41 yrs young and TTC after MC

[roothy]

HI all
Havent been in here for a while. I had a mc in Feb - 1st pregnancy after nearly 2 yrs trying. I'm in 3rd cycle after miscarriage and at moment feel I am going slightly mad!
At times I am positive and forward looking. I figure I got pregnant once au natruale and I can do it again
Other times I get so over obsessed with temp, OPKs and cm. Sometimes I can hear the 'clock ticking' and I just feel full of despair. I have one ovary, am diabetic and it just feels like climbing a mountain at times.
WHen I got pregnant before we had more or less given up trying - we were NTNP rather than TTC. Now having been pregnant once I feel I have to do all that I can

My question is how do you all stay sane?? - every cycle. Sometimes I feel so desperate to be pregnant. Other times its almost a relief to find I am not. Anyone else get this Jekyll and Hyde thing? I just dont know what to do with myself some days - its exhausting....

Anyway - venting over

 

[Natsby]

Welcome to our world! I think most of us stay sane, (ish) because we can talk completly honestly on here and get advice and support. Also sharing the good news, and there is a lot of it about today, inspires me to keep going.
I am 38 and am on cycle nine after my second mc, it is a dreadful thing to go through, but mostly now I feel optimistic and although there are bad days can get on with life and enjoy it. Like all grief it takes time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel too.I try to keep busy, find other things to obsess about and come here to rant.

 

[Mamabel]

hi, I am turning 42 this Thursday, and TTC for the past year. Had MC last April, and a full year later, no zygote. it's so extremely frustrating, and what a roller coaster. My poor DH just dreads the middle of the month no...so much pressure! I cry now when I get a BFN. I think we'll only try for a few more months, because I worry about birth defects due to my age. so frustrating! I do have two lovely daughters, but oh so want this last baby. I hate being old.

m

 

[roothy]

Thanks for your replies. I think keeping busy is the key. Too much time to think is a dangerous thing
It will be us one day - in that BFP announcement section....

 

[Indigo77]

:wave: and welcome...
Sorry for your loss...
FXed you concieve soon...

 

[GodWilling]

Hi Ladies,

I haven't been on babyandbump in awhile. I'm hoping I can join you in sharing some of my hurt and pain. I was remarried in January of this year to a wonderful guy I went to college with. He has a son that's 13 yrs old and my son is 9 yrs old, so together we're a happy blended family. I'm 39 yrs old and so is my husband. I'll be 40 in July and he'll be 40 in August. Needless to say, we were overjoyed when we got pregnant in April. Just 3 months of trying. I just never imagined I would get pregnant that fast. I had my FSH levels tested before we got married and it was 2.0, so my ovaries are still working good. I also had a Thyroid test done and it was 1.56 and I had started taking a prenatal vitamin every day. I thought I had created the best environment for a baby.

So here comes the sad part. On May 13th our little joy growing inside of me had a strong heart beat and my doctor felt everything looked good. On May 19th the heart beat was slower, which concerned my doctor. The growth went from 4.0 cm to just 4.1 cm and my HCG levels were 15,471. On May 23rd, the heart beat appeared even slower than the week before and my HCG levels only rose 944 points so my doctor became very concerned and sent me for a full ultrasound at the larger hospital. My medical is with Kaiser Hospital.

My husband and I were still very optimistic about the results and he told me not to worry. On May 25th, we learned that our little angel had no heart beat and stopped growing at 6 weeks. The doctor had no answers for the heart beat stopping and answers is what I wanted. I had no idea that on May 23rd, it would be the last time I would see a beating heart. I never knew what the bpm was because at the smaller hospital the ultrasound machines are not as advanced, so it doesn't pick it up. On May 25th my doctor checked one last time to find a heart beat and there was nothing there; my greatest fears were then confirmed. I had one strong cry in the doctors office and havent really cried since then. The baby at this point was measuring 3.3 cm.

I right away agreed to the cytotek and she put it near my cervix. One week later my body still hasn't expelled the remains. So this Thursday I'm going to have a D&C, which I don't know how to feel about. My husband is sure he wants us to try again. They say a woman will experience at least one misscarriage in her reproduction years. I wish there was a way to guarantee that this doesn't happen again. But I have to just keep the faith and know that God has another child in our future. We feel it would just be a blessing to round out our family. To have a child that looks like both our children and us is just special.

Thanks Ladies for listening to me and baby dust to all!!

 

[Macwooly]

Hi Ladies,

I haven't been on babyandbump in awhile. I'm hoping I can join you in sharing some of my hurt and pain. I was remarried in January of this year to a wonderful guy I went to college with. He has a son that's 13 yrs old and my son is 9 yrs old, so together we're a happy blended family. I'm 39 yrs old and so is my husband. I'll be 40 in July and he'll be 40 in August. Needless to say, we were overjoyed when we got pregnant in April. Just 3 months of trying. I just never imagined I would get pregnant that fast. I had my FSH levels tested before we got married and it was 2.0, so my ovaries are still working good. I also had a Thyroid test done and it was 1.56 and I had started taking a prenatal vitamin every day. I thought I had created the best environment for a baby.

So here comes the sad part. On May 13th our little joy growing inside of me had a strong heart beat and my doctor felt everything looked good. On May 19th the heart beat was slower, which concerned my doctor. The growth went from 4.0 cm to just 4.1 cm and my HCG levels were 15,471. On May 23rd, the heart beat appeared even slower than the week before and my HCG levels only rose 944 points so my doctor became very concerned and sent me for a full ultrasound at the larger hospital. My medical is with Kaiser Hospital.

My husband and I were still very optimistic about the results and he told me not to worry. On May 25th, we learned that our little angel had no heart beat and stopped growing at 6 weeks. The doctor had no answers for the heart beat stopping and answers is what I wanted. I had no idea that on May 23rd, it would be the last time I would see a beating heart. I never knew what the bpm was because at the smaller hospital the ultrasound machines are not as advanced, so it doesn't pick it up. On May 25th my doctor checked one last time to find a heart beat and there was nothing there; my greatest fears were then confirmed. I had one strong cry in the doctors office and havent really cried since then. The baby at this point was measuring 3.3 cm.

I right away agreed to the cytotek and she put it near my cervix. One week later my body still hasn't expelled the remains. So this Thursday I'm going to have a D&C, which I don't know how to feel about. My husband is sure he wants us to try again. They say a woman will experience at least one misscarriage in her reproduction years. I wish there was a way to guarantee that this doesn't happen again. But I have to just keep the faith and know that God has another child in our future. We feel it would just be a blessing to round out our family. To have a child that looks like both our children and us is just special.

Thanks Ladies for listening to me and baby dust to all!!

So sorry for your lose Hope Thursday isn't too traumatic and I pray you get another BFP soon and that it is a sticky one

 

[roothy]

So sorry godwilling for what you are going through.
It must feel overwhelming right now.
Sending you lots of lov and hugs and hope things go okay tomorrow

 

[agiftfromgod]

so sorry to hear your story godwilling, it reminds me of mine, i know what you are going through on the 19th may my baby had good heartbeat everything was gr8 i was 6wk and 5days, started bleeding nxt day went to casualty they said my cervix was closed,good sign. sun 22nd may i lost my baby i knew i had lost it, after a bath i had a massive clot which resembled the sac, i was devasted still am.my sister is preg now we were due the same week .it is so hard.just hoping and praying for people like you and me, lots of baby dust to us all xo

 

[Macwooly]

so sorry to hear your story godwilling, it reminds me of mine, i know what you are going through on the 19th may my baby had good heartbeat everything was gr8 i was 6wk and 5days, started bleeding nxt day went to casualty they said my cervix was closed,good sign. sun 22nd may i lost my baby i knew i had lost it, after a bath i had a massive clot which resembled the sac, i was devasted still am.my sister is preg now we were due the same week .it is so hard.just hoping and praying for people like you and me, lots of baby dust to us all xo

Sorry for your lose I can't imagine how it must feel and especially with your sister still pregnant but I pray God gives your gift of a LO soon

 

[Cypress]

Everyone, I'm so sorry for your losses, my heart breaks for each one. I'm 39, and after 6 months TTC we were overjoyed to get a BFP in April. But at the 12-week scan last week our world collapsed when we were told the baby had died at 6-7 weeks. I had surgical removal at the end of last week. We're struggling to rebuild our lives after all our hopes and dreams dissolved in an instant. I go from non-stop crying to feeling positive and looking forward to trying again, and everything in between. I'm really panicked about runnning out of time (my fsh is high-ish, ovarian reserve is not great). I'm hoping to do IUI next normal cycle, but am now also keen to line up private IVF asap, to get that ball rolling. But everything takes so long, and I am having trouble staying sane!!
Agiftfromgod: similar to you, my sister-in-law is pregnant and due the week before I would have been. I don't know how I'm going to be able to deal with that.
Hugs and baby dust to everyone x

 

[agiftfromgod]

Everyone, I'm so sorry for your losses, my heart breaks for each one. I'm 39, and after 6 months TTC we were overjoyed to get a BFP in April. But at the 12-week scan last week our world collapsed when we were told the baby had died at 6-7 weeks. I had surgical removal at the end of last week. We're struggling to rebuild our lives after all our hopes and dreams dissolved in an instant. I go from non-stop crying to feeling positive and looking forward to trying again, and everything in between. I'm really panicked about runnning out of time (my fsh is high-ish, ovarian reserve is not great). I'm hoping to do IUI next normal cycle, but am now also keen to line up private IVF asap, to get that ball rolling. But everything takes so long, and I am having trouble staying sane!!
Agiftfromgod: similar to you, my sister-in-law is pregnant and due the week before I would have been. I don't know how I'm going to be able to deal with that.
Hugs and baby dust to everyone x

It hurts so much the pain of losing a baby, i still am finding it hard to cope with, i know how you are feeling. It is hard for example my sister was asked last night when she had her next appointment, it broke my heart. when i got home i broke my heart. thinking of you. lots of hugs and lots and lots of baby dust to everyone xo

 

[Indigo77]

So many miscarriages...so very sorry for your losses...