A Diplomatic Way to Name the Baby??

[BeesKnees]

I don't want to sound rude, but you're only 14 weeks; you have plenty of time to think about names. We didn't have a name for our daughter when she was born. I had spent the entire pregnancy going through the name books and saying names to my OH, and he rejected them all. He had his own taste, but I didn't like the names. He refused to go through the books because he coulnd't be bothered. A name would come to him. But it didn't.

So she was born and she was nameless. That night we thought about it and the next day we chose one. We found one we both liked and we went with it. It's not my favourite, no, but you have to prepare for that when you make a baby with another person, because their tastes won't always be the same.

I think if you do it the way you're suggesting, one of you, if not both, may end up resenting the name you've chosen. I don't think it's a good idea when people say "I'm picking the girls' name and he's picking the boys' name"; and this seems to be a variation of that (but with a top 3 list to choose from). I just think that choosing your baby's name is so big a decision, and it's important that you both like it. Have faith that you will find a name.

I'm fairly traditional too, and I think a baby should take their father's surname. I don't really get why people who are intending to get married give their baby their maiden name, only to have to change it legally (and in most cases pay for it) when they get married. If you're going to get married anyway, you may aswell give him the name free of charge when he's born. It's just my opinion, obviously.

I'm not saying don't do it whichever way, I'm just saying give it more time and you'll probably find some names you both love. You're barely in the second trimester; you still have 6 months ahead of you to make this decision.

The whole point is to have the method for which we pick the name, not the name itself before we find out the gender. See, I don't want to know the gender, he does. I am willing to compromise on this. I also don't want gender bias to come into how we choose the name.

I am just trying to level the playing field. Our relationship has been struggling and his attitude towards me and the pregnancy has been terrible and he feels justified. I don't even know if our relationship is going to make it if his attitude keeps up the way it has. I want him to be involved but I want it to be fair.

I think it's hogwash that he can be a jerk throughout my pregnancy, the baby carries his surname (while I carry the baby with little to no emotional support support) and I have to settle on a name that I don't love.

 

[toddlerandpip]

I think you are crazy. You could end up with a name you hate for your child. I love sidney and my husband loved kyle. There is no way I could have settled with kyle. We carried on looking and both love isaac.

 

[BeesKnees]

Wow, some of these responses are beginning to sound a bit harsh. I certainly wish I was not "just 14 weeks" but much further along. My pregnancy experience has been pretty rough so far, mostly with home and my relationship. Still waiting to know what feels like. Some positive participation from OH would help and that's what my whole idea was about.

 

[amjon]

My OH wants to pick the name. I told him since I have to carry it and deliver it I pick the first name, he can pick the middle (but I have to approve). He's okay with that. (Though he's trying to get me to trade middle and first names.)

 

[steph.]

I'm sorry it sounds like you are going through a tough time at the moment. Perhaps its better to cool off the baby naming process fo a while as it seems to be causing a lot of tension between you and your OH. Sometimes the pregnancy can take over the relationship, and it may be beneficial to go out on a proper date without any pregnancy talk whatsoever.
As for names...I would keep looking for a name you both like. Not necessarily LOVE, but that you both agree on. I think it would be really hard to call your child a name you dont like at all. And finding out the gender could make it a lot easier, as you only have to look at one set of names and know that it definately could end up being your child's name. Me and OH went for a coffee after the gender scan and came up with first and middle names over our cappucinos! I had suggested other names which he veeto'd and he suggested some which were really horrible, but all of a sudden the name came to us and be both love it.
As for surname, I think if you are intending to marry him, give the LO his surname. My SIL gave her first lo her surname and her second LO (after they got married) her husband's surname so now the two little girls have different surnames.

Anyway sorry if this is a little long. Hope you both come to an agreement, but most importantly dont let it get in the way of your relationship with your OH

 

[ovetta2001]

I don't know exactly what is going on with your relationship but have you thought that if your OH is being a bas%^&*^ then this whole baby naming process is part of his control issue on having to be right?

I would back off the baby naming for a little while...maybe look at it yourself in private and think about it but not talk to him about it.

Try and work on the relationship and see if things really will work out or not. If control is just his game then it doesnt matter what name you pick he is going to decide to hate it.

If my OH wasn;t being supportive during my pregnancy there is no way that I would involve him in things as important as the babies name

Hope it gets better!