katherinegrey
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I have two sons I adore. Each time I wanted a girl though. Each pregnancy and birth were so hard that both times I said 'never again' and meant it.
My youngest is now nine months old and myself and my DH feel if we're in a position to have another in a couple of years we'll go for a girl. We even loosely looked into high tech methods to ensure it.
Following my two bad births I now have pelvic organ prolapse. I don't know yet which organs, all I know is I definitely have a deficient sphincter and perinium but the surgeon said anything more was beyond his expertise to diagnose and has referred me to a specialist team I see Friday to discuss repairs.
Chances are this means I will never birth or carry another baby because the pressure of pregnancy will damage me.
I feel so sad to think I'll never, no way, ever get a daughter. Not just might not, I definitely won't.
My DH still says things like 'when we have a daughter I like this name' and it kills me. He doesn't say it cruelly, just absentmindedly in passing.
I'm already going to have to undergo a risky surgery and I couldn't risk myself that way for the sake of another child and forget the two I have.
But how do I move on? I see a girl in a beautiful dress and it hurts, I see mother daughter activities and it hurts, I see pink baby clothes and I feel that door is closed forever to me. What has honestly helped people here move on from something like this? Time? Therapy? Does it never stop hurting?
My youngest is now nine months old and myself and my DH feel if we're in a position to have another in a couple of years we'll go for a girl. We even loosely looked into high tech methods to ensure it.
Following my two bad births I now have pelvic organ prolapse. I don't know yet which organs, all I know is I definitely have a deficient sphincter and perinium but the surgeon said anything more was beyond his expertise to diagnose and has referred me to a specialist team I see Friday to discuss repairs.
Chances are this means I will never birth or carry another baby because the pressure of pregnancy will damage me.
I feel so sad to think I'll never, no way, ever get a daughter. Not just might not, I definitely won't.
My DH still says things like 'when we have a daughter I like this name' and it kills me. He doesn't say it cruelly, just absentmindedly in passing.
I'm already going to have to undergo a risky surgery and I couldn't risk myself that way for the sake of another child and forget the two I have.
But how do I move on? I see a girl in a beautiful dress and it hurts, I see mother daughter activities and it hurts, I see pink baby clothes and I feel that door is closed forever to me. What has honestly helped people here move on from something like this? Time? Therapy? Does it never stop hurting?