accute stranger anxiety?

[Vickie]

Anyone else? Any tips on how to make it better? We take Hannah out in public loads and she's fine in her stroller and even in restaurants. But if anyone comes over or if we go to the MIL's she cries/whines/whimpers the entire time! Last weekend we were at the MIL's and one aunt decided that Hannah, in her words, needed to get over it and get used to them all so even though Hannah was CRYING she kept getting in her face, talking loudly to her and so I know that Hannah needs to get used to them but I'd prefer it was less traumatizing for her. Any tips/ideas? Or will it come in it's own time? Part of the problem with the in-laws is that Hannah doesn't know them, they rarely visit (even though they've been invited over and over again) yet when they do see her they expect Hannah to be happy to see them but that's another rant

 

[Waiting2bMommy]

I used to have a few babies like this when I was teaching preschool. Do you do any mom groups or meetings in small groups to start her getting used to people?

 

[princess_bump]

vickie i have been thinking about this ever since i read leeanne's parenting style post and saw your response.

i don't have experience with maddi with this, but i no its sounds strange, but my gramps has experience with this! he loves children as did my nan, but when they first see kids they don't no well (extended family) they had such a different take on it! nan would rush in and they child would often get anxious, who wouldn't, she was a stranger to them, gramps always lets them come to him and i think he's right - children seem to come round in their own time! i too get anxious of strangers, honestly i found big crowds a little tough some times, so i completely understand hannah, i say keep taking her out, and being around other babies like a group might help, but i think she will come round in her own time. you and stan are great parents, and happy, social-able people, so hannah will be like that eventually, she's just getting used to it i think x x

 

[Whisper]

Amelia went through this stage very very briefly, i'm not sure if i helped her through it or not. I just let her do things at her own pace....

If i was holding her then after a few mins of chatting to a distant relative, like her auntie. i would ask Amelia if she wanted to go to her and then sorta lean her towards that person , if she wanted to go she would put her arms out otherwise she would turn away. Whichever she choose was fine with me.

In fact last weekend we went to a party and she was chatting(babbling and say dadadada) to people whilst being held and then she would decide she wants them to hold her so she puts her arms out.

She will grow out of it, she just needs to do things at her own pace and certainly doesn't need people taking right in her face. So many adults forget that babies have their own personal space and constantly invade it by touching them or being right in their faces.

My only advice is be there when she wants you and let her decide who she wants to be with next.

x

 

[Serene123]

As soon as I go through my friends front door Caitlyn screams and wimpers and is sooo upset. Just her house.... Nowhere else... I just don't take her there anymore.

Aware that, that doesn't help...

 

[Ema]

Jacob does this (as you know him and hannah are twins )! I found what helps is if im in the room he wil always want me no-one else. So when i give him to someone else i leave the room for a minute and he is fine then i come back in after a couple of mins and he is used to them. If i dont leave the room he see's me and automatically starts crying and wont setlle but if he cant see me he is fine maybe try it??

But where this aint possible like out for a meal, i just sit him on me and let the person speak to him, slowly touch his hands and then i get them to put there arms out to jacob and if he wants to go he'll do it back or he'll hide in my shoulder, and if he does this we wait a few mins and try again, and more often than not he will go, even if only for a few mins and build it up

XxxxX

 

[xKimx]

Ciarans the same but he settles down after a wee while

 

[Wobbles]

My Caitlin is a nightmare in a the opposite way she just doesn't shut up talks to everyone anywhere and laughs at them - im not on about small giggles Im on about full on laughter red in the face job! Im like blimey leave people alone!

 

[isil]

Alasdair has the opposite problem, he loves everyone apart from me I hope it passes really quickly for Hannah - must be a nightmare!

 

[lillysmum]

lilly went through a stage like this, whenever she'd see people she didn't know so well she'd cling to me for dear life of plant her head firmly on the floor (as if no one could see her there!! ) It lasted about a month or so and she hasn't been like it since. All i did was comfort her and let her know that it was okay and i was there for her rather than forcing her to do something that was obviously upsetting her.

She will grow out of it but as you say theres no need to tramatise her.

 

[Vickie]

Hannah's a nightmare but I think part of our problem is the in-laws don't listen to us when we tell them back off leave her alone and let her come to you If they did I know Hannah would relax around them....but they're constantly in her face which just makes her really tense. It's come to the point that I don't even want them here and I don't want to visit because it makes Hannah so high strung It's not so bad as I say in restaurants etc. Hannah's used to us taking her out in public and does really well, in fact she loves going out in public..........it's just the in-laws that she doesn't like

 

[Tiff]

I don't really have any advice, but I think it's awful that your in-laws don't listen to you and your OH. Mine do the same, and it's really stressful.

in-laws don't listen to us when we tell them back off leave her alone

That's our problem. Claire hates having people right up nose-to-nose with her, but they still insist on doing it. Nice, when they arn't the ones who have to try and calm her down when she has a massive fit because of it.

... I don't blame her for not liking your In-Laws! Sounds like they don't bother to treat her as the individual she is!

 

[leeanne]

Chase is starting to enter this phase. MIL came over for supper on Easter and Chase really got upset. LOL Part of it was that he was scared of her and her glasses.

Even yesterday, a mom from school was talking to me and Chase got upset.

Usually it is a phase they go through at this period of time and most times they do grow out of it. I think it's especially profound when they aren't in daycare or aren't babysat a lot, if you know what I mean.

 

[nikky0907]

Wow, I don't even think you a baby has to have strangers anxiety to feel frightened of that kind of ambush from your in-laws.

Lola is a very outgoing baby and chatty but even she got upset when my mom (who she hasn't seen in a looong time) just kinda grabbed her and got in to her face, she immediatly clung to me because it scared her. It's not a way to interact with a baby that doesn't know you at all!

She is also quite a clingy baby since I am the only person she spends most time with but itis getting quite better now that we are attending a mom&baby group. Have you ever thought of that maybe?

 

[Vickie]

there is a mom and baby group in our area but I never got around to going And we're moving soon so will probably just put it off until after we've moved

 

[Tiff]

there is a mom and baby group in our area but I never got around to going And we're moving soon so will probably just put it off until after we've moved

Once Claire gets a bit bigger we should meet up! I'd love to meet Hannah! Are you moving around the area, or somewhere totally different?

 

[bigbelly2]

tommy was exactly the same, i put a post up about it a while ago....he was terrible, anybody he didnt no hed scream, literally bawl his eyes out and nearly be sick (hes a naughty boy lol) even people he did know as in my mom and step dad if they picked him up hed start..he was all me me me, oh could calm him but not fully, once it was tht bad at oh's granparents we just had to go and even then he didnt stop crying for half an hour!
I had to take the step to try and stop this and he goes to a childminder twice a week who takes him to as many places as she can and interacts with other moms/minders at toddler clubs/wacky warehouses etc....she encourages other to play and talk to him...i must say its made a hell of a difference and although hes not a totally different child he is so much calmer and relaxed and we are able to introduce people to him now that he doesnt know..its a slow process but its got to be done

h x

good luck!!

 

[nataliecn]

there is a mom and baby group in our area but I never got around to going And we're moving soon so will probably just put it off until after we've moved

Once Claire gets a bit bigger we should meet up! I'd love to meet Hannah! Are you moving around the area, or somewhere totally different?

ZOO TRIP!!! lol. And we can work on all of the kiddies at once!

 

[Tiff]

That'd be awesome! I haven't been to the Metro Zoo in YEARS.

 

[Vickie]

yep there was talk of going to the Toronto zoo a while back. Would love to meet up! If going to the zoo we should probably try to do something in what May/June before it gets really really hot? We are looking in the Mississauga area, it's close enough for Stan to commute easily when he needs to plus he lived there with his mom so is pretty familiar with the area