A bit early to consider ...

[Kara1989]

... but I need some help decided what to do for Christmas.
In short I've broken up with my daughter's dad and now I am torn about Christmas plans. Summer keeps asking (thanks to Argos's stupidly early adverts) what we're doing so feel I need to know. In the past we've always gone to his Mum's even when we've been broken up because we remained friends but now I feel that might not be the best plan because it just stops me accepting that I have to move on. However, his mum is lovely and creates an amazing family Christmas that would be just what I want Summer and Maxi to experience. Should I send them on their own which would mean a pretty depressing Christmas for me or try and do something just the three of us? I've never cooked a Turkey before though! What do you think?

Also with Summer's birthday coming up in December her Dad wants to pay for a party at a local bowling alley that I can't really afford. Should I let him pay? Or do you think it's best to do something within my means.

Sorry for all the questions but it's all new ground. I've done single mum in the past but I've never really let go or let myself move and I don't want that this time.

 

[shocker]

I'd say if her dad wants to pay for her birthday thats great i dont see anything wrong with it, when my parents split up we had dinner with my mum and then spent the evening with my dad, we lived with my mum so we'd head back later on.I dont think you should be on your own for christmas it would be pretty depressing and i also think you genuinly enjoy going to his mums house for her lovely christmas.I would go if i were you, it sounds like it hasnt been long since the split and as long as hes still ok with it then i say why not, you can have moved on while still spending christmas with someone. Still doing your own christmas can be really fun and i have great memories of my sister and i helping my mum get things ready for christmas. I would say ask them, thats the best way to decide but dont stay on your own its christmas. Good luck

 

[purpledahlia]

I think its great if he wants to pay for a birthday party for LO that you otherwise cant afford, your daughter will love it! its not like you wouldnt be there?
Christmas, well im not sure, will going to his mums hold yuou back from fully moving on?? what about having people to yours? could be fun getting things ready and then you can invite them to you? but if she invites you over and you want to go.. then go! im sure either way or if you have it with just the kids it will be special. Did she invite you over? Dont spend it alone.. you'll feel sad to not be with your kids. xx

 

[xxannxx]

I would let him pay for the birthday party, LO will love it and you'll be there to enjoy it with her, won't you?
As for Christmas, i agree with previous post, if his mum has invited you, and you all get on, and you'd enjoy it then you should go, however, if it would make you feel uncomfortable or awkward then you should maybe organise something yourself with some friends or family. I would definately not spend it alone though, and not without your children, i think that would be sad and that you would regret it, i'm sure that whatever you do, them spending christmas with their mum would be what they would want, and you could always start your own family traditions.
Me and my ex have an agreement, where LO goes to his christmas day around 4-5pm and stays overnight, that way i have him that morning and for dinner, and he has him for evening, that way all family on both sides see him. We also buy separate presents, so Santa makes 2 stops for him, so we both get to see his face when he opens his gifts.

 

[babybaillie]

My lo is going to her grans with her dad at 6pm xmas nite, and will be back on boxing day.

ive never cooked aturkey either. but will be buying a turkey joint instead, which a lot of ppl opt for these days. if i was u id give it a try, doesnt need to be perfect, but at least u will be together. i can think of nothing worse than being alone on xmas day.

if hes happy to pay for birthday then go ahead, as u pay day in day out for everything else.

 

[purpledahlia]

We have a roast chicken on xmas, you could just cook a chicken! and id assume u cooka turkey the same as a chicken?! no? i dunno

 

[Kara1989]

Thank you so much for all your replies.
I've been thinking about it loads (I'm such a worrier) and think I've come up with a plan. I very nearly said yes to going but I keep getting paranoid he'll have a new girlfriend there (I know it's unlikely but it's kind of happened before) or that it'll be all perfect and I'll expect it to happen again next year and it won't. So I'm going to keep the girls and open presents with them in the morning and then do lunch. They're only little so think I'll do a chicken (thanks for the idea) for me and Summer and then their dad can pick them up early afternoon. I don't have a good relationship with my family so I don't think I'll be seeing them christmas day but I might take the girls round boxing day. Not sure what to do christmas afternoon at the moment, but at least I have half a plan. Thanks again so much for all your help ... am I the only one stressing about this?

Also talked to their dad and he's going to pay for the party and I'll sort out party bags and the like. Thinking about it I was being stupid not wanting him to pay, guess it's just baggage from when I was younger and my parents used to try and buy us! I just want Summer to have a good day because I know having such young parents isn't always easy for her.

xx

 

[purpledahlia]

yeah just do a chicken! If you want me to tell you the way i cook a roast which is scrummy then feel free to PM me!
In the afternoon you could see some friends? any other extended family? just have some time alone (i expect there may be a bit of a mess in the house after santa comes - just tidy up and then RELAX) take a nice long bath? then when the kids come home watch a christmas movie wit popcorn
nice idea to go to your parents on boxing day too, and you could have some people over on xmas eve if you wanted!
x