3 failed IUIs. How do you cope?

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Sunshine! I totally can relate to how you feel. There is something about that third fail that is absolutely heartbreaking and devastating on so many fronts, you just feel like you'll fall to pieces. I was in the same boat as you back in May:
IUI #1: natural, 1 follicle BFN
IUI #2: femara, 2 follicles BFN
IUI #3: puregon injections, 5 follicles BFFN

I thought to myself if there were 5 eggs and it didn't work, how will it ever? I also had a lap booked for July, but it didn't feel right to me. After the 3rd fail, OH and I went to Hawaii, took a break from TTC and reconnected as a couple. It was nice to eat and drink whatever I wanted and step away from the cycle monitoring chaos. I knew doing the lap did not feel right to me, so I booked a meeting with my doctor. Some additional tests showed that I have a low ovarian reserve, which means my ovaries function as someone who is much older than 31. I was referred straight into IVF and told to skip the lap.

As I've said in other posts on this thread, it was terrifying and seemed like such a huge step that I wasn't ready for but I'm glad I went for it. I had 15 eggs retrieved, 3 fertilized and 1 made good quality embryo made it to transfer. One died, and one was very poor quality but transferred anyway along with the good egg. This indicated that I have poor egg quality which was probably the problem all along.BUT that one little embryo survived and I am so thankful every single day to be 16 weeks along. Sometimes I still can't believe it.

I think it's fantastic that you get so many of these procedures covered. I'm in Canada and while all the ultrasounds and blood tests are covered, some of the drugs and the actual procedures are not. So I spent $11,000 on IVF and it felt like a gamble. So I agree with the ladies, don't rush into the lap if you aren't ready. I would continue with the IUIs and then assess if you want to move on to IVF.

A friend of mine that I met on these boards did the lap and a hysteroscopy. She had stage 5 endo, had it all removed and got a BFP on her first try after the surgery. She had been ttc for 14 months. But they could tell she had endo before the surgery, so I think if they haven't detected endo for you chances are you don't have it.

My SIL did 4 IUIs. She was also just broken over the 3rd fail. She was gearing up for IVF and threw in the towel halfway through the 4th round of IUIs, so she didn't do the two inseminations back to back.... She did just one, didn't go back the next day and proceeded to do everything wrong during the TWW. She drank wine, trained for a marathon, ate whatever she wanted. Well that turned out to be a BFP and she conceived my niece! She literally fell off her chair when the clinic called to tell her it had worked. My niece is now a happy healthy 4 year old and my SIL now looks back and says she is glad she had the fails because my niece wouldn't be who she is today.

So I guess the moral of my ramblings is that for all the ladies in here dealing with failed fertility procedures, you WILL get your BFPs. The tough part is you just don't know when and my heart really goes out to you. I think this whole infertility experience makes us stronger and we will all be better mothers because of it.

 

[ttcbaby117]

Fisher - I found the link...thanks for the reference....I will be reading this one for a while

 

[Redhead7211]

Hi ladies,

I'd like to commiserate with you all. I have had 5 failed IUI's as you can see from the siggy. Last cycle was my first cycle with injectables which left me with a cyst, so I'm out this cycle.

I can totally relate to your stories and am so glad I stumbled on this thread. My husband tries to sympathize with me, but I feel like there's no possible way he can understand how I feel. My RE is always optimistic about my ability to get pregnant, and continued to be today. I just feel like if it hasn't happened after 5 times, when will it happen? And if I continue to have failed IUI's, why would it be any different with IVF? The thought of spending so much money on IVF when it may not work makes me very nervous.

Glad I found you all!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Redhead, I felt the same way as you... That IVF wouldn't work after so many failed IUIs. The thing about IVF is that it reveals much about what's going on with your fertility, and in my case the basic tests didn't show that I had an egg quality issue. I only got 1 good embryo out of IVF and that was enough to result in a BFP.

Infertility is a lonely road and it was hard for my OH to sympathize as well. I started to feel like a shell of a person and I didn't want to see anyone because our friends constantly asked if we were pregnant yet, did we have any news and my IUIs were failing because I wasnt relaxing. It infuriated me.

Please don't lose hope. You will get your BFP!

 

[tlm]

Redhead, I will echo what Sashimi said. Ivf gives your doctor so much more information about what is going on in your body. When they can examine the eggs and sperm and how and if they connect sometimes they can determine the problem.

I did 4 iui's all with clomid and trigger shot post lap and hysteroscopy. They removed stage 3 endo (which we had no idea I had) and 2 uterine fibroids. My RE thought he found the problem and maybe he did, but four cycles later and no BFP I made the decision I couldn't go throough the emotional roller coaster of iui anymore and we moved on to ivf.

I didn't quite respond to stimming as my RE expected and only produced 9 follicles which in turn only 3 eggs were retrieved! My doctor isn't quite sure why I responded this way, but I too wonder about low ovarian reserve. Long story shirt, I had 3 good eggs which all fertilized naturally and were out back in a 3 day transfer! Two stuck and I am expecting twins!! My theory is that I either wasn't producing an egg every month or that there was something preventing fertilization to occur. The fact that I had 100% fertilization rate is really pretty rare, I think that once dh sperm and my eggs got together they knew what to do! That's just my two cents, for what it's worth!

No one can prepare you for this journey! But I will tell you that you learn a lot about yourself, your mate, and your relationship! I believe the process has made dh and I closer and has given us much insight into each other!

Good luck to you!!

 

[Blue12]

I wondered if it is ok to stop by here. I am having trouble coping right now. I am on both sides of the story. Ivf can be what you need after iui's but there isn't a guarantee that ivf will work. I am really having trouble coping with the thought of going through another ivf/icsi - for a chance and not a guarantee

 

[ttcbaby117]

I agree blue...it is a huge step with alot working against you...but all we can do is try....what happens if we dont try????? Nothing I would imagine. I completely understand what you are saying about the down sides of IVF...that possible BFN, a miscarriage, an unhealthy child? They are scary things to think about after you have invested yourself into something so entirely with no guarantee. I am looking at possibly doing IVF early next year and those fears are in my head...and they are valid scary thoughts...but again, what else is there to do.....I want my lil one enough to risk the horrible potential pain because the pain of not having one hurts too..I guess we are damned if we do and damned if we dont. Just my 2 cents I guess sorry for being so depressing.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Hi Blue, I felt all those same things about IVF. I agree with what Ttcbaby said... Only way to fail for sure is if you don't try it at all. The other thug is that you learn so much more about your fertility health when they can physically examine sperm/egg interaction. I had no idea about my poor egg quality prior to the IVF process.

Still I think it's perfectly normal to feel what you are feeling. I was totally reluctant to go through with it, I had so many doubts and I was not excited at all. But I'm sure glad I did it when I did it! All the best to you!!

Ttcbaby how is it going? Have you started the IUI?

 

[Trulyoo]

Hi Ladies, I hope I can join you........I was googling my failed IUI's and after stumbling onto this thread and reading your stories, I think this is the group of ladies for me!

I also recently failed my second IUI and it has been so hard. The day AF came, I cried and just fell into a depression. Why doesn't this process work?, I keep asking. My DH was so sad too.

Our story is this.....we've been trying for a little over 1.5 years, been married for 2.5 years. I'm 34, DH is 33. Every test came out fine. Unexplained I guess, and when we found out we were okay, we kept trying on our own again for while. But it didn't work still and finally I had enough, and went in for my first treatment in October. It didn't work (50mg of clomid and trigger shot then IUI). I was really sad but then picked myself back up for November IUI. But then when that recently failed, I was numb. I can't believe I'm going to be on my third IUI cycle. DH says he wants to try three more IUI's before thinking about IVF. But I don't understand how you can keep doing the same thing and hope that something works. I'm taking a break this month for the holidays, but come January, I'll be starting IUI #3. I really feel I need to ask for a higher dose of clomid or do it with injectables.

Anyway, reading all of your stories really helps me dig out of my hole. To feel like I am not alone makes me feel so much better already. I have the very same fears as all of you. I am so scared of IVF and like others, we have to pay for IVF out of pocket so the financial burden is high. But what if I have problems only IVF can overcome? All these worries, all these questions. Yet no answers to why? Why me, why us, when all else seems normal?

Thanks for letting me rant and thank you ladies for being so supportive to one another, you don't know how many strangers you are touching....like myself.

 

[Redhead7211]

I understand how all of you ladies are feeling! I have thought of the benefits of IVF and getting to look at my egg quality to see what's going on. I just keep thinking of what my RE's say-that IUI does work and gets women pregnant...

Truly-I'm taking this month off too. Maybe your RE will have a new plan for you. I know mine was trying to take a less aggressive approach with me to make sure I won't overstimulate-maybe yours is doing the same? I did many cycles of Clomid and was glad to be off of it!

Good luck to you all!

 

[Trulyoo]

Your right, Redhead. In my case, my FS did want to be conservative because I ovulate on my own. But still, I don't think I have big enough follicles.........they've always been under 20mm. I think injectables might help this.....

 

[Bma11]

The thought of doing IVF with no guarantee of a baby is so scary. But you know what I've come to the conclusion like TTC baby and sashimimimi say: it hurts so bad not being able to have a baby that you just have to try every route!!! And I'm going to, I'm going to have to finance Ivf but oh well! I want my baby! It's all I've ever wanted.

My sister and I work in a big city and are both in the beauty industry. The women wait until mid thirties to have babies & then have to do IVF. My sister knows someone who has done it multiple times to just have ONE baby. But she said all that money and tears doesn't even matter when she had that baby! And can't you just feel that in your heart and gut to be true? I have a client who was 33, did ivf and had beautiful healthy twins!!! It's stories like hers and sashimi's that make me still keep pushing forward to gain my !!!!!!!

I pray we all are strong enough to push forward & be hopeful and happy during this emotional roller coaster. I pray we get our BFP.

 

[Trulyoo]

Thanks for the insight Bma. It's very true.......in the end when you have your baby, all that money that was spent doesn't even matter. Somehow, I have a feeling IVF is the way I'll have my baby. Putting off a baby to do everything else sounded just fine at the time, but I guess I'm paying for it now. There are always consequences to every action.

 

[Bma11]

Well, I definitely thinks is pure crap that we are responsible adults and say, " I'm not 100% ready because of this, this and that". And put off having a baby because that's just how selfless we are and then it comes back to bite us in the booty! We should be rewarded for being responsible adults who really put the baby first, by not having one when not ready. So, I know how you feel but let's not feel like that! We are great people who will have a baby one way or another.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Truly, I'm so sorry you have been through all these struggles. But at least every woman in here can relate! It still baffles me when you do these IUIs and everything is monitored and timed perfectly, and it STILL doesn't work! Yet there are people out there who get pregnant by accident? It just makes no sense.

Well, I told the story of my SIL who LTTTC for 3 years, did 4 IUIs and was gearing up for IVF when the 4th one worked. OH and I have a friend who did 9 cycles of clomid to finally get a BFP. It's like why does it work that one time and none of the others?

My RE brought up an interesting point with our IVF. We had 15 eggs retrieved, but only 1 embryo made it to transfer. So those 15 eggs represent 15 months of ovulation, so out of those 15 months I would have only had one decent egg. This explains why I wasn't able to conceive on my own and why none of my IUIs worked. Also IUIs can fail if the sperm and egg aren't meeting, which is often the case. But the good news is that ICSI when doing IVF can help. ICSI is when they physically inject the sperm into the egg. So as frustrating as it seems now, there are many, many options to help you. Don't lose hope!

Bma: I sent you a private message, hope you got it. I tried to response to your visitor message but my response was way too long. I wanted to say that I also worked in the beauty industry for many many years and wondered what you do? I often wanted to go back in time to tell my younger self to start TTCing earlier. I honestly don't know if it would made a difference if I had started trying at 25 as opposed to when I started at age 30. My OH and I weren't ready back then, and I think somehow even though infertility is a really crappy thing to go through, it has made me a better person who can truly value the really important things in life.

 

[Trulyoo]

Thanks Sashimi, you are like our coach on this forum, our mother hen !

What you shared about the 15 eggs made the most sense to me than anything has so far. I've never thought of it that way. Total lightbulb going off!!!

I, too, feel like I'm just starting to scratch the surface of infertility treatments. There's lots more that can be done before this thing is really over. But I just hope, I hope to god, that something easier can just happen so that I don't have to go through IVF. If I must, I will. But for god sake, please just give me a break!

 

[ttcbaby117]

Sashimi - wow what a great way to spell it out...15 eggs = 15 months of ttc....that is so true...I have been wondering myself why we can do everything perfect and have nothing wrong and it still doesnt work. That is a question that I have been mulling over since my IUI failed.

I know I started ttc a bit late....I started at 34. Me and DH only met each other at 30 and we got married 3 years later....He is the only man I have ever wanted to have a baby with so it wasnt possible to have one earlier. I guess maybe if I would have met him earlier then yes...but other than that then no it wasnt possible.

I am on my second day of femara....I will start gonal F on Monday when I get to Florida and hopefully IUI on Friday and Saturday of next week. If this doesnt work then I will be saving for IVF.

 

[Rona]

Hi,

I just reading the post and congrats on your pregnancy Sashimi. I am in the same boat, 9 cycles of failed clomid, 3 failed IUIs, and took me a year to gather information to start my IVF. Finally I found a place that willing to finance without any bank or financial institution in NY. I choose to pay 12 months without interest for 3 cycles in the package, includes ICSI, FET (if any left to freeze), free storage for one year.

Even after the flight, food and hotel, still cheaper than my local IVF which can cost me $15K per cycle. I purchased at NY $7500 for 3 cycles. I determined and did everything few months to get discounts and free meds. I asked the clinic for the free donation meds...and was lucky enough that I have it totally free on my first cycle and some left overs for my 2nd cycle.

I failed the 1st IVF, but on the 2nd one I have the miracle. Transfer 4 embryos and 1 stuck. For those still trying, do not give up. There are ways and good luck.

 

[Bma11]

Hi,

I just reading the post and congrats on your pregnancy Sashimi. I am in the same boat, 9 cycles of failed clomid, 3 failed IUIs, and took me a year to gather information to start my IVF. Finally I found a place that willing to finance without any bank or financial institution in NY. I choose to pay 12 months without interest for 3 cycles in the package, includes ICSI, FET (if any left to freeze), free storage for one year.

Even after the flight, food and hotel, still cheaper than my local IVF which can cost me $15K per cycle. I purchased at NY $7500 for 3 cycles. I determined and did everything few months to get discounts and free meds. I asked the clinic for the free donation meds...and was lucky enough that I have it totally free on my first cycle and some left overs for my 2nd cycle.

I failed the 1st IVF, but on the 2nd one I have the miracle. Transfer 4 embryos and 1 stuck. For those still trying, do not give up. There are ways and good luck.

Rona,

Thank you for sharing your experience. May I ask you how old you are and why they think your first IVF failed? I'm 26, and looking at IVF for my next option. I'm terrified to fail the first one. It's an incredible amount of money and time. My place guarantees ivf the second and subsequent cycles, we just have to pay everything besides physician fees which are almost 7,000 alone. It's a scary thing to here it didn't work the first time but awesome to hear it did the second time. My hubby is not convinced of ivf and for that we are having problems. He is 41 and has two kids. He just says we'll see, he's kinda pissed that I'm talking about it like I am because today I take my blood pregnancy test to see if this third IUI failed and he says I'm getting ahead of myself. Sorry for rambling, just have a lot on my mind.

Congrats on your baby!!!! So happy for you!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Truly: I'm really glad I can help! Talking to other women who had been through IVF both IRL and online was the only thing that got me through it. And yes, that thing about the 15 eggs was like a light bulb for me too and made me feel a lot better about all the months of failing.

Just remember that IVF isn't the last resort. There are usually other drug combinations or procedures that result in success as well. I met a wonderful woman on these boards who had also been LTTTC and she did the lap surgery, had endo removed and that resulted in a BFP right away. But yes, we all get to that point where we just want our break already!

ttcbaby: Good luck with the femara and gonal F. I have heard about a lot of women having success with that. I'll be thinking of you next weekend and keeping my fingers and toes crossed that you get your holiday BFP.

Rona: Wow that is an amazing success story. It just proves that if you dig around enough you can find a way to make these procedures possible. The financial burden really adds to the stress for most couples, but you've proved there are ways around it.

Bma: I'm sorry to hear that your OH isn't being overly supportive right now. I think my OH was pretty shocked when we were recommended for IVF. We thought we'd do a few more IUIs, maybe do the lap surgery and then suddenly we were told we should consider doing IVF ASAP. This was back at the end of July and he initially wanted to wait until December to get our heads around the whole idea. But I said no, that I couldn't sit around with something like that looming over my head for so many months so I just went for it in August. I think our husbands feel helpless in this situation, they can never know what it is like to have a body that betrays you month after month and there is no magic wand that they can wave to make it all better. I had to really sit OH down and say that all I needed was his support. There was nothing he could do to fix this, but that infertility is a lonely experience and I need him to just be there.