You have to read this.....arrrgggg!

[kristy87]

ffs. thats all i can say.

 

[CareBear]

I want to adopt, I think. I'd LOVE to adopt. But, the process of adoption is long-winded, red taped and for some virtually impossible. It takes years. There are new 'schemes' involved now where a lot of adoptive parents have to agree to allow the child contact with his or her birth family which I find unbelievable. How can you ever be a mother to a child who still regularly sees the mother that gave him or her up?

If it was simple to 'just adopt' there wouldn't be so many children in care.

Just wanted to say that it is rare that direct contact (ie the people being able to send letters directly or getting together on a day out / visit) is granted to Birth Parents, this is normally limited to siblings if there is a reason they haven't been placed with adoptive parents together. Normally contact is indirectly and by letter. By indirectly I mean that a system is setup in that a letter is sent into the agency who you adopted through and they pass it onto the birth family and vice versa.

It says in the information leaflet I picked up that it was becoming more commonplace as they feel it benefits the child. That's another problem. It's mostly children of five plus that are adopted and I don't think I'd want to do that.

Have to say I'm surprised by that as there are security risks and allsorts with face to face contact with the child and birth parents that could cause problems for the child in the future, however face to face contact is common place with permanent fostering. I can't see the point in there being visiting by the birth parents to an adopted placement, they've been removed and placed with a new family for a reason, just my opinon and I am in no way a professional though, just know a litle bit of how things work in my county which is likely to be different to the rest of the country. As for child's ages it all depends on the area and how long assessments go on for as well as trying to keep the child with the birth family. I would think though that when you're ready to look at adoption and go forward with it I would look into attending an information evening. These should be run by the agency and will give you more information about the different scenarios.

 

[danni0509]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am fuming reading some of these heartless comments
isnt it funny how the negative comments come from total twits who dont have fertility issues!! they need to thank the good lord that they are not in our positions!!!!!!
if having not experienced infertility how the hell can they comment!!!

some stagger on about why should they pay tax for people to have children on the nhs........does this mean that they think those of us needing ivf do not pay tax!!!!!!!!
because i do and so does my husband.......a dam lot of tax every month!!
sorry girls but i am sooooo angry!
not to mention the idiots that say ivf is a lifestyle choice!!!!!
i wouldnt call it a lifestyle choice......would you?!?!?!?
one person said ivf is selfish!!!!!! and that it is far nicer to adopt instead!!!!
shame the parents didnt think of this before they gave them up for adoption.........and its not like adoption is the same as popping to the shop for a pint of milk.......it is a very long process!!
I HOPE TO GOD EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM ILL MINDED PIECES OF SH*T HAVE TO EXPERIENCE WHAT WE GO THROUGH EVERY DAY OF OUR LIFES AND I HOPE TO GOD THEY ALL ROT IN HELL
i am a nice person really......honest.....but when i have been ttc for 7 years unsucessfully even with the help of fertility treatment then it does make me angry that some people can be so cruel

 

[WendyB]

its obvious that whoever wrote that article has either never wanted children or never had problems with infertility.
i may have to go down the ivf route at some time in the future and if it wasn't nhs funded DH and i would never be able to afford it.

as for adopting that just isn't an option for some of us, I'm sure I'm not the only with with a OH who wont adopt if we find we cant have our own, so for me it may turn out that ivf is my only chance of having kids of my own.

people who don't have fertility issues have no idea what its like for those of us who do, the amount of heartbreak we go through month after month when we just keep on getting BFN's.

its not about happiness or lifechoices, its about doing what we were all born to do.

i don't think these people realise how hurtful their comments can be for people with problems, life is never as simple as they all like to believe.

 

[Mynxie]

Infertility.

It is a medical condition where the "normal" process of reproduction is at least difficult, at most impossible. It's because a persons or couples bodies do not function the way that is expected, that means that it's a medical issue and if there's something that can either cure it (eg unblock a tube) or temorarilly make it better (IVF with donor ovum should the mothers ovum not be suitable), IMO it should be done.

 

[urchin]

Adoption really isn't an easy alternative to IVF. These days very few babies are available for adoption - usually it is children........children looking for new parents are not blank slates; generally they are coming from desperately sad or unimaginably horrible situations, which means they can be very damaged young people.
Then the whole adoption process is lengthy and complicated - often children who were given up/ removed at an early age are way past the window of attachment before they are placed with new families.....and the hoops that prospective couples need to jump through in order to be considered can be ridiculous e.g. mixed race couples being allowed to adopt neither black nor white children as they are not 'culturally appropriate'
I wonder how Social Services would view my suitability as a potential adoptive parent? I am 15 years older than my partner and it is likely to be him who stays at home in the early years.
Fostering and Adoption is the last stronghold of the Twinset and Pearls Social Worker - if your family set up differs from their middle class expectations, you are likely to struggle

This is not to say 'don't adopt' ..... but it really should never be considered as a much easier option than IVF for those having difficulty conceiving.

I have not read the article as I really don't want to blow a gasket - but I too am a tax payer.....my taxes right now pay for everybugger elses kids to go to school, I absolutely think that the state that I pay into should support me with what I may need to increase my chances of conceiving.....and I would extend the same sentiments to anyone in the same boat as me; I see no distinction in this between those of us with male partners yearning for children and those of us whose partners are of the same sex.