9 wks pregnant and "boyfriend" ignores me completely

[Mariah]

Hello There,
Congrats on your pregnancy!! I totally understand what you are going through..I am too nine weeks pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend or ex... dont know anymore..for about three years. He is currently in paramedic school and feels that he can't be there for me. He tells me time after time that he doesn't want the baby!! It makes me feel so sad! I love him, and want him to be a part of our lives..I have been trying to work things out with him...not working!!! I love him, and want to be with him.. I am so confused that I even thought about having a abortion..its too late though, and I do love my baby. Have you decided on what to do about the baby?? Are you close to his parents? If you aren't, I wouldn't approach them. Keep trying to get hold of him. How about telling one of his closest friends that you trust?? Keep up the faith..DON'T GIVE UP!!! Also have a close support system. Good luck!!!

Mariah

 

[surprisebaby]

I really do know how you feel though - I guess that's my 'sensible side' talking. Argh! I haven't heard from the father of my baby either. I am seriously fighting myself not to contact him 100 times and just give him an earful. In fact I know I probably will before the night is over! I am not a very patient lady!

So when was the last time you heard from him? I think I remember reading that you spoke twice on the phone and then arranged to meet up and then he failed to show. How long ago was all that?

I think it would help to see him in person. Is there anyway you could just to get closure? I think you're wrong. I think you have been very patient. Maybe too patient. I think it's worrying you say he has kids you didn't know about. I wonder if it's kids he doesn't see?

I think getting closure is good and then you can move on. Why should closure be once you give birth. I mean thats quite a while away. Why should we wait that long to know where we stand?

Any update from you?

As far as mine goes I did end up getting hold of fob the night I posted. He more or less told me that I choose either the baby or him - so I guess there's no choice there.

How do you feel now about it all? I am glad you managed to get through to him. You're right it's not a choice. But at least you know what he is thinking and what he has decided. i hope it helps in some way.

I haven't heard from my FOB at all. He didn't reply by Wednesday. His dad never called me back. Just nothing at all. Suppose in a way that is my answer, he doesn't want to be involved. I feel really angry about him hiding. I really want him to be on the birth certificate and i can see now that I might have to go to court to get it done. I am going to email scan photos and I might get the 4d baby scan done so he can see what his baby looks like before he/she is born. I just really want my child to have his/her father in his/her life.
Thanks for asking about news. It kind of helps reporting in this thread. I don't know why! xx

 

[surprisebaby]

Hello There,
Congrats on your pregnancy!! I totally understand what you are going through..I am too nine weeks pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend or ex... dont know anymore..for about three years. He is currently in paramedic school and feels that he can't be there for me. He tells me time after time that he doesn't want the baby!! It makes me feel so sad! I love him, and want him to be a part of our lives..I have been trying to work things out with him...not working!!! I love him, and want to be with him.. I am so confused that I even thought about having a abortion..its too late though, and I do love my baby. Have you decided on what to do about the baby?? Are you close to his parents? If you aren't, I wouldn't approach them. Keep trying to get hold of him. How about telling one of his closest friends that you trust?? Keep up the faith..DON'T GIVE UP!!! Also have a close support system. Good luck!!!

Mariah

i definitely keeping my baby. I decided when I got the positive result that I was having my child whether fOB was going to be there or not. I have already approached his dad. Don't know if it helped or not. But I feel better that it won't be a secret. I don't know his friends at all. We only met up together, just me and him. congrats on your pregnancy too. At least your guy is speaking to you!! I hope he comes round. My FOB is at Law school and he is a workaholic, so he probably thinks something similar, that he doesn't have time for a baby. Well too bad he's going to have one!! I too just really want to make things to work with him and i miss him. I just hope he gets over the fear and shock and comes back to me!!! I am going to try and be positive about my situation and try and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and try not to stress as much.

xxx

 

[surprisebaby]

Ok the latest news is that there isn't any really. I feel like a crazy stalker even though I am not going to places to find him. I just feel my mindset is one of an obsessed stalker where I have to somehow catch him out or work out what he is thinking etc. I now write to him at about once a week by email (to both of his emails- not sure why I do both!!) with send new scan pictures every 4 weeks. I even signed up for this special 4d package where you get tons of pics/ a 4d scan on dvd every month. One reason being so I can "remind" him of the pregnancy every month with new images etc. I really enjoy sending all this stuff!!! I was thinking for xmas I was gonna send his dad (!) a mug with a latest scan picture to his work address..... you know that type of thing.

Well I think this situation has made me a little crazy. I can't believe he has ignored me for almost three months. I emailed him the news that baby was a boy.... no reply. I invited him to each scan.... no reply.

Now I kinda use writing to him like a therapeutic journal. I am sure he is sick of all these messages, but for some reason I can't stop.

Ok so thats the latest..... What does everyone think? Do you think thats it and he'll just never contact me again or see his baby?

 

[suzanne108]

Wow, he can't say you never tried!!

I have to say that I would be surprised if he contacted you....but you have a way to go so he has plenty of time. My FOB has just started being interested in the last couple of weeks so he could be the same. And the fact his parents know...surely they wouldn't let him ignore the fact that he has a baby?!

I totally understand why you think its therapeutic to write these emails to him, but if I was you I'd maybe write it all down in the journal sections on here, or your own private journal. I would stop contacting him and see if/when he contacts you. If you're telling him everything he needs to know without him asking then it means he doesn't really need to contact you. But maybe he would show interest if you disappeared (like he did!). Thats my take anyway and what I would do I think....everyone is different though.

Thanks for the update, I'm nosy aren't I hehe!! xx

 

[babybaillie]

I think its time to take a step back hun. for ur own sanity. I would try and not email him or contact him unless it was an update on the baby. I think u have given him enough chances to step up to the mark. Maybe if u were to stop contact it may spur him to be curious as to whats happening, and force him to get in touch. what a horrible situation for u ((((HUGS))))

 

[surprisebaby]

i think you're both right. That seems to make sense. But I find it hard to do. Last time i managed a month with no contact and it made no difference. He still ignored me. I think maybe I should stop emailing him, but then again maybe thats what he wants. I think I might just send pics of baby but nothing else. I might feel different next month and just not want to. I thought his dad would have helped the situation in some way.I am disappointed that he seems to have done nothing.

Actually maybe I'll just stop altogether. Just do what he's doing to me....
Thanks for your feedback xx

 

[babybaillie]

i know what u mean its easier to give advice. not so easy to do it urself. But it worked for me. I stopped mentioning LO to my oh and backed off completely. He had told me to get an ab or it was over. he dumped me etc. and when i backed off and stopped d contact unless it was to do with our other daughter he didnt like it. and he came running. It was hard not to call him up when sumthing happened etc. but it worked. I hope it can work for u too chick xx

 

[suzanne108]

Its tough to know what to do in these situations. Like I say everyone is different, my FOB actually asked to let him know how appointments were going but I still find it hard to keep him updated. I hate having to contact him. So I probably find it quite strange that you actually want to contact your FOB....not strange in a bad way, just different. Everyone is different!

In your situation though, I too thought FOBs dad would have helped. Seems weird that he's done nothing...you never know though - he could be urging his son to contact you but they can't force him.

Do what you feel is right xxx

 

[lillprutten]

I think he is a coward not even saying what he thinks.

 

[cherryglitter]

Fair play to you surprisebaby
I would have probably ripped his balls off by now.. [How mature am I!]
My mother did sort of the same thing to me and my brother, she left when I was 3 and brother was just a newborn! No contact, no nothing, and im 21 now

All I can say is it is HIS loss and you will be an excellent mother Being a single parent isn't the end of the world and you will be so proud of everything your little one achieves in the future, And it'll all be down to you
Best of luck to you sweetheart! Keep smiling! x x

 

[Sarahcake]

what an absolute asshole
I cant believe someone would just run off like that. And as for his father what a jerk. I dont even know where to begin with him to be honest.

You are much better off without those spineless *******s there to influence your child to be as spineless as them.

Think its time to back off now and leave them too it.

Your a very brave and strong lady and i have the upmost respect for you and all the other ladies in this thread, its not easy to get rid of someone we love, even if it is for the greater good.

 

[Welshcob]

I am a bit late to this thread. I am so sorry to read about what has been going on and I don't know if its moved on a bit as I have only read the first page of posts.
But you have just gone through what I had with my FOB. He did exactly the same thing, but when I pushed and pushed to know what he wanted and what he was thinking, he took me to court for harrassment - although if he had said anything to me about his thoughts I would not have contacted him. So now he has no contact from me and my baby will be born without him knowing.
I guess that some men are cowards, your boyfriend is young, but hes no child. He has a responsibility to answer and put your mind at rest. I just want to say that sometimes they are just ( well, I can't think of a word). But they don't change, my FOB is 40 and hes behaved in this disgraceful way. Just be careful not to get yourself into the trouble I have. I had no idea that a few emails (5) and (8) texts would constitute harrassment. But it did and caused me all sorts of additional stress

 

[Welshcob]

Ok the latest news is that there isn't any really. I feel like a crazy stalker even though I am not going to places to find him. I just feel my mindset is one of an obsessed stalker where I have to somehow catch him out or work out what he is thinking etc. I now write to him at about once a week by email (to both of his emails- not sure why I do both!!) with send new scan pictures every 4 weeks. I even signed up for this special 4d package where you get tons of pics/ a 4d scan on dvd every month. One reason being so I can "remind" him of the pregnancy every month with new images etc. I really enjoy sending all this stuff!!! I was thinking for xmas I was gonna send his dad (!) a mug with a latest scan picture to his work address..... you know that type of thing.

Well I think this situation has made me a little crazy. I can't believe he has ignored me for almost three months. I emailed him the news that baby was a boy.... no reply. I invited him to each scan.... no reply.


Now I kinda use writing to him like a therapeutic journal. I am sure he is sick of all these messages, but for some reason I can't stop.

Ok so thats the latest..... What does everyone think? Do you think thats it and he'll just never contact me again or see his baby?

Hon, I know all these feelings you describe and thats how I felt when I texted and emailed my FOB. Two of those texts were invites to a scan. So please please be careful. He can take out an order against you and say you are harrassing him. I would seriously just leave it. Hes given you your answer - just as mine has. I sit and worry the same as you - I secretly hope for this miraculous change of heart. But it probably would never happen.
Mine hasn't spoken to me since the 22nd April. You really are better off leaving him alone and out of it. But if he wants to contact you, he really will. Hugs

 

[MissE007]

Wow - what an ars*hole.

 

[surprisebaby]

i know what u mean its easier to give advice. not so easy to do it urself. But it worked for me. I stopped mentioning LO to my oh and backed off completely. He had told me to get an ab or it was over. he dumped me etc. and when i backed off and stopped d contact unless it was to do with our other daughter he didnt like it. and he came running. It was hard not to call him up when sumthing happened etc. but it worked. I hope it can work for u too chick xx

I like this advice x

 

[surprisebaby]

Its tough to know what to do in these situations. Like I say everyone is different, my FOB actually asked to let him know how appointments were going but I still find it hard to keep him updated. I hate having to contact him. So I probably find it quite strange that you actually want to contact your FOB....not strange in a bad way, just different. Everyone is different!

In your situation though, I too thought FOBs dad would have helped. Seems weird that he's done nothing...you never know though - he could be urging his son to contact you but they can't force him.

Do what you feel is right xxx

I think the reason I still want him to go is because apart from him ignoring me for being pregnant, he is actually a person I really like. If I didn't like him as a person I suppose I wouldn't try as hard. x

 

[surprisebaby]

I think he is a coward not even saying what he thinks.

yes i agree..... very cowardly

 

[surprisebaby]

Fair play to you surprisebaby
I would have probably ripped his balls off by now.. [How mature am I!]
My mother did sort of the same thing to me and my brother, she left when I was 3 and brother was just a newborn! No contact, no nothing, and im 21 now

All I can say is it is HIS loss and you will be an excellent mother Being a single parent isn't the end of the world and you will be so proud of everything your little one achieves in the future, And it'll all be down to you
Best of luck to you sweetheart! Keep smiling! x x

Yes it is his loss.... i think he will eventually regret being like this....
Sorry to hear your mother did this to you. Do you want to contact her or are you gonna just leave it? x

 

[surprisebaby]

what an absolute asshole
I cant believe someone would just run off like that. And as for his father what a jerk. I dont even know where to begin with him to be honest.

You are much better off without those spineless *******s there to influence your child to be as spineless as them.

Think its time to back off now and leave them too it.

Your a very brave and strong lady and i have the upmost respect for you and all the other ladies in this thread, its not easy to get rid of someone we love, even if it is for the greater good.

Thanks that was a really kind thing to say! I do find it hard to understand myself... I am going to write a letter to his mum this week, because I don't know if she knows or not. Also I am not going give up in thewhole birth certifcate thing.... I want his name down as baby's father. xx