Thanks for your advice ladies - I would LOVE if it turns out to be O pain / spotting as my cycle would be half the length of the last one!!
We BD'd a couple of days ago but last night DH had pulled back
Might make him suffer the pain today though!
Tizy - am so so happy for you, it's lovely news, hopefully one by one we'll start joining you pregnant ladies soon!
Going by my last cycle length my next testing date will be Dec 25th - will prob sneak a few HPTs in before then tho as my cycles are so irregular!
Was worried about SmallTownGal and BB - hope they're both doing ok. Esp BB as she'd had her chemical and didn't know whether it was lack of power or if she's feeling low. Anyway when they're both back here's some hugs for them!
Jessica - sounds like you got plenty BDing in so good luck!
Keeping FX'd for everyone in the 2WW and hoping this is your time.
With these wacky cycles I find it hard there being such a long time from one AF to another but having you all at different points in the cycle really keeps my mind off me!!
Thanks for the
, I can really use some right now!
Hello, all!
Been gone a while. Initially I just got busy on holiday and then had to recuperate when I got back (I got laryngitis immediately upon my return). Then, without my consolation prize of not worrying about being PG while on holiday (because holiday is over) I felt overwhelmed by TTC (so overwhelmed I didn't feel like I could talk about it here on group), like I'd for sure be crushed each time I turn up not PG, from here on out, and so I desperately tried to find a way to avoid that (since I figured I can't take who knows how many months/years of that). I tried killing all hope, so that I'd already make my peace with not being PG this month (or ever), since that worked for school with exams (I'd study and do my best and expect the worse) but when I was finally able to kill my hope and get myself assuming that I'm just gonna have bad eggs or something (but I gotta try my best so I can say I tried my best), it was too depressing and threatened to send me spiraling down to deep depression, so then I had to try and resurrect at least some hope. I've tried pinning all my hopes on cycle 9 (my gyno says not to worry about further testing or being referred to an RE until then), but hope crept back in for this cycle and I took HPTs at 10dpo and 12dpo and now I've got my day-before-AF pre-AF spotting (I know AF is gonna officially get me tomorrow), so I'm out and I'm crushed. I just spent the last half hour or so crying into my keyboard.
I wish I could be all "whatever will be will be", but the only way I can see me achieving that is if I'm ambivalent about it, and I'm just not. There's nothing to do but grieve upon each AF and hope for next month, rinse-repeat, until it's time for more tests. Hopefully I can weather however many months of this TTC roller coaster it's gonna take until I'm PG or find out it's impossible.
Complicating matters is that we were in with a barely good try by sheer luck, this month, as we only got in four BD's, and I had to campaign for the last two (DH's spirit was willing but the flesh was not so much). DH's work has been stressing him terribly, and I initially worried that it was more than that, that he was bored with BD already (since it seemed he used to want to BD as a stress reliever) but we talked about it and apparently there is a stress threshold where it gets to a certain high level of stress that instead of wanting to relieve tension, he just feels fried. (I'm so ticked off at his workmates and bosses for piling on the stress, grrr. I would be even if we weren't TTC but esp. since we are!) I worry that the rest of the months will follow the same pattern and we won't be able to reliably get in good tries.
I wish I could shake the worry that it's just never going to happen, at least until I have a better reason to worry than sheer "wouldn't that be my luck" paranoia. But wouldn't that just be my luck, that I'm going to have bad eggs or something, after all.
Care to help me with a reality check, ladies?
Reasons not to worry, I guess:
-It's only cycle 3. Supposedly the average time it takes is 6 months and up to a year is normal.
- 34 isn't
that old yet and supposedly nearly all still have good eggs at this age and the vast majority have good eggs until at least 38 (after which it varies from woman to woman), even thought I guess the amount of good eggs decreases since the odds decrease from 20% to 15% at my age, so it takes longer. But "takes longer" isn't "never".
- My gyno exam went well and he didn't seem worried. I showed him my charts and he said I was ovulating (even during that month I missed my surge - I guess the temp shift really did solidly indicate O as FF thought). He kept asking me if I was on Clomid (I guess that's a good sign, idk) and seeing my charts halted any fears he would have had about my ovulation due to my being rather furry (I hadn't shaved while I was sick and saw him shortly after getting back) since that can be a sign of PCOS. He also raved about my very healthy looking cervix, so that's good. He said that "it's probably just a matter of time" till I'm PG and that if I'm not in 9 months then he'll order some tests/refer me for them (I can't remember which).
- I'm already on prenatals, so that should help my health and my chances, I guess
- My health appears to genuinely be improved (all my hair is growing back and is nearly all grown back now, after having lost 50% of it during the time I was very ill)
- Research indicates that reactive hypoglycemia (which I have) doesn't effect fertility (and my Nana has it and she was super fertile, and my dad has it and was super fertile as well)
Reasons to worry:
- DH is definitely overweight, and that can affect sperm (but we can't get an SA until at least 9 months)
- I was in bad health for 5 years, even if I'm not now, and I worry that it could have possibly permanently damaged my egg supply or ovaries or something
- I worry that I have endo because I've always had really bad period cramps and they are in my back and legs as well. Both my mom and grandma had endo (grandma even had to have a hysterectomy). But both have also been PG twice (my mom lost her first one due to an rh factor, and grandma carried both to term).
- With the miraculous cure of the vestibulitis after the hormone treatments that helped me get healthy again so that my body could get back to good health and my reproductive system could reboot and start making the proper hormones again (as far as I and the doctors can tell without fertility testing), I wonder if asking for a another miracle is too much. I was already super lucky to be cured, and it seems to much to hope that I would be lucky with conception.
- I worry that my hormones might still not be quite right, since some of them (the estrogen and testosterone) were on the lower end of normal before. Maybe they aren't fixed good enough.
- Fertility doesn't increase with age, and I worry that if I ever had a prime, I passed it already, and I'm one of those unlucky people who have bad eggs already at 34
- When I'm not hopeful, I have a bad feeling about my chances, and feel silly for getting my hopes up, esp when I get a BFN or AF
So, that's how I'm feeling right now. I'll talk about my Disney World vacation later, if some of you would like.
Big hugs and condolences to BB, for the chemical PG!
I'm so sorry to hear about that!
And big congrats to Tizy and Flyons on there BFP's!!!
H & H 9 months to you both!
Tizy, I'll let you know my next estimated testing date as soon as AF officially arrives.
Dust to all
for you. 
so fingers crossed for you that you will catch the egg.
). Guess we'll wait and see, have been BDing just in case but tbh am preparing to be heading for more surgery when we see my gynaecologist next month 
