15DPO - I'm back! And I have good news!

[firstbaby25]

I know - that's what's harsh about the docs saying that they don't prescribe provera. You went for you and before you can access treatment Mal has to do this, it is probably a shock but I agree that the result is that YOU lose out, I understand Katie - I would be seething! I agree that I have also seen a chart this morning with ovulation on day 78 and +ive pregnancy test result ten days later! Ha! Anyway, good luck, does the have to be fresh? Could you drop it off before/after your car goes?

Also, he is wasting nhs time! He's lucky to be offered help so early on ya know... Maybe talk to him about all these things? Unless you have tried

 

[Rachael1981]

I wouldn't be happy either. Have you tried explaining to him that every day he doesn't do this means another day you have to wait for help?

I hope he gets it done for you

 

[Sideways 8]

Sorry Katie. I agree with the other ladies here when they say the pressure on him is probably not very productive. Does it have to be really fresh? Could he do it at night and put it in the freezer until you get to take it to the doc?

 

[katiekittykat]

It has to be at the lab within an hour of it being....produced. And even then it has to be kept warm on the way to the lab.

I'm getting sick of fighting with him to do stuff - it's a fight to get him to DTD, it's a fight to get him to take 1 small multi-vit pill every day, and now I have to fight to get him to give the doctor a sample. It seems like every day I find a new way that he can let me down.

 

[Faythe]

Sit him down and have a heart to heart with him hun. Either he's terrified or he's not in this with you 100%. Best to find out. Good luck

 

[hope4bump]

i think he is just worried that the 'problem' might be with him... do they need his SA results before they can start doing tests on you though? Hope he co-operates soon..xx

 

[katiekittykat]

I'm out of ideas....we've had heart-to-hearts about it, I've cried, I've shouted, he's seen my charts, he's seen a copy of the letter from the doctors.

I realise he's probably scared to death that the problem is with him, but as I said, we know for sure that the problem is with me anyway - his SA is just a formality that has to be done before they will even speak to me. Even if he doesn't come through it with flying colours, it doesn't matter...it just means that they'll fix us both at the same time rather than just me.

I've had to come to terms with the fact that I don't work properly and I had to make the first step of going to the doctors. I personally don't think it's much to ask.

 

[firstbaby25]

It has to be at the lab within an hour of it being....produced. And even then it has to be kept warm on the way to the lab.

I'm getting sick of fighting with him to do stuff - it's a fight to get him to DTD, it's a fight to get him to take 1 small multi-vit pill every day, and now I have to fight to get him to give the doctor a sample. It seems like every day I find a new way that he can let me down.

You're not alone here Katie I know it's not so bad for me with a normal enough cycle and not having to get him to do this because like you I would be tipped over the edge if this happened to me. I struggle to get so much from him, he can't just remember to take a pill a day and it is hard ttc - I told my OH I wanted him to be more interested because I am introverted when left to my own devices and I silently despair... He has thus far failed to take that on board, i've only told him 3 times! So there you have it the great men secret. They're tossers because they are different to us ...

I'm sure it will get resolved lovey one way or another, do not despair I am sad for you not because I pity you but because I am empathising

 

[Rachael1981]

I hope you can get this resolved Katie

You know where I am if you fancy a coffee(!) and a chat sometime

 

[monalisa81]

Oh Katie,
I'm sorry you're going through this.
But the thing is they're just men. Sometimes they don't get the importance of these stuff. I'm not exactly in the same position with you but I am on 12th cycle and going to doc tomorrow for talking about fertility issues. DH will come too. I never wanted things to come to this but now it has and someway I have to deal with it.
Men can't really get things sometimes.
Good luck hun, I hope he'll cooperate soon.

 

[kates84]

Katie I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this.

I usually take the mans side in this sort of situation a little to even things out but in this case, with how patient you have been and how much you've had to deal with, he is being unreasonable and 100% in the wrong.

I get that he is scared and I get he is nervous - but doesn't he know that you are scared too? By refusing to this he is stopping you from getting the help you need and that is selfish whatever his reason is. Loving somebody means putting your own fears aside and doing things for their sake - especially when all you have to do is put some sperm in a container so that your partner can get the medical treatment they need!

Sorry to sound so harsh, I'm sure he's fantastic but on this one issue I can not see any justification and perhaps you should strongly point out to him that he is causing you to not get treated for your health issues and he needs to do it for you sake.

You don't deserve this stress, you're such a nice person

 

[katiekittykat]

As always, thanks for all your support girls

We're supposed to be going out for dinner tonight ('date night') but I can't even look at him, much less spend a couple of hours in public with him!

 

[Rachael1981]

Might do you some good though.... some time together might be what you need to talk and sort things out?

If you really can't face it though can you not cancel?

 

[Sideways 8]

Tell him that Katie! That you find it hard to face him because of all this!!

 

[hope4bump]

what ever you decide to do tonight, i honestly hope you get through to him, one way or another.

 

[Lisa40]

Hey katie, I've not seen all of this tonight cos I've been out ( oppohhhhh joys of the first part of the cycle )
to be perfectly honest I'd find it hard to ... Errrrr ... Hmmmm please myself on command, especially if I knew my partner knew what I was doing and was maybe outside the room, hell I find it difficult to get up in time to have a shower before work, let alone have a fiddle I understand that without this you are gonna struggle to find some kind of answer but I also think mal may need a little time to get used to it, afterall you thought you were going the docs for your cycles and I bet he was nowhere near prepared to be asked for a sample.
Really best of luck though as i am sure you both deserve a little one very much


xxxx

 

[kates84]

The thing is though, I, and I'm sure many many ladies here hate for example smear tests.

I find them uncomfortable, VERY embarrassing and I get gut wrenchingly nervous at the thought of what they may find.

But imagine if we were told that unless we had one, our loved one couldn't get checked out for a condition they suspect they had, one that is causing them a crazy amount of stress - I think most of us would be on that table before you could say "Cervical swabs".

I think it's a similar situation. While I am sure he is by no means a bad person and probably just scared or embarrassed, he needs to do this for his partners sake - especially given his good luck in having such a partner.

 

[Rachael1981]

Good example.

I hate smear tests, even more so after the one I had 3 years ago. The nurse used a metal speculum, and ran it under the hot tap to warm it up... but it was red hot! I nearly hit the roof! Luckily I have moved and went to a different surgery for my most recent one, and tbh it was the quickest and least distressing i've ever had

I'd still be there like a shot if it meant my OH got the treatment he needed though.

 

[firstbaby25]

Yes that is a good analogy, but most blokes aren't women and the fact that even I know I would go get that smear - doen't mean my OH would! I have had to come to terms with the fact that we are different and drawing analogies between what we would do will always make us lose because we are different furthermore we always come out on top when drawing said analogies because we are more considerate than they are! That's a fact in my opinion... Mal probably hasn't even considered the consequences of not doing it because he's so busy thinkink about 1)doing it and 2)his outcome (not Katie's)...

It is still very unfair on you Katie and you have every right to be mad at him i'm not saying he's right but you will end up bitter if you compare yourself to him - i've been there! Anyway... what's the news for today?

 

[katiekittykat]

The news for the the day...I've stopped taking everything. Even my temperature. I'll still take the Pregnacare Conception, but I've knocked everything else on the head.

Things are still very hard at home - I can't even speak to him