3 failed IUIs. How do you cope?

[WillowGrace]

Just opened FB to see my old intern I had two years ago just announced she is pregnant. Her due date is what mine would have been if I didn't lose this baby....

I am SO happy for her.

I am SO utterly heartbroken. I can't help, but just cry. I'm filled with so much pain from this loss and from the last 2 years spent unable to conceive.

For those of you who keep saying that you will be a better mother for it I should let you know-- now... I am a mother. I have secondary infertility, which isn't widely spoken of or understood. FYI- approximately 30 percent of infertility is secondary infertility—the inability to conceive or have a full-term pregnancy after having had children without difficulty before.

I hope you all understand this is as hard for me as it is for you. I never spoke up about it yet because I didn't want to hear any comments like "you should be grateful for what you have" or be treated any differently because I already have kids or for anyone to think that I am not as infertile as someone else.

I, like you, cannot conceive. ANY form of infertility is heartbreaking. I should mention I AM so so so grateful for my two children, but my family is not complete. It hurts so much to KNOW what I am missing. I know what it is like to hear the baby's heartbeat, to feel the baby kick, to experience a wonderful peaceful birth, to hear that first cry, all the sleepless nights spent rocking/nursing my kids to sleep. I know... and I feel so empty that I cannot have more children as I had always dreamed. What makes it worse is when I have to cry when my children aren't looking when they ask when are they going to get a sister or brother over and over again. My husband and I don't talk about TTC in front of the kids, but they ask for siblings on a regular basis. One day.... One day....
Thank you for listening if you made it this far.

 

[StayHopeful]

Welcome Alfi and I am so sorry to hear about your last IUI The women on this thread are wonderful and were a huge source of comfort and support while I was ttc.

Kjg, CONGRATULATIONS! I can't wait to hear what your next beta numbers are.

Welcome, Lindsey. I think the timing and the plan of action is so individual for each person, but I don't think that you're at the IVF point yet. DH and I jumped from trying naturally to fertility treatments more quickly than most because we got a BFP our first month of ttc but then I lost it and we found out about the PCOS and infertility issues in the subsequent doctors appointments. I did 5 months of Clomid, the last one with IUI, but my body didn't respond well to Clomid. I would have several mature follicles but a thin lining. We did another IUI with Femara and one with injectibles, but none of them worked. After the second failed IUI was when we started seriously discussing IVF. My husband was skeptical at first too, but I really don't feel like the doctor was trying to sell her services. The success rate was much higher (in the 60% range instead of 30% with the IUIs and there's so much more control over the process, which also gives your doctor a lot more insight into what might be going wrong. IVF did the trick for us, we got our BFP from our first round. We were considering ICSI but when we actually did our IVF cycle, the doctor didn't feel like it was necessary and it turns out she was right. As far as a timeline, we started fertility drugs 2 months after TTC (because we found out we had issues), IUIs after 7 months, and waited 8 months between the last IUI and our IVF cycle (mainly to save up money and so I would have the time off work for all the doctors appointments).

Willow, you're in my thoughts!

 

[StayHopeful]

Willow, I wrote my first post and then saw your most recent one. I don't think that TTC is any less difficult when you already have children. You are going through the same roller coaster and heartaches as the people who are TTC and don't have a child yet. There's still that place in your heart just waiting for your child.

 

[kjg123]

Willow - I agree. Although I was struggling with my very first BFP, I agree that having fertility issues is heartbreaking no matter what your situation and no matter how many children you do or do not have. I keep everyone struggling with TTC in my prayers. And I consider all of us lucky to live in a time where fertility treatments are available and many infertility issues are surmountable. Hang in there.

Thanks to everyone for all the congrats - my husband and i are still on cloud 9.
My second beta at 15dpiui was 192 (84 on 13dpiui) so things are looking good so far. They want me to do another beta at 19dpiui then hopefully I will be scheduled for an ultrasound. Dying to know how many little beans are in there!
Thanks for all the support these past couple of weeks!

 

[summer2011]

Aw willow. No one here will think you ungrateful. A loss is a loss and it's a rough experience for anyone who goes through it. Not only the loss itself but also dealing with emotions afterwards. I had a loss in 2013 and still think about it all the time.

 

[Dini]

To those of you still trying don't give up. we were told our chances without treatment were less than 1%. The doctor said he had seen it but it was rare with our issues. With a medicated cycle we had about 3-5% and with an iui we had 12-15%. All of it failed. Ivf was going to be our next option if we could save the money. In August we got our miracle. 4 very long heartbreaking years will always haunt me and we aren't in the clear, I won't feel that way until I hold this little boy in my arms. It can happen, I was so pessimistic, I figured we were just never going to have a baby.

I personly don't know it feels like to ttc and already have children but I'm sure it's still so very heartbreaking. And I've been lucky to have made it to 21 weeks with my first pregnancy. A loss is a horrible thing and my heart goes out to you who have suffered them.

 

[Luciola]

Hi everyone. Just want to update you that I delivered my baby boy on 29th November and he is doing well!! Greetings to old and new friends!

Infertility is truly heartbroken. Actually I am still sad about it but I am so grateful of what I have today. I think I definitely want more kids but that's another topic.

When we were under all sorts of treatment and injections... I cried almost everyday.
I m a step mother to 3 children and when it comes to us, we can't conceive. My step children live with us 100% of the time, imagine what kind of reminder of failure I have to face every minute.

But I guess that s life... Willow, never stop fighting please. We are with you.
Hug.

 

[PinkPeony]

Wow Luciola! Time goes fast!! I feel like you were just doing ivf! Congratulations on your little boy!! So happy for you!

 

[moni77]

Congrats!!

 

[kjg123]

congrats luciola!

i am now 25 dpiui (5 weeks 3 days) and hcg is 7,000. scheduled for first ultrasound on wednesday!
any idea if they will be able to tell twins?! ill be 5 weeks 5 days. Had 3 nice big follicles at time of trigger.

 

[Dini]

They should be able to see if there is at least more than one sac. Good luck!!

 

[dsk1977]

Hi everyone,

I have been reading all the wonderful posts.
This is really a great and informative group.

Congratulations to all who have completed the TTC journey.

I am 37 years old and got married a year ago. I immediately got pregnant, 2 months after getting married.

Unfortunately, I miscarried early, at about 5-6 weeks. I presume it was a chemical pregnancy but never really found out.

I have been trying TTC since then with no luck.

My husband had a SA which showed borderline morphology, but great counts so RE said it was essentially normal.

I had a number of tests and was told everything looked good, including HSG and hysterosonogram.

I really feel I am probably just too old.
My RE never went over my AMH results, but the nurse told me I was graded as "fair" and my score was an 8 out of 20.

I've tried one cycle with clomid and IUI, which ended in BFN.
This cycle I am out due to 2 cysts on ultrasound.

This whole process is taxing to say the least, and part of me wants to give up and call it quits and another part of me wants to go directly to IVF as I feel each failed IUI will drive me crazy. Already, husband and I have had many disagreements about this as he thinks we should look at the bright side and just be grateful for what we have, our health, life, family, friends, etc.

I would love to join this group and get your honest thoughts about my feeling I'm too old. I don't remember all your ages, but I feel you just have a better shot at all this when you are younger. I remember SashimiMimi said something about her doctor proceeding with IVF and foregoing laproscopy due to low ovarian reserve but I could be mistaken, so I apologize in advance. I asked about my AMH levels and nurse told me that they look at everything: AMH, FSH, estrogen, etc to determine score. I don't really remember AMH level.

Good luck to all of you starting IVF.
I hope to start soon as the wait, failed IUIs and taking time off due to cysts seems at times unbearable when the clock is ticking louder each month.

Thanks for listening.

 

[moni77]

I will be 37 on Monday. For me the IUI success rate was 20% so I figured I would try it 5 times before moving onto IVF (IUIs were covered by insurance, IVF was not). However, after my 4th IUI the doc recommended moving on - so we did and it worked! If the costs are the same (insurance covers all or none) I would probably have gone to IVF sooner.

You are not too old. FXed for you!

 

[calm girl]

Hi All,

I have read the whole u ppl doing a great job.. This is definitely a confident booster.

My doctor checked me and my husband. She was telling everything looks good. But I seriosly dont know wats the real problem. I have done HSG no blockage and iam ovulating regularly, bringing good size of eggs from both ovaries. My husband has good sperm in all creteria.

I don't know when god is bless us with a baby. while readinf "shimi Mimi" post i totally compare with mine.

I need some advice from you all. I am in US-denver (colorado)now. I came here for my work assignment with my husband. Iam in 2ww for my 3rd IUI, if it is doesn't work my next choice will be IVF. My doctor told that there 2 IVF one is $14,000 chances of mc will be more and another one $20,000 will do through check some 80% chances are there. I am not green card holder here. I didnt get the loan as soon. My insurance doesnot cover this treatment. Please advise which one do i need to go for. Is there any other state may i get it done with less amount.

 

[StayHopeful]

Congrats, luciola!

Dsk, welcome and I definitely don't think you're too old. I'm 28 and never really got any type of scores, so I don't know much about that, but I did have a miscarriage right when we started ttc and then couldn't get pregnant again until we did IVF. It's a bigger expense, but I'm grateful we decided to do it.

Welcome, calm girl. Is the doctor talking about 2 different ivf treatments with different success rates, or recommending $14,000 for one cycle vs. $20,000 for two cycles? Sorry, I'm confused.

 

[calm girl]

Hi Stay Hopeful,

Thanks for the reading my post. I am so happy that i got a reply. Yes the doctor talking about 2 different IVF the $20,000 having "Complete IVF/ICSI Cycle with Day 5 embryo biopsy and 23 pair chromosome assessment"
and the $14,000 having the " IVF/ICSI" only no chromosome assessment.

 

[dsk1977]

Thanks moni77 and stay hopeful.
I'm trying to 'stay hopeful' and trying to have a positive attitude and patience and realize this is a process and will take time.
I can't do anything but wait.
I was thinking of starting acupuncture as well.

Hope everyone is doing great and it seems many of you are now busy mommies with less free time.

Happy holidays to all and hoping 2015 brings a year full of success stories.

 

[Dini]

Hi girls, and welcome dsk and calm girl!

Dsk you are not too old, I know it feels it thought, I am almost 35 and our RE told us IVF was the only feasable option if after 3 IUI's we failed, however we did some rounds with clomid and injections with timed intercourse and then 2 IUI's with clomid and injections and they all failed. After our last IUI the RE said we should try IVF but one more IUI wouldn't be a waste. I don't ovulate without drugs and DH had terrible morphology but good counts but due to this we were told without IUI our chances were only 1-3% and with 12-15%, so IVF was our best option with about 60-75% chances of success. We had to take some time off to save money and try to get a loan which neither of us was able to do, so we just took the summer off and I think due to me living a healthier lifestyle and DH cutting out caffeine and taking the supplements as recommended helped and somehow I ovulated and we got a natural BFP. I was so certain I was just getting too old and it would never happen, and every month the clock ticked louder. I know it's hard to stay positive but do your best!

Calm girl, I say go with your gut, it seems to always know best. IVF is a lot of money and a big commitment, so if you can swing a few IUI's that might be the way to go, but if your intuition says IVF then go for it. You will find lots of support here!

Afm, I'm almost 23 weeks and finally feeling somewhat regular movements. He was quiet yesterday but today seems more active.

 

[AugustBride6]

Hey ladies! I have been quietly stalking this thread for a week. We are currently ttc # 3. We are working with 1 tube and some slow swimmers. We are having our first IUI around Christmas providing I ovulate from my good side. Super excited but super nervous at the same time.

 

[calm girl]

Hi Dini,

Thanks for your positive words. iam in 2ww of my 3rd iui, need to check HPT on 20th Dec. Please pray for me. I expecting positive in this. Everybody is telling 3rd is a charm. I didn't feel any symptoms so far. Iam trying for my 1st baby so I dont have any experiance. If any negative i need some time to save money for IVF.

In indian movies they will show after marriage immediately the actress becomes pregnant, but in the real life we are trying our best to reach success.

Iam very happy to joined in this group. I read the full thread from the starting, giving more hopes to everyone. In our tough times we surely need some support for this journey.