39 and trying to conceive:-(

[drsquid]

Crap crap crap. 2.3cm cyst on one side and a small one on the other. So no stims for me. I am going to Philly at the end of may so I'd have to miss 2 cycles which I don't want to do. New plan, us Monday to see if I'm growing a follicle despite the cysts then do an unmedicated cycle. If that doesn't work I'd have to skip a cycle anyway for ivf so... Now if I don't grow a follicle... And I have to skip this cycle entirely.. I'm pondering skipping the trip home. Tickets were pretty cheap and al though I know my parents would be sad, I think id just stress the whole time about how I should be cycling etc. I'm 39, I don't have time to step back and just take months off.

 

[Bonnie1990]

Geez squid. Your having the worst luck. I hope the unmedicated works for you. They are testing the ds first too right?
If the tickets weren't too much then maybe it would be a good idea unless you use that month off as your break before IVF? Then you would be distracted more.

 

[drsquid]

Well it isn't a month off (going home that it) just a week when I'd likely be doing egg retrieval etc. I know he'd want to do Lupron first so I'll have to skip a cycle to do ivf. If I can do an unmedicated cycle this month then I'll go home as I intended and use that as the skipped cycle (though June could be a cluster as far as timing etc cause I don't haves
Work schedule yet oh and I have to go to court (maybe... It has been postponed twice already). Anyone know the stats on making a follicle despite a cyst? Before I starte all the meds I reliably ovulated on my own every month.

 

[greenjelly]

hi all, could I join this group please? 39 and a half. TTC for about 14 months now. Would be my first. Sorry to hear about your problems Squid. When you are a teenager, you assume you get pregnant at the sight of a sperm and yet here we are, doing all these things to make a baby!
Can I be honest and say sometimes I wonder how much I really do want a baby? My life is pretty easy going, I have no money worries. We live in a one bed flat so I would need to look at upping my mortgage for a bigger place which would mean I would have to return to full time work (I am the major bread winner) at some point. Im going to be 40 in October and my OH 50 next year - are we just too old for this? Then again, all my friends are popping them out and I dont want to not experience birth and motherhood. Does anyone have these worries? Is it terribly awful to feel this way?

 

[Bonnie1990]

Hi green jelly
I do know what you mean sometimes. My youngest is almost 18 my oldest almost 20 and I have a granddaughter.
DB's youngest is 8. Sometimes I wonder why in my right mind do I want to start over?
But I always wanted more kids. Just not with my x. DB is a great man and a wonderful father. It won't be easy but it will be fun. That's what get me back on track. But I all think we wonder sometimes

 

[drsquid]

ive just always wanted kids but figured id find someone. im almost always single so.. the one thing i luckily dont have to beat myself up over is years of bcp.. since im always single ive probably taken about 6 months total ever. i have a house, a secure job and my life feels empty and pointless. my mom's aunt rose is in her 80s and said she doesnt regret never getting married but she regrets not having kids..

 

[Bonnie1990]

Oh squid I hope you can get things worked out. Remember you have to take care of you first and what is going to give you the most happiness. &

 

[drsquid]

yeah but this trying is making me miserable but i cant see stopping either, thatd make all of this a waste and not get me what i wanted. tried to go on a date last night which failed miserably and made me feel worse about myself than before (he was over an hour late so i went home and he made me feel bad about it). just nothing makes me happy right now.

 

[Bonnie1990]

Well he doesn't sound worth your time anyway!
Dating is tough. I met my DB on match.com which makes me laugh when I see the commercials now. Have you tried there?

I know you have had a rough time with TTC with the bad ds and all. It's enough to make anyone want to give up. But it can still happen-both a baby and love. It's not to late for either. I wish I had more words to help make it better. Just know that we are all her to listen and support you.

You are worth it

 

[greenjelly]

yeah but this trying is making me miserable but i cant see stopping either, thatd make all of this a waste and not get me what i wanted. tried to go on a date last night which failed miserably and made me feel worse about myself than before (he was over an hour late so i went home and he made me feel bad about it). just nothing makes me happy right now.

An hour late?! I dont blame you for leaving early. That's a sure way to make a girl lose her enthusiasm for a date. Unless he had a really good and seemingly sincere excuse? Big hugs Squid. There are a lot of frogs out there it seems. being new to this, Im not even sure I should ask such things but would you have a baby on your own? Have you explored other sperm avenues?

 

[drsquid]

oh im totally having a baby on my own,. not really interested in dating. met this guy the other day and my friends insisted i should go on a date.. waste of time really. i absolutely dont want a known donor. no way!!!! i did 4 cycles with a donor (from a sperm bank) who turned out to be a dud (poor count, poor progression but my doc didnt check til the 4th cycle). got a different donor but now i need to do an unmedicated cycle cause i got cysts from the injections last cycle

 

[PositiveUs]

Hey everybody.
I was given only a 5% chance with my own eggs due to amh (0.39 and 0.43). The clinic bases most everything on amh levels, not afc or fsh. Every clinic is different.
I went ahead and started the ivf process anyway, facing this very low percentage of sucess.
I was given 50% chance of pregnancy with donor eggs.
The nurse practitioner said that if I think I have one good egg left it could work.
I feel I have one good egg left if it will grow.
Am I nuts or should I just put my money towards a donor and stop this nonsense?
I figure I will try to stim again and if they find I'm a "poor responder" then I will go to donor egg.
I don't mind having a baby that isn't genetically mine, it's just that you have to tell your kid and family and friends and I fear the stigma that I couldn't make my own egg.
Sometimes I feel like such a loser for even trying this so late in the game.
I too have a pretty laid back life style and am approaching 40 any minute now.
I do wonder if I'm making a mistake by trying.
Adenomyosis isn't going to help anything either.

Thanks for all your support ladies.

 

[Bonnie1990]

Why do you have to tell anyone beside maybe the child when they are older? If you use de that is a private choice.

Stupid question but can you stim and if you only end up with one egg can they use a de at the same time as they like to put back more than one to increase your chances. Would that be more cost effective and give you a better shot? Just wondering-may be a totally ridiculous idea

Oh can I ask what your fsh is?

 

[PositiveUs]

I will try to stim again and see if anything grows. If there is only one follicle they would not suggest going through egg collection. My fsh was 11.9, 10.3, 8.9 and 7.4 over the past 6 months. Last month it was 7.4 and estrodiol was 70s or so. I thought that was great. Estrogen and fsh have a negative feedback with each other. 6 months ago fsh was 10.3 and estrodiol was 94, then it was 106! I started taking DIM pro and it went down from 106 to 72 the next month. I couldn't believe it.

 

[Casper72]

Reading everyone's comments on here makes me feel like Im not alone. Been trying to get pregnant for the last 7 months, Im 38, my husband is 37. Had all the blood tests and my husbands sperm count was good, just nothing happening. And yes, all my friends and family keep announcing they are pregnant, and I am really happy for them, but Im also so very very jealous. Feels good to be able to actually say it and know that people on here understand what I mean.

I TOTALLY understand the jealousy issue. I am experiencing it myself towards my husbands ex wife. She got 'accidentally knocked up' by some guy she had only been seeing for a month or two. She is now about 16 wks along and it is so hard for me to see. It just doesn't seem fair at all.

Just found out a co-worker is pregnant after trying for only 2 or 3 months. My initial reaction was anger and jealousy, but it's gone now and I'm very happy for her. They are a young couple and this is their first baby. I'm so happy that conceiving was easy for them and they aren't having to go through month after month of trying......like me! haha Oh well, I had my easy times of getting pregnant when I was much younger. I know it will happen, this baby is just taking it's sweet time getting here is all. Little stinker!

 

[trying4four]

Well, here I am...again. AF finished, drugs finished and now I start the OPKs and hopefully O in the next nine days. This was fun the first month, now.. The good news for me is that I've got an appt with my FS for July and my day three blood work seems to be fine. Now, I wait

Drsquid, I hope everything goes okay for you!

FX'd for each and every one of you for your BFPs!!

 

[Bonnie1990]

good luck & and fx'd!

 

[trying4four]

PositiveUS, sending good vibes your way

 

[drsquid]

casper- im glad you could get over it so quickly. im finding that harder and harder. the instructor at my gym is pregnant and it was an oopsie (i guess it is reassuring that if she can get pregnant, my level of working out is no big deal). it is stupid but i almost feel like everytime someone else gets pregnant that decreases my chances, like there are a limited number of pregnancies to go around ,.

 

[Bonnie1990]

yeah- i worry that i am overdoing it at times. the one person at work who knows i am ttc is older and old school! says no gym, no long walks/hikes. stay in bed 12 hours feet up! lol no way!

might try feet up on the wall for the hell of it this month-cant hurt-db will think im a nutcase though! lol