2 and a half and won't go sleep on his own *Update page 5*

[Amanda]

I know it's our fault, but I need to stop it NOW!!!

When Charlie was younger, he would always fall sleep on his bottle. Then it progressed to finishing his bottle and being rocked to sleep. Then to finishing his bottle and DH just sitting back in his recliner chair with Charlie laying on his chest and falling sleep. I can remember saying to DH when Charlie was 6 months old that we needed to start putting him to sleep awake as we didn't want to be doing this when he was 18 months old. Dh laughed it off. Well, Charlie is now almost 2 and a half, and we're still doing it. We have a great bedtime routine. Biscuits and Cbeebies bedtime hour, then bath at 6:30pm, DH comes down while I'm bathing and clears up, then I bring Charlie down to sit on DH's lap. This is where if goes wrong. He has a drink of milk and while I'm cooking dinner, they'll lay together until he falls sleep and is carried bed. If he's not asleep when dinner is ready, he'll sit in his chair and we eat. Then after we've tidied the kitchen, it's back onto DH's chest until he's asleep.

When I'm off work and he wants a nap in the day, he'll fall sleep eating lunch, or in the car or pushchair. He's never been put down for a nap awake I'm embarrassed to say. If he won't go sleep, but needs to, I'll take him up and lay down on my bed with him. He's off in 2 minutes. At nursery he's fine as he sleeps with the other children. If he wakes in the night, I'll either get in his bed with him, or bring him in with us.

Bloody hell, we've created a right mess by not letting him cry haven't we.

Well, obviously we have a new addition in a few weeks, and I said to DH last night that we HAVE to do something NOW while we have the chance. He's not up for it at all, he reckons we'll just cope somehow. But I don't want to cope. I want my little boy in bed at a reasonable time, and for him to go to sleep.

Please help me! I'm tearing my hair out worrying - not only about Charlie, but DH's attitude! Now DH is out on Saturday night, so I have an ideal opportunity to try something new and then tell him it worked. Hopefully! I don't care how long it takes me, I'm determined. We're also swapping the kids rooms round Saturday, so new room, new start.

What has worked for others? Is it best for me to read him a story in bed and then wait in the room till he's fallen off? Or read and leave? Or just put him to bed and let him cry it out? I've no experience of controlled crying so need as much help as possible.

Sorry this is so long, but I'm desperate!!

 

[leeanne]

Don't be embarrassed as I've created a monster of Jayden. He is 5 (6 in May) and still not sleeping in his room.

 

[sabby52]

Sorry didnt want to read and run but there is no need to be embarrassed, my first son slept with us until he started school, we could never put him to bed unless he was sleeping and even then he would be in our bed within 4 hours.When he started school he sort of decided himself he was a big boy and had to go to bed (he was 4) but even then he would end up in our bed, this went on until he was 5 then he just stopped, so dont be embarrassed we are all learning with our first it sets us up for the next ones we learn from our mistakes, hopefully your OH will see where he has went wrong and let you do your stuff with this one xx
Sorry no advice.

 

[Amanda]

Thanks both, I feel so much better now knowing it's not me. Pregnancy hormones maybe, but I almost cried with relief!!!!

Sabby - Charlie was my second, but Kayleigh is almost 16, and I can't remember doing the crying thing with her. I think she just used to go bed like a good girl!

Charlie wouldn't go sleep after his lunch today, and because I'm so big and he can't cuddle me properly anymore, he's not even had a nap today. Oh well, he seems fine, so hopefully he'll fall sleep easy tonight.

 

[leeanne]

Parenting is tough, isn't it? Especially when you are lacking in sleep you do anything just to get a bit of shut eye, including sleeping with them, etc.

I honestly don't know what to do either. Jayden is a nightowl, yet I am falling asleep on the couch at 8:30 or so, and he will only sleep where I am and is up later than I am.

God, don't remember the last time I slept with OH. Poor guy!

We moved his bedroom to beside ours, but, like I said, I literally fall asleep as soon as I sit on the couch to watch tv. OH just leaves me.

 

[~KACI~]

What would happen if you cut out his naps? Maybe if you cut out his naps he would be sleepier early and settle alot easier??

If not then you can try the rountine you have but not go back dowstairs after bath, then you can try doin the stay in room with him and gradually over a week move towards door. Or read story walk out the room and keep putting him back when he comes out?

 

[Amanda]

Leanne - I'm the same hun. Wanting my bed by 8:30pm, especially with being pg. So when he wakes in the night, it's just easier to get in with him, or bring him in our bed.

Kacy - he's not had a nap today, and is now so miserable that he's just refused to eat his dinner, and almost fell sleep in his chair. He's now standing next to me with his head on the sofa, and I have to check every couple of seconds to make sure he's not asleep. Thanks for your advice about bedtime. I think the not coming down after his bath might help. I'm going to give it a go Saturday.

 

[Mamafy]

I was just about to say the same as Kaci, at least then Charlie would be tired. I had this also with my 1st and 3rd and it doesn't last forever hun and you are certainly not alone

I'd give it a try when he is really tired and see how it goes, good luck xxx

 

[Tezzy]

*sigh*

we are in the same position hun.

Rhys still has to be cuddled to sleep and he still sleeps in our bed.

let me know if you find a solution....

*hugs*

 

[Helen]

I'd give him a bath in the evening after dinner. Don't go back downstairs after that. Tell him now he's in his big boy room that he has to be a big grown up boy and go to sleep on his own and that only babies are cuddled to sleep. Read him a nice gentle sorta story with the lights down as low as you can manage either with him cuddling you or him tucked into bed and you perched on it or next to him. When you've finished kiss him, say good-night and walk out, turning the lights out as you go.

I think the controlled crying thing is to give him 5 mins and then go in to soothe him, then 10 mins, then 15, etc. etc. Never really done it that strictly though, I just judge depending on the kind of noise they are making. If it's babbling - I leave them. If it's full on screaming - I go and check. I don't hang around in there though, a quick tuck in and say good-night usually does it.

Good luck. I really hope it works, though one night won't be enough. It'll probably take a couple of weeks. I hope you can persuade Stu though it'll seem painful at first, it will get easier and you'll be so glad you did it.

 

[Amanda]

Thanks Helen, that was similar to what I was thinking. I'm going to give it a go on Saturday for definite. We've got lots of stuff to do in the day, and his bed will be dismantled for most of it, so I'm hoping he doesn't manage a nap and will be worn out, that'll make it easier.

Tezzy - I'll let you know if I find some miracle cure!!

 

[Tezzy]

colin is going away next week for two weeks and im gonna try to break the cycle whilst hes not here!

 

[Ratty]

If putting him down and walking out ends in screaming then I'd suggest reading a story, turning the light out but still staying in the room. I've seen it done on programs like supernanny and it looked like it worked well. The parent wasn't allowed to look at the child of speak to them, but at least the child knew they were there. Slowly but surely they moved further away from the cot /bed until they were no longer in the bed.

I let me LO cry for a few minutes if he is overtired and is fighting sleep (holding him just makes it worse). I couldn't bare to let him cry for 10 minutes or more. If you have the patients then you can do it slowly one step at a time.

 

[Amanda]

Well, I've started, very slowly, but I won the first battle!!

Thursday night I was just going to bed about 10-ish, and Charlie woke up and started crying/shouting for me. Now normally I'd either get in his bed, or bring him in mine, but No, not tonight I thought. So I went into his room, laid him down in his bed and knelt on the floor next to the bed. I didn't say a word, just knelt there. 10 minutes later and I'm in my own bed on my own and Charlie is fast asleep!! He kept opening his eyes to look at me, but I didn't acknowledge him or speak to him, just knelt next to the bed.

So, tonights the big night. We're just about to dismantle his bed so we can take it out the room, paint it, then move Kayleigh's stuff in later. Then Charlie's bed will be made up in Kayleigh's old room. And DH is being picked up at 6pm, so it's bathtime and bed all on my own tonight. Wish me luck![-o<

 

[~KACI~]

Good luck!! Bet you enjoyed the extra space in your bed on thurs!!
x

 

[ryder]

good luck!!!! I hope it works out... reading some of these stories I just cant imagine!

 

[doctordeesmrs]

Good luck for tonight hope it goes well

 

[Helen]

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Amanda]

Well........ he's in bed, and asleep, but didn't quite go according to plan.

It took DH so long to paint Charlie's old bedroom today, then put Kayleigh's bed and wardrobe together, then put Charlie's bed up in his new room that he missed his 6pm lift. So I ended up giving him a lift to his mates house at 7:15pm and Charlie was fast asleep in the back of the car by the time I got home. So he was carried up to bed fast asleep!!

On a good point though, he's never ever interested in his bed during the day, but just kept getting in and out of it once it was up and in his new bedroom. He kept laying down pretending to sleep, so fingers crossed for tomorrow!!

 

[Tilly]

I agree, don't take him back downstairs after his bath. Bethanie sleeps fine, but if she goes downstairs she starts to play up. Let him wind down in a darkish room with you, have a bedtime cuddle, milk and book (we do this with Bethanie and im sure you do that anyway).

It sounds like you're doing really well with him, just make sure you don't give in again or you're asking for trouble!

Good luck!