12 year old daughter dating a 16 year old boy...HELP!

[Foxycleopatra]

*Looking for advice*

my daughter Jordan is 12 (13 in April) and is in year 7 at high school. Over the weekend she got a boyfriend who is 16! They go to the same school and have known each other for years. He has been to the house a few times and seems like an OK kid. I have told Jordan she will not be going to his house or going out on "dates" with him and when he is here they have to be in eyesight!

My question is what do I do? I know what 16 year old boys want but I worry if I try to banish him she will rebel and go behind my back. I am soo not ready to be dealing with this yet!!

 

[Foxycleopatra]

oops! I read the forum heading a parents of teenagers not teenage parents

Perhaps some of you lovely ladies can offer some advice from my daughters perspective?

I was a teen mum myself to my daughter, I had her when I was 19!

 

[tcinks]

I have no first hand advice, but I would do the same as you. Not let them out on dates, but allow him over to see her and so you can get to know him too! And only allow him at his house if you know and trust his parents to keep an eye on them.

I wasn't allowed to date until 16 growing up, and while I didn't like it I didn't really rebel ,but I know some do. 12 seems awfully young...especially for a 16 year old boyfriend! :/ I definitely think you should invest lots of time getting to know him and talking to your daughter about boundaries and everything.

How did she react when you told her the rules?

 

[Foxycleopatra]

Thank you for replying.

She was fine with the rules so far but it has only been a few days.

 

[AP]

oops! I read the forum heading a parents of teenagers not teenage parents

Perhaps some of you lovely ladies can offer some advice from my daughters perspective?

I was a teen mum myself to my daughter, I had her when I was 19!

I can move this if you wish, just let me know

 

[MummyMana]

I think you are handling things well, and I can understand that your daughter likes this boy and likes the idea of dating etc and being able to "date" helps them learn how to form relationships in the adult world, and I think it's pretty normal for the younger ones to be interested in the older ones, however I must say I find it a little concerning that a 16 year old would have an interest in a 12 year old... Obviously you know him, but that fact alone just doesn't sit right with me... I don't know what I'd do in your situation though other than what you are already doing - keep a close eye on them, and remain open and honest with your daughter

 

[Foogirl]

I think the best thing you can do is to get to know the boy. Perhaps the assumption he is after something your daughter is too young for is an unfair one, and he's like the 16 year old boys I knew when I was that age, they were in to books and video games rather than sex and alcohol.

That aside, your daughter is of an age where you should be talking to her about the importance of self respect, and her right to say no.

 

[BabyCleo]

Im not a teen mum, but I left home at 17 (im 23 now)

I think you are right, if you forbid it she may rebel and see him anyway. I like the idea of having escorted dates. If they want to go to the movies, a parent should be there. I started dating at 17, and all the guys I was with definitely had one thing on their mind that's for sure, but I never did anything at that age, and I wasn't pushed to do anything either.

To be honest, I doubt the relationship would last long anyway. At that age 4 years is a huge deal, and they wont really have a lot in common. He is in highschool, shes not. But hey, maybe hes a great awesome guy and its meant to be! Just keep an eye on them

 

[boobear2872]

When I was 16, I babysat 12 yr olds. They all looked like kids to me. At this age and stage I do find it a bit weird even if he is nice. I guess all u van do is make rules and inforce them. Also would ask his parents to do the same

 

[Babybear85]

I'd not like.it.say they do.stay together and still.see each other when.He's 18 she's still only going to be 14...it wouldn't.feel.right to me

 

[mum140381]

not a chance for mine no way far to young imo but i am strict