Your doula stories...

[awnmyown]

So still newly pregnant and keeping my fingers crossed, but my dream was to have a home birth. Unfortunately there isn't enough midwives where I live (one on contract that takes one client per delivery month), and someone snagged her at the start of December. So a midwife and home birth are out. Hubs is thrilled.

I'm wondering if a doula is the next best option?? I've selected a delivery hospital close to home so we don't have to rush (10 minutes, no traffic lights), and they do not provide epidurals (I like that it's not even an option) so I feel like I'm a step closer to a natural birth.

Is a doula a good choice to accompany us?? I know hubs doesn't really wanna "see anything" during labor and I'm a'okay with that, but feel like it would be nice to have someone on my team that understands what's going on and isn't going to be focused on keeping me pain-free. Hubs would likely crack the moment I cried and give me painkillers.

Thoughts ladies?? Did a doula help you have your desired birth??

 

[MindUtopia]

I would definitely recommend a doula for a hospital birth, especially if this is your first, if you find someone you really click with and who you feel shares your approach to birth. If you do want to have a home birth, it's also worth just putting a word in with the home birth midwife in your area (I'm assuming you aren't in the UK, because everyone here is entitled to be supported in a home birth, regardless of how many home birth midwives there are in your area, though sometimes people get told otherwise). People change their minds about where they want to birth all the time, or they have a complication that arises at their 20 week scan or in 3rd tri that makes hospital a safer option. So that booked up midwife may become free at a later date. If it's really what you want, I'd just get on her radar so she can be in touch with you if she has a cancellation.

That said, yes, if you want to feel supported in a natural birth and your only option is a hospital and you're open to it, I would look into getting a doula. I had a home birth with my first, so slightly different as actually I felt my doula was more in the way than not because I was already relaxed and comfortable and wanting to be left alone in my own space. But I also just felt relaxed and felt like birth was really manageable (probably because I had a home birth). I also had a partner who was really engaged with my birth and really good at advocating on my behalf (again, easier because it was our house and we could do what we wanted). If I'd needed to birth in hospital, I would have felt like I definitely wanted to have someone who could act as a buffer for me and help support my wishes more assertively. So I definitely think it's worth looking into having a doula.

If you do decide to go that route, just make sure you find someone you really connect with, someone you're comfortable with and who you can trust, as it's so important to build that connection before the big day so you feel like you have someone there with you who really gets what you want and who can be there for you. I personally wouldn't get a doula next time now that I know what I'm doing and felt adequately supported the first time around, but I'm glad I at least had that option available and I'd really recommend it.

I know it's not what you asked, but I'd also really look into hypnotherapy as part of your preparation for a natural birth. I did natal hypnotherapy, but there are several different approaches out there. I had a completely natural home birth, no drugs at all, didn't even use my birth pool, just a TENS machine, and I found it to be fairly comfortable. There were moments of pain (the cervical check was the worst! contractions were intense and uncomfortable but that hurt!) and I said, 'ouch!' when she crowned, but it wasn't painful overall. I think that had a lot to do with the hypnotherapy I did. (I think that also had a lot to do with why I didn't need my doula as much as I'd thought I would).

 

[MrsLux]

What about a private midwife to facilitate a home delivery? I had a bad run on with a doula once (I briefly trained as a midwife) and she was very offensive and unprofessional towards the midwife I was assigned too. I think it's worth remembering they aren't formally trained or regulated.
Definitely each to their own though. I know of a private midwife who is fantastic. She has posted some vids on YouTube to give an idea of her role. She is called Virginia Howes.
Mind Utopia is correct though, all being well you are entitled to a home birth if its safe to do so if that is what want. Staffing issues are not your problem.

 

[awnmyown]

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for the responses. I see you're both from the UK, and I will admit I'm a little jealous. The UK is VERY different in regards to midwives and homebirths then over here in Canada. I actually believe I read somewhere that it's illegal for someone here to actively support a woman here with a homebirth. If it happens, then it happens, but you can't hire someone to have a homebirth unless they are a registered midwife, and the province is the only people who can register a midwife. And there aren't enough. Private health care is not allowed here, so there are no private midwives.

I guess that's a huge part of my struggle. Labor here is just viewed completely backwards from what I feel it should be, so it's a battle against a system.

We have ONE birthing centre in the province, but you're not allowed to use it without a midwife. There's only one assigned to my region who takes one patient. There's not sway in that.

Doula's since they're not licensed and legally not allowed to deliver children here, are for hire because they're considered a "birth partner" not a care provider. I guess that might make them a little different for us, since there's no possibility they could be in conflict with your doctor.

Sorry for the ranting, I'm just really frustrated. I don't believe pregnancy and childbirth should be treated like a health disease and need hospital visits and medical intervention. But it's what my country believes and is really slow to turn around.

I guess I'm just hoping a doula will get me as close to a midwife/homebirth experience as I can get being forced to deliver in a hospital to a obstetrician is all.

I am the next person on the list for the one midwife, but the circumstances would be pretty sad if I moved up the list (lost of pregnancy before 20 weeks), so I kinda don't even want to entertain the idea. I certainly don't want that to happen to another woman just so I can have a midwife.

Guess I'll start interviewing and get a better feel for someone I really connect with.

 

[MrsLux]

Move to the UK for a while....I have a spare room haha
I had no idea it was so different in Canada?

 

[jessmke]

I live in Alberta, just outside of Calgary. It is legal to have home births here if they are attended by a midwife, I really wanted a home birth. I applied at all the midwifery practices but I didn't end up getting a midwife (there are over 1000 women on the waitlist in the Calgary area for a midwife), so I had to deliver at the hospital with an OB. I didn't get a doula, but my hubby and I did natural childbirth classes taught by a doula so he could learn how to help me through the labour. I was really stressed about delivering with an OB, being in the hospital with their arbitrary time constraints applied to me, etc etc. Well my experience at the hospital with the OB and nurses was awesome! I laboured for about 36 hours, with the last 20-ish hours being in the hospital. The first 13 hours I was in the hospital I only progressed from 4-7 cm. Since I was making progress (albeit slowly) they allowed me to just continue to labour on my own, there was no mention of trying to speed things along. They did ask if they could break my water and I allowed that, but it was clear that it was entirely my choice and I easily could have said no. Eventually they asked if they could start pitocin, but it wasn't because they wanted to hurry me along, it was because I was absolutely exhausted and they were concerned that if things didn't progress I wouldn't have the energy to push the baby out. Every nurse that came into my room asked me what my plans were for pain control, I told them I didn't want anything, and they never once mentioned anything again about pain meds or an epidural. Near the end I was absolutely exhausted, in extreme pain, was hysterically crying, and was clearing struggling and they still didn't push an epidural on me or even suggest it. When I was really struggling the nurse would stay with me and help me though the contractions, suggest position changes, etc. When they started the pitocin I knew it was going to make the contractions much worse, but still the nurses didn't mention anything about an epidural, I ended up asking for one. All the nurses were extremely supportive, my OB let me progress on my own as much as possible, and I ended up with a very positive experience which was not what I was expecting at all! I delivered my daughter 3 hours after starting the pitocin and epidural, after nearly 36 hours of labour. I personally don't think a doula would have made any difference to my experience, especially since my hubby was very involved and supportive. I realize you were asking for doula experiences, but I just wanted to let you know it's not entirely doom and gloom if you end up having to be delivered by an OB. The OB really only comes in the room to catch the baby, the nurses are the ones that are with you through it all, so having good nurses is the key.

 

[seaweed eater]

Doulas are wonderful. I just gave birth with no pain relief after getting an epidural with #1. Our doula was absolutely key to making it through the part where I got too overwhelmed last time when I was more or less on my own. Highly recommend having one at your birth.