9 wks pregnant and "boyfriend" ignores me completely

[surprisebaby]

I am a bit late to this thread. I am so sorry to read about what has been going on and I don't know if its moved on a bit as I have only read the first page of posts.
But you have just gone through what I had with my FOB. He did exactly the same thing, but when I pushed and pushed to know what he wanted and what he was thinking, he took me to court for harrassment - although if he had said anything to me about his thoughts I would not have contacted him. So now he has no contact from me and my baby will be born without him knowing.
I guess that some men are cowards, your boyfriend is young, but hes no child. He has a responsibility to answer and put your mind at rest. I just want to say that sometimes they are just ( well, I can't think of a word). But they don't change, my FOB is 40 and hes behaved in this disgraceful way. Just be careful not to get yourself into the trouble I have. I had no idea that a few emails (5) and (8) texts would constitute harrassment. But it did and caused me all sorts of additional stress

Out of curiousity I read about your situation with FOB and yes there are similarities although my FOB is not abusive in any way and I don't think he would say I was harrassing him, and if he does I don't really care. In fact I would like it if I heard something even if it did mean going to court because at keast the silence would be over!! But I think it's because I don't fear my fob in any way so there is nothing bad that could happen.... maybe a fine!!! But I wouldn't care. But I realise why you're advising me to be careful after your experience. And anyway he has never asked me to stop!!

 

[surprisebaby]

Wow - what an ars*hole. Can't believe he still hasn't contacted you! I can understand the stalkerish madness. Reminds me so much of my first FOB - He just completely blocked me out, even when I text him to say it was a boy etc. Even now, I wonder to myself - what the hell is he thinking?! When people ask him if he has any children, does he just say no? Does he block it out of his mind or what?! I must of text him a thousand times when I was pregnant, until one day he just changed his number. Heartless. I couldn't believe it. Even when I last sent him a message on FB nearly two years ago - He just completely blanked it. I to this day I am completely confused - He didn't even say he didn't want a baby...just nothing.

And stupidly I feel, now I'm here again. Me and second FOB haven't spoken since the last time I posted on this thread - I text him the due date and he basically just text back - whatever, just go have an abortion. Just like that!

I was like ok. At 13 weeks?! You're saying this NOW. And that's all you have to say? We went from being in a 'relationship' to this point where I feel like I don't even know him and I'm completely baffled.

He has two other children. By two different people - When we met I asked him if he had any children, he said no. I asked him on a few occassions how he felt about children in general and he said he wanted them. I joked once that if he ever left me on my own with a baby I would make his life hell - He said, 'No, we'd raise it together' - all of a sudden, I'm pregnant and reality sinks in and these other kids pop out of thin air. One is just over a year old and what's worse is one isn't even born yet. End of this month of beginning of next I believe. Who is she? I have no idea. WHEN? I don't even know. I calculated he must of been with her about Feb this year - this is after we met. He won't give me answers. Oh. My. God I want to strangle him so badly for putting me in this situation. Why would he take a risk like that knowing he had a 1-year-old baby and one not even BORN! I thought we were together!

I think I've passed confusion stage. People keep saying oh I'm stupid for being here again! Well yes, but how was I supposed to know? Getting pregnant obviously wasn't convinient. But I know his friends, his house, his car, some of his family - no one ever mentioned any other kids or women - ever. I even got into his Facebook, I remember going through the entire thing from when he opened it in Jan 2008 (sad I know) Nothing. Not a wink or a hint of children. Just that he was 'kindof' dating before he met me, with no success LOL. So when do you stop digging for evidence? I stopped digging, and he turned out to be a complete Lawd knows what. Argh!

So sorry to rant and hijack your thread...just needed to vent I guess... : (

I am sorry to hear about whats happened to you. I can't believe he has another woman pregnant just now. What a shock and a betrayal behind your back. And that you had no idea about any of this. Does he not have any conscience about bringing these children into the world and not being there for them. And his solution of : "whatever, just go have an abortion" is just unbelievable especially considering you were in second trimester at that point. Abortion is not a form of birth control and maybe he should realise that. If he doesn't want kids he shouldn't have sex or get an operation or something!!!! Just really annoys me. Hows things now?? In a weird way it's good to know i am not the only one in this awful situation.

Ha ha I have found out fob's parent's home address.... Maybe I should be a detective.... Going to write to his mum.

xxx

 

[MissE007]

Well done on getting their home address! I do think it'd be a good idea to communicate with her. Women are much more sympathetic when it comes to these situations and I can't imagine a woman on Earth that wouldn't want to have some involvement with her own grandchildren.

She probably doesn't have much knowledge of the situation, but I'm guessing she'll be pretty ashamed of her son when she finds out. Who knows what he's told them - you're a liar, mad, obsessed with him etc etc Now's the time to get everything out in the open and finally get fob to confront the reality of situation - once it's in his face there is no way he'll be able to continue to hide from it. Let us know how it all goes!

I have another private scan this week to find out the sex - I'm thinking boy
am I'm still debating whether to invite him or even tell him the sex when I find out. I'm now frightened of what he'll say if I do call/text him, but at the same time I want him to know the progress - that something is happenning and we are having a baby no matter what the situation - I don't just want to send him a text next year 'hi you have a new baby' and then never see him again. But then again there is part of me that is so annoyed with him I'd rather never speak to him in a lifetime then even say once 'friendly' word.

 

[edinsam]

Hun cut all ties. Seriously it's all that will work. It took me 5 months to realise I was mote upset that he never replied to any of my texts than I was when I didn't contact him at all. He left me 7 months ago when I was 3 months pregnant. He has never asked me to not contact him etc and I kept on doing it, sending Jim texts etc and getting no repsonses - that's the worst thing ever. Then I realises stuff it I am wasting my energy on a waster when I should be using it for more relevant important stuff. Stop the comms and move on , as hard as that is it's the only way otherwise you will be upset for ever and that will eat you up, I know that for sure. And trust me sitting wasting time thinking about this man however you felt about each other is a moment wasted. I mean common do you think he's doing the same
about you? I doubt it. If he was ever really there for you to start with he would never have left would he? Kicked him to the kerb, pick yourself up and build a life for you. If he comes crawling then fine but by then you will be so equipped to deal with it.

Good luck.

I still see mines every day at work and we walk past each other as if we never even knew each other let alone had a child together. Absolute waster. I'm soooo better on my own

 

[surprisebaby]

Hun cut all ties. Seriously it's all that will work. It took me 5 months to realise I was mote upset that he never replied to any of my texts than I was when I didn't contact him at all. He left me 7 months ago when I was 3 months pregnant. He has never asked me to not contact him etc and I kept on doing it, sending Jim texts etc and getting no repsonses - that's the worst thing ever. Then I realises stuff it I am wasting my energy on a waster when I should be using it for more relevant important stuff. Stop the comms and move on , as hard as that is it's the only way otherwise you will be upset for ever and that will eat you up, I know that for sure. And trust me sitting wasting time thinking about this man however you felt about each other is a moment wasted. I mean common do you think he's doing the same
about you? I doubt it. If he was ever really there for you to start with he would never have left would he? Kicked him to the kerb, pick yourself up and build a life for you. If he comes crawling then fine but by then you will be so equipped to deal with it.

Good luck.

I still see mines every day at work and we walk past each other as if we never even knew each other let alone had a child together. Absolute waster. I'm soooo better on my own

Thanks Edinsam,

I think that it's not really about me getting back with him or anything like that. If this situation did not involve me being pregnant I would seriously just have left it. That is not the reason I want to contact him. The reason is, is that I want the birth certificate to have his name on it and also I do not want the whole thing to be a secret. I want his mum to know. She might not know. I want to give his parents the opportunity to be grandparents if they want to. Just because he is not contacting me doesn't me they won't be involved. But I agree I am going to try and not write to him anymore (I sort of don't want to anymore), I am just going to contact the parents, because maybe they will want to know their grandchild. If after this letter I don't hear anything then I will have to see a solicitor about getting name on certificate and start csa perhaps.

But I can't just brush it under the carpet. I need to deal with it. I think going through his parents is a better idea.

But it hasn't made me feel bad writing stuff to him, I think it has made me process eveything quicker rather than pretending to move on when i hadn't. I feel stronger now and

 

[lillprutten]

Hun cut all ties. Seriously it's all that will work. It took me 5 months to realise I was mote upset that he never replied to any of my texts than I was when I didn't contact him at all. He left me 7 months ago when I was 3 months pregnant. He has never asked me to not contact him etc and I kept on doing it, sending Jim texts etc and getting no repsonses - that's the worst thing ever. Then I realises stuff it I am wasting my energy on a waster when I should be using it for more relevant important stuff. Stop the comms and move on , as hard as that is it's the only way otherwise you will be upset for ever and that will eat you up, I know that for sure. And trust me sitting wasting time thinking about this man however you felt about each other is a moment wasted. I mean common do you think he's doing the same
about you? I doubt it. If he was ever really there for you to start with he would never have left would he? Kicked him to the kerb, pick yourself up and build a life for you. If he comes crawling then fine but by then you will be so equipped to deal with it.

Good luck.

I still see mines every day at work and we walk past each other as if we never even knew each other let alone had a child together. Absolute waster. I'm soooo better on my own

Thanks Edinsam,

I think that it's not really about me getting back with him or anything like that. If this situation did not involve me being pregnant I would seriously just have left it. That is not the reason I want to contact him. The reason is, is that I want the birth certificate to have his name on it and also I do not want the whole thing to be a secret. I want his mum to know. She might not know. I want to give his parents the opportunity to be grandparents if they want to. Just because he is not contacting me doesn't me they won't be involved. But I agree I am going to try and not write to him anymore (I sort of don't want to anymore), I am just going to contact the parents, because maybe they will want to know their grandchild. If after this letter I don't hear anything then I will have to see a solicitor about getting name on certificate and start csa perhaps.

But I can't just brush it under the carpet. I need to deal with it. I think going through his parents is a better idea.

But it hasn't made me feel bad writing stuff to him, I think it has made me process eveything quicker rather than pretending to move on when i hadn't. I feel stronger now and

I imagine it is like in Sweden.
You write his name as a father on the papers. If he denies fatherhood then there will be a dna test.
If he refuses to take the dna test then the police will come and fetch him and make him take the dna test as he by law is obligated to take the dna test and if he is the father then to pay child support.
The government rather (here) pays for that then paying child support for dads running away which is fully understandable. I can imagine this dna procedure must be the same in UK as here?

 

[purpledahlia]

No in the UK if the father denies parentage and refuses the DNA then he is automatically assumed the father and money is taken from his wahes to pay maintenence.