2nd cycle clomid starts tonight after mc

[fedupwaiting]

hey girls,

I have been ttc for 2.5 years with one ectopic and one miscarriage under my belt.

Mc was just last month (conceived on 1st month of clomid) and now the dreaded beast AF has returned I'll be back on it again tonight.

Didn't realise till today that I am actually PRESUMING that I will Mc again this month.......feel wretched that my brain is saying "well they will run tests after 3rd loss". I haven't given a thought to a) not conceiving this month (very likely after so many unsuccessful attempts) or b) actually having a successful pregnancy (hahaha what do actual, real babies have to do with this ttc stuff?)

Am I a horrible person? Has this ttc and loss malarkey actually divorced my brain from the chance of success? Feel so analytical about the whole thing. Plus clomid gives me brain splitting headaches so I am dreading it.

Anyone else feeling similar? Just knowing I am not alone might stop me from beating myself up

xx

 

[SugarFairy]

Hey hunni
After just one early MC I already know what you mean. Perhaps its a defence mechanism - if your brain is telling you you'll MC again then if it happens maybe it'll hurt less??? I know how that sounds but I'm a huge cynic myself. I'm not expecting a normal pregnancy anytime soon. So you are not alone. But don't ever give up hope - even a cynic needs a little bit of hope even if its right at the back of your mind.
Good luck with this round of Clomid. Crossing my fingers for a sticky bean for you

 

[fedupwaiting]

thank you so much for your reply and I'm so sorry for your loss. I popped that pill last night with a toast of "here we go again" when I know I should have been filled with excitement.

I think you are right about the defense mechanism, that makes sense. Just wish I was more positive. I remember right at the start of ttc putting off holiday plans because "I would be x months pregnant" and this will now be my third christmas where I say "next christmas we could have a baby"

feel foolish now.....for thinking it would be easy.

Hope is something I need to regain. Think that will be my resolution for this week.....lol

all the best for your sticky bean soon xxx

 

[SugarFairy]

Keep positive x