3 failed IUIs. How do you cope?

[drsquid]

boys dont generally turn back into girls but girls are often boys (if that makes sense). no one wanted to 100% say my girl was a girl til 17 weeks.

yes i did 4 rounds of iui, 1 unmedicated, 2 with femara and 1 with injections.however my situation is a bit weird in that the stupid doc kept not testing the sperm casue he said sperm bank sperm is always good. turned out mine was garbage. so i was essentially shooting blanks for 4 months. decided to just go to ivf cause i was frustrated and defeated. my results from ivf showed that there was nothing wrong on my end (13 retrieved, 12 mature, 11 fertilized and all 11 made it to blast.. used 2 that stuck and froze 4)

 

[fisher640]

I'm 31 and DH is 38. I quit birth control in 2008 and we were NTNP for a while but it was still 2+ years TTC before we started with a FS. We started all that in August 2011.

I had decided we would do IVF next just because then we would have a better idea of what was going on in there. Like, none fertilized... Or they fertilized but weren't good, etc. I just felt like it might be a little more diagnostic than just repeating clomid and IUIs.

I had no idea it was a girl. DH was insistent I must have a feeling and just wasn't telling him. I think I was more prepared for it to be a boy tho cause I had def been paying more attention to boy clothes prior to knowing. I toyed with not finding out for a while but thought it might help it seem more real. It took me a verrrrry long time to change my thinking to "I'll have a baby this spring" from "I might never have a baby" the infertility thoughts were a lot harder to turn around than I thought. I've calmed down a lot since I could feel her kicking. That helps calm my negative thoughts a lot.

 

[SashimiMimi]

TTCbaby I'm 31, but my ovaries function as someone who is a little older. Also, I recently met two women who both did IVF and they are both 40 and had success. And although I never discussed the details with my RE, it looks like I have an egg quality issue as well. It's SO frustrating and I can totally relate to some of the emotions you must be going through with this huge decision on your hands. Women are physically designed to have babies, yet for some of us it is SO hard!! It felt like I was being betrayed by my own body. Here I was on the pill for 11 years and it was probably for nothing. Then I went through the guilt and the what ifs that if I had just tried sooner, maybe I would have been able to have kids on my own. But I think everything happens for a reason and I believe that all of us who go through assisted conception will be better mothers because of it. Even though I was initially a nervous wreck through the first few weeks of my pregnancy (and still am some days), I am making a point to enjoy every single second of it. How old are you?

Failed IUIs definitely are devastating. For me, #1 was unmedicated, #2 was on Femara and #3 was with injectibles and I had 5 eggs in that cycle and it didn't work! That third one was the one that crushed me the most. I had just started a new job and when I got the call that it had failed, I had to hide in an alley and cry behind a dumpster. A co-worker found me and I had to explain the whole thing. After that, I knew I needed a break. OH and I had planned a trip to Hawaii and it couldn't have come at a better time. It was so nice to take a break from frequent cycle monitoring visits, the fertility drugs, the waiting and the hoping. We spent some quality time together, I ate and drank what ever I wanted and it was so relaxing. I fully expected to be doing a lap when I got back, but we were referred straight into IVF which was shocking. So I know what it is like when you think something so huge is not going to be the plan so soon, but at least we live in a day and age where this type of medical technology is available to us.

TTC, you don't have to make the decision now. I personally can't think clearly when I am down in the dumps and emotional about something. I waited a couple weeks from finding out IVF was our best bet and when I got my next AF, I just woke up one day and thought okay I'm going to do it. And then I got the cycle started. OH thought we should wait until December when things would be quieter at work, but I felt in my gut that I had to do it then and there. As you can probably tell from the length of my posts I could go on and on about this. Going through infertility has completely changed who I am as a person and I feel very passionate about wanting to help others in the same situation.

Squid, I cannot BELIEVE they were working with faulty sperm. That is unforgivable and I hope you got some sort of compensation for it. That's amazing that you had such a great fertilization rate and had eggs to freeze. It looks like you are having twins!??? Well, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and perhaps you were meant to do the IVF to have twins... although I know twins can result in IUIs as well. Either way, you got your happy ending and that is amazing.

 

[drsquid]

i got free sperm from the sperm bank but the docs office took no responsibility even though id asked about testing a bunch of times and they kept blowing me off then saying they thiought i didnt want to etc. still pissed.

 

[ttcbaby117]

I just turned 37 on October 1st....I cant believe it..We started trying when I was 34. Its all just so crazy. TBH I am afraid to wait to long because of my age but it might just be that way because we do not have the funds to do this right now.

The consult with my dr was postponed till 4:30 est so I am waiting for her to call now. I will let you ladies know what she says.

Thanks again for all of the information and for taking the time out to share.

 

[drsquid]

ttc- im 39 btw if that reassures you at all

 

[SashimiMimi]

TTCbaby did you get the chance to speak with your doctor?

 

[ttcbaby117]

thanks yes it is reassuring....my dr is speaking to me about IVF now...she really wants to be aggressive which I like...but we are going to try IUI one more time in december and if that doesnt work then IVF in Feb. She suggested a short protocol which I am happy with adn that would entail starting gonal f on cd 3 until ER, which usually about 10 days and then ET 5 days after that. So that is our plan for now...we will see what happens from now until then! thank you again ladies for sharing so much of yourselves it has really helped me.

 

[SashimiMimi]

I'm so glad! It's great to have a plan in motion. Your protocol sounds very similar to what I did, except I did a 3 day transfer which was appropriate for my individual case.

Good luck! Please keep us posted!

 

[drsquid]

they generally base ET date on how many embryos you make and how they look. my doc kept saying he'd do a day 3 but i had 8 embryos that were 8-10 cell so we went to day 5. the only real reason to wait longer is to sort out which are the better embryos if you have a bunch of good ones. statistically there is no increased or decreased success rate

 

[ttcbaby117]

thanks ladies! Dr Squid did you do a long protocol or a short one like I was recommended?

Sashimi - did you only take gonal f in the begining of your cycle? What drugs did you end up taking?

 

[SashimiMimi]

I'm in Canada, so the drug names might be a little different here, but I'll tell you exactly what I did. I started taking birth control pills on July 29 (which was weird after being off of it for so long). Then I began Lupron injections on August 3rd and stopped BCP on Aug 9.

On Aug 13, I got some sort of AF which lasted for about 2-3 days. I stayed on the Lupron all the way through, and then began the stimulating injections on Aug 15 which was Puregon mixed with Repronex. (Puregon is similar to Gonal-F, I believe.)

I stopped all the injections on Aug 24 and had to do the Ovidrel (ovulation trigger) late that night to time the ovulation properly. Retrieval was Aug 26, transfer was Aug 29.

I took a week off work, told them I had a surgery scheduled and received a doctor's note confirming I was having a medical procedure and needed time off. I did a HPT 11 days past transfer and for the first time in my life it was positive. I went for the official blood test 14dpt and they confirmed it was true.

Oh, and I should mention during the TWW and all the way through up until week 12 of pregnancy, I did progesterone injections and took estrogen pills. Hope this all helps!

 

[drsquid]

i did long. i started lupron mid may. i extending the wait to start stims cause i wanted to aim for egg retrieval june 11 (i was gonna be in court for two weeks instead of work so icould more easily take a day off). started stims june 1st (i think, damn phone calender wipes itself for some reason). ER ended up being june 13. took that day off court. went out to lunch that day with no problem felt fine. back to court the next day. june 18 did my transfer. right after transfer i hopped up, went to the bathroom then got on public trans to court. i was doing PIO shots however i turned out to be allergic to them and switched to crinone (only to discover i didnt need that either, unmedicated my progesterone was 259)

 

[fisher640]

Def keep us posted TTC!

 

[drsquid]

oh and i forgot.. .stims i took was menopur and gonal f

 

[Bma11]

Hi ladies, just read the whole thread and I must say I am teary eyed yet so very hopeful. I'm 26, TTC for 16 months. 2 cycles of clomid and IUI. BFN. Starting a new cycle this coming week with bravelle and IUI. So, happy to know about the positivity thing not really mattering. My hubby is 41 and has 2 kids from previous marriage all natural, makes me feel even crappier some days. If this cycle doesn't work we have decided to take a break from doctor. And I'm not too sure about doing ivf. I'm so nervous about the intramuscular shots, just gives me anxiety. I know it would be worth it, but I'm still unsure. Especially, because its not guaranteed. Paying so much for a 30% chance... Did any of you finance Ivf? Was it even a possibility? I'm currently already out $3,100 about to be 5400(with the 3rd iui) and another $5400 would cover most of the ivf, so weighing options as well if I can just get over anxiety of the shots. Any advice it anything would be greatly appreciated. So happy for each of you!!!

 

[ttcbaby117]

How many embies did you ladies transfer back???? Sorry I know I am a bag of questions but it is really helping to get the real story from ladies who have done this.

BMA - I am right there with ya....I will be doing my second iui and wondering if just going straight to I've would be cheaper..it is a tough decision.

 

[SashimiMimi]

TTCBaby: It is my absolute pleasure to answer as many questions as you need. I felt it really helped me to reach out to other women who had done IVF before going through with mine. Well, I only had 1 embryo transferred because that's all I had out of the 15 eggs retrieved. I couldn't believe we had such a lousy fertilization result AND with nothing to freeze! I figured if this round didn't work we could at least do a FET, but no... it came down to everything was riding on that one little embryo. BUT, it worked. Sometimes I'm still in shock and can't believe this is real even though I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow.

BMA11: I just got teary eyed readying that you were teary eyed. It's such a struggle, I know. My OH actually got a g/f pregnant when he was in his early 20s. They had been dating for 3 months and she missed 1 pill. For ages it infuriated me that my husband and someone else got pregnant so easily. The g/f opted to have the pregnancy terminated and for months I worried that it might have been my OH's only chance to have children. Also don't worry about the shots, they are surprisingly painless. The needles are so thin you can't even feel it going in. As someone who hate needles, I felt like quite the rock star when I could easily do the injections on my own. My OH would offer to help, but he also hates needles and his hands would shake!!!

Also, I believe the odds with IVF are quite a bit higher... about 65% at least. At least that is what my research has told me and what my doctor told us when we went forward with the procedure. Now it could be different in individual cases, but I do know that IUI has about 15-20% chance of being successful (just slightly higher than a natural BFP). I think it's worth it to try IUI a couple of times, but it does get very expensive. And yes, the IVF is very expensive. As I mentioned in a previous post, I was lucky to find out that my work benefits covered the cost of the drugs. So having $4,000 knocked off my $11,000 bill was quite helpful. Even if it hadn't worked, I still think it would have been worth it. I would have spent the rest of my life thinking what if. For me, I knew I had to try everything humanly possible to have my own baby.

Also, something else I forgot to mention is that I did acupuncture throughout the entire IVF cycle. I believe this really helped and my acupuncturist came to the transfer and did a session with me both before and after. I also saw a fertility hypnotist to help me get past a lot of the emotional blocks from all the failed IUIs. My third failed IUI absolutely crushed me and whenever I would think about it, I would break down into tears. The hypnosis session really helped with that.

It was basically like a meditation, where I pictured myself on a beach writing all my negative thoughts in the sand with a stick and then the ocean waves coming up and washing all those negative words away. I would also say positive affirmations to myself before bed. However, after the fact that we only had 1 embryo all that positivity went out the window and I spent the entire TWW being bitter and jaded!

Let me know if you have any more questions. Happy to help as always!

 

[Bma11]

TTCBaby: It is my absolute pleasure to answer as many questions as you need. I felt it really helped me to reach out to other women who had done IVF before going through with mine. Well, I only had 1 embryo transferred because that's all I had out of the 15 eggs retrieved. I couldn't believe we had such a lousy fertilization result AND with nothing to freeze! I figured if this round didn't work we could at least do a FET, but no... it came down to everything was riding on that one little embryo. BUT, it worked. Sometimes I'm still in shock and can't believe this is real even though I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow.

BMA11: I just got teary eyed readying that you were teary eyed. It's such a struggle, I know. My OH actually got a g/f pregnant when he was in his early 20s. They had been dating for 3 months and she missed 1 pill. For ages it infuriated me that my husband and someone else got pregnant so easily. The g/f opted to have the pregnancy terminated and for months I worried that it might have been my OH's only chance to have children. Also don't worry about the shots, they are surprisingly painless. The needles are so thin you can't even feel it going in. As someone who hate needles, I felt like quite the rock star when I could easily do the injections on my own. My OH would offer to help, but he also hates needles and his hands would shake!!!

Also, I believe the odds with IVF are quite a bit higher... about 65% at least. At least that is what my research has told me and what my doctor told us when we went forward with the procedure. Now it could be different in individual cases, but I do know that IUI has about 15-20% chance of being successful (just slightly higher than a natural BFP). I think it's worth it to try IUI a couple of times, but it does get very expensive. And yes, the IVF is very expensive. As I mentioned in a previous post, I was lucky to find out that my work benefits covered the cost of the drugs. So having $4,000 knocked off my $11,000 bill was quite helpful. Even if it hadn't worked, I still think it would have been worth it. I would have spent the rest of my life thinking what if. For me, I knew I had to try everything humanly possible to have my own baby.

Also, something else I forgot to mention is that I did acupuncture throughout the entire IVF cycle. I believe this really helped and my acupuncturist came to the transfer and did a session with me both before and after. I also saw a fertility hypnotist to help me get past a lot of the emotional blocks from all the failed IUIs. My third failed IUI absolutely crushed me and whenever I would think about it, I would break down into tears. The hypnosis session really helped with that.

It was basically like a meditation, where I pictured myself on a beach writing all my negative thoughts in the sand with a stick and then the ocean waves coming up and washing all those negative words away. I would also say positive affirmations to myself before bed. However, after the fact that we only had 1 embryo all that positivity went out the window and I spent the entire TWW being bitter and jaded!

Let me know if you have any more questions. Happy to help as always!

You are a blessing, I'm so happy you are pregnant!
Thank you for your response, I honestly feel better about the shots! So far with all the clomid, ovidrel, endometrin, bravelle my insurance has picked up a lot and I'm only out 190$. So, I will have to call and see about ivf and meds! I am thinking about going to an acupuncturist as well. I have a follow up consult with my RE Monday so I'm going to ask him everything under the sun!! And in the end, no amount of money is a waste, it just sure feels like it when you put so much time and effort and its not working. My poor hubby does not understand why it's not working. He wants me to ask the doctor that even when I've told him that they did their part now my body has to do its.. Lol men!!
Not to mention my step daughter asking me everytime I see her, "when am I going to have a baby" lol they want a sister. anyways. Thank you again. I'm sure ill be back to ask questions...

 

[SashimiMimi]

No problem, Bma. I know for me IVF felt like a huge gamble. It was honestly like playing roulette or something and it was really unsettling. But like I said, I would have always wondered if I hadn't tried.

That' great that your insurance has covered so much with the drugs already. Hopefully they will continue to cover some of the cost if you choose to go forward with IVF. It's tough when people continually ask you "when" you are going to have a baby or when you see lots of people around you snapping their fingers and getting a BFP. I started TTC in July 2011 as well and know what a long road all of this is.

Good luck! Keep us posted!