35 and over and ltttc for baby #2 for over 2.5yrs!

[Braven05]

My mother in law adopted 4 kids after she had complications giving birth to my husband and they were not positive experiences. That has me nervous about it. I know plenty of people have positive experiences though. I don't feel I'm there yet. I think it'll be a while but it's worth thinking about. My husband doesn't think we're there because he thinks there's still hope. I'm not there because giving up on conceiving comes with a lot more than I'm ready for.

 

[Srbjbex]

Thanks for the kind words everyone!

Braven- that story does help. It's always nice to know that there is hope, no matter how hopeless things seem.

Orchid - thinking of you today and I really hope that you get that unexpected miracle!

Tommy - we have touched on adoption but because we are both in agreement with the ivf route thi is what we are exploring for the moment. But..we haven't ruled it out either - because we couldn't keep going with IVF forever if it comes to it. My friend is currently going through the adoption process for #2 (different reasons, she's on tamoxifen as she had breast cancer a few years ago so cant conceive while on it) and it's a long process, but at any point you can step out of the process if you feel it's not for you. The reality is that most children up for adoption have some form of disability - either physical or mental and are likely to have been through some emotional trauma at some point in their life. Adoption is a completely different thing to having your own and brings with it completely different emotions.

Wish - so we're clearly the knackered left ovary crew! Thanks for the hugs. I found I today I would be covered for the lap under my OHs private health insurance so I've emailed my consultant to see when we can go ahead with it (if he thinks it would be beneficial). I really don't want it to delay the icsi too much!

Cookie - you doing ok hun?

AFM - well I spent a good chunk of this morning in tears in the loo at work. A work friend (who is also my boss's wife) came over full of excitement to tell me she was pg with her #2. I know some pg announcements are harder to take than others but this one really hit me. And I hate the guilt / jealous feelings that come with it. Life really just seems so unfair, and I am getting really really tired of it all. I know you guys are there too, and I know you understand, and you guys are the only people I speak to who I know really gets it.

Thank you all for being there for me

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

As suspected my blood test was negative. I had tried to prepare myself for it but I am still gutted. We're waiting to get an appt to talk to the consultant over the phone to find out more about IVF with ICSI so in the meantime there is nothing I can do but wait....

I just realised that it means no 2015 baby for me Another year gone....

I am so exhausted I hope you are all having a better day x

 

[tommyg]

Hugs Orchard sorry its just pants ( wish I could write something stronger) we'll get their somehow. Hugs

 

[Wish4another1]

Orchid - I am sorry there are no words to make it better - I know that... and I totally feel you on the no baby for 2015... I feel like I have wasted this entire year...and at 41 (thisclose to 42) well I don't have years to waste...
IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you and the hubby come to an agreement about IVF and if my DH would agree to it - I know I would do it... then if it didn't work I would know in my heart I did everything I could to have a baby... but that is not an option for me... I just hope my DH doesn't look back and regret not doing it 5 years from now...

braven - my husband also will not adopt I have never got a straight answer from him as to why... but he said no... kinda breaks my heart...I always thought when I retired from the military I would be a foster mom... but its not looking like that is something my hubby wants to do...and for that - you really need to be on the same page!! I hope you don't have to worry and you get a BFP instead...

I wish everyone on this thread would get a BFP... I have got to stay off other threads - i have been on here so long some people have been preg multiple times... I have never even had a faint BFP...
bleh...

 

[Srbjbex]

Oh orchid. I'm so so sorry hun. i know you were expecting it but even so it still hurts. Huge hugs to you xx

 

[tommyg]

Wish I really hope your DH doesn't regret not trying IVF. I take it he isn't giving into the idea of trying IVF? What plans do you have for your retirement? What is happening with your house is the sale still going to go through?

Braven how is the weight loss going are you managing to drop some pounds? Did you ever dispute the bill from the clinic?

Bex 2nd pregnancies are really hard to deal with. Hope tomorrow is a bit easier on you.

Orchard hugs, thinking about you how is DH? Has the witch showed up?

Hello to everybody else

 

[Braven05]

Orchid, I'm so sorry. I had my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Tommy, I'm trying to get on track again, really. The task is daunting and it's not been made easier that we've had a super rough winter. I'm looking forward to getting outside and being active again. That'll help. I didn't dispute it but I sent the last payment with a very strong letter. I don't think I have a case for disputing unfortunately.

I'm kind of just at a stand still. No insurance coverage for fertility, need to lose weight, nothing happening with conceiving. At a loss really. Once my insurance kicks in I'll go get some routine tests but I can't get anything fertility related.

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all of your kind words. As much as I wish you weren't all in the same situation as me it makes such a difference having ppl that understand how awful this whole thing is....

I'm ok - good and bad depending on what's going on... I took DS for a nice lunch to treat ourselves and then we went to the beach for a while which was amazing and what I needed. On the way home we past the park so of course DS wanted to go so we stopped off and I was once again faced with the reality of seeing children younger than DS and then another younger sibling with them and it hurt so much. Still no AF.... not even spotting. It's probably just as well the clinic called early today as otherwise I would be getting insanely hopeful by now and thinking it had worked.... I don't understand why AF is late again after having the IUI.... I ovulate on time and then take no hormones or anything at all after the procedure (and trigger on my own so don't have to take that hormone) so why it would be late again I just don't know. Since I o'd 2 weeks ago yesterday I should have started yesterday but other than 2 small dots of red blood nothing.... So unfair and frustrating but at least I know I'm out and know not to convince myself it had worked...

As for now I have a bottle of white wine chilling in the fridge and DH and I are going to sit down tonight, have a chat and work out our questions for the Dr tomorrow.... We have a phone consult early in the morning. Technically I could start on the pill on day 2 of this next cycle.... Initially the nurse told me we'd have to take this month off but we might be able to go straight to taking the pill for 3 weeks instead which would be so much better since we are moving at the end of June and I would really love the procedure to have been done by then if we do it.... Still lots to work out and honestly I am still a little lost but I just think if I don't do it now I never will and I think I will always regret not trying and giving it my best shot.... I don't know it's so hard.... I just hate it.

Thanks again ladies for listening to me moan Big hugs and flowers to you all for being so supportive

 

[lanet]

Hugs orchid, im really sorry. It's cruel how even when we know it's unlikely for whatever reason each month hope still sneaks in.
I'm excited to hear about your consult. I hope big things are in store for all of you soon

 

[tommyg]

Orchard I wish I could wave a magic wand. While timing makes it easier to do the IVF now I wonder if it would be too stressful to have the IVF and house move going on at the same time.

Take care, and sorry the witch is so evil. I know if it was me I'd be clutching at straws thinking "she hasn't showed maybe they've just tested too early".

 

[Srbjbex]

Just a quick update to say OH got his repeat SA back and its pretty much the same - count was 3m, so we are definitely on the path for ICSI. Just need to speak to consultant to see pros/cons of having the lap first, and what difference it will make.

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Bex I'm sorry to hear about your ovary and also the crappy morning you had the other day. I hope you are feeling better now. When will you get to talk to the Dr to decide about your lap etc?

Hi to everyone else - I hope you are all doing well.

I've update more in my journal and I think I will doing that a lot more so if you want to follow along please do (the link is under my signature). Anyway for those that don't know we have decided to do IVF with ICSI! It was a huge decision for us and I know it's not right or possible for everyone, but I am really happy with the choice we have made. I am of course very intimidated by it all esp after having 2 failed IUIs but I'm also feeling really positive and optimistic about it!!

AF is here in horribly full force (urgh!) so today I start on the BCP to basically put my ovaries to sleep for a few weeks! God knows they need a break after what they've been through but especially what they are about to go through!! After that if all is good then the not-so-fun part starts with all of the meds! Anyway as I said there is more info etc on my journal but I didn't want to bore you all here with it if you aren't interested etc!

I hope you are all doing well? Anyone in the 2ww? Big hugs to you all

 

[Srbjbex]

Oh Orchid! It's so lovely to hear you sounding so positive. I know it was a huge deal for you. I'm feeling super positive for you and excited at the prospect of potentially being ICSI buddies! How long will you be in BCP for do you think?

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Thanks Bex! I've to take it for 3 weeks then I go for a blood test to check my hormone levels and make sure all ok and it's done it's job

 

[lanet]

Orchid!!! Yay! I'm here for you or on facebook if you have any questions

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Thanks Lanet! I'm sure I will have a million questions!!!

 

[IsaacRalph]

Good luck white orchid how exciting! Excellent news xx

 

[tommyg]

Bex sorry his results have came back the same as before. I'm sure their is hope.

 

[momwithbabies]

Sad news. Have tons of bleeding. No fetal heartbeat. Waiting on my doctor to get here to discuss what to do. The ER doctor said he'll probably recommend a D&C.