2021 GD support thread.

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by motherofboys, Feb 12, 2021.

  1. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    I thought it might be nice to have an on going thread where we could all get to know each other and chat. I find I dont spend a lot of time in the forum itself these days so don't see new posts but would see that people had replied to a thread.
    Back when I first joined the group and found this section there used to be a similar post though I think it was mostly aimed at ttc. I've called this a support thread in order to include everyone. Even those who do not have GD but are understanding of the fact that people do struggle with this.

    So, I'll start by introducing myself. I'm Kay, I have 5 boys. I wanted a bigger family anyway, and wanted at least 2 boys to begin with. I wasn't worried about the middle, and wanted to finish with a boy. I assumed there would be a girl in there somewhere. It wasn't really until after we found out number 3 was a boy that I started to feel it was time for a girl. I had really bad GD with number 4, but was prepared for number 5 to be a boy and just had a few bad days. He was supposed to be our last but dh has agreed to one more. I'm fully expecting another boy. I simply can not picture a girl when I think about another baby. But I want a baby still, even with that image in my head, so we are going for it.
     
  2. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Hi! I’m Sydney, I have 3 boys :)

    When I was younger I NEVER imagined having only boys haha. In fact I only came up with boy names just in case - I always wanted girls. So 3 boys in a row was a surprise for sure!

    We are thinking of adding a 4th and final baby. I would adore a girl, but it is hard to imagine!! I’m not sure how I would feel if our for sure last baby was a boy. It’ll probably be sad, but I think I’ll be ok. We aren’t planning on TTC again for a while though - we have 3 under 3 right now so things are crazy haha
     
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  3. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    I can imagine, things are definitely a lot calmer now tan they used to be when my older 4 were all little :haha:
    I think my biggest problem with ds4 was because I couldn't see a 4th boy, I could only see a girl, I mean who the hell has 4 boys right? Me apparently :haha: but with ds5 I was much more realistic. I obviously hoped for a girl but was not at all surprised when they said boy. I'd say that that's definitely a key factor.
     
  4. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    I agree like some small part of my brain is saying - surely a 4th would be a girl, that’s way more likely than a fourth boy right :haha: But then I think realistically we’d probably have another boy haha
     
  5. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    I'm sure that when I do get pregnant and ho for that scan and they inevitably say boy I will have a little moment. The next one is absolutely the last. But I hope it'll be the same as last time where I'm prepared and get over it quickly.
     
  6. jellybeanxx

    jellybeanxx NTNP #4

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    Hello! I can relate to so much of this!
    I have 3 boys and the youngest is only 15 weeks. We’re currently NTNP and I’m not even sure if I’ll manage to get pregnant again as my youngest took 2 years to conceive and it was difficult TTC the other kids as well.
    However, I find myself increasingly envious of people who have daughters and sad that it’s probably not something I’ll ever have, I feel like I’m missing out on that mother daughter bond. I’m so close to my parents and my kids are too. I’m worried that I won’t have that closeness to any future grandkids because they’ll favour their mother’s parents which I know is ridiculous and so far off but I can’t help but think about stuff like that!
    I know this is daft as well, but I want the pretty dresses! I never thought I’d feel like this!
    I adore my boys but have found myself looking up gender swaying and all sorts. I just can’t imagine I’ll have a girl though and if I am lucky enough to get pregnant again, I need to make my peace with that.
    Phew it felt good to get that off my chest, I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it!
     
  7. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    Hey welcome. I also took a long time to get pregnant the last couple of times so I worry about it never happening again too. I gave myself a year, that's rapidly running out.
    I totally get what to mean. Its weird because I am not close to my mum, my brothers are. Dh and his brother are close to their mum, but his sister isn't. And still I worry that I won't be close to the boys or their kids when they are older. At the moment when I'm not drowning in gender desire I know how their gender makes no difference, its the relationship we build now that matters and will dictate how they relate to us as adults, but when I watch my friends saying how close their are to their mums I feel like I'm missing something.
    I keep trying gender swaying then my heart isn't in it because I just don't believe its possible for me, so I give up, then panic that maybe I should be doing it or I'll regret it so start again.
     
  8. jellybeanxx

    jellybeanxx NTNP #4

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    I absolutely get that, the worry that if you don’t try the swaying enough you’ll regret it! But then the swaying is confusing in itself and there’s so much information that contradicts!
    You’re right about some sons being closer to their families and it’s definitely about how we build those relationships now.
    I feel like there’s a lot I know logically that should mean it doesn’t matter if I only have boys but that niggling feeling of wanting a girl is just there...
    It’s honestly so liberating just to be able to talk about it though!
     
  9. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    Emotions definitely do not follow logic :haha:
     
  10. jellybeanxx

    jellybeanxx NTNP #4

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    Hahaha so very true! I wish I could just get past that pang of jealously when someone has a baby girl!
     
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  11. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    It is definitely much better for me than it once was but like you say there's still that pang
     
  12. MadamRose

    MadamRose Mummy to 2 and cautiously pregnant with #3

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    I’m hoping you don’t mind me posting here. I’m so torn. Usually I stay team yellow and I love it. Right now I’m feeling like my 3rd will be a 3rd girl and that makes me feel really disappointed. I’m worried that if I wait until birth that I’ll spend the first few days and it’ll stop me bonding in the same way. I’m wondering if finding out before hand might help me get it out of the way?
     
  13. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    I think it's an individual thing. I know there was a lady in here a couple of years ago who didn't find out with her third and by the time she gave birth she just wanted to meet her baby and didn't care. I was determined I wasn't going to find out with my 5th and that it would all be fine, I had this picture of being handed a baby and bonding and then checking gender, but we changed our mind and found out. To be honest for me it was the right decision because I had a really bad birth and I think had I gone through that still hoping for a girl it might have set me right off when I was handed a boy.
    My worst gd was with ds4 and I even though I still wanted a girl by the time he arrived, I had sorted my head out to welcome a boy.
     
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  14. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Hi Madam! I found out with all my kids for that exact reason lol. Knowing ahead of time helped me pick out a name, bond with baby ahead of time etc. I think any disappointment would have been worse if I had waited because I think I would have built it up in my head too much!
     
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  15. jellybeanxx

    jellybeanxx NTNP #4

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    I’ve read a few people asking things like this and the general agreement always seems to be it’s better to find out beforehand and make your peace with it so that seems to work for a lot of people.
    However, I didn’t find out with my third. I was convinced he was a boy but there was part of my that thought maybe I’d get a girl after two boys. I’d found out with my other two and wanted to try waiting! I’m so glad I did. The not knowing did drive me a bit mad and I was always looking for clues in my symptoms and my scan photos. Once he was born though, I didn’t even think about it! I was so excited about things like his hair colour (different to my other children) and happy about how well the birth had gone. It was only when I tilted him back to have his cord tied (I’d caught him myself in the birthing pool) that I noticed he was a boy. I was on cloud 9 at that point! So for me I’m very glad I waited.
     
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  16. MadamRose

    MadamRose Mummy to 2 and cautiously pregnant with #3

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    Thanks I loved waiting with DD2 I caught her myself and like you it was only when I moved her to get her cord sorted that I even thought to check if she was a boy or girl. Right now I’m going to see how waiting feeling. I decided I can always find out after my 20 week scan I don’t want to rush into finding out and regret doing it.
     
  17. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    Awww this is what I had pictured when I wanted to wait. My other births had all gone so well and I imagined almost exactly as you're describing, falling in love and then finding out. Unfortunately he got himself in a weird position, he was back to back but also tilted his head back so his forehead was trying to come first. It was my longest most painful labour and needed forceps when they finally realised something wasn't right (I tried to tell them but what would I know about giving birth hahaha)
    Sometimes I still toy with the idea of not finding out but I always feel like I want to know before we announce so I don't get all those "this is absolutely a girl, such a girly nub" guesses or "knowing you it'll just be another boy, I'll bet it's another boy, god imagine having 6 boys" comments. At least if I know then I can preempt it all.
     
  18. jellybeanxx

    jellybeanxx NTNP #4

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    I do wonder how much being in lockdown for a lot of my pregnancy helped with not finding out! My husband wasn’t at any of my scans apart from one private one. I hardly saw anyone so didn’t get a lot of repeated questioning (though it did drive my best friend mad that I wasn’t finding out!) and comments about whether he was another boy.
    I imagine it would’ve been a very different experience not finding out under normal circumstances!
     
  19. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    Yes, ds5 was born in April so we didn't get that benefit haha but I had to say that after the rubbish time I had and then being ill after he was born, I was grateful we couldn't have visitors :haha: I'm looking forward to everything gradually lifting though as there are still family members and my best friend yet to meet him.
     
  20. motherofboys

    motherofboys Home educating, TTC-ing, crazy mum of 5 boys!

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    I'm having a really bad day. Ds5 is just moaning constantly. Dh is home and thinks he's helping but he's really not. AF is in town. I feel like I'm just not going to get pregnant again. We agreed to ttc until July so time is running out. I've been feeling absolutely fine about the idea of a 6th boy for months now, since we started ttc really, but now that I'm worrying I won't get pregnant at all it brings home the fact that there's not going to be a girl, and that's really hurting again.
     

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