned one of the contributing factors to why labor had been so difficult. Xavier was 9lbs and his head was 14.5cm. We were not anticipating such a big baby, but given that he was nearly two weeks post dates, it makes a lot of sense.
So there you have it. I still can't believe we all went through that. It was without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever been through. And now I love this little person more than I could have ever imagined.
x
