35 & ttc #2....buddies?

[lysh]

It is a really short luteal phase, which concerns me. I really think it is because I am still breastfeeding. It is hard, because to wean dd right now would be really hard on her. I think going back to work might help because I will not be around for dd to nurse constantly during the day and I will no longer be pumping.

People say they take B6 and Vitex to help, but I think I just need to cut back on BFing which is easier said than done. So I have no idea how to handle this, I am not good about denying my dd when she really wants to nurse.

I think in terms of potentially being pregnant too.....we talk about things we might do next year, and in the back of my head I am figuring I will probably be pregnant!

 

[Mrs HM]

Hopefully going back to work and cutting back on nursing will help lengthen out your LP. I'm sure it will be hard, especially as your LO likes to nurse for comfort, but you will get there! Has your doctor been able to give you any advice?

It's funny how for years our cycles were just our cycles - I never thought about the different stages or what happens at all until I started ttc #1 and then I realised how little I knew about my body. My overall cycle is shorter these days, but I've only really been keeping a note of dates for the last 5 months or so. I plan to use the OV sticks to track my fertile days, oh the joys of ttc!

 

[lysh]

Yeah, I will just have to see what happens when I go back to work....which is coming WAY TOO quick. I am having a really hard time knowing I have to leave my girl in less than 3 weeks now. I am grateful I had the time home with her, but leaving her is going to break my heart....I already get teary when I think about it. I will need to toughen up soon!!!!

I was the same way, I barely kept track of my cycles before ttc. I learned SO much about my body through this whole process. I have my ov sticks ready to go! lol The only I am not going to do this time is the bbt charting.

 

[Mrs HM]

I tried charting but didn't have the dedication to test at the same time every morning. I suppose it wouldn't be very accurate if you had to get up to see to your daughter etc.

Is this the first time you'll be leaving your LO for any real period of time? I went back to work at 10months, it was easier than I anticipated once I was actually int he office and I'm sure you will be fine too once you have that first day done and dusted. Are you leaving your daughter in nursery school or do you have a relative nearby who will be looking after her? I'm very fortunate to have my mum nearby and she takes my son when I'm at work or have appointments. I do feel like he's missing out on playing with the other kids that he'd meet at nursery so I'm thinking of enrolling him for a couple of half-days each week. I don't know about NY, but childcare here is so expensive!

 

[lysh]

Yes, I had to go back to work when she was 4 1/2 months. It was hard then too....every Monday I still cried on the way to work! I am hopeless!!!

Yeah, it was hard taking the temp the same time every morning. There is no way I could do it with my daughter!!

My MIL and SIL will be watching her, except my SIL has 4 kids she homeschools and they are VERY loud all day and hyperactive so my daughter does not nap well when she goes there. I sometimes wonder if I should put her in a more structured setting, but at least with my SIL I know she is well taken care of. The downside is that she is exhausted by the time I pick her up and then her whole sleep cycle is thrown off. And yes....daycare is EXPENSIVE here too. I pay my SIL, but it could potentially be more money if she was in another setting- depends what we found.

 

[Mrs HM]

Oh bless your heart - 4.5 months isn't very long, no wonder you cried! Maternity pay/allowances aren't that good for me and I'm guessing you went back to work out of necessity too. Oh for a lottery win huh.

It's a catch-22 with family minding LO are concerned I think. My mum adores my son but she gives him so much attention and never sticks to his routine and basically does what she wants in my absence, so it's a nightmare when I get him back! On the plus side, like you said, at least I know she's taking good care of him.

I'm sure your daughter will love playing with her cousins when she gets a bit older and they'll be close as they all grow up, which is lovely. Don't know if I could cope with so many kids though...I struggle with one LO most days...I'm imagining your SIL as a kind of Mary Poppins-come-Nanny Mcfee!

 

[lysh]

Yeah, I got unpaid leave, so I had to go back. I keep saying we need that winning lottery ticket!! lol

Yes, it is a catch 22 but I keep saying at least I know she is being loved. We will prob look for daycare next year because we need something closer and by then she will be a little older, It is hard decisions!

Well, not sure about Mary Poppins- it is chaotic there!!! But yes, I have a hard time balancing it all with just one myself. Still can't figure out a good routine to help stay on top of everything!

 

[lysh]

Checking in to see how you are doing!!!

I keep second guessing when to start TTC. My doctor said we should start sooner rather than later, but between BFing and my short luteal phase, work starting, and my daughter still keeping us tired, I keep thinking I might wait another cycle or 2. I have such short cycles anyway, it goes by so quick.

Have you done any prep yet for TTC? Cutting back on anything? I should stop drinking coffee, but part of me is thinking I might wait until I get a positive BFP and deal with the side effects then! lol

 

[Mrs HM]

Hi Lysh,
I'm doing fine thanks! I hope you're well too.

I totally understand what you mean about second guessing when to start ttc. It always just seems like there's so much going on already. Maybe once you're back at work and your daughter has reduced her feeds it'll feel like there are more hours in the day than at the minute.

I keep going back-and-forth about starting in November or just bringing it forward and starting now. Realistically I know it can take a while but I can't bring myself to go for it. The main reason is that I put on 3 stone with my son and I still have 8lbs or thereabouts to lose. I've worked so hard to get the weight off that I don't want to fall preg again before I've shifted the last lot. I'm actually very worried about this, putting it all on again etc, and it's the main reason I'm holding off for now.

I haven't been cutting back on anything - I don't drink alcohol very much, don't smoke, junk food is kept to a minimum because of the diet! - but I would really like to eat more goats cheese before I have to stop! I craved it so much when I was carrying my son and it was awful having to avoid it the whole time. That's the only thing I really struggled with last time round. What about you? Was there any food or drink that you really missed?

I'm taking a folic acid supplement too. Oh and I'm shopping for baby/maternity items already(eek!) Toooooo much time on my hands at the mo!

 

[lysh]

I understand, it sounds like you have worked hard to loose the extra weight. There are so many pros and cons as to when to start TTC!

lol...I do not drink a lot of alcohol either. I do like an occasional beer or glass of wine, but I don't often. Junk food is a problem...I have a terrible sweet tooth!!!! I did miss having a beer every now and then. I missed coffee terribly. I also missed having deli sandwiches.

lol...I still kept my maternity clothes in my closet, but I have not started shopping yet! lol (Let me guess, you are a planner?). I am a big planner, I always like to think I have things prepared and figured out!

My little girl just took her first few steps today....it was exciting. However, I think it is effecting her sleep so we are pretty tired over here!!!

 

[Mrs HM]

My little girl just took her first few steps today....it was exciting. However, I think it is effecting her sleep so we are pretty tired over here!!!

Wow, that's amazing! It's such a big deal when they go by themselves for the first time, you must be very excited. There will be no stopping her now that's for sure. I find it much easier now to tire my son out - I just take him outside to somewhere he can run around - and he only really started sttn since he started walking at around 15 months. Hopefully your LO will start burning more energy soon.

LOL - yes, I'm a planner! And I'm also looking into the future to see what needs doing. I'm hoping my maternity clothes from the first time will be too big this time so I can do more shopping, but I've kept them just in case. I actually don't have that much from last time, I was quite frugal and only bought a few key essentials.

 

[Mrs HM]

Oh I see you're online now too - hi!

What time is it in NYC now? It's 11.37am here now so my son is supposed to be napping but I can hear him gurgling and singing to himself!

 

[lysh]

7:16am....just finished making pancakes and nursing dd right now while she kicks my arm! lol Makes typing hard! Will write more later!

 

[lysh]

So how do you put your son down for naps and bedtime?? I could never just put dd in her crib and expect her to fall asleep!!! lol She would scream and scream and scream! As it is, even when she falls asleep nursing, she still has a hard time going into her crib for naps.

I did not have that many maternity clothes either. I just had 3 pairs of pants, a dress, and a few tops. Otherwise I tried to wear what I could get away with.

 

[Mrs HM]

So how do you put your son down for naps and bedtime?? I could never just put dd in her crib and expect her to fall asleep!!! lol She would scream and scream and scream! As it is, even when she falls asleep nursing, she still has a hard time going into her crib for naps.

I did not have that many maternity clothes either. I just had 3 pairs of pants, a dress, and a few tops. Otherwise I tried to wear what I could get away with.

I've used his buggy for naps since he was very small so I just put him into it, pop in his dummy (you say pacifier, right?) and then leave the room. I usually leave him in the lounge with the TV on for background noise and he will eventually sleep. My friend suggested doing this when he was small as a way of helping him sleep when we are out and about as I didn't want to be tied to the house around nap times.

He is the same at nighttime, we can't just put him into his cot either. It recently got much better when he moved him into his own room at the start of July. When I was bf and even after I stop one of us had to lay on the bed with him every night until he fell asleep. Then we had to gently move him to his cot and if he woke up we had to do it all over again. It sometimes took hours to put him down!

Since he's been in his own room, one of reads him a story while sitting on the floor and most nights he gets up and starts climbing into his cot to go to bed. He'll nod when you say 'do you wanna go asleep now' and 10 mins later, he's off!

Is your daughter in her own room? What's your nighttime routine?

We haven't let LO with anyone overnight yet, although we are this weekend. I'm very nervous but his grandparents babysat for us a couple of weeks ago while we went for dinner and he went to bed just fine. This was a first as he used to scream and scream until we came back home to put him to bed!

 

[lysh]

Good luck this weekend!! I have not left dd overnight either....she nurses to sleep and I am too scared to try it. I basically do not do anything that requires me to not be home to put dd to sleep. I even had to miss my cousins sweet 16.

Our bedtime routine consists of bath (dh does this), stories, lullaby, nursing. She nurses to sleep and then I transfer her to her crib. Naps are harder as she fights going into her crib....plus she has always refused pacifiers, so my boob was it! Today she took a 30 min nap in her crib then woke up screaming...still tired. If I pick her up she will nurse and sleep for at least another hour. I tried singing to her this time while stroking her hair and she just cried the entire 20 minutes I attempted this....so picked her up and she nursed and fell asleep. :/

I am always nervous about naps when I go back to work.

 

[Mrs HM]

Oh dear, your daughter really loves to nurse. I don't think I realised from the previous posts just how much she still depends on you being there. I'm a great believer in the least line of resistance too, so I'd end up just nursing too as you know it works! I'm sure it's not ideal though.

I think you said that you pumped while you were at work so presumably she took expressed milk from a bottle or cup? Would you ask your DH to put her to bed one night, without you being there, with some expressed milk instead of the boob? Just suggesting that as I started a night class last autumn and my DH had to go it alone, and it didn't take long before my son was falling asleep without being bf at all. Now, there were a lot of tears, but I wasn't there to hear them and give him the boob so DH just got on with it!

 

[lysh]

Thank you for your suggestion! I think once we start weaning other parts of the day, we will have to work on the evening one. It is exhausting. She did take a bottle when I was at work, not much though. She would drink 4-6oz. She does drink water from a sippy cup- she currently refuses cow's milk.

She was such a tough baby with sleep, that DH and I are so thrilled to STTN for most night (even with early wakings) that I am afraid to change anything right now!!! Other than the last few mornings (she decided to wake up at 3:40 this morning and did not want to settle back down easily) she is doing so much better. It is something we will have to tackle though.....I might have to sit outside when we do....if I hear her screaming because she wants to nurse I might not be strong enough to stay out of it!

What hours does you LO sleep?

 

[Mrs HM]

It is something we will have to tackle though.....I might have to sit outside when we do....if I hear her screaming because she wants to nurse I might not be strong enough to stay out of it!

What hours does you LO sleep?

That is exactly what I found...I couldn't let him cry when I knew that a quick feed would settle him. It caused no end of trouble with my DH who can be much more 'this is for his own good'...I just am a typical mummy and want to give him what he wants! They know exactly how to push our buttons in a way I think daddies are immune to.

My son goes to bed about 9pm. We start our routine - last bit of playtime, bath, story - about 8pm and he's usually asleep by 9pm. We've tried to start earlier but we just end up sitting by his cot waiting for him to sleep as 9pm seems to be his natural sleepy time. He sleeps until around 7.30am although we have had a few fantastic lie-ins until 8.30am...bliss

I think, and it's probably not a lot of help, that babies get there in their own time. I know that if we had this conversation 6-8months ago I would have been in the same situation as you are now, albeit with less bf. It's only really been in the last 2-3months that our nighttime routine has come together and that coincided with moving LO into his own room. I think it's because he understands a lot more now, and just gets it. It's only because of this that we're thinking of ttc#2!

From the sounds of it you and your DH are doing a great job, babies just take advantage LOL

 

[lysh]

Thanks, I think you are right, as DD gets older she will get into a better routine. She actually nursed less today....we were busy and out of the house, but still. And even when she did nurse at home, it was for shorter sessions.

So tomorrow I have to go to work for the day. It is my first full day away from my baby girl in 10 weeks. She is going to my SIL tomorrow....naps are not always the best so hopefully the whole day/night will not be thrown off. I am glad I have a job where I can be home in the summers, but the transitioning is hard. DD has been like my 5th limb, it is going to be tough.

9-7:30 is not too bad! That is great. Yeah, if it was not for my age we would probably wait until dd sleep is better too, but by the time I actually conceive and have the baby it probably will be better.

DH and I are now thinking end of Sept. for ttc.

You are right, men can be stronger about things, even though last night when DD was having a hard time settling, DH was being a softie more than I was!!!!